Resource Type: Articles

Why Are Youths Turning to Drugs and What Can Parents Do?

At a Glance: 

How can parents talk to children about drugs? 

  • Start early, keep it simple
  • Make it an ongoing conversation
  • Ask open-ended questions
  • Model healthy ways to cope with difficult emotions
  • Stay calm, even when concerned
  • Keep your home a safe space 

In Singapore, it is easy to assume that drug abuse is no longer a pressing concern. We upkeep strict laws around drug trafficking and use, schools regularly share preventive messages, and public campaigns are highly visible. Many of us hope that the systems we have in place will be enough to keep our children and youths safe. 

Yet reality tells a different story. Recent figures show that about half of new drug abusers arrested are under the age of 30. This means our children are not immune to the pressures and temptations surrounding drugs.

Access is easier than ever before 

One major shift is how accessible drugs have become. Years ago, drug exposure required physical contact and significant effort. Today, drugs are portrayed more openly and frequently in global pop culture, including films, television shows, and online content, which can shape how youths perceive substance use and its risks. Online platforms, messaging apps, and overseas travel also make first contact with drugs easier.​ 

As Dr Adrian Loh, NCADA Council Member and Senior Consultant Psychiatrist in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, points out, even in a tightly controlled society, “families still provide the sentinel at home, as the ones who really guard the child, provide the guardrails, and help them fend off these influences outside”.   

Simply put, systems matter, but what we do as parents still matters more.

Families still provide the sentinel at home, as the ones who really guard the child, provide the guardrails, and help them fend off these influences outside.

Beyond curiosity or rebellion 

When we hear about youths using drugs, our minds often explain it away as peer pressure or thrill-seeking. While teenage curiosity does play a role, this is rarely the full picture. 

Dr Loh shared that for many young people, drug use begins as an attempt to cope with life’s challenges, much like other kinds of addictive habits such as drinking or smoking. Anxiety, academic stress, emotional pain, loneliness, and low mood are common drivers, where drugs take on the form of a band-aid. Seeing drug use only as misconduct risks missing what our children may actually be trying to soothe and manage beneath the surface. 

Parent-child conversations matter  

Adolescence is often marked by changes in moods and behaviours, so not every shift needs to be interpreted as a warning sign. Still, patterns such as sudden mood changes, withdrawal from usual interests, declining school engagement, secrecy around devices, or distress expressed on social media deserve our attention. 

This does not mean we take them as cues to interrogate or accuse them. Rather, see it as an invitation to pause, spend time together, and understand what your child may be going through. 

In a world where our children may receive mixed messages about drugs online, we should avoid a purely fear-based or punitive approach. Such an approach can make conversations at home feel closed or judgmental, and lead to closed doors or our children going underground.   

Instead, it will help to keep conversations open, curious, and ongoing. That means listening more than correcting, asking questions about what they have heard, and staying curious even when the topics feel uncomfortable. 

The impact of this cannot be overstated. Dr Loh shared that, according to the 2025 National Drug Perception Survey, “about 95% of youths who said their parents were proactive in talking about drug issues reported that it helped them stay off drugs.”  

This is a powerful reminder that what we say, and how we say it, can make a difference. 

It will help to keep conversations open, curious, and ongoing. That means listening more than correcting, asking questions about what they have heard, and staying curious.

​​​Staying alert without reacting  

We need not wait until the teenage years to have conversations about drugs. Primary school is often a practical starting point, using simple, age-appropriate language that is focused on health and wellbeing. Younger children need clarity of information and reassurance, while older youths may need space to think, question, and dialogue. 

We are also not meant to do this alone. Schools, community efforts, and external resources exist to support us, but these work best when they are amplified through everyday conversations at home. 

Parenting today is demanding, and none of us will get it perfectly right. Still, when we choose connection over control, curiosity over fear, and conversation over silence, we can become one of the strongest protective factors in our children’s lives. 

​​In a world where messages about drugs are everywhere, let home remain the place where our children find it safe to ask questions, and find guidance about some of the difficult topics in life.​​​ 

​​Find out more about National Council of Drug Abuse (NCADA) here. You can also follow them on their Instagram and Facebook.​ 

Recognising Everyday Champions of Family

While love and resilience are built at home, families cannot thrive in isolation and are often strengthened by the communities around them. Communities such as charities, churches and non-profits offer support, encouragement and practical help. 

This year, Focus on the Family Singapore honours community organisations that have placed Family at the heart of their mission. The Family Champion Award for the Community category celebrates those who strengthen marriages, equip parents, and nurture children through programmes that ripple outward into society. 

Our featured nominees, Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Church (BBTC), Bridging Hearts, and Qijia Familyworks Asia (QJ), each show how community organisations can become spaces of belonging and anchors of resilience for families across Singapore. 

Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Church 

BBTC is a local Christian church that strengthens families through its congregational ministries, kindergarten, and community services arm.  

How did your organisation’s journey begin? 

At BBTC, we have always believed that strong families are the foundation of a strong community. This conviction has shaped both our ministries within and beyond the church.  

Through initiatives such as our Together Forever Marriage Conference in 2025 and our 40th anniversary community outreach efforts, we intentionally seek to strengthen marriages and support families from all walks of life.  

Together Forever Marriage Conference in 2025  

How does your organisation intentionally foster a family-friendly culture? 

We believe that strong families are built when people feel supported and encouraged. Through such programmes, we aim to cultivate meaningful relationships within our community and beyond. 

Through Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Kindergarten (BBTK), we partner with parents to shape character and support children in their formative years. Our commitment to families also extends into the wider Bedok community through Bethesda Care Services (BCS). Through programmes such as BCS @ College East, YouthSpace, Family Services and Welfare Services, we journey alongside children, youths, and families facing financial, relational and emotional challenges.  

By adopting a holistic family-centred approach, we seek to deepen parenting capacity, nurture resilience in children and youths, and provide coordinated support for families in need.  

Family Uplift Programme  

BBTK Gathering   

What impact have you seen? 

One of the greatest joys has been seeing how support for one person can bring change to the whole family. 

Through BBTK, parents have found friendship and support beyond formal programmes. Some mothers first met through their children’s education, but over time, those connections grew into a community where they could walk with one another through different seasons of parenting and family life. 

Children and youths have also benefited from having safe spaces and systems in BCS, as well as caring adults that help them grow in confidence and resilience. BCS has also been able to provide practical help and care for families going through difficult seasons. 

What we have seen is simple but powerful: when parents are supported, the whole family is strengthened. When mothers and fathers feel encouraged and less alone, children grow up in homes where they feel secure.  

How have you partnered with Focus on the Family Singapore? 

Through our Family Ministry, we have utilised many of Focus Singapore’s resources, such as the Connect2 Marriage Assessment and parenting materials to mentor couples and provide practical guidance for parents. We have also supported Focus’s wider initiatives, including marriage preparation programmes and family-focused events.  

We are grateful for the opportunity to work together in building stronger marriages and families in Singapore.  

What impact do you hope to make? 

Our vision is to be a church that cares not only for those within our walls, but also for families in the wider community. 

We want to strengthen marriages, support parents, nurture children and youths, and build communities where families do not have to walk alone. When families are strengthened, communities are strengthened too. 

Ultimately, we hope to leave behind a legacy of strong families and strong communities that will continue to impact future generations.  

Bridging Hearts 

Bridging Hearts is a non-profit organisation dedicated to strengthening marriages and families. They equip and mentor couples across Singapore, helping marriages thrive through relationship-centred support.  

Bridging Hearts’ annual gathering in 2025  

How did your organisation’s journey begin? 

Before we were formally registered as a non-profit organisation in 2020, we had already spent decades working with children and families.  

As we journeyed with children affected by family difficulties, we began engaging parents more intentionally and discovered that many marriages were struggling. Over time, we came to understand that supporting marriages was one of the most effective ways of strengthening families and supporting the next generation.  

This conviction led us to pursue training in marriage mentoring and eventually equip others to do the same.  

How does your organisation intentionally foster a family-friendly culture?  

One of the key ways we do this is by investing in people who have a genuine heart for marriages and families.  

Every marriage mentor we train is first mentored themselves before undergoing formal training. This ensures they experience firsthand the value of being supported and journeyed with before they begin serving others. We also encourage our mentors to prioritise their own wellbeing. By caring for our mentors first, we enable them to care more effectively for the families they support.  

We also place a strong emphasis on relationships. Rather than focusing solely on solving problems, we seek to genuinely care for and journey alongside the couples we mentor. We often remind our mentors that while problems may eventually pass, relationships remain.  

Marriage Mentor training in May 2026 

What impact have you seen? 

We believe couples get married because there is love and affection. Yet somewhere along the way, many couples find themselves struggling with communication and trust.  

Through marriage mentoring, we create a safe space for couples to address both the seen and unseen issues in their relationships. These conversations often lead to greater understanding, renewed connection and, in many cases, a rekindling of love. Our marriage mentors serve as a compass, helping couples benefit from the wisdom of those who have gone through similar experiences.  

Over the years, marriage mentors trained through Bridging Hearts have mentored more than 2,500 relationships. We have also trained more than 500 marriage mentors and conducted Marriage Preparation Courses for more than 100 pre-marital couples.  

Perhaps the most meaningful part of this work is the stories we hear from couples. One married couple shared that “mentoring helped them work through long-standing communication, trust and parenting challenges, leading to significant improvements in their relationship.” Another engaged couple described how the “openness and hospitality of their mentors gave them a realistic and encouraging picture of married life, helping them prepare for the journey ahead with greater confidence.”  

Role play during Marriage Mentor Training in 2022 

How have you partnered with Focus on the Family Singapore? 

One strength of Bridging Hearts is our network of trained marriage mentors.  

Over the years, we have supported Focus by helping identify suitable couples for programmes, events and training opportunities. We have also supported the publicity of their initiatives through our network and helped connect faith communities with marriage mentoring resources.  

What impact do you hope to make? 

We believe that when marriages become stronger, families become stronger. Strong families, in turn, contribute to stronger communities and a more resilient nation.  

Looking ahead, we hope to continue strengthening marriages and equipping more couples to journey alongside others. We also believe that no single organisation can meet every need. We therefore hope to see greater collaboration and support among community organisations.  

Together, we can build stronger marriages, families, and a stronger Singapore.

Qijia Familyworks Asia 

Qijia Familyworks Asia (QJ) is a non-profit organisation that supports families through culturally attuned parenting programmes, counselling services and community-based initiatives.  

By creating safe spaces for parents and children to reconnect, QJ helps families strengthen relationships and navigate challenges before they reach crisis point.  

Parent support group and community 

How did your organisation’s journey begin? 

Our journey into this work was born less out of a grand strategic vision and more out of sitting in heavy spaces with parents who loved their children fiercely yet felt untethered and alone.  

We encountered parents navigating family life while carrying the added weight of migration, language barriers and intergenerational cultural divides. It became clear that these were not simply individual struggles, but signs of a larger gap in accessible, culturally attuned support that spoke to the realities of these families.  

As we witnessed growing concerns around children’s mental health and increasing disconnection between parents and teens, we knew we needed to focus on prevention rather than crisis intervention.   

How does your organisation intentionally foster a family-friendly culture? 

Our programmes are built around three key pillars: relational priority, radical accessibility and cultural relevance. We create safe, non-judgmental spaces where parents and families can reflect, learn and support one another.  

Alongside workshops and community programmes, we provide professional counselling services that help families navigate challenges with cultural sensitivity and care. Through hybrid delivery models and multiple language options, we strive to keep support accessible to families from diverse backgrounds.  

We view parents through a lens of strength, not as ‘problems’ requiring a quick fix. We practise what we preach by embedding flexibility into our own organisational rhythms, accommodating family schedules, and ensuring our support does not abruptly vanish when a formal programme concludes. It’s about weaving a net of genuine belonging.  

Parent support group and community 

What impact have you seen?

One family’s journey often comes to mind. The family had become deeply fractured by unspoken expectations and a widening generational divide. The parents, who had worked tirelessly to provide for their family, felt disconnected from their teenage child. Their child felt misunderstood and overwhelmed by expectations. Although they lived under the same roof, they existed in entirely different emotional worlds.  

Through our culturally attuned support and structured programmes, we helped create space for honest conversations and deeper understanding. Family members began to understand the fears, hopes, and love that sat beneath their conflicts.  

One particularly moving breakthrough came when the parents learned to listen to their child’s inner world rather than simply correcting behaviour. There was a softening of defences, tearful moments of mutual recognition, and the eventual restoration of warmth in their home.  

Stories like these are powerful reminders of the resilience families possess when they are given a culturally safe space to heal. 

Parent support through family activities 

Sexuality education for youths 

How have you partnered with Focus on the Family Singapore? 

We are honoured to serve as Focus Singapore’s dedicated Chinese-language partner.  

Through this collaboration, we provide culturally attuned parenting programmes, support groups and counselling services for Chinese-speaking families who may feel more comfortable receiving support in their native language. We also adapt Focus’s evidence-based resources to better resonate with the cultural realities of Chinese-speaking households.  

Focus has also helped connect families to our services. Together, we have seen how combining broad reach with culturally relevant care strengthens the family support ecosystem in Singapore.  

What impact do you hope to make? 

Looking ahead, our vision is to weave culturally attuned and accessible parenting support into the fabric of Singaporean society.  

By partnering with schools, social service agencies and grassroots organisations, we hope to reach families earlier and equip them with the tools they need to thrive. We believe support should not only begin in times of crisis but serve as a preventive foundation that builds resilience over time.  

We are also committed to expanding our reach through hybrid delivery models and training community facilitators, making support more accessible and responsive to diverse needs. 

Building Strong Families, One Organisation at a Time 

While their journeys are different, Bethesda Bedok-Tampines Church, Bridging Hearts and Qijia Familyworks Asia share a common commitment: Investing in the well-being of families and creating communities where people can flourish. 

As nominees for this year’s Family Champion Award (Community) category, their stories demonstrate the many ways organisations can strengthen families, whether through building supportive communities, equipping marriages, restoring family relationships or providing culturally relevant care. 

Their efforts have strengthened homes, empowered parents, nurtured children, and inspired others to invest in the well-being of future generations. 

Ultimately, strong families are not built by individuals alone. They are strengthened by communities that choose to walk alongside them, one relationship at a time. 

Allowing My Daughters to Chase Their Dreams

A friend once asked me: “What careers would you say ‘no’ to if your daughters chose them?” 

The question stopped me. Before I had kids, I had always envisioned myself as the “cool dad” who would be supportive of their choices. Becoming a father has humbled me. My wife and I are the ones most responsible for the wellbeing of our two young daughters — and that naturally includes ensuring their physical and emotional security.

How then do I balance my desire for their wellbeing and their desire to pursue their dreams? 

I wrestled with this question as I watched Dream Stall — a film about a daughter trying to follow her dream of running the family’s bak ku teh (pork ribs soup) stall, and her dad trying to stop her out of love. He had sacrificed years running it to fund her education, never wanting her to inherit that life. It brought my fears to the surface. How would I react if my girl told me she wants to be a hawker, a professional musician, or an overseas missionary? I mean, how will she make enough money to survive? 

Watching that tension on screen made me realise how much simpler parenting feels when the danger is clear and immediate. It is easy to say, “Hold Daddy’s hand when crossing the road!”, or “Watch where you are going!” But as they grow older, the dangers become less obvious. And it’s not as though we can shield them from it all. Anything worth doing involves a certain amount of risk and hardship. 

Difficulties, if faced with courage and grit, can also become valuable life lessons. Not letting my daughters overcome them by their own strength would be doing them a disservice. After all, it is the conquering of obstacles that makes success sweeter — every hard-won achievement carries a satisfaction that an easy path never could. 

I too experience a great swell of pride whenever I see my daughter doing difficult things. Recently, my elder girl and I were at a playground with higher-than-usual elements. She is extremely cautious by nature, and I was all ready to hold her and guide her through. But she surprised me: “Daddy, don’t help me! I can do it myself.” And she did! I reminded her what being brave meant: to do something even though we are scared. 

“Daddy, don’t help me! I can do it myself.”

That moment helped me realise that my role may not be to step in, but sometimes to step back and allow them to learn to manage life’s challenges on their own. 

Yet in those heart thumping moments, I pray that my girls will grow up being confident in my love for them. I hope to support them in whatever they pursue, and should they “fail” in their endeavours, I will be there to catch them. 

Perhaps my role as their father isn’t to steer them towards safe choices, but to be their source of security — giving them the confidence they need to chase their dreams. And following my girl’s example at the playground, I must learn to be brave too: to let my daughters live their own lives, even though it is a scary prospect for me as a father. 

Maybe that’s what it means to be a parent: not to decide their dreams, but to stand behind them as they chase their own. 

Recognising Everyday Champions of Family

Relationship builders and nurturers can be found in the everyday: Individuals who stand for and exemplify a heart for Family, because strong families do not happen by chance – they are built through intention, resilience and the choices of those who prioritise relationships amid life’s demands. 

This year, Focus on the Family Singapore recognises individuals who have made a meaningful impact in strengthening families, whether through their influence at home, in the workplace, or across our wider community. 

The Family Champion Award for the Individual category honours those who have demonstrated a deep commitment to nurturing family life, creating environments where relationships can thrive, and inspiring others to do likewise. 

This year’s featured nominees, Darius Lee, Samuel Lim and Yvonne Kong-Ho, each bring unique perspectives shaped by their personal journeys. While their paths differ, they share a common conviction: Strong families are foundational to a flourishing society. 

DARIUS LEE, Cultivate SG 

When Darius observed shifting attitudes towards marriage and family from a declining interest in starting families to rising divorce rates in his 20s, he felt a growing conviction to take a stand. 

What began as a personal concern has now grown into a steady stream of pro-family engagements. Through his writing, public engagement, and his work as Executive Director of Cultivate SG, Darius  consistently applies his passion into thoughtful action. 

How did you get started? 

I was first spurred to strengthen families when I was in my 20s. I saw the developments taking place within my social circles and in society including declining interest in marriage and family, rising divorce rates, and other challenges and controversies surrounding the institution of family. 

As someone who believes in the foundational importance of family to society, I felt that I needed to do more to speak up for the institution of marriage and family. 

What has your journey been like? 

Since my 20s, I have been advocating for marriage, family and children through my writings and interviews, which have been published in mainstream media and elsewhere. 

More recently, I have taken on the role of Executive Director of Cultivate SG, a non-profit organisation that supports the values of marriage, family, children, and social harmony. 

Within the organisation, we have staff at different stages of life. Some are parents of young children, like myself, while others have elderly parents. We aim to live out our values by implementing family-friendly workplace practices. These include flexible work arrangements and an overall culture that is understanding of each person’s needs and stage of life. When necessary, we adjust timelines and schedules to support one another. 

What impact have you seen? 

Left most: Darius moderating Cultivate SG’s Unfiltered Conference in 2024; second from left: Delia Ng, CEO of Focus on the Family Singapore as a panellist.

Cultivate SG held its inaugural conference, “Unfiltered – The Whole Family Conversation,” in November 2024. We were grateful for the support of Focus on the Family Singapore from the beginning. 

Delia Ng, CEO of Focus on the Family Singapore, joined the conference as a panellist on the topic of divorce. The conference brought together participants from diverse backgrounds and created space for meaningful conversations about family issues. 

Since then, Unfiltered has become an important voice on topics relating to family. For example, our 2025 conference addressed narrow definitions of “success” and how they impact families. This has since become part of broader conversations around Singapore’s education culture and parenting pressures. 

How have you partnered with Focus on the Family Singapore? 

One impactful initiative was Family Future Makers (FFM), which ran for the first time in 2025. I’m grateful to have partnered with Focus Singapore to engage and equip a new generation of young people who are passionate about family. 

Through FFM, participants gained insights into real challenges facing families today, such as low fertility rates and an ageing population. They were also encouraged to consider how they can contribute to strengthening families through their personal lives, education, and careers. 

More significantly, it gave me renewed hope to see many young people who are keen to make a difference for families in their communities and in society. 

What impact do you hope to make? 

With global uncertainties, record-low fertility rates and a rapidly ageing society, there are many pressures affecting families in Singapore. There are also ongoing challenges and debates surrounding the institution of marriage and family. 

Yet, family remains one of the key pillars of support in society. 

Instead of responding with fear, anxiety or despair, I believe we need a renewed sense of faith, hope and love, faith beyond here and now, hope for the future, and love that involves sacrifice and putting the needs of others before ourselves. 

SAMUEL LIM, Educator 

For Samuel, the importance of strong families was shaped early at home. Watching his parents intentionally progress in their parenting styles, he saw firsthand that strong families are built over time, with effort, learning and commitment. 

With nearly 30 years of working with youth, he has witnessed one consistent truth: Family plays a pivotal role in shaping every young person’s life. 

How did you get started? 

It began at home. My parents were intentional about parenting, and they raised my sister and I using Focus on the Family’s resources, particularly James Dobson’s books. We watched them learn and grow alongside us over the years, as the books on their shelves changed from Bringing Up Boys/Girls, to Dare to Discipline, to Praying for Your Adult Children. 

In my time working with youth, I often saw a clear reflection of the family in the child. It reinforced a vital truth: Families are not perfect, but they are deeply influential. To help them thrive, the wider community must play an active role in supporting them. 

What has your journey been like? 

In my workplace, I try to balance organisational needs with personal priorities when supporting colleagues. 

I often remind them that while work matters, family is something we will never regret prioritising. I create space for honest conversations about navigating work-family tensions and, where possible, lend support in practical ways so they can contribute impactfully but not at the expense of family time. 

Even in the workplace, we can create a culture that feels like a community looking out for one another. 

What impact have you seen? 

One of the most meaningful initiatives has been introducing the FamChamps programme in our school. 

We started in 2019 with a small group of students, adapted through COVID-19 with initiatives like the Family Bingo Challenge during Circuit Breaker, and eventually expanded across multiple Secondary 1 cohorts. Over time, we saw meaningful shifts – students expressing deeper appreciation for their families, gaining the language to process family challenges, and stepping up to mentor others. 

We’ve also launched FamChamps Unite, a student-led community to sustain this culture, championed by representatives from each batch of FamChamps. 

Most importantly, we’ve seen positive changes in how students relate to their families and that has been the most meaningful impact. 

Students set up a booth at the Sec 1 Orientation to emphasise the importance of family to the incoming Sec 1s. 

Second row, extreme right: Samuel joining his students as they were commissioned as FamChamps at FamChamps Awards in 2024.

How have you partnered with Focus on the Family Singapore? 

My journey with Focus on the Family Singapore has largely been through FamChamps, as a mentor, volunteer, and advocate. 

Apart from mentoring, I’ve supported Focus Singapore’s initiatives such as State of the Family, charity events and outreach programmes like Date with Dad. These experiences allowed me to see the broader work being done to strengthen families. 

More directly, I’ve shared with other educators about how FamChamps has made a positive impact in our school and encouraged them to adopt similar approaches. Whenever the opportunity arises, I encourage schools to integrate FamChamps into their curriculum in a sustained way so that we can strengthen family relationships across schools and impact generations, one cohort at a time. 

What impact do you hope to make? 

Families today are more complex, and many feel overwhelmed. 

I remind students that while they cannot choose their circumstances, they can choose how they respond. Every interaction matters. 

Strong families are built over time, through everyday choices, and each of us has a role to play in that. 

YVONNE KONG-HO, Singapore Institute of Technology 

For Yvonne, the desire to strengthen families is an intrinsic one. Having seen the tensions and struggles that can arise when support systems are lacking, this has shaped a lifelong conviction that strong marriages and nurturing family environments are essential yet often require intentional effort and guidance. 

Today, through her work as an educator, mentor and advocate, Yvonne seeks to equip individuals, especially young adults, with the tools, perspectives and hopes to build healthy relationships and thriving families. 

How did you get started?  

Having gotten married at a rather young age of 24, I believe in the importance of strong marriages and the power of raising children in a loving, supportive environment. But I also recognise and understand how that journey can be fraught with challenges. Many people tend to struggle silently rather than seek support.  That’s why I feel a strong desire to encourage and support couples, parents, and young adults, especially those who are fearful or uncertain about starting a family, to know they don’t have to walk this journey alone.  

What has your journey been like? 

I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to work closely with young adults in my roles at local universities.

I’ve been intentional about going beyond career coaching to have conversations about life, relationships, marriage, and family responsibilities. Many students are already thinking about how to balance career ambitions with future family life, and they often feel unsure. I share openly from my own experience, getting married young, raising children while pursuing further studies, to show that while it’s not easy, it is possible. 

Even small decisions matter. For instance, I made it a point to leave evening work events early to spend time with my children when they were younger, and over time, students noticed. These moments became opportunities to demonstrate what it means to prioritise family in practical ways.  

In my teaching, I also weave in relationship skills such as communication, conflict resolution and understanding personality differences because these are critical not just at work, but at home. 

What impact have you seen? 

One initiative close to my heart was developing and implementing the module Managing Human Relationships Professionally at a local university.

We observed that while students were academically successful, many appeared to have challenges in their relationships, unsure how to communicate effectively, navigate conflicts or approach dating and marriage with confidence. 

Through this module, we equipped students with practical skills such as communication, conflict resolution, and understanding relationship dynamics. Students responded very positively, sharing how the lessons helped them in both personal and professional relationships. 

Years later, some have shared how they applied what they learned in real-life situations, including challenging workplace relationships. While the outcomes may not always be visible, I believe these skills have a lasting impact on how they build relationships and families. 

How have you partnered with Focus on the Family Singapore? 

Through the years, I am thankful to have been a part of these efforts with Focus on the Family Singapore: 

  • Partnered with multiple Focus Singapore staff members to co-teach and contribute to a graded module at a local university
  • Featured as Focus Singapore’s first podcast guest (Jan 2020) 
  • Took part in two CNA938 radio discussions, facilitated by Focus Singapore 
  • Joined a Facebook Live session as guest speaker during the COVID-19 season  
  • Served on the “Solutions for the Family” panel at State of the Family 
  • Participated in a parenting fireside chat at a FamChamps camp (with my daughter) 
  • Conducted a fireside chat with the FamChamps Council 
  • Invited Focus Singapore to speak at a local university, introducing students to family and relationship topics alongside career development 
  • Facilitated a local university’s Marketing partnership to support Focus Singapore’s programmes 
  • Joined Focus Singapore as a guest speaker at their weekly Team Time to bring encouragement to the staff 
  • Continued to advocate for families through CNA commentaries on parenting, marriage and family life 

 Yvonne sharing as a parent and educator at a Facebook Live session during COVID.

Yvonne with Focus’ staff after her sharing at Team Time.

What impact do you hope to make? 

Marriage is precious, and families are something we should cherish deeply. 

In the busyness of life, it’s easy to give our best to work and leave the rest for our loved ones. But strong relationships require effort, sacrifice and intentionality. 

My hope is that more people will choose to invest in their families, to love deeply, communicate openly, and build relationships that are resilient and life-giving. 

Because when families are strong, society as a whole becomes stronger. 

Building Strong Families, One Life at a Time 

While their journeys are different, Darius, Samuel, and Yvonne share a common thread – a deep belief that strong families are worth investing in. 

As nominees for this year’s Family Champion Award for the Individual category, their stories highlight the many ways individuals can shape a family-friendly culture, through advocacy, education, mentorship and everyday decisions that prioritise relationships. 

Their efforts have strengthened families, influenced communities, and inspired others to take intentional steps towards building healthier homes. 

Because ultimately, building strong families begins with individuals and the choices they make, one day at a time. 

Budget-Friendly Holiday Activities for Families

School’s almost out, and the holidays are fast approaching! While it is a time where both parents and children look forward to after a long school term, more planning is required since usual routines are paused.  

For some, the holidays are the perfect time to travel to destinations they’ve been dreaming about since last Christmas. For others who may not have the time or budget for a trip, local attractions offer just as much joy. The good news is that our little red dot is full of fun, affordable activities families can enjoy without burning a hole in your wallet.

Outdoor playgrounds 

In recent years, there has been a significant revamp of local playgrounds to encourage more family time outdoors. Several playgrounds are found in parks like East Coast Park, Pasir Ris Park and Gardens By The Bay. Others are nestled within housing estates, especially in the newer Built-to-Order areas, and boast tons of fun for all age groups. A few that stand out to me are:  

  • Stagmont Park Playground (Yew Tee) 
  • Fire Station Playground (Boon Lay Glade) 
  • Parc Glen (Tengah) 
  • Animal Themed Playground (Punggol Cove) 
  • Mega Playground (Choa Chu Kang Blk 407 Ave 3) 
  • Whampoa Park (Along Whampoa Road, between Whampoa Community Centre and St Michael’s Bus Terminal) 

What I really appreciate about these playgrounds are how massive they are, with a variety of structures for climbing, sliding, swinging and even jumping. Since they are located within housing estates, they are also easily accessible to coffeeshops and washrooms for families to refresh themselves and recharge after playing.  

The best part is that they are completely free, and children can head back to play after meals, making it an easy and enjoyable way to keep them engaged for hours with minimal effort. You may find these Instagram accounts helpful for discovering great outdoor playgrounds near you: @littledayout, @playoutsidesg and @sassymamasg. 

Indoor playgrounds 

Indoor playgrounds are highly favoured by parents because they offer a safe, enclosed and air-conditioned space for children to play in. While some may find the time-limited entry a drawback, several indoor playgrounds offer affordable options such as multiple-entry passes or single-entry tickets that allow re-entry.  

Artground is one of our family’s must-visit indoor playgrounds during the school holidays. It is highly affordable, with admission priced at $12 per child and $10 per adult on weekends, public holidays and school holidays for a 75-minute play session. Entry is also free for all Blue and Orange CHAS card holders. It has two convenient locations at Goodman Art Centre and One Holland Village.  

We enjoy the experience as their booking system limits the number of children per session. This ensures that the space is not overly crowded, giving kids sufficient space to explore and play comfortably. The play space is sanitised after every session, which is crucial especially for the younger children.  

The Joy of Toys is another of our favourite spots during the school holidays. They have train structures, doll houses, puzzles, pretend play kitchens and more. During the school holidays, admission is $29 for a 2-hour play session in the Main Play Space, which includes access for two accompanying adults. 

Our kids have always loved spending time there because of the wide variety of engaging toys. Furthermore, it is located within Clarke Quay Central which is easily accessible by public transport. There are plenty of nearby food options along with family-friendly amenities such as changing rooms and washrooms.  

KidsStop is another indoor play area located within the Science Centre, which focuses on science and practical learning. It features play zones that explore themes like healthy living, history, music and nature. There are two sessions daily – 10am to 1pm and 2pm to 5pm. During the school holidays, admission is priced at $10 per child and $5 per adult. Families can easily visit the Science Centre before or after their play session continue exploring and learning! 

Water Playgrounds 

Water playgrounds are always a hit with children of all ages! There is nothing quite like splashing around together with families and friends. Thankfully, we have several free water playgrounds in Singapore, as well as affordable ones that can be accessed using ActiveSG credits. Here are a list of some lesser-known ones (do check the weather forecast before planning a trip down to avoid disappointments). 

Free Entry: 

  1. Rooftop Water Playground @ Punggol Waterway 
  2. Rooftop Water Playground @ Tampines One 
  3. Play @ Heights Park (Toa Payoh)
  4. Water Playground @ Science Centre
  5. Bishan-AMK Park (water is only turned on Thur-Sun & PH, 8-11am and 4-8pm)
  6. Splash N Surf @ Kallang Wave Mall rooftop 
  7. Yew Tee Waterplay Plaza 

With ActiveSG Credits/SAFRA Membership: 

  1. Our Tampines Hub Swimming Complex 
  2. Sengkang Swimming Complex 
  3. Jurong East Swimming Complex 
  4. NEW ActiveSG Sport Park @ Teck Ghee  

Museums 

Local museums have recently introduced various school holiday programmes to draw families in. Recent highlights include ACM & Me at the Asian Civilisations Museum, Children’s Season at the National Museum and Children’s Museum Singapore, and the very familiar Children’s Biennale at the National Gallery. Entry to these exhibitions is free for Singaporeans and permanent residents, but pre-booking is required. Do check the respective websites for more information on registration and time slots. 

To stay on top of things, I have created a list of places to visit across different categories that I can easily refer to during the school holidays. It helps me plan ahead and keeps things manageable – especially on mornings when my kids ask “Where are we going today?” A little preparation goes a long way in reducing stress and freeing up more headspace to enjoy the school holidays as a family!

How to Build Family Resilience in Uncertain Times

At a Glance: 

  • Families can stay resilient by facing financial pressures honestly 
  • Making budgeting a family practice can teach children about limits, priorities and planning for the long-term 
  • Learning what is “enough” can help families choose contentment and to live well within our limits. 
  • Simple habits like thankfulness can help keep families grounded  

For many families today, conversations around spending have become more careful and constrained. Rising prices for essentials like food, transport and utilities mean that more households are paying closer attention to everyday spending.  

In times like these, what does it mean to be a resilient family? One thing is for sure – it’s not about pretending that things are fine and dandy; neither is it about pushing through stoically without feeling. But it’s about adapting thoughtfully as a family unit, and staying emotionally steady through the process.

Making budgeting a family practice 

Resilience is cultivated in the ordinary moments that shape our home life. 

Take budgeting for instance. It is not just a financial task that we can approach logically and coldly. The way we make money-related decisions sets the tone for how our children understand budget and limits, especially in uncertain times. 

Here are some ways families may be curbing their spending: 

  • Cooking more meals instead of eating out 
  • Delaying non-essential purchases   
  • Comparing prices together   
  • Going to neighbouring countries for holidays 

To be honest, I was never a budgeting person – until I met my husband and he introduced me to the beauty of a budget spreadsheet. Still, it took me years to understand why we ever needed to have a budget and to track our spending monthly. The tool came in handy when we had to seriously consider having one of us stay home to care for the kids when the trio were all under the age of six. We were able to work out our sums rationally, and come to a reasonable budget that would not eat into our savings, and yet allow us to be present with the children in their formative years. 

Today, our children are all teens, and they understand what we mean when we ask, “What’s your budget?” When times are tighter, we are also able to explain our budgeting choices calmly, such as by saying, “We’re choosing to cut back now because it helps us take care of our family’s needs in the long term.” 

Our children learn over time that having a budget isn’t a dampener on our lifestyle, but a prudent approach towards building a sustainable future. When times are difficult, they see us adults adapting to the challenges of the day, but not panicking. This adaptability is a building block of resilience.  

Our children learn that having a budget isn’t a dampener on our lifestyle, but a prudent approach towards building a sustainable future. 

Learning contentment

If budgeting teaches our children how to work with limits, contentment teaches them how to live well within those limits. 

Contentment is often misunderstood as settling for less, when in reality, it is the quiet confidence of knowing what is enough, and being thankful for what we have. In our home, we try to practise contentment through the small trade-offs we make together. 

For example: 

  • Repairing or reusing items instead of replacing them straight away 
  • Putting purchases “on pause” to see if we still want them after a few weeks 
  • Choosing one shared family treat per week instead of multiple ones 

I used to worry that saying “no” too often would make our children feel deprived. Over time, I realised that what mattered more was how we said no — calmly, without guilt, and with a clear explanation. When we say things like, “Let’s wait and think about this,” or “Are you sure you really need this right now?” we model self‑control and pausing to think. 

As our children grew older, they began to recognise contentment as a form of stability for the family. They learnt that we were not being a killjoy, but making room for intentional choices that we truly desire and value.  

This ability to live peacefully within limits, without resentment or constant comparison, also helps to build our resilience muscles.

Turning gratitude into daily rhythms 

Research consistently shows that gratitude plays an important role in emotional well‑being. Studies link gratitude to better mental health, improved sleep, stronger relationships and greater resilience during stressful periods.  

Gratitude, like resilience, is something we need to practise in the mundane everyday moments. In our family, gratitude did not begin as a formal exercise. It grew out of a need to notice what we could still be grateful for even when things felt demanding. Over time, it became part of our bedtime rituals. 

Some ways to practise gratitude: 

  • Share one good thing from the day during dinner or at bedtime 
  • Thank one another for effort, rather than outcomes 
  • Acknowledge small joys aloud, eg. a quiet evening, a funny joke, a meal eaten together 

There were days when the practice felt awkward, especially when everyone was tired or preoccupied. But along the way, something shifted within us, and gratitude became less performative and more habitual. We learnt that giving thanks did not require us to minimise difficulties; it simply helped to remind us that difficulty was not the whole story. 

So even when circumstances are not ideal, as a family, we can still choose to notice what is good, and this helps us stay emotionally steady and grounded. 

Giving thanks helped to remind us that difficulty was not the whole story. 

Modelling resilience for the long term 

One of the most important gifts we can give our children is not comfort alone, but resilience.  

When children observe us responding to changes in the environment with steadiness rather than fear and anxiety, and appreciation rather than resentment, they too learn how to face uncertainty with strength and hope.   

Economic conditions will continue to shift. Costs may rise and fall. But resilience is not about control over circumstances, it is about how families choose to respond within them. 

Q&A: What are Sexual Desires and Must I Act on Them?

At a glance: 

    • Curiosity, attraction, and bodily responses are a normal part of growing up across different developmental stages. 
    • Feelings and physical responses are not the same as choices, and not every desire needs to be acted upon. 
    • Parents play a key role in guiding children to understand, manage, and respond to their sexual desires in safe and healthy ways. 

Have you noticed your child touching their private parts out of curiosity? Or your teenager going shy at the sight of an attractive person? Humans are sexual beings. The sexual urges and desires we feel are part and parcel of a person’s development and experience.  

What is that feeling? 

In psychology, sexual desire is the subjective feeling of wanting (or longing) to engage in sexual activity. It can appear spontaneously or in response to stimuli or pleasure, triggered externally (erotic material, situations) or internally (fantasies and thoughts). In other words, sexual desire is an emotional or mental response.  

This is in contrast to sexual arousal. For most people, sexual arousal tends to begin around puberty (ages 10-14). It is a physiological response triggered by sexual stimuli that expresses itself in physical sensations like feeling of warmth, heart rate acceleration, tingling, dilation of arteries in the genital area. Sexual arousal is a physical response. 

We need to give our children handles to understand what is happening and learn to respond in an age-appropriate manner. 

While they are closely related, and often happen together, it is not always necessarily so. It is possible to have arousal without desire and vice versa. More often than not though, arousal does indicate some form of desire, and desire may lead to arousal.   

Importantly, what matters is learning how to manage our desires safely and healthily. We need to give our children handles to understand what is happening and learn to respond in an age-appropriate manner.  

By doing so, we hope to avoid the pain and negative consequences of inappropriate sexual activity.  

Primary years (7-9)
Tween years (10-12)

Children are curious about the world. Naturally, they will also be curious about their bodies. At this age, children may notice and ask questions about male and female genitals. They may touch their own genitals, and for some, even masturbate in private. Others may form affectionate relationships with their peers—holding hands or hugging. 

We should address our children’s questions clearly and unashamedly, using proper terms. We can help them understand the purpose of our private parts and why we should keep them private, and that people should not be touching them inappropriately and vice versa.  

Relatedly, we should also set boundaries as to how they show affection to other children or adults. Not every person (young or old) may be comfortable with physical affection. We want to keep our children safe and give them a healthy understanding of their growing sexual development.  

Teen years (13-16)
Emerging years (17-19) 

As tweens and teenagers experience puberty, they will have an increased awareness of sexual attraction and how their body responds accordingly. They may start to feel heightened sensations (arousal) when they are around people they are attracted to. With attraction comes desire. Teenagers will need to learn how to manage these desires, whether they are in a romantic relationship or not.  

As they age, teenagers may start to think about their values and beliefs about sex and relationships. In response to arousal and desire, they may express it by masturbating in private or exploring erotic material. They may also choose to pursue physically intimate relationships. Not every action is safe or healthy.  

The teenage years can be a challenging and confusing time. Their prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision making and impulse control) is still developing, often leading to a general lack of self-control. Coupled with hormonal changes and peer influence, teens may engage in reckless behaviour. To leave them without guidance and instruction would be a disservice to them.  

While we may not be able to control our sexual arousal, we can control our sexual desires for safe and healthy sexual development.

It is all the more pertinent to keep communication lines open to talk through the physical, mental, emotional and sexual experiences our teenagers are going through. Such conversations do not have to be long but they should communicate that these developments are a normal part of life. 

Even then, their sexual arousal and desire need to be managed carefully and safely so that they do not end up harming themselves or others. As parents, we want to set clear boundaries in their friendships and dating relationships to prevent unsafe sexual behaviour. Remind them that there will always be consequences to any action. 

How to manage sexual desires?

Sexual arousal and desire aren’t the issue – what matters is what we do about them. While we may not be able to control our sexual arousal, we can control our sexual desires for safe and healthy sexual development. Not all sexual desires should be acted upon.  

Just because a person is sexually aroused does not give them the right to touch or engage in sexual activity with another person. Any sexual act carried out without consent constitutes a criminal offence. This also includes recording, possessing or sharing intimate photos or videos of others without explicit permission. Further, under Singapore law, persons under the age of 16 are unable to legally consent to any sexual activity. 

Likewise, while pleasuring oneself through masturbation may seem inconsequential, it can become an issue if it interferes with physical health or other social settings. A person’s view of sex can also be distorted if there is a constant desire to watch pornography or other erotic material. Engaging in such sexual activity is generally unhelpful in forming a healthy view of sex and relationships.  

It would be wise to teach our children to be aware of how they are feeling and to remove themselves from situations that may make it difficult to control themselves, possibly leading to unsafe sexual activity.  

These scenarios may include being in a private space with another person, or when they come across sexual content while browsing the internet.  

We may think that living out and fulfilling our sexual desires is what will make us most happy. However, sexual desire is most satisfying and safely expressed in a loving, committed relationship, i.e. marriage.  

Any other forms may lead to brokenness and mistrust. Let’s help our children understand how harmful it can be if we let our sexual desires run free without control. Assure them that what they experience is normal but also give them the tools to manage it for healthy development. 

Enter Your Grandchild’s World

My granddaughter Ophelia rummaged through the toy bin and held up two tattered superhero capes.  

“You wear the pink one,” she instructed me and tried to place the cape over my T-shirt. I scooped the tiny 2-year-old into my arms, knowing what came next.  

She asked, “Should we dance or fly-a-sky, Grandma?”  

I was already scrolling through the playlist on my phone in search of the Mary Poppins song “Let’s Go Fly a Kite.”  

Within seconds, Ophie was squealing as we twirled around the room. Dancing—a generous term for my awkward movements—is one way I have connected with my youngest grandchild.  

Research by Oxford professor Ann Buchanan indicates that a high level of grandparent involvement, whatever the activity, greatly increases the overall well-being of grandchildren. In a study of more than 1,500 children, Buchanan found that kids who have more involved grandparents have fewer emotional and behavioural problems than kids who don’t have a regular connection.  

So how can grandparents ensure a meaningful connection when they’re with their grandchildren? There’s no special grandparent glue, but we can choose to study our grandchildren, ask questions and be intentional about spending time with them.  

Studying grandkids 

Each child is uniquely created. Therefore, it’s important to watch for his emerging interests, talents and personality traits. You also can observe whether your grandchild is an extrovert or an introvert, a leader or a supporter. Finally, you can take note of his temperament. 

Look, also, for signs of how your grandchild expresses love to you and other family members. Do they enjoy spending time with you? Do they always want to bring you a gift? Do they like helping out in the kitchen or snuggling on the sofa with a book? These observations from Dr. Gary Chapman’s research on love languages can give you ideas about how your grandchild is more likely to experience your love when you are together. 

The goal of studying your grandchild is to find a way to connect that is meaningful to the child. The better we understand our grand-blessings, the stronger the connection.  

Ask questions 

When we interact with our grandkids, we should strive to ask questions that reveal their heart. Nurture open-ended conversation instead of yes-or-no questions.  

Showing an interest in our grandkids as individuals helps create a safe place for them to ask questions in return.  

These meaningful conversations are
where genuine mentoring often takes place. 

Spend time 

Opportunity for connection with our grandkids increases when we have one-on-one time with them, rather than engaging with multiple children at once. But if you have more grandchildren than days in the week, and it isn’t possible to spend time with each child individually, go ahead and do activities in a group. But find moments to engage with each grandchild so he knows you see him as an individual.  

Relationship Stages With Grandkids 

Kids with supportive grandparents are far more likely to overcome adversity and become successful in school and life, says school psychologist Karyn Singley Blair, who has spent 20 years working with children and adolescents. Blair identifies five stages of development for children. Understanding these stages will help grandparents better relate to their grandchildren.  

Infants and toddlers: birth through 18 months 

During the first year and a half of life, connection with a child is built mainly through physical contact and meeting their primary needs so they develop trust in you, Blair says. Holding, feeding, reading to and playing with kids this age builds familiarity and trust. Even at this early stage, grandparents can study temperaments and emerging personalities. Most children up to 18 months have a very limited vocabulary but will still voice their preferences when asked questions such as “Do you want Grandpa to read Green Eggs and Ham or Good Good Father ?” or “Would you rather colour a picture or kick the soccer ball?” Their answers will begin to reveal their unique personalities. 

Early childhood: 18 months to 3 years 

At these ages, grandchildren will desire to do things themselves but will still need a lot of assistance. Establish a bond through helping them develop new skills. We learn a great deal about our grandchildren by patiently allowing them to work alongside us in simple tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and drying dishes. 

And keep noticing what makes your grandchildren unique! Are they detail-oriented or big-picture? Do they lose interest easily, or can they follow directions for a while?  

When Lisa Hebbert noticed that her 2-year-old granddaughter loved to make messes, she began creating mud pies with her. They later moved into the kitchen, where they exchanged mud for pudding and began creating real desserts together. Today, her granddaughter is a confident cook, and the two of them enjoy watching cooking shows together. 

Preschool: ages 3 to 6  

Preschoolers love to play, and they also start to imitate their caregivers. Since laughter connects the generations, be silly together. Allow plenty of playtime, but also pay attention to what a child struggles with and what he is eager to learn. Ask how he feels when he’s learning things.  

 

When my granddaughter Caeris was 3, she became frustrated because she couldn’t catch a Frisbee, and she told me this made her sad. 

I purchased some Frisbee rings and we practiced, celebrating each catch with a silly victory dance. Now, at 5, she loves to play Frisbee, and it has become one of our connections as we talk about not giving up just because something is hard. 

School age: ages 7 to 12  

School-age children are ready to learn how to be good citizens and become part of a bigger community. Connection at this stage happens as a child starts to discover the world outside of his or her family.  

Hebbert and her granddaughter found common ground in looking for ways to bless others—whether creating May Day baskets to hang on neighbours’ doorknobs or earning money for a charity. Hebbert built this connection as she recognised her granddaughter’s generous heart and has helped her serve the community around her.  

This connection comes from understanding the child, and it may not always be a hobby or interest of your own. My 7-year-old grandson is developing a real love for drawing. He constantly asks my husband and me to show him how to draw things. On my list of favourite things to do, I place drawing right above cleaning the bathroom. But to enter his world and create a bond through something he enjoys, I’ve begun viewing drawing tutorials with him. 

Whether I’m sitting with him and helping with the tutorial or drawing alongside him, we are building a connection. That connection gives me the opportunity to talk about being OK with making mistakes and encourage him to turn his mistakes into something even better. Mentoring is easier when we can use an area of our grandchild’s interest to nurture life lessons.  

Adolescent: ages 13 to 18 

As a grandparent, you know that a teen is looking to find his or her own identity and independence. Your grandchild may begin to pull away from family. Friends may become more important.  

To build and maintain connection during this stage, be present but not pushy. Get to know your grandchild’s friends and teammates. Ask your grandchild about his dreams, values and beliefs.  

Building connection means entering your grandchild’s world rather than forcing him into yours.

Long-distance connections 

Although bonding is easier when a grandparent is physically present, meaningful connection with a grandchild can still happen over long distances. Tina Ng and her husband, Jim, are new grandparents. “I think distance grandparenting will be the story of our lives,” Tina admits.  

She already uses FaceTime to read books to her grandson so her voice becomes familiar to him. They use an app called Tinybeans, which allows their daughters to share photos of the growing grandkids every day.

Grandparent club 

Notice what your grandchildren are interested in and form a long-distance club related to that area of interest. For Nancy Chan, it has been a book club. She sends books to her grandchildren, and after she and the kids read each book, they discuss what they’ve read. 

Other grandparent clubs might focus on puzzles, kid-friendly recipes, exercise, or drawing. You could also try a “word of the month” club, where participants can do anything creative with the month’s word, such as drawing, writing or painting. 

Other ideas for connecting to your grandchild’s world 

The point is to create common experiences. Here are other ideas that grandparents have used to connect with long-distance grandkids: 

  • Call individual grandchildren regularly
  • Offer to have the grandchildren visit you
  • Play online games together
  • Create videos to send to each other

© 2020 Marie Isom. Used with permission. All rights reserved. Originally published in the August/September 2020 issue of Focus on the Family magazine.

Psychological Flexibility: The Most Underrated Quality in a Marriage

At a glance: 

  • Psychological flexibility is the ability to handle others’ differences and life’s difficulties in a healthy manner. 
  • Accept the reality of experiences and feelings as they occur, both positive and negative (without denying or avoiding them). 
  • Psychological flexibility in marriage can reduce negative reactions when conflicts occur. 

“Sorry, sir, I don’t see your names in our system,” the receptionist said. 

David looked at his wife, Jen, in disbelief. They had planned a much-needed getaway months ago, and he was certain he’d booked the room. 

After asking several questions to make sure their booking really wasn’t anywhere in the system, David replied, “OK, thanks for your time…we’ll figure something out.” 

David and Jen could have reacted in frustration, lost hope for an enjoyable time and returned home. They could have turned on each other, blaming and shaming the other for not doing their part to prevent the mix-up. But they decided to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. After all, they still had tickets for a concert and other events during the week. 

Because of their calm, adaptable approach to the problem, Jen and David ended up finding a much nicer room with a better discount than what they had originally reserved, and on top of that, received a refund for the resort’s slipup. 

Within a marriage, each spouse has their own shortcomings. When you add those weaknesses to the unforeseen stressors of life, it can be easy for couples to react to each other in anger or frustration. 

What does psychological flexibility look like? 

Relaxed. Not easily agitated. Steady. These are just a few words that describe the characteristics of psychological flexibility. 

According to Jennifer Daks and Dr. Ronald Rogge, psychological flexibility is a “set of skills that individuals engage when presented with difficult or challenging thoughts, feelings, emotions or experiences.” In other words, it’s the ability to handle others’ differences and life’s difficulties in a healthy manner. 

Being easygoing and flexible, however, does not mean staying in an abusive relationship. “It doesn’t mean you have to be disrespected and demeaned consistently,” Wendy Brown, licensed marriage and family therapist, explains. “There are times to set very firm, inflexible boundaries for self-protection and preservation.” Seek support and safety to help end any abuse in your marriage. 

To help clarify, some characteristics of psychological flexibility include the ability to: 

  • Accept the reality of experiences and feelings as they occur, both positive and negative (without denying or avoiding them). 
  • Engage in the present moment instead of fixating on the past or worrying about the future. 
  • Let thoughts and feelings pass over, without obsessively clinging to them. 
  • Maintain a broader perspective amid difficult thoughts and feelings. 
  • Remember your priorities amid stress and chaos. 
  • Continue taking steps toward goals even when troubles come. 

There are times to set very firm, inflexible boundaries for self-protection and preservation. 

What’s the opposite of psychological flexibility? 

While psychological flexibility is good for a marriage, psychological inflexibility can damage a relationship. Psychological inflexibility is characterised by: 

  • Avoiding difficult thoughts, feelings, emotions and past experiences. 
  • Being distracted from what’s happening in the present moment by needlessly focusing on the past or worrying about the future. 
  • Staying stuck in negative feelings and thoughts. 
  • Judging or shaming oneself for having difficult thoughts and feelings. 
  • Losing track of your priorities because of stress. 
  • Being unable to take steps toward higher goals. 

According to a meta-analysis of over 100 studies on people in romantic relationships, couples demonstrating psychological inflexibility experience: 

  • Lower overall relationship satisfaction. 
  • Lower sexual satisfaction. 
  • Reduced emotional supportiveness. 
  • Increased negative conflict and physical aggression. 

“Without flexibility we can get stuck in that survival brain mode fight, flight or freeze response,” Brown says. 

Being psychologically inflexible can also lead to spousal abuse. Someone who refuses to accept their spouse for who they are and doesn’t recognise their spouse’s value in the relationship most likely leads with domineering control, Brown explains. If that’s the case, the couple should receive professional help and/or the abused spouse should seek safety and guidance. 

How do you increase psychological flexibility in your marriage? 

See emotions as information instead of excuses to react 

It’s not uncommon for spouses to become frustrated, hurt or fearful, and then behave in ways they may regret later on. Heated remarks easily spill out, and either you or your spouse can make unwise, impulsive decisions in an instant. 

When you feel your emotions intensifying, take a step back and evaluate them. Maybe this means telling your spouse you need to leave the room for five minutes before responding. 

Ask yourself: What do I think about my feelings right now? And are my feelings aligned with what I value in my marriage? Remember what you consider most important in the relationship and what you value, and act accordingly.  

Focus on connection instead of control 

Dwelling on past instances of your spouse’s faults is easy to do, but living with unforgiveness and resentment only leads to distance, division and a desire to control your spouse. Choose to forgive instead and let go of past hurts.  

Once you’ve let go of the past hurt, engage with your spouse in the present moment. Go on a fun date. Ask your spouse what’s been positive and what’s been hard for them recently. Connect with them emotionally by listening to them and acknowledging their feelings. 

Coming up from 16-19 May 2026 (Sat-Tue), Connect2 Marriage Getaway is an all-inclusive overseas residential 4D3N experience designed for couples to step away from the busyness of daily life and strengthen their marriage. Learn more and register at www.family.org.sg/MarriageGetaway  

 © 2021 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Originally published on FocusOnTheFamily.com. Updated 2026. 

How to Spot and Prevent Parental Burnout

At a glance: 

  • Parental burnout goes beyond everyday stress, resulting from prolonged exhaustion that leads to emotional withdrawal, irritability, and loss of confidence as a parent. 
  • In Singapore, multiple pressures contribute to burnout, including work–family conflict, intensive parenting expectations, limited support, and caregiving across generations. 
  • Recovery starts with recognising limits and seeking support, through self‑care, setting boundaries, lowering unrealistic expectations, and reaching out for professional help when needed. 

Parental burnout is the condition where you are so exhausted as a parent that you feel you have nothing left to give. This often happens to parents who devote so much time and energy to their children that they neglect their own needs. This is not to be confused with everyday parenting stress.  

Parental stress is the type of mental stress that is triggered by the daily demands, responsibilities and expectations that come with bringing up children. What is interesting is that moderate levels of parenting stress can actually motivate parents to learn, adapt and improve their capacity to care for their children.  

What is parental burnout? 

While parental burnout and parental stress share some similar symptoms like exhaustion, parental burnout occurs when parents go through a more prolonged and recurring period of parenting stress and are no longer able to handle the situation given their resources. 

According to researchers, parental burnout is characterised by four symptoms that typically develop in stages.1 The first and most prominent symptom is extreme exhaustion brought about by the constant demands of parenting, and just the thought of caring for their children leaves them feeling depleted and drained.  

The second symptom involves a gradual emotional withdrawal from their children, where their involvement is reduced to the bare essentials. Interactions become task-focused and centred mainly on keeping routines on track. In addition, parents may reward and show their children approval and affection only when they display compliant behaviour. At this stage, parents may feel they are simply getting through each day, carefully rationing their remaining energy to cope.  

The third symptom is marked by increasing irritability and feeling ineffective in their role. Once a source of joy and purpose, parenting begins to feel burdensome and emotionally distressing, often accompanied by lingering guilt. They may notice their patience wearing thin, and lose their temper over situations that previously would not have bothered them. 

The final symptom is when parents recognise a painful gap between the parent they are currently, and the one they hoped to be. This stark contrast can cause parents to feel distressed and unworthy. They may assume themselves to be bad parents for not taking pride in raising and nurturing their children.  

Why does parental burnout happen? 

In Singapore, parental burnout often arises due to work-family conflict. In today’s dual-income family, over 63 per cent of Singaporean women and 75 per cent of Singaporean men are in the workforce2. Parents, especially mothers, juggle parenting, family responsibilities and work commitments, and may also face the stress of dealing with conflicting parenting values between husband and wife. In some cases, this situation is aggravated by lack of support where the children’s grandparents have different views about how the children are brought up, adding to the parents’ stress. 

Singapore’s intensive parenting culture perpetuates a “pressure-cooker” attitude towards parenting. Parents often carry high expectations of both themselves and their children, resulting in tremendous pressure at every stage of the child’s life.  

Apart from doing all they can to ensure that their children are healthy and well-adjusted, many parents believe that enrolling them in the best schools, extra tuition and numerous enrichment classes will help them succeed later in life and keep up with their peers. 

Today’s parents may also belong to the “sandwich generation” who need to raise their children whilst caring for their elderly parents. In view of modern societal challenges such as the rapidly ageing population, rising costs of living and healthcare as well as older first-time parenthood, it is not surprising that parents who are main caregivers endure heavier responsibilities. 

What are some practical ways to recover? 

As a parent, your priority is your family, and it is natural for you to want what is best for your loved ones. However, there will be times when you simply can’t give your all. This is completely normal, and there is no reason to feel guilty about it.  

On good days, affirm yourself for having raised your children well. On bad days, remind yourself that these moments do not define your worth as a parent, and instead focus on being grateful for what you appreciate about your children. 

Health experts agree that caring for your own well-being is just as important as caring for your children. By identifying stress triggers, we can cultivate appropriate habits that will help us regain our sense of balance. For instance, if you constantly feel stressed about your children’s misbehaviour, you could try lowering your expectations and allowing them to learn from their mistakes.  

On good days, affirm yourself for having raised your children well. On bad days, remind yourself that these moments do not define your worth as a parent, and instead focus on being grateful for what you appreciate about your children.  

To overcome fatigue, make time to exercise regularly to boost your mood, and schedule breaks with a healthy snack to replenish your energy. Enjoy the moment by setting aside time daily to do small, meaningful things like listening to your favourite music.  

If lack of support is your main challenge, setting boundaries can help. Say “no” when you are stretched too thin and reach out to family and friends for help. For instance, you can arrange a daily time-out where your spouse takes care of your children, while you go out for a 30-minute walk around the neighbourhood.  

Parental burnout is growing in prevalence, yet it is not commonly discussed. By recognising the signs and acknowledging your own experience, you can take steps toward being more present for and loving towards your children.  

If you are already practising self-care but the feelings of helplessness persist, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for further guidance and support.