Child’s Life Stage: Toddler

How to Build Family Resilience in Uncertain Times

At a Glance: 

  • Families can stay resilient by facing financial pressures honestly 
  • Making budgeting a family practice can teach children about limits, priorities and planning for the long-term 
  • Learning what is “enough” can help families choose contentment and to live well within our limits. 
  • Simple habits like thankfulness can help keep families grounded  

For many families today, conversations around spending have become more careful and constrained. Rising prices for essentials like food, transport and utilities mean that more households are paying closer attention to everyday spending.  

In times like these, what does it mean to be a resilient family? One thing is for sure – it’s not about pretending that things are fine and dandy; neither is it about pushing through stoically without feeling. But it’s about adapting thoughtfully as a family unit, and staying emotionally steady through the process.

Making budgeting a family practice 

Resilience is cultivated in the ordinary moments that shape our home life. 

Take budgeting for instance. It is not just a financial task that we can approach logically and coldly. The way we make money-related decisions sets the tone for how our children understand budget and limits, especially in uncertain times. 

Here are some ways families may be curbing their spending: 

  • Cooking more meals instead of eating out 
  • Delaying non-essential purchases   
  • Comparing prices together   
  • Going to neighbouring countries for holidays 

To be honest, I was never a budgeting person – until I met my husband and he introduced me to the beauty of a budget spreadsheet. Still, it took me years to understand why we ever needed to have a budget and to track our spending monthly. The tool came in handy when we had to seriously consider having one of us stay home to care for the kids when the trio were all under the age of six. We were able to work out our sums rationally, and come to a reasonable budget that would not eat into our savings, and yet allow us to be present with the children in their formative years. 

Today, our children are all teens, and they understand what we mean when we ask, “What’s your budget?” When times are tighter, we are also able to explain our budgeting choices calmly, such as by saying, “We’re choosing to cut back now because it helps us take care of our family’s needs in the long term.” 

Our children learn over time that having a budget isn’t a dampener on our lifestyle, but a prudent approach towards building a sustainable future. When times are difficult, they see us adults adapting to the challenges of the day, but not panicking. This adaptability is a building block of resilience.  

Our children learn that having a budget isn’t a dampener on our lifestyle, but a prudent approach towards building a sustainable future. 

Learning contentment

If budgeting teaches our children how to work with limits, contentment teaches them how to live well within those limits. 

Contentment is often misunderstood as settling for less, when in reality, it is the quiet confidence of knowing what is enough, and being thankful for what we have. In our home, we try to practise contentment through the small trade-offs we make together. 

For example: 

  • Repairing or reusing items instead of replacing them straight away 
  • Putting purchases “on pause” to see if we still want them after a few weeks 
  • Choosing one shared family treat per week instead of multiple ones 

I used to worry that saying “no” too often would make our children feel deprived. Over time, I realised that what mattered more was how we said no — calmly, without guilt, and with a clear explanation. When we say things like, “Let’s wait and think about this,” or “Are you sure you really need this right now?” we model self‑control and pausing to think. 

As our children grew older, they began to recognise contentment as a form of stability for the family. They learnt that we were not being a killjoy, but making room for intentional choices that we truly desire and value.  

This ability to live peacefully within limits, without resentment or constant comparison, also helps to build our resilience muscles.

Turning gratitude into daily rhythms 

Research consistently shows that gratitude plays an important role in emotional well‑being. Studies link gratitude to better mental health, improved sleep, stronger relationships and greater resilience during stressful periods.  

Gratitude, like resilience, is something we need to practise in the mundane everyday moments. In our family, gratitude did not begin as a formal exercise. It grew out of a need to notice what we could still be grateful for even when things felt demanding. Over time, it became part of our bedtime rituals. 

Some ways to practise gratitude: 

  • Share one good thing from the day during dinner or at bedtime 
  • Thank one another for effort, rather than outcomes 
  • Acknowledge small joys aloud, eg. a quiet evening, a funny joke, a meal eaten together 

There were days when the practice felt awkward, especially when everyone was tired or preoccupied. But along the way, something shifted within us, and gratitude became less performative and more habitual. We learnt that giving thanks did not require us to minimise difficulties; it simply helped to remind us that difficulty was not the whole story. 

So even when circumstances are not ideal, as a family, we can still choose to notice what is good, and this helps us stay emotionally steady and grounded. 

Giving thanks helped to remind us that difficulty was not the whole story. 

Modelling resilience for the long term 

One of the most important gifts we can give our children is not comfort alone, but resilience.  

When children observe us responding to changes in the environment with steadiness rather than fear and anxiety, and appreciation rather than resentment, they too learn how to face uncertainty with strength and hope.   

Economic conditions will continue to shift. Costs may rise and fall. But resilience is not about control over circumstances, it is about how families choose to respond within them. 

Enter Your Grandchild’s World

My granddaughter Ophelia rummaged through the toy bin and held up two tattered superhero capes.  

“You wear the pink one,” she instructed me and tried to place the cape over my T-shirt. I scooped the tiny 2-year-old into my arms, knowing what came next.  

She asked, “Should we dance or fly-a-sky, Grandma?”  

I was already scrolling through the playlist on my phone in search of the Mary Poppins song “Let’s Go Fly a Kite.”  

Within seconds, Ophie was squealing as we twirled around the room. Dancing—a generous term for my awkward movements—is one way I have connected with my youngest grandchild.  

Research by Oxford professor Ann Buchanan indicates that a high level of grandparent involvement, whatever the activity, greatly increases the overall well-being of grandchildren. In a study of more than 1,500 children, Buchanan found that kids who have more involved grandparents have fewer emotional and behavioural problems than kids who don’t have a regular connection.  

So how can grandparents ensure a meaningful connection when they’re with their grandchildren? There’s no special grandparent glue, but we can choose to study our grandchildren, ask questions and be intentional about spending time with them.  

Studying grandkids 

Each child is uniquely created. Therefore, it’s important to watch for his emerging interests, talents and personality traits. You also can observe whether your grandchild is an extrovert or an introvert, a leader or a supporter. Finally, you can take note of his temperament. 

Look, also, for signs of how your grandchild expresses love to you and other family members. Do they enjoy spending time with you? Do they always want to bring you a gift? Do they like helping out in the kitchen or snuggling on the sofa with a book? These observations from Dr. Gary Chapman’s research on love languages can give you ideas about how your grandchild is more likely to experience your love when you are together. 

The goal of studying your grandchild is to find a way to connect that is meaningful to the child. The better we understand our grand-blessings, the stronger the connection.  

Ask questions 

When we interact with our grandkids, we should strive to ask questions that reveal their heart. Nurture open-ended conversation instead of yes-or-no questions.  

Showing an interest in our grandkids as individuals helps create a safe place for them to ask questions in return.  

These meaningful conversations are
where genuine mentoring often takes place. 

Spend time 

Opportunity for connection with our grandkids increases when we have one-on-one time with them, rather than engaging with multiple children at once. But if you have more grandchildren than days in the week, and it isn’t possible to spend time with each child individually, go ahead and do activities in a group. But find moments to engage with each grandchild so he knows you see him as an individual.  

Relationship Stages With Grandkids 

Kids with supportive grandparents are far more likely to overcome adversity and become successful in school and life, says school psychologist Karyn Singley Blair, who has spent 20 years working with children and adolescents. Blair identifies five stages of development for children. Understanding these stages will help grandparents better relate to their grandchildren.  

Infants and toddlers: birth through 18 months 

During the first year and a half of life, connection with a child is built mainly through physical contact and meeting their primary needs so they develop trust in you, Blair says. Holding, feeding, reading to and playing with kids this age builds familiarity and trust. Even at this early stage, grandparents can study temperaments and emerging personalities. Most children up to 18 months have a very limited vocabulary but will still voice their preferences when asked questions such as “Do you want Grandpa to read Green Eggs and Ham or Good Good Father ?” or “Would you rather colour a picture or kick the soccer ball?” Their answers will begin to reveal their unique personalities. 

Early childhood: 18 months to 3 years 

At these ages, grandchildren will desire to do things themselves but will still need a lot of assistance. Establish a bond through helping them develop new skills. We learn a great deal about our grandchildren by patiently allowing them to work alongside us in simple tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and drying dishes. 

And keep noticing what makes your grandchildren unique! Are they detail-oriented or big-picture? Do they lose interest easily, or can they follow directions for a while?  

When Lisa Hebbert noticed that her 2-year-old granddaughter loved to make messes, she began creating mud pies with her. They later moved into the kitchen, where they exchanged mud for pudding and began creating real desserts together. Today, her granddaughter is a confident cook, and the two of them enjoy watching cooking shows together. 

Preschool: ages 3 to 6  

Preschoolers love to play, and they also start to imitate their caregivers. Since laughter connects the generations, be silly together. Allow plenty of playtime, but also pay attention to what a child struggles with and what he is eager to learn. Ask how he feels when he’s learning things.  

 

When my granddaughter Caeris was 3, she became frustrated because she couldn’t catch a Frisbee, and she told me this made her sad. 

I purchased some Frisbee rings and we practiced, celebrating each catch with a silly victory dance. Now, at 5, she loves to play Frisbee, and it has become one of our connections as we talk about not giving up just because something is hard. 

School age: ages 7 to 12  

School-age children are ready to learn how to be good citizens and become part of a bigger community. Connection at this stage happens as a child starts to discover the world outside of his or her family.  

Hebbert and her granddaughter found common ground in looking for ways to bless others—whether creating May Day baskets to hang on neighbours’ doorknobs or earning money for a charity. Hebbert built this connection as she recognised her granddaughter’s generous heart and has helped her serve the community around her.  

This connection comes from understanding the child, and it may not always be a hobby or interest of your own. My 7-year-old grandson is developing a real love for drawing. He constantly asks my husband and me to show him how to draw things. On my list of favourite things to do, I place drawing right above cleaning the bathroom. But to enter his world and create a bond through something he enjoys, I’ve begun viewing drawing tutorials with him. 

Whether I’m sitting with him and helping with the tutorial or drawing alongside him, we are building a connection. That connection gives me the opportunity to talk about being OK with making mistakes and encourage him to turn his mistakes into something even better. Mentoring is easier when we can use an area of our grandchild’s interest to nurture life lessons.  

Adolescent: ages 13 to 18 

As a grandparent, you know that a teen is looking to find his or her own identity and independence. Your grandchild may begin to pull away from family. Friends may become more important.  

To build and maintain connection during this stage, be present but not pushy. Get to know your grandchild’s friends and teammates. Ask your grandchild about his dreams, values and beliefs.  

Building connection means entering your grandchild’s world rather than forcing him into yours.

Long-distance connections 

Although bonding is easier when a grandparent is physically present, meaningful connection with a grandchild can still happen over long distances. Tina Ng and her husband, Jim, are new grandparents. “I think distance grandparenting will be the story of our lives,” Tina admits.  

She already uses FaceTime to read books to her grandson so her voice becomes familiar to him. They use an app called Tinybeans, which allows their daughters to share photos of the growing grandkids every day.

Grandparent club 

Notice what your grandchildren are interested in and form a long-distance club related to that area of interest. For Nancy Chan, it has been a book club. She sends books to her grandchildren, and after she and the kids read each book, they discuss what they’ve read. 

Other grandparent clubs might focus on puzzles, kid-friendly recipes, exercise, or drawing. You could also try a “word of the month” club, where participants can do anything creative with the month’s word, such as drawing, writing or painting. 

Other ideas for connecting to your grandchild’s world 

The point is to create common experiences. Here are other ideas that grandparents have used to connect with long-distance grandkids: 

  • Call individual grandchildren regularly
  • Offer to have the grandchildren visit you
  • Play online games together
  • Create videos to send to each other

© 2020 Marie Isom. Used with permission. All rights reserved. Originally published in the August/September 2020 issue of Focus on the Family magazine.

How to Spot and Prevent Parental Burnout

At a glance: 

  • Parental burnout goes beyond everyday stress, resulting from prolonged exhaustion that leads to emotional withdrawal, irritability, and loss of confidence as a parent. 
  • In Singapore, multiple pressures contribute to burnout, including work–family conflict, intensive parenting expectations, limited support, and caregiving across generations. 
  • Recovery starts with recognising limits and seeking support, through self‑care, setting boundaries, lowering unrealistic expectations, and reaching out for professional help when needed. 

Parental burnout is the condition where you are so exhausted as a parent that you feel you have nothing left to give. This often happens to parents who devote so much time and energy to their children that they neglect their own needs. This is not to be confused with everyday parenting stress.  

Parental stress is the type of mental stress that is triggered by the daily demands, responsibilities and expectations that come with bringing up children. What is interesting is that moderate levels of parenting stress can actually motivate parents to learn, adapt and improve their capacity to care for their children.  

What is parental burnout? 

While parental burnout and parental stress share some similar symptoms like exhaustion, parental burnout occurs when parents go through a more prolonged and recurring period of parenting stress and are no longer able to handle the situation given their resources. 

According to researchers, parental burnout is characterised by four symptoms that typically develop in stages.1 The first and most prominent symptom is extreme exhaustion brought about by the constant demands of parenting, and just the thought of caring for their children leaves them feeling depleted and drained.  

The second symptom involves a gradual emotional withdrawal from their children, where their involvement is reduced to the bare essentials. Interactions become task-focused and centred mainly on keeping routines on track. In addition, parents may reward and show their children approval and affection only when they display compliant behaviour. At this stage, parents may feel they are simply getting through each day, carefully rationing their remaining energy to cope.  

The third symptom is marked by increasing irritability and feeling ineffective in their role. Once a source of joy and purpose, parenting begins to feel burdensome and emotionally distressing, often accompanied by lingering guilt. They may notice their patience wearing thin, and lose their temper over situations that previously would not have bothered them. 

The final symptom is when parents recognise a painful gap between the parent they are currently, and the one they hoped to be. This stark contrast can cause parents to feel distressed and unworthy. They may assume themselves to be bad parents for not taking pride in raising and nurturing their children.  

Why does parental burnout happen? 

In Singapore, parental burnout often arises due to work-family conflict. In today’s dual-income family, over 63 per cent of Singaporean women and 75 per cent of Singaporean men are in the workforce2. Parents, especially mothers, juggle parenting, family responsibilities and work commitments, and may also face the stress of dealing with conflicting parenting values between husband and wife. In some cases, this situation is aggravated by lack of support where the children’s grandparents have different views about how the children are brought up, adding to the parents’ stress. 

Singapore’s intensive parenting culture perpetuates a “pressure-cooker” attitude towards parenting. Parents often carry high expectations of both themselves and their children, resulting in tremendous pressure at every stage of the child’s life.  

Apart from doing all they can to ensure that their children are healthy and well-adjusted, many parents believe that enrolling them in the best schools, extra tuition and numerous enrichment classes will help them succeed later in life and keep up with their peers. 

Today’s parents may also belong to the “sandwich generation” who need to raise their children whilst caring for their elderly parents. In view of modern societal challenges such as the rapidly ageing population, rising costs of living and healthcare as well as older first-time parenthood, it is not surprising that parents who are main caregivers endure heavier responsibilities. 

What are some practical ways to recover? 

As a parent, your priority is your family, and it is natural for you to want what is best for your loved ones. However, there will be times when you simply can’t give your all. This is completely normal, and there is no reason to feel guilty about it.  

On good days, affirm yourself for having raised your children well. On bad days, remind yourself that these moments do not define your worth as a parent, and instead focus on being grateful for what you appreciate about your children. 

Health experts agree that caring for your own well-being is just as important as caring for your children. By identifying stress triggers, we can cultivate appropriate habits that will help us regain our sense of balance. For instance, if you constantly feel stressed about your children’s misbehaviour, you could try lowering your expectations and allowing them to learn from their mistakes.  

On good days, affirm yourself for having raised your children well. On bad days, remind yourself that these moments do not define your worth as a parent, and instead focus on being grateful for what you appreciate about your children.  

To overcome fatigue, make time to exercise regularly to boost your mood, and schedule breaks with a healthy snack to replenish your energy. Enjoy the moment by setting aside time daily to do small, meaningful things like listening to your favourite music.  

If lack of support is your main challenge, setting boundaries can help. Say “no” when you are stretched too thin and reach out to family and friends for help. For instance, you can arrange a daily time-out where your spouse takes care of your children, while you go out for a 30-minute walk around the neighbourhood.  

Parental burnout is growing in prevalence, yet it is not commonly discussed. By recognising the signs and acknowledging your own experience, you can take steps toward being more present for and loving towards your children.  

If you are already practising self-care but the feelings of helplessness persist, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for further guidance and support. 

Relationships in an AI-Driven World

At a glance: 

  • Humans are wired for real, embodied relationships, which require time, vulnerability, and discomfort. 
  • AI companions, algorithms, and convenience-based technologies can weaken social skills, distort intimacy, and reshape cultural norms such as marriage. 
  • Overreliance on AI contributes to loneliness, emotional underdevelopment, and unsafe reliance on AI for mental health support. 
  • Families, parents, and communities play a crucial role in modelling healthy relationships, protecting children, and advocating for strong social institutions. 

Human beings are relational by design, it’s part of who we are. That’s why deep, meaningful relationships aren’t merely a human desire; they’re essential to our overall wellbeing and flourishing. To be fully known and fully loved meets the deepest longings of the human heart. 

But real relationships are rarely convenient. They take time, vulnerability, and the willingness to be uncomfortable. They require forgiveness, patience, and presence. In fact, it’s often through the very inconveniences and frictional moments that trust is built and relationships strengthened. Strong relationships are forged in the slow, sometimes messy work of showing up — face to face, heart to heart. 

Today, however, AI is quietly reshaping the way we view, understand, and do relationships. It’s a powerful tool that delivers what we want, how and when we want it. But the question we must ask is: at what cost? 

How is AI shaping human identity?  

  • We are too easily pleased – AI companions are endlessly customisable to our preferences, and AI Chatbots are always available and affirming. Social media platforms, powered by AI algorithms, feed us content that mirrors our interests and personalities. We begin to mistake these digital interactions for genuine connection.

    Over time, this preference for convenience and control leads us to trade embodied presence for digital relationships.

    A 2023 WHO report reveals that one in six people worldwide experiences loneliness, with the highest rates among youths. Locally, a 2024 IPS survey found similar results. Ironically, this coincides with increasing digital connectedness. We are easily pleased by what feels comfortable and convenient, even when it makes us feel more isolated. 
    It is a vicious cycle: the more we depend on AI for connection, the less equipped we become to engage meaningfully with others, and the more we turn to AI. 
  • Loss of social skills – When the desire for real relationships fades, so too do the social skills that make them possible. These uniquely human abilities — constructive empathy, emotional regulation, and cognitive resilience — cannot be developed in isolation or through AI. They require real human interaction.

    As AI becomes more integrated into daily life, children may have fewer opportunities for face-to-face connection than previous generations. Without these experiences, they risk losing the ability to manage emotions, navigate conflict, and work toward reconciliation. For young adults, this can lead to anxiety around in-person interactions, making it harder to form friendships or pursue healthy dating relationships.

    This creates a vicious cycle: the more we depend on AI for connection, the less equipped we become to engage meaningfully with others, and the more we turn to AI. 
  • Accessibility at the cost of safety – AI’s accessibility has its pros and cons. For example, while generative AI tools can simulate empathy, they lack the human ability to discern emotional nuance or assess risk.

    Licensed mental health professionals are trained to detect subtle cues, evaluate self-harm risks, and provide appropriate interventions. AI cannot do this. In some tragic cases, AI chatbots have even “coached” vulnerable users toward suicide. Ethical lapses in AI design can have devastating consequences.

    Technology can be a helpful tool, but it should never replace the wisdom, compassion, and accountability of real human care. 

  • Redefining culture’s understanding of “marriage” – While stories of individuals “marrying” AI avatars may still raise eyebrows and are not yet legally recognised, such acts are increasingly accepted as expressions of self-autonomy in today’s postmodern culture. Yet, as the saying goes, ideas have consequences — and bad ideas have victims.

    AI offers only a piecemeal illusion of intimacy — a shadow of the wholeness found only in the marital union of husband and wife. 

    Marriage serves a purpose far greater than the couple alone. It is a complete, complementary, exclusive, and permanent union between an embodied husband and wife, designed to potentially bring forth new life through a complementary sexual union. 

    AI reduces sex, meant to be a beautiful lifegiving, selfgiving union between husband and wife, to a fruitless, mere selfgratification act with a screen.

    When an expressive, individualistic culture — aided by technology — reduces marriage to mere feelings of attraction alone, we risk losing the only institution that has consistently proven to be the safest environment for children. A strong society must always protect its most vulnerable members — children. 

What can we do about it?  

Just because AI can do many things, does not mean it should. Here are a few suggestions to become more human than ever, in an AI-driven world:  

You can let AI lighten your logistical load: ask it to find a convenient meeting spot or list transport options — then focus your energy on being fully present with others. 

  • Build real connections in person. Don’t neglect meeting family and friends in person. Real relationships require time, intentionality, and the willingness to sit with discomfort. It’s through these moments that trust and resilience are built.

    Make space in your schedule for meaningful connection and shared life with others. And when you need help, seek it from trained, licensed mental health professionals — not from AI.

    You can let AI lighten your logistical load: ask it to find a convenient meeting spot or list transport options — then focus your energy on being fully present with others.

  • Build healthy relationships in children. Parents, with your unique proximity and influence, play a vital role in shaping how children understand and experience real relationships. Dr. Kathy Koch, founder of Celebrate Kids, Inc., identifies five core needs that help children grow in confidence, health, and toward flourishing:

    Security – Who can I trust? 
    Identity – Who am I? 
    Belonging – Who wants me? 
    Purpose – Why am I alive? 
    Competence – What do I do well? 

    Young children, whose brains are rapidly developing, need to learn about trust and real relationships through human interaction, not artificial ones. Avoid AI toys that simulate companionship. Instead, choose toys that are developmentally appropriate and encourage creativity, problem-solving, and hands-on play. 

    Beyond meeting these five core needs, fathers and mothers also have distinct and complementary roles in parenting. A healthy marital relationship models for children what conflict resolution, communication, and service look like — all essential for forming resilient, thriving human relationships.

  • Build support for strong marriages and families. Finally, use your voice to advocate for the protection and promotion of the institution of marriage. True human flourishing depends on the strength of our relationships and the welfare of future generations. 

    Engage respectfully and thoughtfully in both online and offline discussions. Write forum letters, participate in community dialogues, or join reading groups that help you articulate your convictions with both compassion and truth.  

    When we speak up for what is good and right — with humility and charity — we help shape a culture that values life and real human connections. 

AI should serve as a mere tool to strengthen our relationships with others, not replace them. When we choose presence over convenience, truth over illusion, and self-sacrificial love over self-interest, we reflect what it truly means to be human — we help our families, and our society, flourish as they were meant to. 

This is Part 2 in a series on Sex & Sexuality in an AI-Driven World. Read Part 1 here. 

Fatherhood Survival 101 – A Guide To A Mentally Healthier You

Fatherhood comes with change, exhaustion, and emotions that often go unspoken. This guide offers practical tools and support to help dads care for their mental wellbeing while showing up for their family.

This card guide is created by Behind the Crib. Behind The Crib is a Final Year Project campaign by students from NTU’s Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information. It aims to reveal the unseen sides of fatherhood and bring awareness to paternal postpartum depression – a reality often overlooked.

Download PDF now (53.27 MB)

From Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mum

Have you ever thought about switching from a dual-income household to a single-income one, and wondered if that is even feasible in Singapore? I’ve been at that crossroads before. Now, after seven years of marriage and two kids, we’ve decided to take the plunge. Here are some tips to consider should you wish to make such a major change.  

Calculate household expenses 

First and foremost, you must ensure that your household expenses are less than your take-home income after Central Provident Fund (CPF) deductions. While this sounds blatantly obvious, we must accept that some jobs simply do not pay high enough to fully cover a household’s daily expenses.  

Different families have different spending habits, but the average household expenditure is around $5,931, according to the latest data by the Singapore Department of Statistics.1 Calculate your household expenses as a family and ensure that, if there is only one income, the take-home salary is sufficient to cover those costs.   

Get appropriate insurance plans 

As the adage goes, “fail to plan, plan to fail”. One of the first things we did before our kids become toddlers was to get appropriate hospitalisation plans for them, as we recognised the need to meet their healthcare needs. If you delay getting your children’s insurance hospitalisation plans, you might end up getting more exclusions as they age which would be disadvantageous for them.  

Additionally, before we transitioned to becoming a single income household, we decided to increase my husband’s insurance plans. On top of my husband’s health insurance, we decided to make sure he has a (1) disability income insurance, (2) critical illness insurance and (3) life insurance, with a guaranteed amount that would keep us afloat for several months should he suddenly be unable to work.  

Ensure sufficient savings for a rainy day 

According to the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS), the general rule of thumb is to have at least three to six months’ worth of household expenses as savings.2 I personally agree with this because we will need that buffer for sudden emergencies such as medical issues, accidents or a loss of job. If possible, it is best to have six to nine months’ worth of savings to reduce the stress and pressure of finding another job immediately.  

Transitioning from dual income to single income requires adjustment from both spouses, and it is essential to have a shared conviction and commitment to this change. 

Aligning goals, values and priorities 

My husband and I decided to become a single-income household because our kids were very young. After our first child was born, I was a stay-home mum for two years. When our second child arrived, I could return to work remotely due to the changes brought about by COVID-19, and I worked full-time only because the role allowed me to work from home.  

The bottom line was that I simply wanted to spend more time with my children during their formative years. I believe it is ideal if one parent can stay home to monitor, supervise and inculcate the right values in our children. Although my husband is at the office working, we share common goals and values. Transitioning from dual income to single income requires adjustment from both spouses, and it is essential to have a shared conviction and commitment to this change.  

There is a time for everything 

I decided to stay home because my kids were still little, and juggling work with pumping milk every three hours, sleep deprivation, and caring for two children was too exhausting. Furthermore, I wanted to foster a strong bond with them and make daily conversations a habit, so that we will continue to have a close relationship as they grow up.  

No employee is indispensable, not even the CEO; but for my children, there is only one mum. 

While I had to accept that my career would take a pause, the time I got to spend with my kids during their early developmental years was priceless. I could take on freelance or part-time jobs in the future when they are older, but for now, I would like to be my kids’ main caretaker.  

The ultimatum came one day when I realised that no employee is indispensable, not even the CEO; but for my children, there is only one mum. While my parents, in-laws or helper can help with parenting, I have a unique role in their lives and I wanted to maximise it by spending both qualitative and quantitative time with them, even if it means sacrificing financial comfort for several years.  

Gratitude, contentment and wisdom 

What keeps me going is gratitude for simple things, like enjoying a weekly cup of hawker kopi instead of Starbucks, saving money from 11/11 or Black Friday sales, and planning nutritious meals based on what’s on sale. A person may have great wealth yet still feel it’s never enough. The key to enjoying life is not about how much you earn, but being content with what you have.  

Choosing the right job, managing daily commitments while monitoring household income and expenses all require wisdom. Which enrichment classes should my kids take? How much can we afford for our family holiday? We are thankful that God has given us wisdom to make good choices and provided for our daily needs as we transited to becoming a single-income household.  

ParentEd Podcast

Honest conversations to help you be a more intentional parent

ParentEd Podcast

ABOUT

Family life can be unpredictable and chaotic. Amidst work pressures, day-to-day stresses and digital distractions, how can we strengthen our parent-child connections? 

Join us in our honest conversations about parenting and work life as we chat with everyday people and experts about the struggles, joys and small victories that we share. 

There is no perfect family. As we share stories, offer practical insights and answer your questions, we hope that these episodes will provide hope and encouragement in your journey of becoming a better spouse and more intentional parent. 

Nurture lifelong love

Married life can be filled with twists and turns, especially with the day-to-day priorities, and stresses in life, including the times we run into conflict with our spouse.

Tune in to our Connect2 Marriage Podcast to go deep into the conversations and questions about the marital connection, intimacy and lifelong love.

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ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

Am I a Good Enough Father?

In today’s modern age where we are all time-strapped and often digitally distracted, what does it take to be a good father? What does active fathering actually involve?  

In a recent episode of the ParentEd podcast, we sat down with Kelvin Seah, a father of two and an adjunct Polytechnic lecturer, to discuss this issue. Kelvin emphasises that fatherhood is a continuous learning journey.  

“I want to make it very clear that a lot of things I say today I don’t necessarily practise them perfectly in my own life,” he admits.  

Such a humility may resonate with many of us parents who often feel the pressure to be perfect and who also grapple with feelings of guilt when we make mistakes. 

So…What makes a good father? 

When asked about the qualities that define a good father, Kelvin reminds us to mull over the broader question of what it means to be a good person. He believes that being a good father is less about specific actions and more about embodying the right values.  

“Being a good person doing the right thing has more to do with who we are and less about what we actually do,” he explains. 

Another essential fathering quality that Kelvin emphasises is the importance of being present in our children’s lives. He challenges the notion that quality time can replace quantity time, arguing that both are essential.  

You can’t really be a weekend warrior parent. Intentional parenting should be done on a regular basis daily. 

Building meaningful memories

One good place for fathers to start is to be intentional about how we create meaningful memories with our children. Whether it is setting aside time to be present with the kids at dinner time and at bedtime at least three times a week, or taking them out on bike rides on weekends, children will remember how they felt when they were with us. 

Kelvin explains, “When things get a bit rough and tough, our children will remember that in the end mummy and daddy are here for them because we love them and we care, and children ultimately grow well when they are in safe, secure environments.” 

He recounts his own decision to leave full-time work to be more present for his children. “The hours I spent with my child, both quality and quantity, are invested time that is giving me dividends now as I tackle the challenges of parenting teens,” he quips. 

Have you done your homework? Have you completed all the household chores? Have you done this and that and it becomes very transactional. Then you are just importing ethics from the corporate world into the family world and that doesn’t work. 

Bridging the emotional gap

Reflecting on a fatherhood involvement survey done by Focus on the Family Singapore, which found that many adults wished their fathers had played a greater role in their emotional development, Kelvin stresses the need for fathers to be emotionally available and to affirm their children regularly.  

But how do we do this on a more practical level? 

Kelvin share 3 tips using the acronym A-B-C for fathers to build stronger emotional connections with their children: 

1. A – Apprenticeship  

Apprenticeship means dads should return home after work to your children, spend time with them, and even just sit with them. This time is dedicated to checking in about their day but also being intentional to pass on a skill. In Kelvin’s case, he teaches communication skills, so he tries to pass on these skills to his sons by talking about how to communicate.  

2. B – Be present  

We should make pockets of time to be 100% with our children, Kelvin advises. We should also watch out for functional speak, because as busy parents we may come home and be all about functionality. “Have you done your homework? Have you completed all the household chores? Have you done this and that and it becomes very transactional,” Kelvin warns. 

3. C – Connect for meaning  

Focus on creating meaningful interactions. “What is it I want to leave with my children that they can remember me by?” is a question that Kelvin asks himself often. This question can guide parents in their daily interactions, and help us be more intentional. 

You’re going to fail, but it’s about picking yourself up and trying again. 

Forget perfection, aim for affection

Kelvin also reassures fathers that parenting is not about perfection but about affection.  

“You’re going to fail, but it’s about picking yourself up and trying again,” he articulates.  

Such a perspective is growth-oriented, and encourages us to be kind to ourselves and to view parenting as an ongoing journey of growth. 

Affirm your child’s identity

Being a father to two boys has tuned Kelvin to the realities and importance of intentionally parenting his sons.  

Reflecting on his own life, he says, “If you don’t have a male model regularly present in your life to model that behaviour for you for adulthood, you end up having to navigate it on your own, and it’s a much harder journey to make.” 

“You see their characteristics, their personalities showing up and you nurture that, you affirm that, you see who your child was inherently meant to be and the earlier you see that, the earlier you can create the environment for that personality to really take off and grow,” he adds.

As we can see, being a good father involves continuous learning, being present, and being intentional to invest time and create meaningful memories with your family. By embracing these principles, fathers can build strong, loving relationships with their children that will likely bear fruit – for generations to come. 

When Motherhood Feels Like You’re Losing Yourself

Motherhood changes a person. We take on a new identity and a new role—one that we are mostly unprepared for; a role that may not come naturally, doesn’t always have straightforward answers and may require a whole lot of trial and error.  

Overnight, our world suddenly involves making sure that someone else is safe, loved and raised. We are thrown into situations we have no experience of, relying on the wisdom of those who have gone before—through books, the internet and maybe a friend’s tales. Most of us are just trying to figure it out along the way. 

The Changes In Motherhood 

Motherhood comes with multiple adjustments—the physical changes to our bodies through and after pregnancy; possibly the changes to our available capacities at our jobs; or a change in work status, choosing to stay home to raise children in this season; a change to our lifestyles as we have reduced time and energy for social activities and hobbies. It can feel like we are losing a big part of the person we used to be. Things are just not the same as before.  

A Mother’s Desire 

At the core of motherhood is also the desire to always want to do what is best for our children. From the moment we see those two lines on the pregnancy test kit to even after our adult child leaves the home, we never stop wondering, “Have I done enough?” We never stop being mothers. 

In the myriad of decisions we make for ourselves and our children daily, we always wonder if there was a better choice. From choosing to stay at home and be the main caregiver, or to continue working outside the home; choosing to breastfeed or formula feed our babies; choosing schools, classes, activities; or choosing one discipline method over another.  

We feel pulled and stretched in all directions, trying to meet expectations and fulfil each of our roles as wife, mother, worker, daughter. We try to do everything to the best of our ability and yet sometimes still feel like we fall short. 

In the light of these changes and expectations, it is too easy to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and discouraged. How do we get used to this new normal? How do we navigate motherhood through societal expectations while also meeting our family’s needs?  

1. Avoid comparisons 

Motherhood is not a competition. We are all on our own paths. Our family and life circumstances are all different and therefore demands different choices and responses.  

It is too easy to look over our shoulder and think, “That mum looks like she has the better life. I wish I had that.” Comparison is a thief of joy. Truth be told, we never really know what goes on behind closed doors. We get distracted into thinking that only when we have a certain life will our families be happy.  

While it is helpful to glean wisdom from other women that we admire and look up to, we need to discern how to fit that wisdom into our own unique situation. Not everything may be directly applied.  

We need to grow to be confident in our choices and tell ourselves, it is ok if my family looks different. 

2. Give yourself time to figure things out

Motherhood is a long journey that is filled with constant changes. We don’t figure out motherhood in an instance. Just as we think we’ve mastered one aspect of motherhood, a new challenge emerges, and the learning begins all over again. Nothing ever stays the same in motherhood. We need to trust the process. 

Give ourselves time to find our own pace, figure out what works for our families and manage our own expectations. As our children grow, their needs will evolve, and we likewise will have to adapt alongside them. As with any new job or responsibility, we take time to learn the task, pick up the skills and get better at the role over time. 

Be kind to ourselves and give ourselves grace to learn, make mistakes and grow from it. 

3. Accept help 

Motherhood is not meant to be a solo act. Mothers are a strong bunch. We are master jugglers, multitaskers, jack of all trades. We have interests and passions, dreams and goals. If we could, we would do them all. But we have the same 24 hours and in reality, we probably cannot do it all on our own. It is far too likely that we are stretched thin and exhausted.  

We need to be willing to ask for and accept help. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Beyond the practical help we may receive from physically caring for children, we also need to learn to manage our mental load and receive emotional support from friends and loved ones. This may look like getting to know other mothers who can empathise and understand what we are going through. Friendships make the journey less lonely.  

Find trusted friends who will listen and encourage us, filling our emotional tank through this challenging season of motherhood, which in turn, fuels us to keep caring for our children.

Motherhood is both terrifying and exhilarating; worrying and fulfilling. It sometimes brings us to our knees in tears and frustration, and at other moments, lifts our spirits and brings much joy to our hearts because somehow, that is what children do to us.  

We may not have it all, and we may not know it all, but we sure try and give it our all. That is worth celebrating! 

GE2025 – Wishlist of a First-Time Voter and an Expecting Dad

My wife, Andrea, and I got married last year, and we’re expecting our first child in three months. That’s two major life transitions in a single year — all at the tender age of 26! 

As I prepare to vote for the first time this coming General Election, the first person I think of is our unborn daughter. It is sobering to know that the choices we make today will shape the Singapore she grows up in tomorrow. 

Pregnancy has been a beautiful journey — one of imagining who our daughter might be – what brings her joy, how her eyes will look like, and what kind of world she’ll inherit. And that’s where my heart keeps returning: the kind of Singapore I want her to call home.  

Here are six dreams I carry as I prepare to cast my first vote — not just as a citizen, but as a husband and father. 

My dream is that my daughter will be defined by more than her academic results. I hope that when she sits for the PSLE, she won’t be crushed by the pressure to perform.   

1. Generational love and unity 

My dream is for my daughter to grow up in a Singapore where generations live in unity, beginning in our homes.  

I dream of a family culture where honour flows naturally between the young and old – and this starts with a strong bond with my daughter.  

At Chinese New Year, I want my children to give their heartfelt blessing to their elders (our parents), not just to receive an ang bao, but because they truly respect the older generation and the many sacrifices they’ve made for them. 

This culture of honouring the older generations starts at home.  

Andrea and I are blessed to have our child early in marriage, and her great-grandparents will get to meet her. We believe she will be a bridge between generations – bringing much life and joy to our grandmothers even in their sunset years.  

Looking beyond our family, what could inter-generational unity look like in our nation? 

Imagine a Singapore where schools, workplaces, and hawker centres are marked by strong bonds and trust between the different generations.  

Teachers don’t just teach a subject but nurture the future minds and hearts of our nation, through genuine care for their students. Imagine students expressing genuine appreciation for their teachers and the sacrifices they make for them – whether that’s spending extra time with them after school to help them understand harder concepts, or calling out a hidden strength in them. 

Imagine workplaces where interns are mentored, not just instructed to do menial tasks. 

Imagine our public places of communion such as the hawker centre, where our children greet the auntie clearing our tables with a genuine smile and a thank you – seeing her as her person, beyond the task she is doing.  

This kind of mutual respect doesn’t just happen — it’s built one home, one community, one interaction at a time. 

There’s so much more to each person we meet in our daily interactions than just their jobs. I dream of a Singapore where people aren’t solely defined by their work, but we are acknowledged as people. 

2. Children will be defined beyond their grades 

My dream is that my daughter will be defined by more than her academic results. I hope that when she sits for the PSLE, she won’t be crushed by the pressure to perform.  

I hope she’ll grow up in a school ecosystem that partners with us to shape her character, beyond her grades. Where teachers see her as a whole person, not just a student.  

I want to receive a call not just when she’s in trouble, but when she helps a classmate, or displays sportsmanship at a competition.  

The Edusave Character Award and Edusave Award for Achievement, Good Leadership and Service show that our schools values leadership and character, not just good grades.  

But more can be done, starting in our homes.  

Maybe then, festive gatherings will have conversations that go beyond, “Which school are you in?” or “How well did you do for your exams?” – to include questions like, “How are you enjoying learning in school? What’s something interesting your teacher taught you lately?” 

When our conversations shift from performance to the love of learning and discovery, we will notice a slow shift in how we talk about children – to focus more on their process, beyond the results.    

3. A culture that sees people beyond their jobs

The other day, my wife and I were queuing to pay for our food at Muji café, and I noticed the service staff were wearing name tags. When it was our turn to pay, I looked him in the eye and with a big smile, thanked him by name. 

He paused for a few seconds, before breaking into a smile, and proceeded to return me my change.  

I’m guessing it took him a while to register that to me, he was not just the guy serving me my food, but he was a human with a name and a story.  

There’s so much more to each person we meet in our daily interactions than just their jobs. I dream of a Singapore where people aren’t solely defined by their work, but we are acknowledged as people.  

I want my daughter to grow up knowing that purpose isn’t just in productivity, and that every role—from the hawker aunty to Grab delivery rider to the business owner—has dignity. 

I want her to know that being a good friend, a kind neighbour, or a daughter matters just as much as landing a high-paying job. 

And this mindset has to be first shaped at home.  

I want to affirm my daughter how beautiful and loved she is, to whisper to her daily that she is cherished by her father. Beyond her academic achievements and career choices, I want to commend her effort, her choices, and her dreams. 

I hope my daughter will grow up knowing the love of a father. I want to be both physically and emotionally present with her, especially in her formative years. 

4. A safe environment for children 

My family just secured our Build to Order Flat (BTO) a few months back, and we are excited to build our first home as the Ong family.  

As we were looking at the HDB models while selecting our flat, we couldn’t help but dream of where our kids would play, who our neighbours would be, and which school she would attend.  

Here in Singapore, we are so privileged to have a community to work, play and rest in –whether that’s in our housing estate, in school, or our faith community. With an ecosystem of support, my daughter will grow up to have wholesome influences in her life beyond our home.  

In school, her teachers and coaches will sharpen her skills academically, in sports and the arts.  

In our community and extended family, she will have mentors and family members who would love her and develop her in ways beyond what my wife and I can offer.  

In our estate, she will make good friends at the playground and befriend the uncles and aunties in our neighbourhood. 

In such a safe and supportive environment, hopefully other families will also be thriving. When families flourish, children grow up with a deep sense of security, belonging, and purpose. This is where our daughter to develop a strong sense of identity and belonging—first at home, then in our local community, and in our nation Singapore. 

After all, it takes a village to raise a child, and we know we cannot do it on our own! 

We need narratives that celebrate faithful marriages. We need good and committed mentors in the community who will walk young couples through the tough seasons, not just marriage preparation. 

5. Each person will know the love of a father 

I hope my daughter will grow up knowing the love of a father. 

I want to be both physically and emotionally present with her, especially in her formative years. I want to be the kind of father who listens, protects, provides, teaches, and plays with her. 

There’s a unique confidence a child carries when they know the strength of a father. They are deeply secure and confident in their identity, and more resilient when navigating life’s complexities.  

In our culture, mothers have predominantly played the role of the caregiver, but things are slowly beginning to shift as fathers are becoming equally involved as mothers.  

Even in our workplace policies, paternity leave has been increased to four weeks, the shared parental leave scheme has been introduced, and beyond that, my workplace has a suite of other family-friendly workplace policies.  

Beyond policy, I hope that the culture in Singapore will be one which values the role of a father.  

I have experienced this at my hospital visits to KKH – where the doctors affirmed my attitude when I displayed a keenness to find out more about my wife’s pregnancy and how to support our growing baby.  

Let’s continue to build the ecosystems that support fathers—workplaces that champion paternity leave, community groups that equip and supports fathers, and media that portray strong father figures who lead their families with strength and love.   

6. Marriage will be desirable  

I dream that marriage will once again be a hopeful and desirable milestone for young Singaporeans. 

I know marriage isn’t easy. But with the right preparation and support, it brings much stability to children, and strength to our society. 

We need narratives that celebrate faithful marriages. We need good and committed mentors in the community who will walk young couples through the tough seasons, not just marriage preparation. 

And we need policies that support couples as they begin married life—affordable housing, child support, and family-friendly workplaces. 

Andrea and I chose to get married young, because we desired to build a shared life early. We have found that commitment and a shared vision can weather even the hardest days and our hardest fights, but that’s a story for another day. 

If our daughter sees a marriage marked by grace and forgiveness, hopefully she might one day desire the same. 

As I prepare to cast my vote in GE2025, I carry these dreams with me — not just as a citizen, but as a husband and father. 

Singapore is not perfect. But it is our home. If we build well — with honour, love, and courage — I believe our children will inherit a nation worth loving. 

And that’s a future I look forward to.