Published on 23 May, 2025
For many young couples, keeping romance alive while juggling work, family, and the demands of parenting can feel like an uphill task. But is it truly possible to nurture your marriage in the thick of it all?
Ailin, a stay-at-home mother of five, shared her honest reflections in a recent podcast with Focus on the Family Singapore. Drawing from her own life, she offered practical, hope-filled ways she and her husband keep their love alive amidst the daily demands of raising a large family.
Here are five tips from her journey that can inspire any couple navigating the beautiful, messy reality of family life.
“I would say maybe some re-orientating of mindset in terms of how I spend my energy so that I still have a bit of energy at the end of the day and time to hang out with my husband.”
Ailin believes it starts with a mindset shift—learning to prioritise her marriage intentionally throughout the day so that she still has emotional energy left for her husband at night.
This could mean being mindful of how much energy she expends on parenting tasks or carving out a brief midday check-in with her spouse—a thoughtful text, a short call, or simply taking a moment to remember her spouse during the day.
To her, it’s about seeing her husband not as an afterthought but as a central part of her daily rhythm. That intentionality sets the tone for connection when they finally come together at the end of the day.
“I realised it’s not always a 50-50 kind of arrangement with husband and wife in the home.”
The idea of splitting chores 50-50 may sound fair, but Ailin challenges that notion. She believes that couples go through seasons, and expecting an exact split often leads to disappointment or resentment.
Rather than keeping score, she encourages couples to function as a team—supporting each other based on the season they’re in, not fixed expectations. She and her husband have found joy and strength in complementing each other’s strengths and needs, not comparing contributions.
“…just learning to look at what is needed and how each person can step up, to make family life an enjoyable one.”
This shift in perspective helps to foster unity. When spouses feel appreciated for what they uniquely bring to the table, mutual respect and love can flourish.
Date nights are wonderful, and Ailin admits she and her husband look forward to them. But with five children, date nights aren’t always feasible due to limited caregiving options for her family.
Thus, she offers a refreshing perspective: while date nights are nice, little acts of kindness go a long way in keeping love alive.
“…these little things, I think make bigger impacts on relationships than we realise. And it helps foster that emotional connectedness between husband and wife so that they feel they have each other’s support.”
Simple gestures—like saying thank you, making a cup of coffee, or offering a back rub—can speak volumes. These small acts say, “I see you. I appreciate you. I’m with you.”
They help create emotional intimacy, which is the glue that holds marriages together—especially in demanding seasons of parenting.
The early years of parenting are filled with challenges. During these times, open, regular communication becomes more crucial than ever.
“Sometimes we work on the assumption that, oh, you should know already, you should know better. But I think in many marriages we don’t know better, and we don’t know what the other is thinking or feeling.”
Ailin reminds us not to assume, but to ask and share instead. Open, honest conversations—when done with patience and kindness—allow couples to work through challenges as a team.
Having honest, yet non-confrontational conversations allows a couple to have a better understanding of the root issue, and then effectively find a resolution together.
“…both of us were trying to work out a solution and were patient with each other and talked openly about our feelings and what we thought about how we were feeling about the situation.”
It’s not about proving who’s right, but communicating effectively even in conflict. Challenges come and go, but the trust we build or break within our marriage stays for a long time.
When emotional safety is present, couples can express their vulnerabilities and deepen their bond. And a marriage that grows through adversity becomes even more resilient.
Ailin also emphasises the importance of how and when we communicate.
“It’s always helpful to be honest about how you are feeling but I think also equally important to know when to raise it. The tone in which we are communicating that and even the time which you choose to talk about that.”
Instead of confronting issues in the heat of the moment, she’s found that stepping out for a walk or a coffee helps create a calmer space for deeper conversations. A change in environment, especially if it is one of the stress factor, helps to lessen tension during discussion.
She also suggests beginning with encouragement or gratitude. A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can soften the atmosphere and prepare hearts for vulnerable sharing.
Life in a big family can be wonderfully chaotic. But by making small yet intentional choices—saving energy for connection, expressing appreciation daily, and creating space for honest conversations— the flames of love in a marriage can will be kept alive for years to come.
In fact, the very effort it takes to stay connected makes the relationship even more precious.
When couples keep choosing each other through every season, the vows made at the altar don’t just remain a memory. They become a living legacy—one that shapes not only their marriage but the family they’re building together.
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