Child’s Life Stage: Tween

How to Teach a Child about Privacy

Teaching children about privacy starts with helping them understand what information is meant to be shared, and what should be kept personal. By using simple, age‑appropriate language and everyday examples, parents can guide their children to recognise boundaries, respect others’ space, and stay safe both offline and online. These early conversations build the foundation for digital awareness and healthy relationships as they grow.

While in a tech-driven world this mostly relates to data privacy online, the concept also extends to teaching them that parts of our body are private and are not meant for sharing. 

Preschool years (4-6) 

Every part of our body serves a function, and our private body parts (areas covered by swimsuits) are special and important. We can help our children understand that these parts are not meant to be seen or touched by others. 

Practise naming these private parts using the correct terms (e.g. use “breasts” instead of “boobs”, “penis” instead of “wee wee”) to help them build factual understanding. Shower times are good opportunities to point out these areas in a casual yet educational way. 

Avoid exposing children’s private parts in public no matter how desperate a situation might be. For example, when in public, children should always change out their clothes in a private cubicle such as a bathroom.  

Avoid oversharing children’s photos, particularly revealing ones, on our own social media accounts. This will reduce their digital footprint and prevent their images from falling into the hands of malicious actors, who can create harmful deepfake nudes with the help of AI tools.  

Role-play possible scenarios to teach children refusal skills in an engaging and fun manner: If they are asked by someone to show their private parts, they should respond with a firm ‘no’, walk away immediately, and tell a trusted adult. It would be additionally helpful for them to know a few trusted adults they can turn to, apart from Daddy and Mummy. 


Teach children to respect others’ privacy just as they would want others to respect theirs. 

Primary years (7-12) 

Use everyday opportunities to explain how the concept of privacy comes up in various settings: when using public bathrooms, in close proximity with someone else’s device screen, or handling personal info such as passwords, school, email and home addresses. 

In each scenario, teach children to respect others’ privacy just as they would want others to respect theirs. For example, they should not peer into someone else’s device screen because the content may not be safe for them (pornography, violence, confidential data, etc.), nor should they divulge sensitive, personal info to others verbally because it puts them at risk of identity thefts or scams. 

If handing your children a smartphone is inevitable, ensure that parental controls are in place to support their online safety. Let them know that their devices may be monitored to help guide their privacy decisions until they’re ready to manage them independently. Some helpful parental control apps include Google Family Link and Qustodio, although they cannot replace the central role that parents play in helping children develop necessary skills around their privacy. 

The general minimum age for social media accounts is 13 years old to protect children’s privacy, although in reality, children younger than 13 still own accounts. If this is something your child is keen to explore, why not co-own an account with him to model and advocate for constructive and purposeful use of social media? Use this opportunity to impart critical thinking and decision-making skills as the parent taking the lead in choosing what, when, and how much to share online.  

Remind children in this age group that they should not be chatting with strangers online as they are too young to discern when they are being groomed. Instead, make time to connect with them regularly so they will be less tempted to overshare info with a stranger online. 

Our role should be to teach them how to think critically about their privacy decisions, rather than what to think. 

Teenage years (13-16)   

Teenagers are likely to spend more time online and need the consistency of a values-based decision-making framework to help them discern how to safeguard their privacy across different settings.  

Parents should assess teens’ needs and maturity before determining how much and the type of supervision needed to support them in making wise choices, and focus on building a strong relationship with them while being transparent in communication. Our role should be to teach them how to think critically about their privacy decisions, rather than what to think. 

Rehearse digital literacy often as a family – before posting something online, engage your teen to brainstorm with you on its purpose, constructiveness, reliability, and privacy concerns. Ask for thoughts about what responsibility looks like online (e.g. avoid posting photos that reveal anyone’s personal info, post only truthful and constructive content). Normalise a “thinking pause” before responding to or posting anything online. 

Try this with your teen: Google your name, or a combination of your name with other identifying data such as school, workplace, or hobbies, to find out your digital footprint. Debrief by asking questions like, “Were there any surprises? Would this change the way you manage your data online from now? Why and how?” 

Draw your teen’s attention to the type of ads and content that show up on your social media or YouTube feed. It is likely that the powerful, data-driven algorithm would have shown you something related to what you had in your thoughts or mentioned in passing. Is this persuasive design “cool”, or concerning, and why? What does this reveal about our privacy?   

Most of all, teach and show teens how they can lead fulfilling lives offline – it is crucial for them to know that their online life is but a fraction of their whole life, and that we as parents are always here for them. If they do experience consequences of a privacy breach online, they would hopefully have the resilience to know that it isn’t the end of their world; they have a safe space with us, life is still very much worth living for, and we can turn crisis into learning opportunities to help us become better navigators of online privacy concerns.   

The Future of Healthy Sexuality Report

Introduction

The Future of Healthy Sexuality Report presents a summary of the discussions held at the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass 2025. The Healthy Sexuality Masterclass is part of Focus on the Family Singapore’s ongoing efforts to equip practitioners and families with a holistic understanding of sexuality. This year’s event in August welcomed 204 participants, including representatives from the social work, education, and counselling sectors, and faith and community leaders.

The following brief outlines key insights, discussion points, and emerging trends that may help you better understand the challenges facing the next generation—and how to respond effectively.

Research Brief

📄 Download PDF now

How Do I Talk to My Child About Boy-Girl Relationships?

Talking to our children about relationships isn’t going to be a one-time event — we can start building opportunities for a series of age-appropriate, ongoing conversations built on trust and openness.

Whether they are just starting to notice the opposite gender, navigating crushes, or exploring serious relationships, here’s how you can walk with them through this journey — without being overly “nosy” or out of touch.  

Children are more likely to open up about their feelings and experiences when they feel heard, respected, and not judged.

General principles to keep in mind

Principle 1: Connection before correction

Many of us grew up in households where relationships were either taboo or joked about (“Eh, got boyfriend or not?”). But a real conversation starts with building trust — not waiting until your child has someone to “confess” about.

Children are more likely to open up about their feelings and experiences when they feel heard, respected, and not judged. That starts with small, daily conversations, not only serious “talks.”

Be curious about their world. Don’t dismiss their feelings — even if a crush seems trivial to you, it may mean the world to them.

I remember a mum friend who shared with me how her son, a Secondary 1 boy, once casually said, “I think I like someone in class.” Her first instinct was to panic and lecture him on ‘not now, you must focus on your studies!’ Instead, she paused, breathed, and simply asked, “Tell me more.” That small moment opened a door to conversation. And months later, he came to her again — when his ‘almost-relationship’ fizzled and he felt lost.

Principle 2: Focus on character, not control

It’s important to go beyond setting rules like “no dating until you’re older.”

Ask introspective questions and have discussions that help your child grow into someone who knows how to respect and be respected in any relationship:

  • “What do you look for in a friend or partner?”
  • “What does kindness or respect look like in a relationship?”
  • “How do you want to be treated — and how will you treat others?”

Focus on what makes a relationship respectful, healthy, and grounded in shared values. These are lessons they will carry into adulthood.

What would you do if your 13-year-old daughter came home saying two classmates were “together”?

Rather than brush it off, you could gently ask: “What do you think it means when people say they’re dating at this age?” and use that opportunity to open the door to a reflective, age-appropriate conversation on emotional maturity and friendship boundaries.

Relationships evolve — and so should the conversation especially as our kids get older.

Principle 3: Keep the conversation going

Use real life opportunities to talk. Books, movies, songs, newspaper stories or even situations involving peers can be natural entry points for meaningful discussion, especially when children are less open to direct questioning.

Relationships evolve — and so should the conversation especially as our kids get older.

When they reach their mid-teens or older, we need to change our approach. Typically, as they inch nearer to adulthood, they won’t need our “recommendations” or “reservations” as much as they need us to be available and patient in our listening.

In these times, we can afford to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Remember that our children are making choices and maturing in their decision making, especially emotionally and relationally. We can show up with our presence and availability when they need our advice or support.

I recall a mother friend sharing that her daughter, in her third year of polytechnic, broke off a relationship before a major project. Instead of questioning the timing, she listened, affirmed her daughter’s decision to prioritise her well-being, and reminded her that relationships should support — not undermine — her goals.

Age-Specific Guidance

Tween years (10–12)

Curiousity & crushes

What’s happening:

They are beginning to notice the opposite gender. Crushes, teasing, and curiosity are common, especially as puberty kicks in.

What to say and do:

  • Normalise, don’t dramatise. Say things like: “It’s totally okay to like someone — it’s part of growing up.”
  • Clarify boundaries. Help them understand what respectful friendships look like and talk about consent in age-appropriate ways.
  • Discuss respectful behaviour. “If someone teases you about liking someone, what can you do?”
  • Discuss media messages. Many tweens get their ideas about love and romance from Netflix, YouTube or TikTok. Use those moments to ask: “Do you think that’s what real relationships are like?”
  • Keep the door open. Assure them: “You can always come to me if you feel unsure or have questions.”

Teen years (13–15): Exploring first relationships

What’s happening:

Real emotions, romantic feelings, and possibly first relationships begin. Peer pressure and insecurity may grow.

What to say and do:

  • Talk about emotional readiness. Not every teen is ready for a relationship. Ask reflective questions like: “What do you think makes a relationship healthy?”, “Do your friends talk about dating? What do you think about it?”
  • Discuss respect and boundaries. Use clear examples: “If someone pressures you to do something you’re not comfortable with, that’s not love.”
  • Acknowledge feelings. Don’t downplay heartbreak or infatuation. Instead say: “I remember liking someone at that age too — it felt so intense!”
  • Set your family values. Share your beliefs honestly but respectfully. Instead of commanding, try: “In our family, we believe relationships should be built on trust and respect.”

Encourage self-respect. “You don’t have to be in a relationship to be valued. What do you like about yourself?”

Emerging Years (16–19): Developing mature relationships

What’s happening:

By this stage, your child may begin experiencing more serious relationships. Many are also navigating identity, independence, and the tension between wanting emotional closeness and fulfilling academic or life responsibilities.

What they need from you:

  • Respect for their growing autonomy.
  • Candid conversations about intimacy, emotional safety, and long-term thinking.
  • Assurance that they can always come to you — especially when things go wrong.

What to say and do:

  • Shift from control to coaching. Your tone matters. Be less directive and more guiding. Ask: “What are you learning about yourself through this relationship?”
  • Talk about values and goals. Encourage them to think long-term: “Does this relationship help you grow?” or “Does it align with your beliefs or who you want to become?”
  • Discuss physical boundaries honestly. If your values include abstinence for example, state them respectfully and explain your reasons.

Be a sounding board, not a judge. If they make mistakes or get hurt, respond with compassion, not lectures.

De-stressing Exam Stressors

Exam stresses can be distressing, both for kids and parents. However, since stress is something that everyone experiences regardless of life stage, learning to de-stress our stressors is a vital skill to develop.   

For our schooling children, exam stress could be an unlikely opportunity to grow in emotional regulation skills that will aid them through life. Likewise, for us parents, managing our own stress when our kids are going through exams can also strengthen us.  

Mother of two Jasmine Lu, who is also a parent-coach specialising in emotional intelligence, quoted litigator Maureen Killoran – “She once said stress is not what happens to us, it’s our response to what happens”.  

As we reframe ourselves out of a victim mindset that stress is something uncontrollable that just happens to me, we gain emotional strength to control our responses.  
 

When our kids’ stressors also trigger us, we should seek to understand why.

Reason for concern 

In parenting our children when stressed, we must also be self-aware. Citing a case where a parent Jasmine was coaching was very concerned about her daughter taking the national exams, she found out that the parent was herself an English teacher and carried the stress that if her child should fail the English test, it would reflect badly on herself.  

“When she shared that, it became clearer that actually it was her own fears of what people might say,” said Jasmine, who also runs a podcast for parents called The Eq-xperimental Parent. 

When our kids’ stressors also trigger us, we should seek to understand why and choose to work on ourselves so we don’t impose the feelings of stress on our children.  

“We have to remind ourselves our children are like sponges. They absorb everything that we project on them and they ‘squeeze it out’ by reflecting it… It’s our own securities, our own fears that they are absorbing, and they’re going to learn which will form patterns and become their default stress coping techniques,” she said. 
 

The first step to getting a handle on your emotions is to identify it. Here is a free exam prep cheat sheet for parents and kids to manage exam stress well.

Download PDF now (2.62 MB)

Thoughts, feelings, actions 

Our thoughts, feelings and actions are all interlinked. If we want our kids to take certain actions, we must guide their thoughts and feelings as well.  

Jasmine defined high emotional quotient (EQ) as “being intelligent with your emotions” which requires “very high self-awareness” and will also help you “read the mood of the room, showing empathy and relationship management”.  

How do we use high EQ to help our children manage exam stress? Well, the first step to getting a handle of your emotions is to identify it.  

“We call it ‘name it to tame it’. So, if you are able to name your emotion, it’s been scientifically backed that you’re more likely able to tame that emotion because… you’re actually engaging your logical brain to be back in control,” shared Jasmine. She added that naming the emotion also sends your brain the signal that you understand what is going on, which helps reduce the intensity of neurochemicals it creates.  

So helping your kids name their feelings is a huge first step. Since the pre-frontal cortex that controls their logical reasoning is yet to be fully developed, it is only in co-regulation that they will learn emotional regulating skills.  

To aid our children in developing their emotional literacy and coping skills, avoid questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer. Instead, ask open-ended questions and don’t rush to prescribe an answer. Allow them to feel and sit in their feelings. 

“This is about their feelings, so it should be about them. So, the way we talk to them should open up conversations about how they feel, and not become like a whole sharing session about oh, in my time that’s how I did it,” she cautioned.  

Be genuinely curious about what’s going on in their world and don’t be afraid if they take a while to find the words to express themselves. Every child is different, so while one may pour out their feelings, another may not, and you would need to read their body language instead. Whichever way, if you can learn to hold space for them, it helps them learn that you genuinely want to know more.  

 C.A.L.M.  

For a growth mindset and resilient outlook, Jasmine shares a framework that she uses in her own coaching:  

C – Categorise your emotions  
What am I feeling? Name it to tame it. Is it just sadness? Or is it disappointment?  

A – Appraise your emotions  
What is this emotion trying to tell me? Is my sadness making me feel hopeless? Is there a sense of despair because I feel stuck? Do I feel like I am a failure because I find this hard?  

L – Look for options  
What can I do to change these emotions? In a growth mindset, you can avoid feeling trapped and powerless by learning to adapt during difficult situations. Help your children anchor themselves back on certain truths, like remembering they are valued regardless of their results.  

M – Move  
What can I do to move my child or myself out of this situation? Come up with a plan to take bite-sized practical steps away from the heaviness of the emotions. Small in-the-moment actions like learning not to focus on the mountain of exams, but just on that day’s learning can be very liberating. You may have to brainstorm for bigger long-term plans like schedule changes for your children and help them identify rewards that can help them stay on track in a happier manner.  

Like everything worth doing, there will be highs and lows in your journey as a parent helping your child de-stress. Take heart and stay adaptable with a growth mindset, and always make sure your children know how they are valued as themselves, not for their results. What you do now with exam stress matters for them as the budding young men and women they are growing into!   

FAM JAM Fest

FAM JAM Fest is a for children, by children community event that empowers children to encourage other children and their families.

Celebrate Children’s Day with fun, food and family at FAM JAM Fest! Secure your priority tickets by registering via the form below. 

Highlights

  • FAM JAM Quest

    Inspired by the lovable Jampion Family — Papa Pancakes, Mama Muffin, Tammy Toast, Sammy Scone, and Benny Biscuit—discover how to turn messy mealtimes into joyful memories!

    Operation UN-JAM
    The Jampion Family is stuck in a super sticky situation—breakfast exploded everywhere! Mealtime has turned into mayhem and only one thing can save the day: teamwork. 

    Families must travel through each Jampion family member’s challenge station to unlock magical stamps that clean up the mess. Each station is a moment from everyday life—turning chores into cheerful challenges that make ordinary feel extraordinary.

    Ready, set, UN-JAM!

  • FAM JAM Showcase

    Explore the FAM JAM Showcase, a resource co-created by children aged 4 to 6, alongside submissions celebrating joy around mealtimes from our partner preschools and families.

    Join us to enjoy these heartfelt contributions and stand a chance to win a prize at our Spin-the-Wheel!

  • FAM JAM Market

    The FAM JAM Market is a lively space where families can enjoy tasty bites and discover family-friendly merchandise.

    Attain helpful family life resources designed to support meaningful moments at home!

Details

DATE: Sat, 18 Oct 2025

TIME: 9.30am - 6.00pm

VENUE: South Beach Avenue, L1 Fountain Plaza

GUEST-OF-HONOUR: Mr Ong Ye Kung, Minister for Health and Coordinating Minister for Social Policies

Get Your Tickets
Get Your Tickets

Frequently Asked Questions

Yes, admission to FAM JAM Fest is complimentary for families. However, please note that some activities may require a separate fee.

FAM JAM Fest welcomes families with children between the ages of 4 to 6 years old. Siblings may join the family for a day of fun-filled activities.

Event schedule is subject to change without prior notice depending on weather conditions. Please stay tuned for updates via our social media channels and official website during the event.

Yes, pre-registration is required to ensure a smoother check-in process.

1. By MRT: 

Via Esplanade MRT Station
Exit through Exit F of Esplanade MRT Station.

Via City Hall MRT Station
Take the Citylink Mall underpass to Exit F of Esplanade MRT Station.

2. By Bus:

Along Beach Road: Bus Stop 01619
- Services 56, 57, 100, 107, 107M, 961

Along Nicoll Highway: Bus Stop 80151
- Services 10, 10e, 14, 14e, 16, 70, 70M, 196, 196e

3. By Car:

Via Nicoll Highway
Proceed along Nicoll Highway towards Raffles Boulevard. Make a U-turn at the Bras Basah Road Junction. Continue forward and turn left into South Beach.

Via Bras Basah Road
Proceed along Bras Basah Road, then turn left onto Nicoll Highway. Continue forward and turn left into South Beach.


Parking Charges:
Saturday: $5.00 per entry

 

Please approach our team at the Concierge Zone, or look for any event crew member for assistance.

 

For any event enquiries, please contact us at Corpcomms@family.org.sg

Why Does My Child Procrastinate? And What To Do About It

As parents, few things are more frustrating than watching our children procrastinate. Whether it’s unfinished homework, delayed chores, or missed deadlines, it’s easy to jump to our own conclusions.  

“Why are you always like that?” we might ask in an impatient tone.  

Or, “I told you to do it so many times already, but you never listen!” 

But what if procrastination isn’t about laziness at all? 

In this article, we interviewed Paul Lim, a trained counsellor and senior lecturer at the Singapore Management University,  to unpack the deeper emotional roots of procrastination—and discover how we can better respond to our kids with care and empathy. 

Fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, and fear of discomfort. These emotional undercurrents may cause children—and even adults—to delay starting a task.

Procrastination vs. laziness  

Paul shares that procrastination and laziness may look similar, but they stem from very different places. 

“Procrastination is not laziness; it’s a matter of managing your emotions,” Paul explains. “The root of procrastination is fear.” 

Fear of failure, fear of not meeting expectations, and fear of discomfort. These emotional undercurrents may cause children—and even adults—to delay starting a task. So it is not because they don’t care, but because they feel overwhelmed or inadequate. 

Laziness, on the other hand, is marked by a complete lack of interest or motivation, even when the task is easily achievable. “Be careful not to confuse disinterest that stems from fear and anxiety with laziness,” Paul cautions.

The emotions that cause avoidance 

Many teens procrastinate because they feel helpless or hopeless about the situation. They think to themselves, “I try and try, but the results don’t change.” After a while, they begin to ask, “Why bother?” 

This spiral can lead to what psychologists call learned helplessness—a state where the child no longer believes their efforts will make a difference. Coupled with additional pressure from school, society, and even well-meaning parents, it’s no wonder some kids shut down, explains Paul. 

This is where, as parents, we may need to first examine our own intentions. As Paul quips, “If you want to help your child deal with procrastination, you must first help yourself.” 

He challenges parents to reflect on their own anxieties and tendencies to control the child. Some questions we can ask are: “Are we projecting our fears onto our children? Are we trying to control outcomes because we’re afraid of what the future holds?”

Seek connection, not compliance

Paul warns against mistaking compliance for obedience. When children comply just to avoid punishment or conflict, they may internalize the idea that love is transactional. 

“My students call it the law of bo-bien (a Hokkien phrase which means no choice),” Paul says. “They comply to get their parents off their backs.” 

This kind of parenting may seem effective in the short term, but it can erode the parent-child relationship over time. 

Children may grow up believing that their worth is tied to performance, not who they are. 

Be curious before you react

So what should parents do when they notice procrastination? Paul’s advice is simple but profound: ask why. 

“The first response is not to scold or accuse. The first thing to do is ask, ‘Why?’” 

As parents, we also need to watch our tone. A frustrated “Why haven’t you done your homework?” won’t open doors to our children’s hearts. But a calm and curious “Can I ask why?” or “What happened?” might. 

Paul shares a story about his son, who was avoiding piano practice. After some gentle probing, Paul discovered that his son felt he had to be perfect. “He was disqualifying himself before he even started,” Paul says. 

By exploring the emotion behind the behaviour, Paul was able to help his son reframe his expectations and build confidence. 

Don’t dismiss their emotions  

Another key takeaway: don’t deny your child’s emotions. 

“If they feel scared, they’re scared. If they feel overwhelmed, they’re overwhelmed. As parents, we must give them the right to feel that way.” 

Paul emphasises that while the facts of the situation may not always match the feelings, the feelings are still valid. And when we normalise these emotions and respond to our children with empathy, we are also helping them learn to bridge this gap over time. 

Ask, What happened to me? 

As parents, we may have to do the hard work ourselves too. Paul observes that many parents have not had the space and time to process their own emotions. Perhaps we may have grown up having our emotions denied or dismissed.  

He advises for us to take some time to ask ourselves: What happened to me? 

For if our goal is to raise emotionally healthy children, we must first do the inner work ourselves. 

“If you really want to be the best parent you can be, you first have to sort yourself out. Otherwise, it’s going to continue with this cycle… and your kids will pass that down to your grandchildren,” advises Paul. 

Procrastination isn’t just a behavioural issue—it’s an emotional one. And parenting is as much about self-awareness as it is about teaching and guiding our young. 

So the next time your child puts off homework or chores, pause. Ask why. Listen without judgment. Hold back the scolding and nagging. Instead, take time to connect with them emotionally. Remember: the journey to helping our children be their best selves starts with us. 

Habits Of Love I Learnt From My Family

The notion of ‘Family of origin’ was something I recently learnt in a Focus on The Family’s programme: ‘Family Future Makers’. Family of origin refers to the family that an individual was raised or born into.  In that session, I learnt the significance of the family of origin, and its impact on who I am today through introspection and reflection.  

How we relate with fellow family members, how family members relate with one another, and how each family member is like as an individual can all have an influence on who we are today.   

For me, my family of origin consists of my mum, dad, and my siblings – an older brother and sister. In this article, I will focus on how my father’s interactions with the rest of my family have shaped me for the better and for the worse. Let’s start with how it has shaped me for the better.  

How Dad shaped me for the better 

My father is a man of few words and is a perfect prototype of the ‘Asian father’. He is not the most expressive with words, but instead, his love is in the form of food and gifts. We never have a shortage of snacks at home, and even a slight mention of how a certain snack is nice would mean multiple restocks over the next few weeks.  

As I think about who I am today and the way I show love to others, I realised that my father’s method of silent love and quiet service was something I caught quite easily. I subtly think of others whenever I am out; sometimes I buy snacks or items that I remember that others had mentioned they needed in past conversations.  

It is a very natural thing for me to do, and I also feel glad when I see the joy in others when I love them through these small gifts.  

My father modelled to me how love can be through acts of provision and cultivated in me a habit of thinking of others. 

Learning to be more expressive 

My father’s silent love has also influenced how verbal I am about my thoughts and feelings. While I appreciate his method of love today, I did not always do so. When I was 15, after an argument with him, I remember thinking to myself: “He can only say hurtful things to me! He can’t even say ‘I love you’, is it really that hard? What’s the point of buying us (me and my siblings) so many things but he can’t do that?” 

While I swore to be different from my father in this aspect, I see that I too, also tend to keep my thoughts to myself and am not the most expressive person to my friends and even to my partner. One day, my partner made a passing comment about how I am not the most verbally expressive when it comes to my love for her but that she sees it through my actions. Her observation made me think about how I relate with friends and even family members. I realised that I was inclined to express my love through actions rather than words of appreciation. As a result, there were times when I fail to express my gratitude to the people around me well. I would awkwardly smile or buy them a gift, but rarely would I verbally express my gratitude.  Being on the receiving end of love that mostly expresses itself in actions, I know that gifts cannot fully replace verbally expressing how I feel.  

In recent years, I learnt from my mother that my father struggles to express himself because of his family of origin. Fights were frequent among his family members and there was much distrust even up till today. There were far more arguments than conversations between each family member. This has helped me understand why he choose to love through gifts instead of words.  

Growing up in such a hostile environment must have meant that staying silent and keeping to yourself was easier than trying to have conversations. Since then, I have learnt to see his actions of provision as a way he says, “I love you”.  

Thankfully, my father has also learnt to be more expressive towards us as the years past and I finally heard my father say those precious three words when I was 19, during my national service, which was a major milestone in our relationship! 

He has even started to be more open with his thoughts and feelings, though there are still times he would remain reserved. Lately, he even shared with us his thoughts about whether he should retire soon, which gave us a rare opportunity to support him emotionally – something I was glad to do seeing how much as he has supported us materially all these years. 

 Reflecting on how my father’s family of origin has shaped him and how my family of origin has shaped me and the way I love, has helped me to have a clearer idea on what I hope to bring into my future family.  

I hope to love like how my father did and is doing today. Providing for every need where I can and taking joy in meeting the needs of my wife and children.  

However, it also made clear to me what I hope to unlearn as I think about my future family. I want to unlearn thought patterns on how I am meant to keep everything to myself. Instead, I hope to be a husband and father that expresses his love to his family verbally and not just through material provision. I hope to never stop telling my loved ones that I love them and not assume that they know it.  

May you also be encouraged to think about your family of origin and how it has shaped you or is influencing who you are today, be it in a positive or negative way. By returning to our family of origin, we can shape our family of the future for the better. 

Author: Lam Zi Yang is a final year student at NUS pursuing a double major in Psychology and Business Management. In his free time, he enjoys going to the gym and playing with cats! 

The Family Future Makers programme provides development opportunities for young leaders who are keen to contribute as active citizens to uphold family values as foundational to nation-building in Singapore. Registration for our 2026 run of Family Future Makers is open! Register here: https://www.famchamps.sg/FFM2026.

ParentEd Podcast

Honest conversations to help you be a more intentional parent

ParentEd Podcast

ABOUT

Family life can be unpredictable and chaotic. Amidst work pressures, day-to-day stresses and digital distractions, how can we strengthen our parent-child connections? 

Join us in our honest conversations about parenting and work life as we chat with everyday people and experts about the struggles, joys and small victories that we share. 

There is no perfect family. As we share stories, offer practical insights and answer your questions, we hope that these episodes will provide hope and encouragement in your journey of becoming a better spouse and more intentional parent. 

Nurture lifelong love

Married life can be filled with twists and turns, especially with the day-to-day priorities, and stresses in life, including the times we run into conflict with our spouse.

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ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

When Can I Start Dating?

The birds and the bees, boy-girl relationships, perhaps every parent’s nightmare. Where do we start? What do we say? How do we broach the subject? We feel awkward and unnatural talking about the topic. Many of us may have been left as children and teens to figure it out on our own. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Our children are always observing and learning about the world around them. They are picking up social norms and behaviour from their friends, social media and the people they come into contact with. What better way than for parents and trusted adults to be their first line of information and to be actively shaping their views about relationships, dating and marriage?

Why date?

The dictionary definition of dating is “to regularly spend time with someone you have a romantic relationship with”. For many, it is also to ascertain if the person you are dating would be someone you would marry for life.

Therefore, it is important to help our children understand that dating is not “just for fun”, there are many implications being in an exclusive relationship with someone. Dating should not be treated flippantly.

When can I start dating? 

While there is no strict one-size-fits-all rule about when someone can date, we would encourage parents to caution their children not to date before the age of 17. There are many dangers that can occur in immature relationships—sexual promiscuity or abuse; the inability to handle intense emotions; distractions from their main responsibility of being students, among others. 

Instead, we should encourage them to be focused on forming friendships, getting to know as many people as they can in primary and secondary school; developing skills and hobbies through various activities; and growing in their knowledge through school. 

As parents, we ought to also be conversing with our children about relationships from a young age to guide and prepare them for when they start to date.

Primary & tween years (7-12) 

Primary school children will start to notice the different kinds of relationships around them: parent-child, friends, married, dating. We can use real life examples of dating couples to describe a dating relationship—what they are doing and for what purpose.

We may explain how those who are dating are not married, but have a special, romantic relationship that might be headed towards marriage. Their affection for each other not only binds them emotionally but may be expressed physically, within safe boundaries. We should also correct any impressions they get about relationships from the media they consume. Help them distinguish screen life from real life—how people fall in love and stay in love.

Teen & late teen years (13-19) 

Youths in their teen years and older may start to feel attraction and romantic feelings towards others. They may be considering starting a relationship with a person or wonder if it is the right time and place to do so.

We should assure them that such feelings are a normal part of growing up. Help them process those feelings and if appropriate, how they should act on them.

How to date?

As we talk to our children about dating, we should discuss specific guidelines that will keep their dating relationship safe and healthy.  

Build friendships 

Encourage our children to begin with group dates where they go out with other friends in a group. In group settings, our children learn how to relate to members of the opposite gender. They can use these opportunities to get to know each other before going on solo dates.

Group dates provide opportunities for continued friendships with other friends, preventing a couple from retreating into an exclusive and sometimes elusive pair (void of external friendships). Friendships are foundational in building healthy relationships throughout life.  

A dating relationship should start from a friendship where there are common interests, values and goals in life.

Safe spaces 

With the prevalence of porn, many young people may have misguided impressions and views about physical intimacy. They may wonder what forms of physical intimacy might be appropriate or allowed (although most young people will probably be too embarrassed to ask). Be specific in laying down boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy. Talk to them about intimacy and sex in a relationship.

Teach our children how to be respectful and protective of their dates. Encourage them to keep their dates in public spaces. Many may not be able to control their actions in a dating situation particularly if they are in a private location. 

Help our children see that every action has a consequence.

Open communication 

Check in with our children from time to time. Find out what has been going well and what has been difficult as they explore dating. Sometimes they may need help processing their feelings, other times, they may simply need a listening ear to know that you care. Listen without judgement and give advice gently.

Get to know the person our children are dating. Take an interest in their lives. This gives us a window into how compatible our child and their date may be and whether it is wise to keep going.

Assure them that it is okay not to proceed with the relationship if it is detrimental to either of them.

Grow in character 

Help our children become people others will want to date. When we teach our children kindness, self-control, empathy and the willingness to look to the interests of others, it will put them in good stead for any future relationships. They learn that relationships are not only for their own benefit but for the happiness of both persons.  

As awkward as the topic of dating and relationships can be, let’s be intentional to guide our children in this area. When we speak with genuine love and concern, our children will be more willing to listen and open up about their struggles and joys. Together, we can navigate this often confusing world of dating, helping them enjoy and experience healthy and loving relationships throughout life. 

Want to be equipped to lead conversations about love and relationships with your youths? Join us at the upcoming Healthy Sexuality Masterclass in August! 

“Worth The Wait” Didn’t Just Give Me a Love Story. It Gave Me Perspective.

We all dream of perfect love stories—the kind promised in classic romantic comedies and fairytales: meet-cutes, effortless chemistry, and ‘happily ever afters’ where problems magically disappear. But what happens when reality hits? When distance stretches thin, grief suffocates, or family expectations weigh heavy? When giving up feels easier than holding on? 

Tom Lin’s Worth the Wait isn’t a typical rom-com fantasy. Instead, it offers an unflinchingly honest journey into the true battlefield of relationships. We meet Curtis (Sung Kang), a rideshare driver raising his niece Riley (Ali Fumiko Whitney), who’s secretly dating Blake (Ricky He). We witness Theresa (Karena Lam) and Nathan (Osric Chau) grapple with profound loss, watch anxiously as Amanda (Elodie Yung) and Scott (Andrew Koji) try to rekindle love, and follow Kai (Ross Butler) and Leah (Lana Condor) as they navigate a long-distance relationship. 

As their stories unfold, the film explores raw emotional aftermaths, exposed vulnerabilities, and the complex pressures of family. It forced me to ask: When life challenges everything we know, what does love really look like? 

Here are 3 takeaways that have reshaped my perspective on love:  

1. Love is a constant, courageous choice 

Worth the Wait reminds me that love isn’t something that just happens and isn’t just a feeling. It’s something we choose, again and again, even in the quiet, difficult moments when walking away seems easier. 

Leah says it best: “I don’t need magical. I need real, messy, honest life.”  Riley, too, finds a space where she can cry, laugh, and be herself. There’s something profound and safe about being fully known—even in your worst moments—and still being fully loved. 

Kai’s line, “Meeting you was not in my life plan. But choosing you is definitely in my life plan,” captures this beautifully. He flies halfway across the world not because love is easy, but because he decides it’s worth the fight. Life will inevitably present challenges, and sometimes feelings fade – we have the choice to stay and fight for the relationship or to run away. Relationships thrive on the minute daily decisions to stay, to communicate, and to grow together no matter what life throws our way. 

Love isn’t magically found—it’s chosen and formed through the ups and downs of life. 

2. Love is strengthened in the in-between moments 

We often chase the big milestones—anniversaries, proposals, marriage. But Worth the Wait argues that love is forged in the in-between: the long, quiet stretches between beginnings and endings. If we only wait for a picture-perfect story, we miss the quiet miracles happening in those seemingly mundane everyday moments of sustained effort.  

Theresa and Nathan’s story is a heart-wrenching portrayal of love and loss. After the devastating loss of their child, the couple struggles to stay afloat under the weight of the grief. The temptation to ignore the pain and retreat into silence is overwhelming. 

As I watched them struggle, I was confronted by the fear of loss—the kind that comes only when we’ve loved deeply. I often fear that when I love deeply, I risk feeling the pain of loss too, making me hold back in relationships to protect myself.  

Their story taught me that loving deeply is not something to fear; it allows us to experience the beauty of life’s fullness. In the depths of their loss, Nathan and Theresa discovered new depths of love—for life and for each other. Their healing wasn’t just about accepting life as it was, but about daring to hope again. It didn’t happen in an instant, but in the in-between—through honesty, vulnerability, and the quiet decision to keep going. 

Their journey of loss shows that love, especially when chosen through pain, does not shortchange us.  

Not every story ends in ‘happily-ever-after.’ Amanda and Scott, despite their passion and ‘soulmate’ spark, fall apart when one stops choosing the relationship. It’s a painful reminder that love requires more than intense feelings. It needs mutual effort—and sometimes, to love is to let go. 

The in-between is where love is tested and strengthened. As the movie reminds us, “Life is hard and unpredictable enough; you need someone who’s really in it with you.”  

3. Love is first learned at home 

What truly elevated Worth the Wait for me was its portrayal of family—the first place we learn what love is, and sometimes, what it isn’t. The film dives into the raw, honest, and all-too-real realities that shape us long before we seek romantic love. 

Curtis struggles to be a father. Theresa’s mother (Tan Kheng Hua) protects her the only way she knows how. Blake aches for the father figure he never had. Kai pleads with his dad, “Couldn’t you just say that you were proud of me?”  

Knowing some of those longings all too well myself, I was deeply reminded of the weighty role of our parents on one’s identity and self-worth. Yet, I was moved by the restoration of relationships in the film—offering hope to anyone who’s ever felt the same.  

These stories reveal how our earliest relationships define love; its possibilities and its limitations. They expose the wounds, the yearning, the resilience we carry into adulthood. Yet within each character’s struggles lie a sense of hope. The film shows that reconciliation is possible, that redeeming family narratives and patterns can lead to healing, and that the love of those who step in can be as transformative as the love we once lost.  

In family’s embrace—or its absence—we first grasp the weight and power of love. 

A story for every heart 

Worth the Wait doesn’t offer easy answers. It offers something better: a raw, authentic portrayal of love and life in all its complexity. It invites us to confront our own brokenness and life’s messiness. It reminds us that the beauty lies in the fight; in the hard moments where love is tested and proven true and where choosing to stay becomes an act of courage. 

This is a film for anyone who has loved deeply, lost painfully, or is simply searching for a story that reflects human experience. 

If you’re ready to laugh, cry, and feel everything in between, Worth the Wait is a story you won’t want to miss. It’s not a fairy tale, but it’s the kind of love story that stays with you.