Resource Type: Articles

Explaining Sex and Gender to Kids

In a world where the sex and gender binary is being challenged and transgenderism is being presented as a cool fad on social media, parents may find themselves dumbfounded when encountering challenging questions from their children.   

What makes someone a male or female? How do I know if I’m not a female stuck in a male body? How do we start having these conversations with our kids? 

Amid the growing confusion about biology, sex and gender, it’s important to get the facts straight.  

Sex is binary, >99.98% of the time  

As far as biological sex goes, sex is binary and not a spectrum. Over 99.98% of people can be accurately categorised as male or female, based on their physiology, hormones and chromosomes.  

For most people, these three indicators are aligned, and sex is unambiguous. 

Indicators Male Female
Physiology
(reproductive organs, body shape, etc) 		Testes, penis, facial hair, more muscle mass, deeper voice pitch etc Ovaries, uterus, vagina, breasts, wider hips, more body fat, higher voice pitch etc
Hormones Much higher testosterone levels than females Much higher estrogen and progesterone levels than males
Genetics
(chromosomes) 		XYXX

Only in very rare cases is sex ambiguous, falling into the category of “intersex”. Some examples of these are people who present with both types of genitalia (but with all other indicators showing either male or female), males with very low levels of testosterone, or females who embody cells with XY chromosomes – but these are the exception rather than the norm. 

Maleness or femaleness is not limited to the reproductive organs — sex chromosomes are expressed in every single cell of our bodies — in other words, all cells have a sex. (See: Exploring the Biological Contributions to Human Health: Does Sex Matter?) 

In a biological sense, you are either male or female, for more than the vast majority of people. 

Understanding gender 

For a long time, people thought of “gender” as being synonymous with “sex”. However, over time, “gender” has evolved to be understood as a social and cultural construct. 

The World Health Organisation defines gender as “the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys” including “norms, behaviours and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl or boy, as well as relationships with each other.” 

It is said that boys and girls are brought up within societal and cultural expectations according to their gender. Boys, who are seen as the protectors, are given guns and swords to play with while girls, who may later bear children and make a home, are made to wear dresses and play with tea sets and dolls. 

There are general masculine traits (males tend to be more risk-taking, dominant and aggressive, etc) versus feminine traits (females tend to be more nurturing, emotional and sensitive, etc). Studies show that these broad characteristics and behaviours of each gender may be fuelled by sex differences in the brain and genetic make-up.    

However, both males and females can display masculine as well as feminine traits to varying degrees. Each person has a unique personality and cannot be forced into a single mould.  

 Instead of categorising people according to gender stereotypes, which is not helpful, it is better to identify positive or negative traits. For example, decisive leadership is good for the thriving of society, but violence, bullying and harassment are not. Caring for others and fostering community through friendship is positive, but gossiping, being passive-aggressive and manipulative are not.  

 There is a growing narrative today that people can assume the gender they identify more with – who they “feel” they are – rather than who they actually are. However, as parents, we should ground our children in truth – which is not based on feelings but on reality.  

 When do we start these conversations?  

When speaking about complex issues with our children, it’s important to think about their age, maturity and ability to grasp such concepts.  

Preschool years (4-6 Years)

Around the preschool ages, we can talk about the differences between male and female bodies, for example during bath time.  

Children are naturally curious at a very young age and may have questions such as, “Why do you have breasts and daddy doesn’t, mummy?” To which we can answer, “Women have breasts and men do not. When women get pregnant and give birth, their breasts start to produce milk so that they can feed their babies.”  

Primary years (7-9 Years)

During the lower primary schooling years of seven to nine, we should ideally begin to talk about sexual reproduction and how males and females complement each other in a healthy society. 

 

Your child may have questions after chancing upon a social media post on transgenderism. These are teachable moments that provide opportunities for us to have a meaningful dialogue with our children. 

Tween years (10-12) 

More in-depth conversations regarding sex and gender can begin during the tween years when children start to have the maturity to grasp more difficult concepts and topics, using the pointers given above. 

Very often, it is an unexpected event that sparks these conversations and we are caught unaware. Your child may have questions after chancing upon a social media post on transgenderism, or peers may have talked about having pronouns at school. These are teachable moments that provide opportunities for us to have a meaningful dialogue with our children.  

Children are starting to explore questions on gender identity at a younger age, but it is unusual for them to be initiating such topics on their own, and is usually the result of social media or peer influence.  

It is important that we watch over our children’s media consumption, while ensuring that our attachment with our kids remains secure. This will help us retain our influence over our children.  

Perhaps it is not so much how we talk about sex and gender, but how we respond to our children’s personality, behaviour and expression that speaks the loudest.  

True acceptance and affirmation  

Perhaps it is not so much how we talk about sex and gender, but how we respond to our children’s personality, behaviour and expression that speaks the loudest.  

Accept and affirm them in their biological sex, gender and personality, instead of making them conform to stereotypes. There are sensitive boys who cry easily when hurt and girls with natural leadership gifts who like to take charge. Affirm them in their uniqueness: “You are a sensitive person who cares about others and helps people,” or “You are a strong leader.”  

Allow them to discover themselves through their interests — whether it be boys wanting to learn ballet or play with doll houses (who will hopefully grow to help with the domestic chores), or girls wanting to pursue archery or bodybuilding.  

Instead of thinking of gender as being on a spectrum, we can ponder how each person is unique and colourful in their combination of interests and personality.  

As parents who have cared and loved our children since they were born, we should be unashamed in affirming them, advocating for them and accepting them for who they are — male or female.  

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

7 Ways To Resolve Differences in Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it also comes with its share of challenges. One of the most common struggles couples face is resolving their differences. These differences, stemming from unique backgrounds, personalities, and perspectives, often lead to disagreements.  

So, how can couples navigate these differences in a healthy and constructive way? To explore this, we turned to Madelin Tay, a licensed counsellor with Focus on the Family Singapore, who shares 7 actionable tips:  

  1. Recognise that differences in marriage are inevitable   
  2. Approach differences with a growth mindset 
  3. Focus on finding common ground, rather than being defensive 
  4. Slow down conversations to improve understanding   
  5. Use time-outs effectively, but always follow with a time-in  
  6. Practice paraphrasing to ensure clear communication 
  7. Work on resolving differences  

1. Differences in marriage are inevitable

Differences in marriage are inevitable. As Madelin points out, “Conflicts often arise from habits of daily living, how couples manage finances, spend time together, and balance personal time.” Even small issues—like how to squeeze the toothpaste or whether to leave the toilet seat up or down—may trigger larger conflicts if left unresolved.  

Sexual intimacy is another common area where differences arise. Couples may have contrasting expectations about sex, adding strain to their relationship.  

While small habits may not push couples to seek counselling, Madelin notes that they are often “packed together with bigger issues” if couples eventually do go for counselling. 

“Instead of viewing differences as obstacles, see them as opportunities for personal and relational growth.” 

It’s easy to assume that differences in marriage are inherently problematic, but this isn’t always the case. According to Madelin, “Differences are present in every couple.”  

These contrasts, whether they appear as opposites (such as one spouse being a night owl and the other an early bird) or variations in degree (both spouses might be generous, but towards different causes), form part of the relationship dynamic.  

In fact, differences might have been part of what initially attracted you to your spouse. You might have been drawn to their outgoing nature or their ability to connect with people easily. However, over time, these same traits can become sources of frustration. As Madelin puts it, “What initially attracted you may later cause stress or annoyance, but it’s important to approach these differences with a mindset of growth and compromise.” 

“Both spouses may assume their way is the ‘right’ way… this protective mindset can hinder genuine listening and resolution.” 

2. Embracing differences for personal growth 

A key aspect of navigating differences is shifting your perspective. Instead of viewing differences as obstacles, see them as opportunities for personal and relational growth.  

“None of us are perfect,” Madelin reminds us. “When you meet someone who is different from you, it can be an opportunity for personal growth. Your spouse may bring new perspectives, and though they may grate on you at times, it’s also a chance for individual and mutual growth.” 

This mindset shift—moving from seeing differences as challenges to viewing them as opportunities for growth—can help couples persevere through difficult conflicts, with the hope that they will emerge stronger as a couple as they work through these differences.  

3. Finding common ground 

A common pitfall in marriage is the desire to protect or defend your way of doing things. “A lot of times when couples talk about their differences, both spouses may assume their way is the ‘right’ way,” says Madelin. This protective mindset can hinder genuine listening and resolution. 

Instead, couples should strive to listen with an open mind and focus on finding common ground. Madelin shares an example of a couple who both enjoyed helping others but disagreed on which groups to support. “It’s not that they were totally different,” she explains. “Their intent was the same, but the expression of that intent looked different.” Recognising that the core values are aligned, even when the expressions differ, is key to resolving conflicts.   

“Slowing down and paraphrasing each other’s points ensures that both spouses feel heard and prevents reactive comments that can escalate the conflict.” 

4. The importance of slowing down

Effective communication is essential in reconciling differences. “How a couple unwinds, how often they visit family, or when to pay bills—these are just some examples of how differences show up in daily life,” says Madelin. Each spouse often has good intentions, but the way they express their needs or preferences might differ, leading to misunderstandings. 

Madelin emphasises the importance of slowing down conversations, especially when emotions are running high. “Sometimes, it’s how fast things fire out that causes harm,” she explains. Slowing down and paraphrasing each other’s points ensures that both spouses feel heard and prevents reactive comments that can escalate the conflict. This technique helps couples clarify their perspectives and move toward resolution more calmly. 

5. Using time-outs effectively 

In the heat of the moment, emotions can take over, making productive communication difficult. This is where a “time-out” can be invaluable.  

 “When things are heated, and you feel like you’re just rambling and not being heard, it’s time to take a time-out,” advises Madelin. The purpose of a time-out is to prevent hurtful words from being said in the heat of anger, which can have long-lasting impacts. 

However, Madelin cautions that a time-out should not be seen as running away from the issue. “A time-out is not about withdrawal. It’s about calming down so that you can think clearly and reengage with the issue constructively.” Couples should discuss in advance what a time-out looks like for them—whether it’s a brief break of one or two hours or a scheduled conversation at a more relaxed time, such as the weekend. 

Madelin also stresses the importance of a “time-in” after the time-out. “A time-out without a time-in is not effective,” she says. Couples should make sure to follow up after calming down to discuss the issue in a productive way. 

6. Paraphrasing for better understanding 

When it’s time to re-engage after a conflict, one of the most effective communication tools is paraphrasing. This technique allows couples to ensure they’re truly understanding each other.  

“When one spouse is speaking, the other should paraphrase what they’re hearing,” Madelin advises. “It slows down the conversation, which is exactly what we need sometimes to avoid saying things that are hurtful.” 

For example, if one spouse expresses frustration, the other might say, “What I’m hearing is that you’re upset because you feel I’m not contributing enough to household chores. Is that correct?” This allows for clarification before things escalate and helps both spouses feel heard and validated. 

7. The reward of effectively resolving differences

Ultimately, the goal of resolving differences in marriage is to rebuild connection and strengthen the relationship. By listening actively, paraphrasing, and embracing differences as opportunities for growth, couples can create a stronger bond. 

Madelin encourages couples to view their differences not as insurmountable obstacles, but as a natural part of the marriage journey. With the right mindset and communication tools, these differences can be bridges that bring couples closer, rather than barriers that drive them apart. 

In conclusion, learning to reconcile differences in marriage requires patience, communication, and a willingness to grow together. As Madelin wisely reminds us, “It’s not about being perfect or always agreeing. It’s about learning, growing, and finding common ground, even when it feels difficult.” 

How to Not Let Stress and Anxiety Get the Better of You

Stress and anxiety affect people of all ages. While for some, stress works as a form of motivation, others find it overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. In today’s fast-paced world, managing both stress and anxiety is a crucial skill.

Though often confused, stress and anxiety aren’t the same. According to Focus on the Family Singapore’s counsellor Samantha Cheng, stress is a natural bodily response that triggers physical reactions like a racing heart, dry mouth, and stomach aches. Even animals experience stress.

Anxiety can take different forms, such as panic attacks, social anxiety, or phobias.

What can we do when faced with stress and anxiety? Here are some practical tips to manage stress and anxiety with effective tips, exercises, and strategies for both adults and children.

“Asking yourself, ‘Why am I stressed?’ can help you find the root cause. Once you understand what’s bothering you, it’s easier to deal with it.”

How to acknowledge and manage stress effectively 

Samantha explains that when managed well, stress can improve brain function—boosting memory, attention, and processing speed. “First, acknowledge your stress,” says Samantha. “Then, notice what’s causing it.”

Simply repeating how stressed you feel without figuring out the reason won’t help. Asking yourself, Why am I stressed? can help you find the root cause. Once you understand what’s bothering you, it’s easier to deal with it.

For instance, if you’re nervous about a meeting with your boss, ask yourself, What do I care about here? Maybe it’s a promotion or concern over how you’re viewed. Once you identify your concern, take action. Talk to your boss, get feedback, and focus on working toward your goals, instead of letting stress control you.

“Instead of fearing the intense focus that comes with stress, try using it to stay on task.”

Transforming stress into growth

By changing how you think about stress, you can use it as a tool for growth. Samantha calls this “stress-related growth,” which can build mental toughness, encourage new perspectives, and give us a clearer sense of priorities.

“When we’re stressed, our focus sharpens,” she explains. “That’s nature helping us focus on what’s important.” Instead of fearing the intense focus that comes with stress, try using it to stay on task.

These stressful moments can also show you what really matters in life. They can lead to a greater appreciation of life and a deeper sense of purpose. This skill is valuable not only for you but also for teaching children how to grow through stress.

Helping children manage stress

Teaching your child to recognise stress—like butterflies in their stomach, fear, or avoidance—is the first step. Equip them with simple strategies to manage stress, so they can face challenges confidently.

Here are some techniques that both children and adults can use:

1. Physiological sighs
Take two breaths through your nose—the first filling your lungs and the second a quick shallow breath. Then exhale slowly through your mouth. This calms the nervous system and helps you feel more relaxed.

2. Muscle relaxation exercises
Tense your muscles, then relax them. Start with areas where stress tends to build up, like your shoulders. This releases the physical tension caused by stress.

3. Positive affirmations
Repeating a helpful phrase can ground you during stressful times. For children, something simple like “I can do this” can work. Adults might say, “I’ve faced this before and I can do it again.” Choose a phrase that inspires you and is easy to remember.

4. Anchoring objects
Use a small, familiar item, like a favourite sticker on a pencil case or a small family photo, to remind you of your positive affirmation. Each time you see the object, let it bring you back to a calm state of mind.

Integrating stress management into your daily life

Incorporate these stress-management techniques into your daily activities—whether at work, school, or during interactions with others. Share how you use these techniques with your child. It normalises stress management and models healthy coping strategies.

Sometimes, stress can become overwhelming, and seeking professional help is the best option. No one should face stress and anxiety alone, and there’s always support available. 

With these simple strategies, both adults and children can better manage their stress and anxiety, leading to a more resilient and balanced life. 

How to Develop Effective Study Strategies for Exams

Exam preparation season can feel like a dreaded yet necessary rite of passage that most Singaporean families are familiar with. During these periods, we hunker down together with our children, armed with a trove of assessment books, notes, and materials, hoping to support them well for “battle.”  

As I write this, my child has just finished the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) oral exam. Even though this is our fourth PSLE as a family (with two more to go!), I’d be wrong if I said that there’s no pressure—there still is! 

While preparing for year-end exams or the PSLE can be stressful for both students and parents, the right approach can make it a manageable and even rewarding experience. Here are some strategies we’ve picked up along the way that could be helpful for fellow parents on the same journey.

1. Set up a study timetable  

The first step in effective exam preparation is creating a realistic study timetable that balances academic goals with personal time. Work with your child to identify key subjects that need more focus and allocate specific times each day for study or revision sessions. Be sure to include breaks and downtime to prevent burnout. 

At home, we sometimes use the Pomodoro Technique, a time management method where you do focused work during 25-minute intervals—known as Pomodoros—and take a five-minute break. This technique is particularly effective for children who need to build stamina and avoid mental fatigue during long study sessions. 

Parents can further support their children by setting up a conducive study environment, free from distractions, and providing necessary resources or practice papers. Having a timetable helps develop discipline and accountability, while regular check-ins allow for adjustments to keep their study plan on track. 

Making personalised notes or creating mind maps is far more beneficial than simply receiving a stack of notes. 

2. Practise active learning techniques

A crucial aspect of a successful study strategy is practicing active learning techniques. Instead of just reading or memorising textbooks, students should engage in activities that reinforce their learning. This could include doing practice papers, teaching a concept to a family member, or processing their learning through mind maps. 

I believe that making personalised notes or creating mind maps is far more beneficial than simply receiving a stack of notes from an older sibling or schoolmate. Mind maps are excellent for independent learning, breaking down complex concepts, and boosting creativity and productivity. My children have found this technique particularly useful.  

My older daughter, who’s now in tertiary education, still enjoys filling notebooks with her own notes for content-heavy subjects. These notes help her visualise and create strong associations between ideas, promoting better retention of information. She even prefers referring to her own notes over textbooks! 

3. Divide and conquer with bite–sized practice  

When a subject is challenging, breaking the work into manageable parts can improve focus and minimise distractions. The key is to take small, achievable steps rather than becoming overwhelmed by what your child doesn’t know. 

For example, if your child struggles with vocabulary, they could revise and remember a few English words each day, gradually incorporating these into their compositions. A fun alternative would be to create opportunities at the dinner table for them to attempt using these words in a sentence. Reassure them that every small effort counts toward progress. 

For my daughter, who finds the longer 3-5 mark questions in Math papers daunting, we tackle practice papers in bite-sized portions. We break the paper into shorter sections, such as 10 questions per section, and time her to complete each section independently, for example, in 30 minutes. This approach helps her stay focused without feeling overwhelmed, while also building her stamina for longer sessions. We have found this method particularly helpful in boosting her morale and confidence over time.  

Corrections shouldn’t just be about copying down the right answer; the goal is to anchor the thought processes needed to solve questions independently. 

4. Back to basics 

For children still struggling to pass a subject, revisiting foundational knowledge is crucial. Focus on gaining competency in basic areas before moving on to more complex topics. For instance, mastering Paper 1 in Math or Science—which tends to cover fundamental concepts—can be a more achievable target before tackling the more demanding Paper 2 questions. 

Emphasise the importance of doing corrections properly. Corrections shouldn’t just be about copying down the right answer; the goal is to anchor the thought processes needed to solve questions independently. Understanding why a mistake was made, rather than simply studying the correct answer, is key to developing a stable foundation for future learning. 

Helping our children master the fundamentals and understanding why they made a mistake, will go a long way in helping them develop a stable base for secondary education when they eventually make the transition. 

5. Care for the whole child 

Amidst academic preparation, we must never underestimate the importance of caring for our children’s mental and emotional well-being. If they are feeling stressed or anxious, it’s unlikely they will perform well academically. 

Make time for regular check-ins with your child, assuring them that they are more than their grades. Ensure they get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, and engage in regular physical activity, as these factors greatly impact concentration, memory retention, and overall performance. A positive mindset, supported by a healthy lifestyle, can significantly improve your child’s ability to handle exam stress. 

 Finally, foster a supportive and encouraging home environment. Celebrate small achievements and progress to keep motivation levels high. Instead of putting undue pressure on achieving good scores, focus on effort and improvement. By working together as a family, our children can approach their PSLE with confidence and resilience, knowing they have the full support of their loved ones. 

Why does My Friend have Two Mums?

Primary years (7-9)
Tween years (10-12) 

If you have not already done so, explain to your child how babies are made. Help your child understand that this means that every child has one mother and one father who conceived them.  

In some cases, however, the biological mummy or daddy is unable to take care of them, and thus some children are cared for by other caring, trusted adults for example adoptive or foster parents who can love the children as if they were their own.  

There are also cases where the mummy or daddy does not want to form a family or stay together as a family, such as in the case of a divorce. In some cases, they move on to create a new family unit consisting of other people, such that there is now more than one mummy or daddy.   

Come to a consensus with your spouse on your family’s stand and opinions on these alternative family structures, so that you can explain to your child your values in a calm and thoughtful way. Regardless, assure them of your love as their parent and of the stability of your relationship with your spouse. 

What could be the effects on children growing up in such families, and how do they impact the community around us? 

Teen years (13-15) 
Emerging years (16-19) 

Children at this age are likely to have been exposed to ideas and arguments for alternative family structures that may consist of only one or neither of the child’s biological dad or mum.  

Explain that there are people who experience feelings of attraction toward someone of the same sex. This is what is commonly called sexual orientation. Some people may then choose as adults to form a family unit consisting only of one or none of the child’s biological mother or father.  

As they grow, your teens may be increasingly clued in about different forms of sexual attraction and may have their own opinions about each one of them. Discover what they think by continuing the conversations about sex and sexuality.  

Explain to them the difference between biological sex, gender identity and sexual attraction. Our biological sex is determined by the sex chromosomes in our body and should correspond with our gender identity and sexual attraction. A minority, however, might experience an incongruence between their biological sex and gender identity, and/or sexual orientation. These incongruences sometimes cause them to adjust their lives in a way that does not align to their biological sex, leading them to form family structures that are different. 

Come to an agreement with your spouse on what your family’s stand and opinions are on these alternative family forms. Explain them to your child in a calm and thoughtful way, and invite their feedback on what they think about families with different values and ideals. Answer any questions they might have honestly, including admitting if you lack the necessary information and offering to learn together with them about such complex issues.

If an alternative sexual lifestyle or family structure is shown on a movie you are watching together, use that to start on a conversation on whether they noticed and what they thought about it. Listen calmly without judgment. Teenagers can sometimes rely more on their emotional brain, and carry a great sense of social justice.  

Affirm your child for their desire to make a difference in the world, and their passion for wanting to right any wrongs. Listen to their thoughts and be curious about why they think the way they do. Discuss with them the impact of such alternative family structures – what could be the effects on children growing up in such a family environment? Are there implications on the wider community that we should also consider?

Teach your children how to have rational and respectful conversations about such issues with their friends or on the internet, how to express their opinions clearly, and what to do when people do not respond kindly or respectfully to their views.  

These may be difficult conversations to have because the issues are complex, but emphasise the principle that we always treat people with respect and kindness regardless of whether we agree with them. 

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Navigating Touchy Relationships with Parents and In-Laws

“What do you mean you will no longer be coming back for Sunday dinners? Does that mean you don’t care for the family anymore? Marriage doesn’t mean you walk out on your family you know?! After all I’ve done to bring you up, is this how you treat me? You’re so ungrateful!” 

Outbursts. 

We are all familiar with them, especially with our loved ones, like our family and close friends. It is uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of an outburst, and even more embarrassing to be the one experiencing it. 

An outburst is a cry to be heard. Beyond the harsh words uttered, it’s a cry for help that reveals an unmet need. However, understanding this doesn’t erase the hurt we experience. 

How can we respond to an outburst with compassion, tact, and curiosity, while still addressing the pain we feel? How can we reframe an outburst from a loved one as an opportunity for relational growth, instead of a moment of deep disconnection? 

Here are some steps I’ve learned to take, which are especially relevant for those about to get married or newlyweds navigating parental expectations, perhaps even with your new in-laws. 

An outburst is a cry for help that reveals an unmet need. 

1. Take a timeout and walk away 

Continuing from the example above, I was in shock after the outburst from my mother. I didn’t mean to hurt her with my comment, but its effect on her had already been felt. I now had two options:

1. React to her comments with an equal or greater degree of anger and unkindness. Scream horrible names and insults before storming out of the house. In a final attempt at self-defence, resolve in my heart never to speak with her again. 

2. Take authority over my emotions, walk away from the heated situation to give myself a breather, and avoid retorting with something mean and hurtful which I’d regret later. 

I chose the latter option and informed her that I needed some time alone before I could speak to her again. 

Take authority over my emotions, and walk away from the heated situation to give myself a breather. 

2. Get curious about my own internal state 

Once I had taken a step back, it was time to get curious about what was happening to me internally. 

Over the next two days, I journaled down my thoughts and feelings: 

1. I felt shock, shame, anger and embarrassment by my mother’s reaction and comments. Her words really stung, and I felt unsafe with her. I required some distance and space from her. 

2. I felt that I had failed to meet my mother’s expectation, even though I deeply desired to love her and meet her needs. That made me sad. 

3. It’s not that I don’t care for her or the family anymore, but I would love to set a new rhythm and routine for my emerging family. That takes time, and I can’t commit to our usual weekly Sunday dinner routine, at least not in the initial months of my new marriage. 

4. I felt sad and heartbroken that my mother wasn’t able to see my intentions. I wondered what she was thinking and feeling in that moment of her outburst. 

I then took time to process and share my pain with a trusted friend, and with my then fiancée. This process of catharsis helped me to gain a greater sense of confidence to approach my mother again.  

Empathy allows us to treat others with care and tenderness even when we feel hurt and unjustly treated by them. 

3. Get curious about your loved one’s internal state 

Once I’m more settled and calm, it’s time to get curious about what my mother was really trying to say beneath her initial outburst of displeasure. 

This is the practice of empathy, which is defined as the ability to perceive another’s needs, desires, and pain. Empathy allows us to treat others with care and tenderness even when we feel hurt and unjustly treated by them. 

I asked myself these questions: 

1. What was she really trying to communicate beneath her hurtful comments? 

2. What does she need from me as I transition into marriage and leave the family? 

3. What is she experiencing emotionally and mentally, as she prepares for my departure and absence? 

4. How can I work to meet her needs, while not sacrificing my own needs and desires in the process? 

As I attempted to empathise with my mother, I figured that she was probably struggling with a level of separation anxiety, as she anticipated my departure from the family home. Being the first child to get married, it’s likely her first time experiencing such an intense emotion, and perhaps she didn’t quite know how to communicate her underlying feelings of sadness to me. She possibly didn’t know how to tell me that she’d miss me after I leave. 

4. Pursue healthy confrontation, using assertive communication 

It’s not easy to restrain oneself from reacting to another’s outburst, especially in the immediate moment when we feel hurt, shocked, and disrespected. While I couldn’t control what my mother said or did, I sure could control how I responded to her. 

I resolved in my heart that I wanted to respond with sensitivity, compassion, and respect. I wanted to practise assertive, healthy communication while also expressing my empathy for her.  

While I felt uncertain about her response, I knew this relationship was important to me. Therefore, I was willing to pursue the uncomfortable but necessary confrontation.  

At the point of writing, I have yet to communicate this to my mother. But this is what I hope to share with her eventually: 

“Hey mum, I was really hurt a few days ago by the remarks you made when I shared with you about my plan to no longer have weekly family dinners with the family. I’m sorry this is so difficult for you, and I can imagine how sad and hurt you must be feeling as you anticipate my absence from a routine we’ve been having as a family since I was a child. I know you love me a lot, and you will miss me once I leave, and I am sorry you have to go through this pain. While this doesn’t change my decision, I want you to know that I still do care for the family. Can we talk about how this care may look different once I am married?” 

 Part of the hard work of managing conflicts is to learn that we cannot control the outcome of a healthy confrontation. 

5. Release the outcome and future of the relationship 

As I prepared to address the earlier incident with her, I learned to let go of the expectation that she would understand and receive my intentions for resolution. Part of the hard work of managing conflicts is to learn that we cannot control the outcome of a healthy confrontation; we can really only choose to practice healthy, assertive communication, and invite the other person to do likewise. But it’s still a risk, and there’s no guarantee they would reciprocate our intentions. 

It takes mutual respect, commitment, and trust for a healthy relationship to exist between two persons. Our responsibility is simply to do all we can to bridge the gap between their needs, and ours. 

While I can hope for a thriving and satisfying relationship with my mother post-marriage, I know it’s not possible without healthy conflict management from both sides. Relational maturity happens when I recognise my responsibility to build my side of the bridge (not more, not less), and keep the channels of communication open, while releasing the need to control the other person. 

Relational patch-ups are messy, and takes hard work from both sides. But the possibility of restoration and growth is worth it!  

 The next time you experience a loved one’s outburst, may you find the courage to take a timeout, get curious about your internal state and theirs, and pursue a healthy confrontation with them after. Whatever the response of your loved one, may you rest in the knowledge that you’ve done your part to mend the relationship.  

 *Some details have been changed to protect the confidentiality of the parties involved. These 5 general steps can be applied in other contexts– whether with our spouses, significant other, or children, albeit it may look slightly different in each case.  

What happens after saying “I do?” The early years of marriage are filled with unique challenges and opportunities for growth. Just Married is a 3-session hybrid workshop designed to equip couples married for five years or less with practical tools to build a thriving marriage. Find out more here! 

Infidelity: How to rebuild trust after an affair?

Rebuilding trust after an affair is a complex, emotional journey. The betrayal of infidelity shakes the very foundation of a marriage, leaving both spouses grappling with pain, anger, guilt, and a deep sense of loss. 

However, healing is possible if both parties are committed to the process. As Nah Kiat Yong, a counsellor at Focus on the Family Singapore with over 11 years of experience, shares, “The journey of healing is not just about moving past the affair; it’s about addressing the trauma, rebuilding trust, and creating a new marriage.”

 

“The couple needs to work very hard. They need a lot of energy and vulnerability to open up and share their feelings and thoughts.” 

Understanding the emotional fallout 

Before delving into the steps of healing, it’s essential to acknowledge the emotional impact of infidelity. The pain experienced by the betrayed spouse is profound, often likened to trauma or PTSD. Symptoms like hypervigilance, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts are common.  

As Kiat Yong notes, “The betrayed often come in with emotional pain—some numb out, others have episodes of emotional explosion. Sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, and depression are also prevalent.” 

The betrayer, too, suffers, though in different ways. Shame, guilt, and helplessness dominate their emotional landscape, and they may also be grieving the loss of their affair partner. Both spouses are in pain, and the healing process is neither linear nor easy. “The couple needs to work very hard,” says Kiat Yong. “They need a lot of energy and vulnerability to open up and share their feelings and thoughts.” 

“The betrayer must acknowledge their actions, express remorse, and take responsibility. If they have committed the affair, they have to admit it.” 

The importance of a safe space

One of the first steps in rebuilding trust is creating a safe space for the betrayed spouse to express their emotional pain. This involves using “I” statements to avoid escalating conflicts. Instead of saying, “You make me so angry,” the betrayed should express, “I am angry.” This approach helps prevent the betrayer from becoming defensive, allowing for a more productive dialogue. 

Kiat Yong emphasises the need for the betrayed spouse to ask questions about the affair repeatedly. This process, though painful, is crucial for the betrayed to make sense of their emotions and verify the consistency of their spouse’s answers. However, Kiat Yong advises against asking about the sexual details of the affair, as these can create lasting and damaging images that are difficult to overcome.  

Navigating the shame cycle 

For the betrayer, facing these questions can feel like an unbearable ordeal. They may feel cornered, eager to move on, or even protective of their spouse and/or their affair partner. Yet, avoiding these questions only prolongs the healing process. As Kiat Yong explains, “The more the betrayer is not forthcoming, the more the betrayed will poke and ask, and we cannot move on.”

The shame cycle can further complicate the process. When the betrayer falls into defensiveness, rationalisation, or justification, it only deepens the betrayed spouse’s pain. Instead, the betrayer must acknowledge their actions, express remorse, and take responsibility. “If they have committed the affair, they have to admit, ‘I made the wrong decision. I made the wrong choice. I have betrayed you.'” 

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting; it’s about understanding the impact of the betrayal and choosing to move forward.”

The role of forgiveness in rebuilding trust 

Forgiveness is a critical component of rebuilding trust, but it must come after the betrayed spouse has fully expressed their pain and the betrayer has acknowledged their wrongdoing.

Kiat Yong asserts, “To the extent that we forgive is the extent we can rebuild trust.” However, forgiveness is not about forgetting; it’s about understanding the impact of the betrayal and choosing to move forward.

The betrayer must demonstrate sincere remorse and a willingness to change. This can be as simple as one’s daily actions—being more present, taking on household chores, or simply being there when the betrayed spouse needs to talk.

Actions speak louder than words in this stage of healing. As Kiat Yong puts it, “The brain of the betrayed is traumatised. The brain cannot trust anymore. So, if the spouse says, ‘I will choose you. I want the marriage. I will do anything,’ the betrayed will say, ‘But I don’t believe you because I can’t believe you. I want to believe you, but I can’t.'”

“The couple must work together to establish new patterns of interaction and address any lingering issues that may have contributed to the affair.” 

Rebuilding trust: a new marriage 

After forgiveness comes the work of rebuilding trust—not just in the betrayer but also in oneself. The betrayed spouse often struggles with self-doubt, questioning their own judgment and ability to trust their senses. They may wonder how they could have been deceived without suspecting anything, leading to thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with my senses? I can’t even trust my senses. How can I trust myself again?”

Kiat Yong asserts that patience, consistency, and assurance from the betrayer will help the betrayed regain trust and confidence in themselves. It takes effort from both sides and compassion from the betrayer.

The focus must then shift to creating a new marriage. The old marriage, often marked by disconnection and unmet needs, has died. The couple must work together to establish new patterns of interaction and address any lingering issues that may have contributed to the affair.

This process is unique to each marriage and must be uncovered through counselling sessions. “We basically look at past interaction patterns as well as certain needs that have not been met,” Kiat Yong says. “The couple needs to work on this for the new marriage.” 

Preventing future trust issues

To prevent future trust issues, it is crucial for the betrayer to be emotionally available and supportive, especially during moments of triggers, flashbacks, or intrusive thoughts. Understanding the damage caused to the marriage and genuinely working towards healing are vital. As Kiat Yong points out, “If any man loves his wife and understands the damage, he will not do it again.”

Motivation is also a key element in successful recovery. Couples who are motivated to work on their marriage, who are willing to do the hard work of opening up, being vulnerable, and consistently showing up for each other, are more likely to recover well and quickly. 

“The biggest element is motivation,” Kiat Yong concludes. “If they are motivated to work on recovery, they will recover well and fast.”

A journey of hope and renewal 

Rebuilding trust after an affair is undoubtedly challenging, but it is not impossible. With commitment, vulnerability, and a willingness to face the pain head-on, couples can not only recover but also build a stronger, more connected marriage.

It requires both spouses to be patient with the process, to support each other through the emotional ups and downs, and to focus on creating a new, healthier relationship. In the words of Kiat Yong, “The old marriage has died, and they must focus on rebuilding the new marriage.”

Should my Teen Read Sexually Explicit Books?

Is your teen getting their book recommendations from TikTok? The popular hashtag #BookTok often features books with mature content, which may not be suitable for younger readers.  

As a parent, it is important to be aware of the potential red flags associated with #BookTok recommendations and to consider various factors when deciding whether to allow your teen to read such materials. 

What is #BookTok? 

#BookTok is a subcommunity on TikTok where creators share videos reviewing and discussing the books they read. The genres covered are diverse, but there is a strong focus on young adult fiction, young adult fantasy, and romance. These creators often highlight popular titles, creating trends that can quickly spread among teens. 

The Dangers of #BookTok

One genre that has gained significant popularity within #BookTok, especially among teenage girls, is romance novels. However, unlike the innocent tales of first love, many of these books contain mature themes and sexually explicit content. Graphic descriptions of sexual activities, including depictions of sexual abuse and violent experiences are even portrayed as desirable in some of these stories. Additionally, themes of casual relationships and forbidden love, which often involve affairs and cheating, are sometimes presented as justifiable. 

Even though such books with adult content are recommended for readers 18 years and older, teens can easily access these books, often displayed prominently in bookstores, riding on the wave of social media influencer recommendations. 

How Sexually Explicit Fiction Harms Teens

It is natural for tweens and teens to be curious about sex and sexuality during adolescence. As they enter puberty, they become increasingly aware of their changing bodies and mood swings. However, research suggests that early exposure to sexually explicit materials, including pornography, can have long-term harmful effects on a teen’s sexual maturity and increase the likelihood of risky sexual behaviours. 

Early exposure to sexually explicit materials may not only skew your teen’s understanding of what makes a healthy relationship, but it may also lead to the normalisation of sexual experimentation outside of marriage.  

Approach conversations with your teen with curiosity and open-mindedness rather than judgment. 

Conversations to Have with Your Teen 

When deciding what is appropriate for your child, it is crucial to take an active role. One way to do this is by researching the books your teen is interested in—read reviews online or even read the book yourself. This helps you understand the content and prevents assumptions about its suitability. 

Approach conversations with your teen with curiosity and open-mindedness rather than judgment. Share your views about the values promoted in the books, such as the depiction of relationships, behaviours, and actions that may not align within a loving and respectful relationship. Talk about your family values and how meaningful and healthy and relationships are rooted in friendship and mutual respect. While it is important to express your viewpoints, ultimately, it is best to give your teen room to decide for themselves.  

It is also not helpful to assume the worst about books with mature content. Engage your teen in a dialogue about what insights or perspectives they got from these books. Understanding their perspective can provide you with a deeper insight into their interests and thought processes. It also helps to bridge any potential gaps in understanding and shows your teen that you respect their opinions and choices. 

Focus on helping your teen develop discernment and critical thinking skills. 

Outright banning of certain books will only make the books even more enticing. Instead, focus on helping your teen develop discernment and critical thinking skills. This approach will give them the confidence to make responsible choices independently in the long-term. 

Bringing up the topic of sex to your teen may feel uncomfortable at first, but your teen needs to know they can come to you with any questions without fear of judgment or shame. Open communication ensures they receive the guidance they need during this formative period. 

Questions to Ask Your Teen

  1. How do you determine what books are appropriate for your age? 
    This question encourages your teen to think critically about the content they consume. 

  2. Does the book portray what a healthy friendship or romantic relationship looks like? 
    This can lead to discussions about the difference between fictional portrayals and real-life relationships.     

  3. In some romance books, graphic sex scenes and unhealthy behaviours like manipulation and coercion are depicted. How do you think this can affect the way teens view relationships? 
    This question can help your teen reflect on the potential impact of the media they consume. 

Be open with your child and let them know they can always approach you to talk about these issues. By fostering an environment of trust and open dialogue, you can help your teen navigate the complexities of growing up in a digital age filled with varied and often conflicting messages about sex and relationships. 

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

The Preschool Parenting Playbook

Being a father has been one of the most fulfilling roles of my life. I cherish the relationship I have with my two kids, and take pride in seeing them grow and mature. Along this journey, I’ve had to think creatively and develop strategies to navigate challenging moments. Each breakthrough left me wishing, “If only I’d thought of that sooner!” 

In my parenting journey, I’ve learned that more knowledge goes a long way. This article shares tried-and-tested strategies I’ve used to help my family manage the challenges of early childhood development. I hope this list inspires you to design your own parenting playbook—strategies for each tricky situation you may encounter. 

‘Connection before correction’ encourages parents to understand what their child is going through before correcting their behaviour.

Important caveats before we begin 

  1. Be kind to yourself: No parent or child is perfect. The goal is to make gradual improvements over time. There will be days when both parents and children give in to big feelings due to transitions, illness, tiredness, stress, and more. Being kind to ourselves helps us stay refreshed, recover better from rough patches, and maintain a growth mindset needed to refine our parenting strategies continually. 

  2. Check on their H.A.L.T.: In challenging moments, mentally run through whether your child is Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, or Tired (H.A.L.T.). Young children often cannot articulate physical or emotional discomfort, resulting in emotional outbursts and challenging behaviours. Meeting your children’s H.A.L.T. needs can often soothe them in the moment. 

  3. Connection before correction, correction after connection: “Connection before correction” encourages parents to understand what their child is going through before correcting their behaviour. Connection is built daily by being present, giving full attention, and ensuring children feel heard. After connecting with your child, remember to correct their behaviour too. While discipline and guidance may feel unpleasant at times, they help children build relational skills and social awareness through developing sound values and consideration for others. 

 

The approaches below provide practical handles and are generally more appropriate for toddlers and preschoolers (18 months to 6 years). 

Calming Techniques 

These techniques help children calm themselves in overwhelming situations, such as intense fears, tantrums, or meltdowns. Note that they are usually more effective after you’ve taken time to hear them out (i.e. connection before correction). 

  1. Blow the birthday candle: This is my go-to method for calming my children after meltdowns or tantrums. Use your finger as a “birthday candle” for your child to “blow out.” If they are ready to engage in play, vary the motions of your finger (e.g. If they blew harder, I would shake my finger harder or make a funny noise, which usually makes them laugh). This technique encourages deep breathing, which helps calm the mind and body.

  2. Inflate the balloon: Place a hand on the child’s tummy and ask them to “inflate the balloon” by pushing out the hand as they breathe in. If they are ready for play, ask them to breathe out as if they were an inflated balloon being released, usually resulting in chuckles and a lighter mood.

  3. A tall tower: This educational activity is best carried out during playtime, rather than in the midst of a meltdown/tantrum. It involves having the child stack a tower of blocks and then taking a deep breath to blow it down. Remind them to take deep breaths and “blow the tower down” when they have big feelings.

  4. Press the button: Have the child use a finger to press something, and you make a funny noise or a random effect (e.g., the hand “flies away” or closes quickly to catch their finger). This fun distraction helps regulate intense emotions. After they calm down, provide comfort, guidance, or correction if needed.

  5. Find some trees and the sky: During difficult moments when no one is in the mood for play, take your child to a window or outdoors and ask them to find some trees or the sky. This approach teaches them to step away from a triggering event and discover the soothing effect of nature.

  6. Giving a hug: Sometimes, all a child needs is a hug or to sit in your lap. Physical affection helps young children feel safe and accepted, building safety and comfort in the parent-child relationship that allows for continued nurturing and guidance.

  7. Where is the pain: For managing physical pain from a fall or accident, validate your child’s experience (i.e., “That must have been very painful.”), and ask them to point out where the pain is. This keeps them from being overwhelmed and shifts their attention to minding their body, while allowing you to assess the injury. They usually calm down significantly, though they may still benefit from a long hug. 

Despite numerous scientific journals and research-backed parenting approaches, you are the expert on your child.

Coaxing Techniques 

These approaches encourage kids to be on task, such as finishing their food or getting into the shower. 

  1. Spaceship landing: Have your child open their mouth as a “space station” for the “spaceship” (a spoonful of food) to land. Variations include changing the scenery to a “train station,” “bus station,” and so on. Imagination is key! 

  2. End the song: Sing a line or two from a nursery rhyme and get your child to take a bite at the end of the song. Variations include making funny sounds or actions as they take a bite. 

  3. Say “ah” when done: Ask your child to say “ah” to show an empty mouth after taking a spoonful of food. This encourages them to eat and swallow their food quickly. 

  4. Volcano: Put a bit of soap into a bottle or bowl and jet it with water to create a foamy “volcano,” keeping your child occupied while bathing. Use this as an opportunity to teach values like recycling (by re-using plastic bottles or containers) or reducing wastage (not using too much soap and water during playtime). 

  5. Drinking animals: When my son was two, he fell and scraped his knee very badly. He was understandably inconsolable for close to an hour and refused to even take one step into the shower! To get him to make the first step, I got him to give his toy animals a drink in the shower. While this did not stop him from crying when the water hit, it at least reduced the tears from washing up! 

You are the Expert 

I’ve heard parents who share many difficult days with their kids. I also often observe the very same parents taking unique and effective approaches to nurture and soothe their children! Despite numerous scientific journals and research-backed parenting approaches, you are the expert on your child.  

This article represents my journey to discover what works best for my children. I hope it inspires you to create your playbook, and I’m sure you have much wisdom to share with fellow parents in your spheres! 

From Friendship to Relationship – What Does It Take?

“I still really like you. The past one and a half years, I never stopped liking you. I could not imagine myself with anyone else but you.” 

This is the third time he confessed to me. But this time, I felt sure and confident with my decision. With tears rolling down my cheeks and my heart bursting with excitement and relief, I blurted, 

“I like you too!” 

When I began to understand my feelings towards him, I thought I had missed my chance. This is the story of how my boyfriend and I navigated our 7-year friendship into a relationship, as well as the valuable lessons I learned along the way.

Value and protect friendship

Caleb and I used to just coexist in our church cell group and exchange a sentence or two every few months. But in 2021, suddenly, we had more opportunities to interact and found that we shared many similarities. Our friendship took off, and soon, we were chatting daily about anything and everything. I was excited to be making a new friend and didn’t think too deeply about it. However, about two months later, after dinner with some friends, he confessed that he had feelings for me. 

Stunned, I was silent for a while. I had never had a serious relationship before and didn’t know how to react to an in-person confession! I did not know enough about him to make a decision then, so I told him that we could get to know each other more intentionally, but without any expectations. We went out occasionally and texted frequently. I had one goal: to figure out if I really liked this guy.  

I realised that he had the qualities I was looking for in a partner, and we had natural teamwork. But I also learned that liking someone involves an emotional aspect, something I am terrible at navigating. I even asked friends what liking someone feels like. I received many interesting answers, such as feelings of warmth, butterflies, and even electricity, but these only added to my confusion.  

Logically, we seemed like a great fit. But why didn’t I feel drawn to him? Should I continue like this? Would that be fair for him? 

After much mental turmoil, I decided that it would be unfair to continue whatever we were doing because, emotionally, I simply did not feel the same way toward him. I felt anxious about breaking this to him because we had built such a strong friendship. But I knew that it was important to be honest with each other. As soon as I was sure of this decision, I brought it up the next time we met. It was painful for him, but he accepted it and reassured me that we could still be friends.  

When exploring a romantic relationship with a good friend, it can feel like more is at stake. The fear of losing a valued friendship might make us hesitant to take risks.

However, with careful and thoughtful communication, it is possible to navigate challenging situations.  

Communicate your boundaries 

We continued to be friends but stopped talking as frequently. Initially, it felt awkward, but after a few months, we felt comfortable around each other again.  

In December 2022, we were involved in several activities that allowed for more interactions. What started as casual small talk eventually grew into deep conversations. Our friendship was flourishing, but the lines between friendship and romance soon began to blur. 

Wanting to seek clarification, he met with me and expressed his continued feelings, wondering if I had felt the same. Suddenly, it felt like the friendship we had worked to rebuild was at risk of collapsing. I felt terrible for causing the misunderstanding and explained that I still saw him only as a good friend and couldn’t envision anything beyond that. That day, we both learned the importance of setting clear boundaries. 

In the context of friendships, boundaries can be emotional, physical, related to time spent together, and more. They communicate our preferences and needs, allowing us to enjoy the friendship.

While it may not feel natural to discuss boundaries with friends, we often feel safest around those who respect our limits. Therefore, it is beneficial to establish boundaries clearly to prevent miscommunication and ensure that neither party oversteps them.

Be honest with yourself 

Many months passed, and although we continued to work together closely, we were careful to give each other space. This gave me time to understand myself better and allowed him to recover from the disappointment. All was well until suddenly I felt a small shift in my heart. This began when a friendly gesture from him saved me from getting into trouble.  

We were in a church service, and I had forgotten to bring something important from home. Seeing my distress, he generously offered to rent a car, take me home to collect the item, and return it to church.  

This gave us an opportunity to catch up on each other’s lives and as we did that, something stirred in my heart. I made a conscious effort to be more attentive to my feelings and took the necessary time to process them thoroughly.  

When experiencing a surge of emotions, pay attention to them because they could help you understand yourself better (your wants, needs, likes, and dislikes). 

At the same time, be patient with yourself by responding and not reacting to your emotions. Responding looks like taking the time to acknowledge, accept, and process how you feel. For example, I acknowledged that when he went out of his way to help me, it made me feel valued. I was drawn to him for his thoughtful and selfless character, and I accepted that it was okay to like him!  

However, I allowed myself time and did not rush into things. Feelings take time to grow, and for some of us, it takes time to show.   

But I also faced scary thoughts such as, “After all that we’ve been through, could he have moved on? Am I too late?” 

After putting him through so much with the first two confessions, I doubted that he still felt the same way about me.   

I began to mentally dissect everything he did for me, in hopes of determining if he still had feelings.   

I also journaled about our interactions and how they made me feel. Over time, I finally understood what liking someone feels like! There was a time when he was experiencing a lot of stress from school, and I felt a deep desire to be there for him to encourage him. I never felt like this for anyone before, and I learned that liking someone means wanting to go out of my way to help them.  

Over time, my feelings for him deepened. One evening, he asked me to go for a run. But as fate would have it, a heavy downpour forced us to change plans. So, we had dinner and ice-cream, and he walked me home. As we reached the traffic junction near my house, I noticed he looked uneasy. My heart raced. And then, in that moment, a year and a half later since he first confessed his feelings, he looked at me with the same nervous intensity.  

For the third time, he confessed; and for the first time, I said “yes“.

From friendship to relationship, the journey was long and winding. It was filled with moments of doubt, frustration, and worry. But it was in these moments that I learned the true value of patience, communication, and self-awareness. Our story is a testament to the beauty of allowing feelings to grow naturally and the courage to embrace them when they do. 

So, if you find yourself on a similar path, remember: 

Sometimes, it takes a storm to bring you to the right place. And when it does, be brave enough to step into the rain.