Child’s Life Stage: Tween

Working From Home with Kids

What first comes to your mind when you think about working from home? Do you imagine it will be more difficult to get work done or do you think it will be a less pressurising way of working? While telecommuting has its perks, like time saved from travelling, it definitely has its own set of challenges as well.

To limit the spread of COVID-19, many working parents are now working from home. With students doing home-based learning, our school-going kids are home at the very same time we are figuring out this new work arrangement. Distractions and interruptions can come more easily, potentially impacting our productiveness.

As you work towards a new norm with work and family life, consider how these 6 Rs could help you create a more successful and less stressful environment for everyone in the family!

1. Ritual

Before the new measure of working from home was implemented, the “ritual” of getting ready for the day and commuting helps us to shift to “work mode” by the time we get to our workplaces. It would be helpful to create something similar even when we work from home—stick to a standard waking up time for everyone, continue to do the usual morning rituals of showering and breakfast with the kids.

Some people find it helpful to change into clothing that’s slightly more like their usual work wear. Pro-tip: wearing pajamas won’t help you feel productive!

Others mentally prepare themselves for work while doing some exercises or having a cup of coffee before they start the work day. Continue these morning rituals, set a time for work or school to start and keep to it every day as well as you can.

2. Room

There are those who can get productive work done when propped up in bed, but for most of us, that may not be conducive—especially when the kids or work kept us up late the night before!

Set up a well-lit designated workspace in your home that allows you to have good sitting posture and minimal distractions. Try to avoid spaces that might draw you toward doing something else, like the bedroom or kitchen. Parents of younger children may need to work near their children, so as to keep an eye on them as they play or nap, while parents of older kids can use a separate room as their “office”.

In the same way, we can set up a space for home-based learning for our kids. Make sure they understand that it’s a space for them to focus on online classes and homework, and not for playing or other activities.

As you consistently utilise these designated spaces every day, you will be drawing “boundaries” for your kids and they will understand that’s Daddy’s or Mummy’s work room or this is where I sit for school time. This adds a sense of our third “R” to their lives.

3. Routine

Just as it is useful to us to know what’s ahead in our work day by planning a schedule that includes time for work, breaks, and meals, our kids would also benefit from having such a routine.

For older children, plan each day’s schedule with or for them. Tell them that just as they have a set of school tasks to finish, Daddy and Mummy also have work tasks to complete, so everyone will have to work together as a family to get our work done. Think of ways you can increase your kids’ ownership over this schedule, say, by letting them write/type or decorate it. Then put it up where it can be easily seen, and follow it as closely as possible.

For toddlers, printing out visual cue cards can be a great way to communicate schedule. You can print out photos of what you want to fill their day with—whether playing, reading, eating, sleeping—and stick it somewhere prominently. Every time you move on to the next slot, remove the former card and make a big deal about the new card. You can even put a timer on if you like and every time the timer goes off, it signals the time for the next activity.

If you have children who are too young to keep themselves engaged while you’re working, you may need to plan your schedule around their routine, say, naps, meals, playtimes, and baths. This may mean starting work earlier before they wake, taking breaks during the moments when they need you most, and returning to work after they have gone to bed.

There’s no perfect routine—take time to experiment with different approaches before settling into a rhythm that works for your family.

4. Restraint

Self-discipline has been found to be key for those who work well from home. After we’ve planned our schedule, we need to stick to it to concentrate on our goals for the day. That means not doing lots of housework or heading out for a long trip in the middle of the work day!

When we practise self-discipline, we are also setting an example for our children on how to set limits on themselves. It’s important for parents to explain to their kids that when Daddy and Mummy are in their workspaces, they need to be able to focus, and so they cannot be interrupted frequently, unless it’s an emergency (and communicate what constitutes one)!

If you find that they are interrupting your work too often, you can give them a quota on the number of requests they can make when you are at work. Through this, they can learn some self-discipline by deciding which requests or questions they really need to ask and which ones can wait until later.

5. Rest

Let your children know that throughout the day, you’re going to take regular breaks and stick to them. During break times, engage with them—and be present! At the end of each break, remind them that you’ll be going back to work and will join them again at your next break.

Kids who are old enough to work independently can usually concentrate for about 30–45 minutes at a time, with 5–15 minute breaks in between. You may like to use a timer to help you and your kids keep track of time.

Give them permission to have more active indoor activities to release the energy that builds up when they’ve been sitting for long periods of time.

Remember that you need to get away from your desk from time to time, too—a good break does wonders for productivity!

6. Rewards

Finally, remember that this arrangement is new for your children. So be intentional in affirming your children when they have put in effort to stick to their schedule and the limits you’ve set.

Older children are able to understand the principle of delayed gratification: that doing their learning and homework first will have benefits later. Help them to understand the importance of sticking to a schedule to get a reward later on. Then, plan a surprise and spring it on them sometime during the week when they’re least expecting it. This will better reinforce their positive behaviour, which you will hopefully see more of with time.

You can also have a reward system where they get points for age-appropriate good behaviour and they get to redeem rewards (bubble tea, fast food meals, more TV time, etc.) with the points.

And don’t forget to affirm and reward yourself, too! This arrangement is a learning journey for you as well, and there would be tough spots along the way as you figure out what is best for you and your kids. When you hit upon something that works well for the whole family, that’s worth celebrating!

As we work on these aspects of Ritual, Room, Routine, Restraint, Rest, and Rewards, may we also discover the joy in connecting with our children in new ways!

Adapted from Staying Sane while Working from Home with Kids by Joannie Debrito ©️ 2020 All rights reserved. Used with permission from Focus on the Family.

Dads Need Other Dads to Grow in Their Parenting Journey

Introduction

Our third Survey for Dads was conducted from 04 May – 31 May 2022 through the databases and social media channels of Focus on the Family Singapore. A total of 269 fathers responded.   

This year’s survey focused on understanding dads’ self-efficacy in parenting, and uncovering the importance of “dad-friends” in supporting a dad’s journey of fatherhood.

Research Findings

Download PDF now (344.32 KB)

Is It Possible to Change a Person’s Sex?

Tween & teen years

No. A person’s sex cannot be changed. Biological sex is determined at conception (genotype) and during the baby’s development in the womb (phenotype). 

Sex differences are expressed in many bodily systems and organs, not just what can be seen and observed by the human eye. While it is possible to change many areas of our lives, such as our dressing, hobbies, diet, or friends, it is not possible to change one’s biological sex. 

It is possible, however, to change a person’s outward appearance.  

Some people may use clothing, accessories and make-up to modify how they look. For example, a female might bind her chest in order to reduce breast visibility. However, it is also important to note that chest-binding is associated with negative symptoms such as rib pain or musculoskeletal symptoms (Jarrett et al., 2018).  

Others may take sex hormones (oestrogen and testosterone) or turn to cosmetic surgery to further alter their appearance. These actions are taken as part of a process known as “medical transitioning”, but they do not change a person’s underlying biological sex. 

Emerging years

What about gender dysphoria? 

The word “dysphoria” is a clinical term for a sense of unease or distress when one experiences a mismatch between their gender identity and biological sex.  

There are three types of gender dysphoria: 

Early onset gender dysphoria typically begins in early childhood, usually between the ages of 2 and 4. According to Psychology Today, only a small number of children with gender dysphoria will continue to experience symptoms in later adolescence or adulthood.  

Late onset gender dysphoria first appears in early to mid-adulthood. Persons who experience late onset gender dysphoria are almost exclusively male. This may simply involve experiencing sexual arousal through dressing as a woman, but it can also involve medical transitioning and living as a female. 

Rapid onset gender dysphoria, an increasing social phenomenon, affects adolescents who have identified with their own biological sex for years, then decide they want to change genders and sometimes alter their bodies.  

This developmental problem, which seems to predominantly affect adolescent females, is said to be associated with social influences such as:  

  • Social media influencers embracing and celebrating the idea of gender fluidity. 
  • Peers embracing transgender behaviour as popular and as an avenue for social celebration. 

If you suspect your child may be experiencing gender dysphoria, it is important to acknowledge their struggles and to seek therapeutic help. Approach them from a posture of listening, gentleness and patience.  

Be present with them when they are willing to share and be open about their thoughts and experiences, while also remembering that loving your child need not mean you have to affirm and agree with everything they do. 

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Why is Porn So Readily Accessible?

Why is Porn So Readily Accessible? 

In a previous article where we explored “Why is porn so addictive?”, the pervasiveness of porn came up as a contributing factor because of how easily accessible they have become today. A quick look at the figures published by a cybersecurity company underscores the extent of this accessibility: 

Every Second: 

  • 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet. 
  • $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet. 

In this follow-up piece, we will explore “Why is porn so easily accessible?” by taking a deep dive into the forces that drive the proliferation of porn, and offer a few practical handles for kids in dealing with such exposure. 

The ubiquity of technology and devices 

There is no doubt that technology has greatly changed the way we live. For example, we certainly enjoy numerous conveniences and entertainment the Internet brings us – ordering our favourite dinner and embarking on a professional development course are now just a few clicks away. Lockdowns and quarantines during Covid years have only deepened the intensity and accelerated the rate of our digital connection. However, the flip side of having such a high connectivity, also means that it is probably easier to access sexually explicit materials than to avoid them.  

In the early 2000s, porn used to be contained in age-restricted print materials and subscription-based platforms. It was a service only paying customers could access. This was the chief revenue model for the porn industry, until video-streaming platforms started to revolutionise the way we consume information and entertainment.  

Inspired by YouTube’s success, the porn industry was swift in adapting to streaming platforms that were not only free for any user to access, but also offered better means of generating revenue for companies. 

Given how much of our lives both at home and at work now relies on staying connected, it would be unimaginable for one to be without a device. Yet, we often forget the tremendous power of connectivity this small device yields. A double-edged sword hidden in pockets, our devices have opened us up to the very best technology has to offer, while proving to be equally, if not more, dangerous, at the same time.  

Under Singapore Law, it is illegal for an individual to keep, possess, or download porn. Although IMDA has banned approximately 100 websites as a token gesture of disapproval, it is not illegal to watch or stream pornographic content online. That means any child with a connected device will still be able to easily access or stumble upon porn at the click of a button, in the absence of rigorous parental controls. 

A profit-driven entity at its finest 

Revenue estimates for the porn industry vary widely, and understandably so. Not only is it impossible to obtain accurate figures from privately-held porn companies, it is also challenging to account for the entire porn industry. For instance, the membership platform, “OnlyFans”, has become synonymous with porn even though it was originally meant for creators to directly monetise their content, adult or not.  

The steady rise of individual porn creators through such membership platforms further complicates the effort to obtain an accurate estimate to how much the industry is really worth. Nonetheless, several estimates clearly put it as a multi-billion-dollar industry.  

To understand how the rest of the porn industry continues to generate revenue despite offering free-to-stream videos, we need to first understand how porn advertising works. They do not work the same way as advertising for a handbag or a pair of shoes.  

Since porn companies are blocked from advertising on traditional media outlets, they have only other porn companies to turn to, for their advertising. For perspective, Pornhub’s annual report revealed a staggering 42 billion visitors in 2019 alone, reflecting a very robust base of potential consumers that could be funnelled through advertising into another paid porn site. In other words, Pornhub receives lucrative advertising fees in return for offering free-to-stream videos.  

Apart from advertising dollars, porn companies are also able to monetise user data and profiling that they capture from their online visitors. For these reasons, porn companies are motivated and invested to continue offering free content that generates the highest possible viewership, because every click on their website translates to dollars and cents.  

Practical handles for when your child is exposed to porn 

In the effort to safeguard our children, some of us turn to parental control apps on their devices. However, even the best app will fail, as Google search engine reminds us that there are always creative ways to bypass restrictions.  

If there is one thing parental control apps are good for, it is buying us time for building up a more reliable “internal filter” in our children, and time for teaching them practical handles to deal with exposure to porn.  

A few practical handles include (when speaking directly to your child):  

  1. Look away immediately – Close the laptop or put down the device and walk away immediately. Resist the urge to linger or dwell on the image/video.

     

  2. Look to daddy or mommy – Seek out daddy or mommy in person, or if not possible, reach out to one of us as soon as possible via a phone call. You are not in trouble for being exposed to porn, you can always approach us. 

     

  3. Share what you saw – Let us know what you saw, how the images made you feel, and if you have any questions. We will journey through this together.  

Porn may be more accessible than ever, but as parents, we have greater influence when we ensure that our presence and guidance are even more accessible in our children’s lives.  

© 2023 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Date with Dad

Did you know?

There are approximately 678 weeks from the time your daughter is born until she becomes a teen.

Fathers are the first role models of relationships, and also their daughter’s first love.

Celebrate a transitional milestone with your daughter

Dads play a special and significant role in their daughters’ lives, especially during her adolescent years. Therefore, every day and every week matters.

Fathers, how you choose to nurture your father-daughter relationship will impact the way she sees herself, and her outlook on future relationships. To support your daughter’s transitions to teen-hood confidently, your daughter needs your presence and affirmation.

Whether you are a Mum who desires to see your husband spend quality time with your daughter, or a Dad who wants to do something different for your father-daughter relationship, Date with Dad is a thoughtfully curated experience, just for you!

This year, we return with 4 seatings to choose from, and you may select the day and timeslot that best fits your schedules for this special date:

Sat, 26 Apr | 12.00pm – 2.30pm (Lunch) Fully booked
Sat, 26 Apr | 7.00 – 9.30pm (Dinner) Fully booked
Sun, 27 Apr | 12.00pm – 2.30pm (Lunch) Fully booked
Sun, 27 Apr | 7.00 – 9.30pm (Dinner) Fully booked

Invite your daughter on an unforgettable date!
1.
Engage in deeper sharing about growing up experiences and treasured values.
2.
Connect through interactive games and activities designed to spark conversations.
3.
Create memories through special rite-of-passage moments during the event.

Create a core memory together

For Dads and their daughter (11 years old and above)

For the past 14 years, Date with Dad has been one of Focus Singapore’s signature events, where fathers are given an opportunity to affirm and celebrate their teen daughter’s milestone and journey to becoming a confident young woman.

We are fully booked!

Early Bird rate (ends on 21 Mar 2025):
$185/father-daughter pair

Regular rate:
$220/father-daughter pair

Stay updated to be notified when a spot opens.

Join the Waitlist
Sponsor
Supporting Partners

Frequently Asked Questions

Have questions? We’re here to help.

Date with Dad is a one-on-one event which allows you to establish that significant relationship with your daughter and give her your undivided attention.


If you have a younger daughter, you may wish to attend this event with her next year. 

Date with Dad is designed for dads to have deeper connections with daughters heading into their tweens and teenhood. 


You may wish to wait till your daughter is older so she will experience the full benefits of the programme.

The recommended maximum age for daughters is 16 years old as this event celebrates the important milestone of teen daughters becoming young women.

There are 4 seatings across 2 days to select from. Hence, it is a lunch or dinner affair for each father-daughter pair on either of the event dates. 


Father-daughter pairs may select the day and timeslot that best fits their schedules for this special date!

Research from Institute of Family Studies has shown that there is a unique bond between a father and his daughter — the father-daughter relationship greatly influences a girl’s developing self-image and approach to future romantic relationships.

Find a flat surface, place a ruler on your daughter's ring or middle finger and measure the width to determine the size of her ring.

 
 

There are 7 ring sizes, ranging from 1.60cm to 1.77cm, for you to choose from on the registration form. If the ring does not fit your daughter's finger, you will have the opportunity to do an exchange on the event day.

We encourage you to make all necessary arrangements to ensure that you and your daughter's schedules are clear for Date with Dad. There will be no refunds* for cancellations or no-shows.

Requests for transfer of registration will be accepted until 11 Apr 2025. Please email us at Chelsea.Cheng@family.org.sg.


*The Organiser reserves the rights to cancel or reschedule the event due to unforeseen circumstances. Every effort, however, will be made to inform participants as soon as possible of the change. For cancellation of event by the Organiser, fees will be refunded in full.

Conversation Starters for Healthy Sexuality

Talking about sex may seem awkward at first, but as you press on, it will begin to feel more natural.

Our effort to help our children develop a healthy understanding of love, relationships, and sex in marriage, is worthwhile.

As you take the first step towards a lifetime of healthy, wholesome relationships for your child, this eGuide will provide you with tools and tips to keep the conversations going! 

Suitable for parents with children aged 4 to 15 years.

Download PDF now (360.23 KB)

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Raising Resilient Kids

Building B.O.U.N.C.E for the bumps in life

Raising Resilient Kids

We live in an increasingly fast-paced and competitive society often described as a VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) world, where the pressure to succeed and perform can leave our children feeling panic-stricken and overwhelmed.

How can we nurture our child’s psychological resilience to better manage stress? Be empowered to emotionally coach your child towards a positive and healthy attitude for learning and living! 

Participants will be equipped with skills to:
1.
Understand your child’s world and potential stressors
2.
Process feelings in a healthy and productive manner
3.
Inculcate values and beliefs that will anchor your child in times of difficulty

Details

Duration: 1 – 1.5 hrs  

Delivery Format: Talks can be conducted either onsite or online via Zoom 

Enquiries:
Find out how you can encourage a growth mindset in your child!

Contact us

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

The ParentEdTM Dialogues

Personalised parenting solutions for your unique child

The ParentEdTM Dialogues

Every child is unique, with their own personality – and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. 

In the ParentEd Dialogues, parents will learn how to take a targeted and intentional approach when parenting each unique child. Each session is led by a Family Coach, who will help parents explore their current parenting challenges, introduce innovative approaches and provide useful feedback to develop real solutions and actions to bring about lasting change in the way you parent! 

Why the ParentEd Dialogues?
1.
Engage with a Family Coach who can guide you in optimising your parenting style
2.
Establish new friendships with like-minded parents in a safe community setting
3.
Equip yourself with fresh perspectives and practical tools to strengthen your parent-child relationship

These dialogue series cover foundational principles that are relevant across all age groups. They promise candid sharing and stimulating conversations among like-minded sojourners on the parenting journey. It’s a great place to acquire timeless principles, priceless perspectives and practical tools for informed, involved and intentional parenting! 

  • Dialogue 1 | The Parent Species: Becoming the parent we want to be 
  • Dialogue 2 | C.S.I – Child Species Investigation: Bringing out the best in your unique child 
  • Dialogue 3 | Creative Correction: Making discipline firm and friendly 
  • Dialogue 4 | High-5s at Home: Nurture the parent-child relationship 

Details

Duration: 4 x 2hr sessions 

Delivery Format: This workshop is to be conducted onsite with min. 10 pax & max. 20 pax.  

Have questions?
Find out how you can empower parent communities!

I'd like to find out more!

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

SexEdTM Workshop

Cultivating secure identity, true intimacy & authentic relationships

SexEdTM Workshop

Today’s highly sexualised culture can overwhelm us with conflicting ideas about love, sex and relationships. Knowing the facts about love and God’s truth about sex empowers us to make healthy and beneficial life choices, so that we can enjoy His blessings of real love, true intimacy and genuine freedom. 

Explore together God’s design for human beings and relationships, as we talk about: 

  1. Sexual Identity: What determines my sex? How do I know my sexual orientation? What’s wrong with premarital sex? 

  2. Sexual Integrity: What is the purpose of sex? What does sexual wholeness mean to me? How important is sexual health and purity?  

  3. Sexual Intelligence: How do values and sexual consent affect decision making? How can I navigate love and relationships?  

  4. Sexual Issues: How do I make sense of the different sexual orientations and gender identities? How does masturbation, pornography or abortion affect me?  

  5. Sexual Discourse: How can I have a safe conversation about sexuality? What do I do when my sexual values differ from the crowd? 

Details

Duration: 2 hrs per module 

Delivery Format: This workshop is to be conducted onsite with min. 20 pax & max. 40 pax. 

Have more questions?
Our Outreach team is ready to answer any questions you may have! 

Find out more!

Interest List

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ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

Raising Relationally-Smart Kids

Parental guidance to talk about sex

Raising Relationally-Smart Kids

Talking about sex can be one of the most daunting tasks for parents, especially if we never had the subject broached with us when growing up. How then can we confidently discuss healthy sexuality, love and relationships with our children?

Discover how you can help your child make wise decisions about their health, relationships, and life!

Participants will be equipped with skills to:
1.
Engage your children in open and honest conversations about sex and relationship
2.
Tackle growing online risks such as pornography and inappropriate content
3.
Empower your children on setting healthy boundaries with their peers

Details

Duration: 1 – 1.5 hrs 

Delivery Format:
Talks can be conducted either onsite or online via Zoom 

Have questions?
Reach out to find out more about this webinar! 

I'm keen to find out more!

Join the Interest List

Registration for this webinar has closed. Please join the Interest List for 2024.

Interest List

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.