Child’s Life Stage: Tween

Recognising PTSD: How Counselling Can Help You Heal

When Sarah returned home after a traumatic car accident while she was travelling with her family in Japan, she thought she could simply “move on.” But weeks later, she found herself startled by loud noises, avoiding driving altogether, and waking up drenched in sweat from recurring nightmares about the incident. It wasn’t until she spoke to a counsellor that she realised these were signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and that help was available. 

Sarah’s story is not uncommon. Trauma can leave invisible wounds that affect how we think, feel, and live. But here is the good news: Healing is possible, and counselling can be a powerful first step. 

What is PTSD? 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, such as an accident, abuse, sexual violence, or actual or threatened sudden loss of life. While it’s normal to feel shaken after trauma, PTSD symptoms persist and interfere with daily life. 

Signs You Might Be Experiencing PTSD 

PTSD looks different for everyone, but common signs include: 

    • Intrusive memories: Flashbacks or nightmares about the event 
    • Avoidance: Steering clear of places, people, activities or thoughts that remind you of the trauma 
    • Heightened reactivity: Irritable behavior and angry outbursts, easily startled, unable to concentrate
    • Negative mood changes: Persistent negative thoughts and feelings, feeling detached or estranged from others
    • Physical symptoms: Trouble sleeping, feeling tense, unable to relax or fatigue 

If these symptoms develop and disrupt your daily functioning after experiencing something traumatic, it may be time to seek help.   

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling offers a safe, confidential space to process trauma and regain control.

Professional support can help you: 

    • Understand and manage the impact of the trauma: Learn to accept what happened, and how that changed you 
    • Reprocess the thoughts developed that keep you stuck: Embrace alternative perspectives rooted in reality for more holistic and balanced thinking that would serve you well
    • Develop coping resources: Learn grounding and mindfulness techniques to manage stress and emotionally regulate, and address sleep through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), and meet emotional and relational needs adaptively

Evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) and that is trauma-informed have helped countless individuals recover from what happened and live adaptively.

“PTSD can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to know that recovery is possible, and it’s not about re-experiencing the traumatic event” says Dr Jared Tan, Principal Clinical Psychologist at Focus on the Family Singapore. “Counselling provides a safe space to re-process what happened, it’s impact, and learn skills to manage one’s emotions, and eventually meet one’s emotional and relational needs adaptively.” 

Practical steps toward healing  

If you suspect PTSD symptoms might be developing, here are some steps you can take: 

1. Reach out for help   

The first step is often the hardest, but also the most important. Speaking to a counsellor or mental health professional can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing and guide you toward recovery. You don’t have to face this alone. 

2. Talk to someone you trust

Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member can ease the sense of isolation that often comes with PTSD. You don’t need to share every vivid detail, but just letting someone know you’re struggling can be a relief and a source of support.

3. Practice grounding techniques

When anxiety or flashbacks hit, grounding techniques can help you stay present. Simple practices like deep breathing, focusing on your senses, or repeating calming phrases can reduce distress and remind you that you are safe now. 

4. Maintain routines

Trauma can make life feel unpredictable. Keeping a regular routine—whether it’s meals, exercise, or bedtime—can provide a sense of stability and control. Small, consistent habits can make a big difference in your emotional well-being.

5. Avoid self-blame

PTSD is what happened to you, not a sign of weakness or failure. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is valid and that healing takes time. Self-compassion is an essential and important part of recovery.

When Sarah finally reached out for help, her counsellor guided her through trauma-informed therapy, helping her understand her triggers and develop coping strategies. At first, progress felt slow, but she concentrated on celebrating her small victories, like beginning to drive short distances with her husband beside her in the passenger seat, or sleeping through the night without the disruption of nightmares. Each small step she took built her confidence. Over time, the nightmares faded, and the constant tension eased. 

Today, Sarah describes herself as “stronger than before.” She still has moments of anxiety when she is behind the wheel, but her counsellor taught her that healing is not about forgetting the past—it’s about reclaiming life in the present and finding courage and hope again. Her story reminds us that recovery is possible, and no one has to walk this road alone.  

Our counselling services provide compassionate, professional support tailored to your needs. Make an enquiry today. 

Healthy Sexuality Equipping

In a rapidly changing world, our youth are facing unprecedented challenges—gender identity confusion, AI companions, and the pervasive influence of pornography. Many in the Church feel ill-equipped to respond.  

This equipping session is designed to help parents of teens and youth leaders move from confusion to confidence and clarity, grounded in biblical truth and practical wisdom. 

Two Concurrent Tracks: 

Track 1: The Formative Years

  • For children’s ministry leaders and parents of children aged 7–12.
  • This workshop helps parents lay a strong, biblical foundation for identity, sexuality, and digital habits during their child’s most formative years.

Track 2: Discipling our Youth in the Digital Age

  • For youth ministry leaders & parents of teens.
  • Addressing real challenges facing youth today, including gender dysphoria, AI companions, and pornography, with clarity, empathy, and biblical conviction. 
  •  
What to Expect: 
  • Webinar (2.5 hours): 
    • Understand the biblical philosophy of gender and sexuality
    • Learn how to frame conversations around identity, sexuality, and relationships 
  • On-Site Training (4 hours): 
    • Develop engagement and listening skills 
    • Work through real-life scenarios in group settings 
    • Learn how to respond to emerging issues like gender dysphoria, AI companions, and pornography with both truth and empathy
 
Join us as we facilitate these critical conversations and co-create solutions to get ahead of the challenges.
 
Who should attend?
  • Children’s ministry leaders
  • Youth ministry leaders 
  • Parents

 For more details and registration, visit www.family.org.sg/sotf

Details

Webinar: Tue, 3 Mar 2026 | 7.00pm - 9.30pm  

On-Site Training: Thu, 5 Mar 2026 | 9.00am - 1.00pm
Location: St Andrew's Cathedral

PLENARY 1: UNCOVERING THE UNSPOKEN: SEXUALITY'S IMPACT ON THE FAMILY

    • Understand how sexual issues and challenges impact the marriage and spousal dynamics 
    • Learn about the impact of sexual addiction and/or sexual dysfunction on marriages, as well as possible influences on children.  

MODERATOR


Alicia Boo
Chief, Impact and Principal Counsellor
Focus on the Family Singapore

SPEAKERS


Benny Bong  
Family and Marital Therapist with over forty years of experience. Author of Couples in Crisis (2008) and Restoration: Rebuilding Four Areas of My Life (2025). 


 Jason and Shelen Ang
have a passion for strengthening marriages and families. They have been training in the areas of dating, marriage, and parenting, and are equipped to do marital profiling and couple assessments. They are married for over 20 years and are parents to two boys.

Morning Breakout Session

Choose the discussion that best aligns with your interest or professional focus.

Discover ways to empower families to
nurture healthy sexuality through open,
values-based conversations at home.

SPEAKER

Gary Koh & Joanna Koh-Hoe
Gary is a family counsellor and Joanna served as CEO of local charity Focus on the Family Singapore for 21 years.

Explore the roots of sexual dysfunction and its impact on marital health and intimacy and family well-being. How might we work towards mindset and behavioural change in the therapeutic journey?


SPEAKER

Benny Bong
Family and Marital Therapist with over forty years of experience. Author of Couples in Crisis (2008) and Restorations: Rebuilding Four Areas of My Life (2025). 

PLENARY 2: NEXT-GEN SEXUAL ISSUES

  • Insights on key trends, issues and challenges occurring at the intersection of youth and sexuality 
  • Uncover risk factors and protective factors 
  • Discover practical tips and solutions, beginning with strengthening family relationships 

MODERATOR


Joshua Liong
Principal Trainer
Focus on the Family Singapore

SPEAKERS


Dr. Tsao I Ting
 Clinical Psychologist with more than 15 years of experience across public and private settings, specialising in working through complex relational dynamics, be it between couples or parent-child relationships.


Dr. Ng Liang Wei
Director of Sexual Wholeness Services at Lakeside Family Services and Executive Director of Indigo & Co – a charity that focuses on sexuality and gender identity. 


Michelle Soon 
An educator and commissioned Colson Fellow, trained to engage culture today with the Christian worldview. She’s passionate about fostering strong family relationships and encouraging a healthy view of sex and sexuality.

Afternoon Breakout Session

Choose the discussion that best aligns with your interest or professional focus.

Get practical insights to guide youths in finding clarity and confidence in their sexual identity and sexual values amidst the clutter and confusion of the digital age.


SPEAKER

 

Dr. Tsao I Ting
Clinical Psychologist with more than 15 years of experience across public and private settings, specialising in working through complex relational dynamics, be it between couples or parent-child relationships.

Equip young people with tools to recognise and address common sexual struggles in a hypersexualised age. Discover the keys to building rapport and achieving therapeutic goals.

SPEAKER

 

Dr. Ng Liang Wei
Director of Sexual Wholeness Services at Lakeside Family Services and Executive Director of Indigo & Co – a charity that focuses on sexuality and gender identity. 

Interest List

Frequently Asked Questions

The Group Rate applies to groups of 4 people. If your group has a 5th person, they can register separately before 7 Jul to enjoy the Early Bird rate. Or, you can gather more people and register as another group of 4!  

Tickets are non-refundable. We encourage you to find a replacement should you not be able to make it after purchasing your ticket. Requests for transfer of registration will be accepted until 16 Feb 2026. Please email us at Corpcomms@family.org.sg.

Recordings of the session will not be made available post-event. Please mark the date in your calendar so you do not miss this event. 

For any event enquiries, please contact us at Corpcomms@family.org.sg

The Organiser reserves the rights to cancel or reschedule the event due to unforeseen circumstances. Every effort, however, will be made to inform participants as soon as possible of the change. For cancellation of event by the Organiser, fees will be refunded in full. 

From Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mum

Have you ever thought about switching from a dual-income household to a single-income one, and wondered if that is even feasible in Singapore? I’ve been at that crossroads before. Now, after seven years of marriage and two kids, we’ve decided to take the plunge. Here are some tips to consider should you wish to make such a major change.  

Calculate household expenses 

First and foremost, you must ensure that your household expenses are less than your take-home income after Central Provident Fund (CPF) deductions. While this sounds blatantly obvious, we must accept that some jobs simply do not pay high enough to fully cover a household’s daily expenses.  

Different families have different spending habits, but the average household expenditure is around $5,931, according to the latest data by the Singapore Department of Statistics.1 Calculate your household expenses as a family and ensure that, if there is only one income, the take-home salary is sufficient to cover those costs.   

Get appropriate insurance plans 

As the adage goes, “fail to plan, plan to fail”. One of the first things we did before our kids become toddlers was to get appropriate hospitalisation plans for them, as we recognised the need to meet their healthcare needs. If you delay getting your children’s insurance hospitalisation plans, you might end up getting more exclusions as they age which would be disadvantageous for them.  

Additionally, before we transitioned to becoming a single income household, we decided to increase my husband’s insurance plans. On top of my husband’s health insurance, we decided to make sure he has a (1) disability income insurance, (2) critical illness insurance and (3) life insurance, with a guaranteed amount that would keep us afloat for several months should he suddenly be unable to work.  

Ensure sufficient savings for a rainy day 

According to the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS), the general rule of thumb is to have at least three to six months’ worth of household expenses as savings.2 I personally agree with this because we will need that buffer for sudden emergencies such as medical issues, accidents or a loss of job. If possible, it is best to have six to nine months’ worth of savings to reduce the stress and pressure of finding another job immediately.  

Transitioning from dual income to single income requires adjustment from both spouses, and it is essential to have a shared conviction and commitment to this change. 

Aligning goals, values and priorities 

My husband and I decided to become a single-income household because our kids were very young. After our first child was born, I was a stay-home mum for two years. When our second child arrived, I could return to work remotely due to the changes brought about by COVID-19, and I worked full-time only because the role allowed me to work from home.  

The bottom line was that I simply wanted to spend more time with my children during their formative years. I believe it is ideal if one parent can stay home to monitor, supervise and inculcate the right values in our children. Although my husband is at the office working, we share common goals and values. Transitioning from dual income to single income requires adjustment from both spouses, and it is essential to have a shared conviction and commitment to this change.  

There is a time for everything 

I decided to stay home because my kids were still little, and juggling work with pumping milk every three hours, sleep deprivation, and caring for two children was too exhausting. Furthermore, I wanted to foster a strong bond with them and make daily conversations a habit, so that we will continue to have a close relationship as they grow up.  

No employee is indispensable, not even the CEO; but for my children, there is only one mum. 

While I had to accept that my career would take a pause, the time I got to spend with my kids during their early developmental years was priceless. I could take on freelance or part-time jobs in the future when they are older, but for now, I would like to be my kids’ main caretaker.  

The ultimatum came one day when I realised that no employee is indispensable, not even the CEO; but for my children, there is only one mum. While my parents, in-laws or helper can help with parenting, I have a unique role in their lives and I wanted to maximise it by spending both qualitative and quantitative time with them, even if it means sacrificing financial comfort for several years.  

Gratitude, contentment and wisdom 

What keeps me going is gratitude for simple things, like enjoying a weekly cup of hawker kopi instead of Starbucks, saving money from 11/11 or Black Friday sales, and planning nutritious meals based on what’s on sale. A person may have great wealth yet still feel it’s never enough. The key to enjoying life is not about how much you earn, but being content with what you have.  

Choosing the right job, managing daily commitments while monitoring household income and expenses all require wisdom. Which enrichment classes should my kids take? How much can we afford for our family holiday? We are thankful that God has given us wisdom to make good choices and provided for our daily needs as we transited to becoming a single-income household.  

Re-writing the Parenting Script

At a Glance:

The way parents speak to their children is often shaped by how they were parented. This article explores how inherited communication patterns can harm or heal, and offers practical ways to rewrite our parenting scripts to nurture emotionally secure children.”

Before we dive into a discussion on how to rewrite the parenting script, there’s something we need to think through. As with any script, we need to first understand what the original version was and how it came about.  

In the case of parenting scripts, we first need to know how it was like for our parents when they were kids being raised by their parents. Because, as it’s often said and experienced, many of us parent the way we ourselves were parented! 

Parenting in the past 

In modern times, parenting tips are bandied around a lot. In fact, every parent today can get spot-on help in real time with a simple click of a computer mouse, a flick of their finger as they scroll through their social media feeds, or by calling upon Gemini, Siri, ChatGPT or any number of AI-enabled software. Not forgetting of course consulting other humans – friends, colleagues and so on. 

But in the old days, parenting wasn’t seen as a skill to be honed or tips to be learned. Nor were parenting articles and books relentlessly occupying newspaper and magazine columns, or lining shelf after shelf in bookstores and libraries like they are now. (Don’t even get me started on today’s digital spaces, where mummy blogs and daddy podcasts are all the rage!) 

Parenting in the old days was just something that was done. Period. No pregnant (pun fully intended) pauses. Or moments for contemplation. Or workshops to attend on how to raise great kids. People simply went about their daily lives looking after the little ones the way they saw fit, or how they saw their neighbours do it.  

Not only that, but parenting was something done not just by a father and a mother. It often involved a community – extended family, distant relatives, neighbours and even fellow villagers or town folks within a radius of 500 metres regularly chipped in to look after and watch over one another’s kids. 

That often means the oldest person in any given space is typically the one seen as the sage on the stage. The one that calls the shots, so to speak, as to how to raise kids. Which unfortunately, can be a double-edged sword, if you acknowledge the existence of what psychologists term adverse childhood experiences (ACE).  

Adverse childhood experiences 

These refer to traumatic events people undergo in their childhood, such as emotional neglect, abuse, parental death or separation, just to name a few. 

The impact of such events, which usually happen in the first 18 years of life, continues in direct and indirect ways across a person’s lifespan, and leads to higher costs of healthcare and productivity losses at work. 

According to the Singapore Mental Health Study by the Institute of Mental Health and KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital that was released in June 2024, the economic and social costs of ACE can amount to some $1.18 billion a year in absenteeism, reduced productivity and use of healthcare resources in our country. 

In an earlier part of the study that began in 2016, it was found that two out of three grown-ups here have ACE. It would be no surprise if some of these ACE were “bestowed” upon them by the elders and adults in their lives while growing up, beginning with spoken words that wound. 

Being “dis-ed” from young 

The unavoidable truth of life is that elders often hold sway and authority in every culture. What they say often gets transmitted (or worse, committed) to their children’s and grandchildren’s (listening) muscle memory.  

Especially stuff that sounds “dis”, or dismissive and disrespectful. 

Stuff like, “Shhh…kids should be seen, not heard”.
“Do as you’re told!”
“Stop being a cry-baby.” “You’re a good-for-nothing!”  

Growing up, our ancestors, parents and ourselves have all heard versions of these before, and many more such curt one-liners. Even now, we still hear them. And if we’re being honest, we’re also the ones who often say them!  

These hurtful lines and derogatory parenting scripts do little to build children’s’ self-esteem and sense of identity and worth in the long run. 

The reason is simple: Muscle memory kicks in, especially when time is tight and tempers are taut. So when we adults want a quick fix, these one-liners often do the trick of helping us parents and grandparents grab attention, maintain order and wrangle obeisance from our kids.  

Even if for a few minutes.  

However, these hurtful lines and derogatory parenting scripts do little to build children’s’ self-esteem and sense of identity and worth in the long run. 

Far worse is the very real possibility that kids grow up not loving and believing in themselves, but needing constant reassurance that they have intrinsic worth and are more than enough. 

Let’s rewrite the parenting script! 

While it might be too late for the sage elderlies in our midst to change their set ways, there is still plenty of opportunity for the current generation of parents to rewrite the script.  

For instance, instead of shushing a child who wants to be heard, gently guide the child on when is an appropriate moment to speak, especially if, say, you’re hosting many guests but your child needs your attention.  

Take a few deep breaths, lower your voice and calmly explain what the child is or isn’t being or doing that’s making you feel upset. 

Instead of saying “Do as you’re told”, why not ask the child how he or she would like to do whatever is the pressing task at hand. Turn it into a teachable moment on how to negotiate, which is a prized soft skill in any human setting. 

“You’re a good-for-nothing” is often said in a heated moment (and for the most part, does not represent how the parent truly feels about his or her child). Instead, take a few deep breaths, lower your voice and calmly explain what the child is or isn’t being or doing that’s making you feel upset to the point of saying something so harsh. 

Granted, these will require from parents a lot more patience and practice than the knee-jerk one-liners hastily blurted out in so many an unfortunate parent-child moment. And for sure, most of us will not succeed right away to rewrite the parenting script handed down to us. 

Still, we shouldn’t give up but persevere. 

For surely the last thing anyone wants is to raise up a generation where, instead of two, now three out of three adults have ACE! 

Right? 

How to Teach a Child about Privacy

Teaching children about privacy starts with helping them understand what information is meant to be shared, and what should be kept personal. By using simple, age‑appropriate language and everyday examples, parents can guide their children to recognise boundaries, respect others’ space, and stay safe both offline and online. These early conversations build the foundation for digital awareness and healthy relationships as they grow.

While in a tech-driven world this mostly relates to data privacy online, the concept also extends to teaching them that parts of our body are private and are not meant for sharing. 

Preschool years (4-6) 

Every part of our body serves a function, and our private body parts (areas covered by swimsuits) are special and important. We can help our children understand that these parts are not meant to be seen or touched by others. 

Practise naming these private parts using the correct terms (e.g. use “breasts” instead of “boobs”, “penis” instead of “wee wee”) to help them build factual understanding. Shower times are good opportunities to point out these areas in a casual yet educational way. 

Avoid exposing children’s private parts in public no matter how desperate a situation might be. For example, when in public, children should always change out their clothes in a private cubicle such as a bathroom.  

Avoid oversharing children’s photos, particularly revealing ones, on our own social media accounts. This will reduce their digital footprint and prevent their images from falling into the hands of malicious actors, who can create harmful deepfake nudes with the help of AI tools.  

Role-play possible scenarios to teach children refusal skills in an engaging and fun manner: If they are asked by someone to show their private parts, they should respond with a firm ‘no’, walk away immediately, and tell a trusted adult. It would be additionally helpful for them to know a few trusted adults they can turn to, apart from Daddy and Mummy. 


Teach children to respect others’ privacy just as they would want others to respect theirs. 

Primary years (7-12) 

Use everyday opportunities to explain how the concept of privacy comes up in various settings: when using public bathrooms, in close proximity with someone else’s device screen, or handling personal info such as passwords, school, email and home addresses. 

In each scenario, teach children to respect others’ privacy just as they would want others to respect theirs. For example, they should not peer into someone else’s device screen because the content may not be safe for them (pornography, violence, confidential data, etc.), nor should they divulge sensitive, personal info to others verbally because it puts them at risk of identity thefts or scams. 

If handing your children a smartphone is inevitable, ensure that parental controls are in place to support their online safety. Let them know that their devices may be monitored to help guide their privacy decisions until they’re ready to manage them independently. Some helpful parental control apps include Google Family Link and Qustodio, although they cannot replace the central role that parents play in helping children develop necessary skills around their privacy. 

The general minimum age for social media accounts is 13 years old to protect children’s privacy, although in reality, children younger than 13 still own accounts. If this is something your child is keen to explore, why not co-own an account with him to model and advocate for constructive and purposeful use of social media? Use this opportunity to impart critical thinking and decision-making skills as the parent taking the lead in choosing what, when, and how much to share online.  

Remind children in this age group that they should not be chatting with strangers online as they are too young to discern when they are being groomed. Instead, make time to connect with them regularly so they will be less tempted to overshare info with a stranger online. 

Our role should be to teach them how to think critically about their privacy decisions, rather than what to think. 

Teenage years (13-16)   

Teenagers are likely to spend more time online and need the consistency of a values-based decision-making framework to help them discern how to safeguard their privacy across different settings.  

Parents should assess teens’ needs and maturity before determining how much and the type of supervision needed to support them in making wise choices, and focus on building a strong relationship with them while being transparent in communication. Our role should be to teach them how to think critically about their privacy decisions, rather than what to think. 

Rehearse digital literacy often as a family – before posting something online, engage your teen to brainstorm with you on its purpose, constructiveness, reliability, and privacy concerns. Ask for thoughts about what responsibility looks like online (e.g. avoid posting photos that reveal anyone’s personal info, post only truthful and constructive content). Normalise a “thinking pause” before responding to or posting anything online. 

Try this with your teen: Google your name, or a combination of your name with other identifying data such as school, workplace, or hobbies, to find out your digital footprint. Debrief by asking questions like, “Were there any surprises? Would this change the way you manage your data online from now? Why and how?” 

Draw your teen’s attention to the type of ads and content that show up on your social media or YouTube feed. It is likely that the powerful, data-driven algorithm would have shown you something related to what you had in your thoughts or mentioned in passing. Is this persuasive design “cool”, or concerning, and why? What does this reveal about our privacy?   

Most of all, teach and show teens how they can lead fulfilling lives offline – it is crucial for them to know that their online life is but a fraction of their whole life, and that we as parents are always here for them. If they do experience consequences of a privacy breach online, they would hopefully have the resilience to know that it isn’t the end of their world; they have a safe space with us, life is still very much worth living for, and we can turn crisis into learning opportunities to help us become better navigators of online privacy concerns.   

The Future of Healthy Sexuality Report

Introduction

The Future of Healthy Sexuality Report presents a summary of the discussions held at the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass 2025. The Healthy Sexuality Masterclass is part of Focus on the Family Singapore’s ongoing efforts to equip practitioners and families with a holistic understanding of sexuality. This year’s event in August welcomed 204 participants, including representatives from the social work, education, and counselling sectors, and faith and community leaders.

The following brief outlines key insights, discussion points, and emerging trends that may help you better understand the challenges facing the next generation—and how to respond effectively.

Research Brief

📄 Download PDF now

How Do I Talk to My Child About Boy-Girl Relationships?

Talking to our children about relationships isn’t going to be a one-time event — we can start building opportunities for a series of age-appropriate, ongoing conversations built on trust and openness.

Whether they are just starting to notice the opposite gender, navigating crushes, or exploring serious relationships, here’s how you can walk with them through this journey — without being overly “nosy” or out of touch.  

Children are more likely to open up about their feelings and experiences when they feel heard, respected, and not judged.

General principles to keep in mind

Principle 1: Connection before correction

Many of us grew up in households where relationships were either taboo or joked about (“Eh, got boyfriend or not?”). But a real conversation starts with building trust — not waiting until your child has someone to “confess” about.

Children are more likely to open up about their feelings and experiences when they feel heard, respected, and not judged. That starts with small, daily conversations, not only serious “talks.”

Be curious about their world. Don’t dismiss their feelings — even if a crush seems trivial to you, it may mean the world to them.

I remember a mum friend who shared with me how her son, a Secondary 1 boy, once casually said, “I think I like someone in class.” Her first instinct was to panic and lecture him on ‘not now, you must focus on your studies!’ Instead, she paused, breathed, and simply asked, “Tell me more.” That small moment opened a door to conversation. And months later, he came to her again — when his ‘almost-relationship’ fizzled and he felt lost.

Principle 2: Focus on character, not control

It’s important to go beyond setting rules like “no dating until you’re older.”

Ask introspective questions and have discussions that help your child grow into someone who knows how to respect and be respected in any relationship:

  • “What do you look for in a friend or partner?”
  • “What does kindness or respect look like in a relationship?”
  • “How do you want to be treated — and how will you treat others?”

Focus on what makes a relationship respectful, healthy, and grounded in shared values. These are lessons they will carry into adulthood.

What would you do if your 13-year-old daughter came home saying two classmates were “together”?

Rather than brush it off, you could gently ask: “What do you think it means when people say they’re dating at this age?” and use that opportunity to open the door to a reflective, age-appropriate conversation on emotional maturity and friendship boundaries.

Relationships evolve — and so should the conversation especially as our kids get older.

Principle 3: Keep the conversation going

Use real life opportunities to talk. Books, movies, songs, newspaper stories or even situations involving peers can be natural entry points for meaningful discussion, especially when children are less open to direct questioning.

Relationships evolve — and so should the conversation especially as our kids get older.

When they reach their mid-teens or older, we need to change our approach. Typically, as they inch nearer to adulthood, they won’t need our “recommendations” or “reservations” as much as they need us to be available and patient in our listening.

In these times, we can afford to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Remember that our children are making choices and maturing in their decision making, especially emotionally and relationally. We can show up with our presence and availability when they need our advice or support.

I recall a mother friend sharing that her daughter, in her third year of polytechnic, broke off a relationship before a major project. Instead of questioning the timing, she listened, affirmed her daughter’s decision to prioritise her well-being, and reminded her that relationships should support — not undermine — her goals.

Age-Specific Guidance

Tween years (10–12)

Curiousity & crushes

What’s happening:

They are beginning to notice the opposite gender. Crushes, teasing, and curiosity are common, especially as puberty kicks in.

What to say and do:

  • Normalise, don’t dramatise. Say things like: “It’s totally okay to like someone — it’s part of growing up.”
  • Clarify boundaries. Help them understand what respectful friendships look like and talk about consent in age-appropriate ways.
  • Discuss respectful behaviour. “If someone teases you about liking someone, what can you do?”
  • Discuss media messages. Many tweens get their ideas about love and romance from Netflix, YouTube or TikTok. Use those moments to ask: “Do you think that’s what real relationships are like?”
  • Keep the door open. Assure them: “You can always come to me if you feel unsure or have questions.”

Teen years (13–15): Exploring first relationships

What’s happening:

Real emotions, romantic feelings, and possibly first relationships begin. Peer pressure and insecurity may grow.

What to say and do:

  • Talk about emotional readiness. Not every teen is ready for a relationship. Ask reflective questions like: “What do you think makes a relationship healthy?”, “Do your friends talk about dating? What do you think about it?”
  • Discuss respect and boundaries. Use clear examples: “If someone pressures you to do something you’re not comfortable with, that’s not love.”
  • Acknowledge feelings. Don’t downplay heartbreak or infatuation. Instead say: “I remember liking someone at that age too — it felt so intense!”
  • Set your family values. Share your beliefs honestly but respectfully. Instead of commanding, try: “In our family, we believe relationships should be built on trust and respect.”

Encourage self-respect. “You don’t have to be in a relationship to be valued. What do you like about yourself?”

Emerging Years (16–19): Developing mature relationships

What’s happening:

By this stage, your child may begin experiencing more serious relationships. Many are also navigating identity, independence, and the tension between wanting emotional closeness and fulfilling academic or life responsibilities.

What they need from you:

  • Respect for their growing autonomy.
  • Candid conversations about intimacy, emotional safety, and long-term thinking.
  • Assurance that they can always come to you — especially when things go wrong.

What to say and do:

  • Shift from control to coaching. Your tone matters. Be less directive and more guiding. Ask: “What are you learning about yourself through this relationship?”
  • Talk about values and goals. Encourage them to think long-term: “Does this relationship help you grow?” or “Does it align with your beliefs or who you want to become?”
  • Discuss physical boundaries honestly. If your values include abstinence for example, state them respectfully and explain your reasons.

Be a sounding board, not a judge. If they make mistakes or get hurt, respond with compassion, not lectures.

De-stressing Exam Stressors

Exam stresses can be distressing, both for kids and parents. However, since stress is something that everyone experiences regardless of life stage, learning to de-stress our stressors is a vital skill to develop.   

For our schooling children, exam stress could be an unlikely opportunity to grow in emotional regulation skills that will aid them through life. Likewise, for us parents, managing our own stress when our kids are going through exams can also strengthen us.  

Mother of two Jasmine Lu, who is also a parent-coach specialising in emotional intelligence, quoted litigator Maureen Killoran – “She once said stress is not what happens to us, it’s our response to what happens”.  

As we reframe ourselves out of a victim mindset that stress is something uncontrollable that just happens to me, we gain emotional strength to control our responses.  
 

When our kids’ stressors also trigger us, we should seek to understand why.

Reason for concern 

In parenting our children when stressed, we must also be self-aware. Citing a case where a parent Jasmine was coaching was very concerned about her daughter taking the national exams, she found out that the parent was herself an English teacher and carried the stress that if her child should fail the English test, it would reflect badly on herself.  

“When she shared that, it became clearer that actually it was her own fears of what people might say,” said Jasmine, who also runs a podcast for parents called The Eq-xperimental Parent. 

When our kids’ stressors also trigger us, we should seek to understand why and choose to work on ourselves so we don’t impose the feelings of stress on our children.  

“We have to remind ourselves our children are like sponges. They absorb everything that we project on them and they ‘squeeze it out’ by reflecting it… It’s our own securities, our own fears that they are absorbing, and they’re going to learn which will form patterns and become their default stress coping techniques,” she said. 
 

The first step to getting a handle on your emotions is to identify it. Here is a free exam prep cheat sheet for parents and kids to manage exam stress well.

Download PDF now (2.62 MB)

Thoughts, feelings, actions 

Our thoughts, feelings and actions are all interlinked. If we want our kids to take certain actions, we must guide their thoughts and feelings as well.  

Jasmine defined high emotional quotient (EQ) as “being intelligent with your emotions” which requires “very high self-awareness” and will also help you “read the mood of the room, showing empathy and relationship management”.  

How do we use high EQ to help our children manage exam stress? Well, the first step to getting a handle of your emotions is to identify it.  

“We call it ‘name it to tame it’. So, if you are able to name your emotion, it’s been scientifically backed that you’re more likely able to tame that emotion because… you’re actually engaging your logical brain to be back in control,” shared Jasmine. She added that naming the emotion also sends your brain the signal that you understand what is going on, which helps reduce the intensity of neurochemicals it creates.  

So helping your kids name their feelings is a huge first step. Since the pre-frontal cortex that controls their logical reasoning is yet to be fully developed, it is only in co-regulation that they will learn emotional regulating skills.  

To aid our children in developing their emotional literacy and coping skills, avoid questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer. Instead, ask open-ended questions and don’t rush to prescribe an answer. Allow them to feel and sit in their feelings. 

“This is about their feelings, so it should be about them. So, the way we talk to them should open up conversations about how they feel, and not become like a whole sharing session about oh, in my time that’s how I did it,” she cautioned.  

Be genuinely curious about what’s going on in their world and don’t be afraid if they take a while to find the words to express themselves. Every child is different, so while one may pour out their feelings, another may not, and you would need to read their body language instead. Whichever way, if you can learn to hold space for them, it helps them learn that you genuinely want to know more.  

 C.A.L.M.  

For a growth mindset and resilient outlook, Jasmine shares a framework that she uses in her own coaching:  

C – Categorise your emotions  
What am I feeling? Name it to tame it. Is it just sadness? Or is it disappointment?  

A – Appraise your emotions  
What is this emotion trying to tell me? Is my sadness making me feel hopeless? Is there a sense of despair because I feel stuck? Do I feel like I am a failure because I find this hard?  

L – Look for options  
What can I do to change these emotions? In a growth mindset, you can avoid feeling trapped and powerless by learning to adapt during difficult situations. Help your children anchor themselves back on certain truths, like remembering they are valued regardless of their results.  

M – Move  
What can I do to move my child or myself out of this situation? Come up with a plan to take bite-sized practical steps away from the heaviness of the emotions. Small in-the-moment actions like learning not to focus on the mountain of exams, but just on that day’s learning can be very liberating. You may have to brainstorm for bigger long-term plans like schedule changes for your children and help them identify rewards that can help them stay on track in a happier manner.  

Like everything worth doing, there will be highs and lows in your journey as a parent helping your child de-stress. Take heart and stay adaptable with a growth mindset, and always make sure your children know how they are valued as themselves, not for their results. What you do now with exam stress matters for them as the budding young men and women they are growing into!   

FAM JAM Fest

FAM JAM Fest is a for children, by children community event that empowers children to encourage other children and their families.

Celebrate Children’s Day with fun, food and family at FAM JAM Fest! Secure your priority tickets by registering via the form below. 

Highlights

  • FAM JAM Quest

    Inspired by the lovable Jampion Family — Papa Pancakes, Mama Muffin, Tammy Toast, Sammy Scone, and Benny Biscuit—discover how to turn messy mealtimes into joyful memories!

    Operation UN-JAM
    The Jampion Family is stuck in a super sticky situation—breakfast exploded everywhere! Mealtime has turned into mayhem and only one thing can save the day: teamwork. 

    Families must travel through each Jampion family member’s challenge station to unlock magical stamps that clean up the mess. Each station is a moment from everyday life—turning chores into cheerful challenges that make ordinary feel extraordinary.

    Ready, set, UN-JAM!

  • FAM JAM Showcase

    Explore the FAM JAM Showcase, a resource co-created by children aged 4 to 6, alongside submissions celebrating joy around mealtimes from our partner preschools and families.

    Join us to enjoy these heartfelt contributions and stand a chance to win a prize at our Spin-the-Wheel!

  • FAM JAM Market

    The FAM JAM Market is a lively space where families can enjoy tasty bites and discover family-friendly merchandise.

    Attain helpful family life resources designed to support meaningful moments at home!

Details

DATE: Sat, 18 Oct 2025

TIME: 9.30am - 6.00pm

VENUE: South Beach Avenue, L1 Fountain Plaza

GUEST-OF-HONOUR: Mr Ong Ye Kung, Minister for Health and Coordinating Minister for Social Policies

Get Your Tickets
Get Your Tickets

Frequently Asked Questions

Yes, admission to FAM JAM Fest is complimentary for families. However, please note that some activities may require a separate fee.

FAM JAM Fest welcomes families with children between the ages of 4 to 6 years old. Siblings may join the family for a day of fun-filled activities.

Event schedule is subject to change without prior notice depending on weather conditions. Please stay tuned for updates via our social media channels and official website during the event.

Yes, pre-registration is required to ensure a smoother check-in process.

1. By MRT: 

Via Esplanade MRT Station
Exit through Exit F of Esplanade MRT Station.

Via City Hall MRT Station
Take the Citylink Mall underpass to Exit F of Esplanade MRT Station.

2. By Bus:

Along Beach Road: Bus Stop 01619
- Services 56, 57, 100, 107, 107M, 961

Along Nicoll Highway: Bus Stop 80151
- Services 10, 10e, 14, 14e, 16, 70, 70M, 196, 196e

3. By Car:

Via Nicoll Highway
Proceed along Nicoll Highway towards Raffles Boulevard. Make a U-turn at the Bras Basah Road Junction. Continue forward and turn left into South Beach.

Via Bras Basah Road
Proceed along Bras Basah Road, then turn left onto Nicoll Highway. Continue forward and turn left into South Beach.


Parking Charges:
Saturday: $5.00 per entry

 

Please approach our team at the Concierge Zone, or look for any event crew member for assistance.

 

For any event enquiries, please contact us at Corpcomms@family.org.sg

Why Does My Child Procrastinate? And What To Do About It

As parents, few things are more frustrating than watching our children procrastinate. Whether it’s unfinished homework, delayed chores, or missed deadlines, it’s easy to jump to our own conclusions.  

“Why are you always like that?” we might ask in an impatient tone.  

Or, “I told you to do it so many times already, but you never listen!” 

But what if procrastination isn’t about laziness at all? 

In this article, we interviewed Paul Lim, a trained counsellor and senior lecturer at the Singapore Management University,  to unpack the deeper emotional roots of procrastination—and discover how we can better respond to our kids with care and empathy. 

Fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, and fear of discomfort. These emotional undercurrents may cause children—and even adults—to delay starting a task.

Procrastination vs. laziness  

Paul shares that procrastination and laziness may look similar, but they stem from very different places. 

“Procrastination is not laziness; it’s a matter of managing your emotions,” Paul explains. “The root of procrastination is fear.” 

Fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, and fear of discomfort. These emotional undercurrents may cause children—and even adults—to delay starting a task. So it is not because they don’t care, but because they feel overwhelmed or inadequate. 

Laziness, on the other hand, is marked by a complete lack of interest or motivation, even when the task is easily achievable. “Be careful not to confuse disinterest that stems from fear and anxiety with laziness,” Paul cautions.

The emotions that cause avoidance 

Many teens procrastinate because they feel helpless or hopeless about the situation. They think to themselves, “I try and try, but the results don’t change.” After a while, they begin to ask, “Why bother?” 

This spiral can lead to what psychologists call learned helplessness—a state where the child no longer believes their efforts will make a difference. Coupled with additional pressure from school, society, and even well-meaning parents, it’s no wonder some kids shut down, explains Paul. 

This is where, as parents, we may need to first examine our own intentions. As Paul quips, “If you want to help your child deal with procrastination, you must first help yourself.” 

He challenges parents to reflect on their own anxieties and tendencies to control the child. Some questions we can ask are: “Are we projecting our fears onto our children? Are we trying to control outcomes because we’re afraid of what the future holds?”

Seek connection, not compliance

Paul warns against mistaking compliance for obedience. When children comply just to avoid punishment or conflict, they may internalize the idea that love is transactional. 

“My students call it the law of bo-bien (a Hokkien phrase which means no choice),” Paul says. “They comply to get their parents off their backs.” 

This kind of parenting may seem effective in the short term, but it can erode the parent-child relationship over time. 

Children may grow up believing that their worth is tied to performance, not who they are. 

Be curious before you react

So what should parents do when they notice procrastination? Paul’s advice is simple but profound: ask why. 

“The first response is not to scold or accuse. The first thing to do is ask, ‘Why?’” 

As parents, we also need to watch our tone. A frustrated “Why haven’t you done your homework?” won’t open doors to our children’s hearts. But a calm and curious “Can I ask why?” or “What happened?” might. 

Paul shares a story about his son, who was avoiding piano practice. After some gentle probing, Paul discovered that his son felt he had to be perfect. “He was disqualifying himself before he even started,” Paul says. 

By exploring the emotion behind the behaviour, Paul was able to help his son reframe his expectations and build confidence. 

Don’t dismiss their emotions  

Another key takeaway: don’t deny your child’s emotions. 

“If they feel scared, they’re scared. If they feel overwhelmed, they’re overwhelmed. As parents, we must give them the right to feel that way.” 

Paul emphasises that while the facts of the situation may not always match the feelings, the feelings are still valid. And when we normalise these emotions and respond to our children with empathy, we are also helping them learn to bridge this gap over time. 

Ask, What happened to me? 

As parents, we may have to do the hard work ourselves too. Paul observes that many parents have not had the space and time to process their own emotions. Perhaps we may have grown up having our emotions denied or dismissed.  

He advises for us to take some time to ask ourselves: What happened to me? 

For if our goal is to raise emotionally healthy children, we must first do the inner work ourselves. 

“If you really want to be the best parent you can be, you first have to sort yourself out. Otherwise, it’s going to continue with this cycle… and your kids will pass that down to your grandchildren,” advises Paul. 

Procrastination isn’t just a behavioural issue—it’s an emotional one. And parenting is as much about self-awareness as it is about teaching and guiding our young. 

So the next time your child puts off homework or chores, pause. Ask why. Listen without judgment. Hold back the scolding and nagging. Instead, take time to connect with them emotionally. Remember: the journey to helping our children be their best selves starts with us.