Resource Type: Articles

How to Talk to Your Child About Sexuality

What Parents Need to Know About Sexuality Education  

Sexuality education helps children understand their bodies, manage emotions, and build healthy relationships. Parents play the most important role. Start early with simple explanations, grow the conversations gradually, and emphasise safety, respect, and family values. Keep discussions calm, honest, age–appropriate, and open so your child feels safe asking questions anytime. 

1. What Is Sexuality Education? 

Sexuality education is the process of teaching children about their bodies, emotions, relationships, boundaries, and safety in age–appropriate ways. It supports their healthy development, helps them recognise unsafe situations, and equips them to make responsible decisions grounded in respect for self and others. 

2. Why Should Parents Talk About Sexuality Early? 

Early conversations reduce fear, confusion, and misinformation by giving children a safe and accurate foundation. When parents initiate open discussions early, children are more likely to trust them, ask questions when unsure, and feel confident navigating changes in puberty, friendship dynamics, and exposure to harmful media. 

Read: When Should I Start Talking To My Child About Sex? 

3. What Should I Tell My Child at Different Ages?     

Ages 7–9: “What should my child know?” 

Give simple explanations about body differences, private parts, and bodily autonomy. Teach “good touch vs bad touch,” safety rules, and how to say “no” to inappropriate behaviour. Reinforce that they can always come to you if something feels wrong. 

View: Conversational Videos for Primary Schoolers 

Ages 10–12: “How do I prepare my tween for puberty?” 

Explain physical and emotional changes, mood shifts, and the meaning of boundaries and respect. Discuss online safety, unhealthy media, and how to manage curiosity. Encourage honest questions without shame. 

View: Conversational Videos for Tweens 

Teens: “What conversations matter most now?” 

Talk openly about identity, relationships, peer pressure, values, and the consequences of decisions. Reinforce respect, self-control, and your family’s beliefs about healthy relationships and commitment. 

4. How Do I Start a Conversation About Sexuality?

Start with everyday moments, such as books, questions, media clips, or real-life situations, then offer simple, honest explanations. Use calm tone, avoid overloading information, and check your child’s understanding. Praise them for asking, and reassure them that no question is “wrong” or embarrassing. 

5. What If My Child Asks an Unexpected or Difficult Question?

Stay calm, thank them for asking, and respond at their developmental level. If you’re unsure, say “Let me think about this and come back to you.” Follow through. Children learn trust when parents are steady, supportive, and available, even when the topic feels tricky. 

6. How Do I Teach My Child About Online Safety and Harmful Content?

Explain that some online content such as sexual images or pornography is not meant for children and can confuse or harm their understanding of healthy relationships.  

Teach them never to keep uncomfortable online experiences secret, and encourage them to talk to you immediately if something feels wrong. 

Read: Explaining Sex and Gender to Kids 

7. How Do We Reinforce Family Values in Sexuality Conversations?

Link facts to your family’s beliefs about respect, commitment, and healthy relationships.  

Share your values gently through stories, examples, or personal reflections. Children absorb values best in a warm environment where guidance is consistent and nonjudgmental. 

Read: What are Values and How Do They Affect Me? 

8. Parent Checklist: What Children Need to Hear

  • You can always talk to me about anything. 
  • Questions are welcome; curiosity is normal. 
  • Healthy relationships involve respect, responsibility, and kindness. 
  • Online content isn’t always safe or true. Come to me if you’re unsure. 

9. Common Questions Parents Ask

  • What if I feel awkward talking about sexuality? 

It’s normal to feel unsure. Start small, keep it factual, and remember that your child benefits more from imperfect conversations than none at all. 

Read: How to Cope with the Awkward Sex Talk 

  • How often should I revisit these topics? 

Make sexuality an ongoing conversation, not a one-off talk. Revisit topics as your child grows, encounters new situations, or shows curiosity. 

  • What if my child gets exposed to sexual content accidentally? 

Stay calm and ask what they saw. Reassure them, correct misunderstandings, and use the moment to teach safety, boundaries, and healthier ways to handle curiosity. 

Read: What to Do if Your Child Stumbles Upon Porn 

10. When Should I Seek Additional Support?

Seek help if your child shows distress, repeated exposure to harmful content, secrecy, or sudden behavioural changes related to sexuality. A counsellor can support you with tailored guidance and coaching. 

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Where Have the Good Men Gone?

At a Glance: 

  • Culture amplifies male failure
  • Good men do exist, but are less visible
  • Affirmation helps men grow
  • Encouragement doesn’t excuse harm
  • Visibility of good men will help shift culture 

It’s a question that has echoed across conversations, podcasts, and group chats: 
“Where have all the good men gone?” 

Sometimes it’s said jokingly. Other times, the question carries pain, frustration, and exhaustion. 

Beneath it lies a longing for men who are dependable, emotionally present, kind, humble, courageous, and self-aware – men who take responsibility, lead with integrity, and love well. 

For me, this question didn’t start in adulthood. 

It whispered first when I was a little girl living with an alcoholic father. 

I still remember waking up to the sharp stench of alcohol seeping through our tiny rental HDB flat, the walls thin, the fear familiar. 

Every night, I prayed for quietness. Every morning, I wondered which version of my father I would I be getting that day.  

The echo grew louder the night my parents had one of their many shouting matches. 

Afterwards, my mother said softly, “He looked like he wanted to hit me… but at least he didn’t.” 

I didn’t know much about love, but I knew enough to ask: 

Is this what a man is supposed to be? 
Is this what love looks like? 

As I grew older, the echoes followed me. 

When I heard boys in school talk about girls like objects. When stories of cheating became more common than stories of commitment. When friends cried not for romance, but for basic decency. 

Piece by piece, it felt like the world was proving that the painful narrative I had formed in my mind was real.  Maybe “good men” really are disappearing or are rare Pokemons to be found in distant places. 

Stories of good men 

But thankfully, life has brought me something I didn’t expect. The evidence that good men still exist. Men who were kind, humble, intentional. Men who showed up. Men who healed instead of hurt. 

I saw it in my youth leader, who championed the young women he led, guiding them, cheering for them, and treating them with dignity. 

I saw it in the male friends I grew up with, now becoming husbands and fathers, building homes marked by tenderness and responsibility. 

I saw it in my friend’s husband, who opened their home for me to stay during a difficult season. 
Watching how he loved and respected my friend gave me a front-row seat to a healthy marriage. 

I saw it in my own husband, who has loved me carefully and selflessly, even when my old wounds made it harder to do so. 

And I saw it in my godfather, who offered my husband and I his small studio apartment to live in while we waited for our flat to be ready – generosity without hesitation, support without condition. 

Through all these men, I realised something important: Good men aren’t “gone.” 

They were there. 
Often quiet. 
Often unseen. 
Often not trending. 

But they existed. The problem wasn’t extinction. It was visibility. 

Good men rarely go viral. They are not dramatic. They are not chaotic. They don’t create spectacle. They show up consistently. They build slowly. They choose responsibility over applause. 

And consistency doesn’t always make good headlines. 

Somewhere along the way, our culture became very skilled at spotlighting male failure, and very slow at celebrating male faithfulness.

When men fail, it becomes proof that “men are the problem.” 
When men love well, it’s often treated as the bare minimum. 

But what if we’ve underestimated the quiet power of affirmation? 

I’m not saying women are responsible for fixing men. 
And I’m certainly not suggesting we excuse abuse, immaturity, or irresponsibility. 

But I am asking a gentler question: If we long for good men, how are we responding when we see them? 

Do we honour integrity when it appears? 
Do we encourage emotional growth when it feels awkward and imperfect? 
Do we create space for men to admit weakness without shaming them for it? 

But what if we’ve underestimated the quiet power of affirmation? 

The importance of affirming men  

Because here’s something I’ve had to learn the hard way: Many men are trying but they are trying in a world that often assumes the worst about them. 

Boys grow up hearing that masculinity is toxic. Men grow up feeling that vulnerability is weakness. Husbands grow up afraid that if they fail once, they’ll be defined by it forever. 

When my husband chooses patience in a tense moment, I try to say it out loud: 
“I see how you handled that. Thank you.” When a male friend takes responsibility for his mistakes, I honour it instead of weaponising it later. When I see fathers playing gently with their children, I celebrate it. 

Affirmation does not inflate ego; it reinforces identity. It calls out and names what is good and praiseworthy. And people tend to grow in the direction of what is recognised. 

If all a boy grows up hearing that men are unreliable, immature, or unsafe, he may begin to lose faith in himself. 

But if he hears,
“I see the good in you,” 
“I trust your leadership,” 
“I believe you can do better,” 
something steady and hopeful begins to form within them. 

Again, this does not mean tolerating harm. Boundaries are meant to be respected. Accountability is necessary. 

But encouragement is a powerful, yet lost practice. 

The little girl in that tiny rental flat grew up believing men were unpredictable and dangerous. 

The woman I am now knows something different. 

I am grateful for the men who proved my childhood fears wrong. 

And I hope we become the kind of women, friends, wives, sisters, mothers, who recognise, nurture, and celebrate goodness when we see it. 

Not because men need applause for basic decency. 
But because culture shifts when what is good is made visible. 

Good men aren’t gone.  

They are being built – in homes, in churches, in friendships, in marriages, in quiet unseen places. 

Or sometimes they’re just waiting to be seen. 

The Family Future Makers programme provides development opportunities for young leaders who are keen to contribute as active citizens to uphold family values as foundational to nation-building in Singapore. Registration for our 2026 run of Family Future Makers is open! Register here: https://www.famchamps.sg/FFM2026. 

Teaching Kids About Empathy in an Anti-Empathy Culture

How can I teach my kids empathy? 

Teaching kids empathy starts with modeling emotional awareness, asking open-ended questions about feelings, and guiding them to understand others’ perspectives. Parents can use everyday situations—conversations, books, or conflict moments—to help children recognise emotions and respond with care. Consistency matters more than perfection. 

Our culture de-values empathy. Instead, there’s an emphasis on choosing to feed narcissism and apathy. Because of this, it’s more important than ever to teach our kids about empathy. 

If you’ve ever had difficulty understanding empathy, you’re not alone. In the past few years, empathy has become a dynamic term to mean a variety of things. At the same time, our culture seemingly de-values empathy instead choosing to cultivate narcissism, apathy, or even hatred. Because of this, it’s more important than ever to teach our kids about empathy. 

What is empathy for kids? 

Teaching kids empathy is essential for their emotional and social development. Empathy means being able to understand and share another person’s feelings—both their joys and their struggles. When practiced thoughtfully, empathy allows us to step into someone else’s experience and offer genuine support and understanding. 

Research shows that empathy strengthens relationships, builds trust, and helps children develop resilience and compassion.

Helping kids grow in empathy starts with modeling it ourselves. We can teach them to recognise their own feelings, manage them in healthy ways, and extend that awareness toward others. These skills not only nurture kindness but also equip children to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and care. 

Managing thoughts and feelings 

As a parent, you are your child’s first role model! Whether they are always engaged or not, they watch, listen, and observe your behaviour more than you know. When teaching your kids about empathy, remember that you can model healthy emotional intelligence. 

Help your children learn to manage their internal thoughts and feelings through asking specific questions. Such as: “What are you feeling right now?” or “What makes you feel that way?”  

Remember that your tone and facial expressions often convey more meaning than your words. 

Alongside asking key questions, be sure to include positive, supportive phrases directed towards your kids. Such as: “I’m so sorry” or “Please tell me more” or “I see how that is hard for you.” These phrases help our kids see that we support them and are present with them. 

Aside from asking personal questions and focusing on our kids’ situations, you can use examples such as books, movies, and family members to teach kids about empathy. Use these examples to help your kids practice managing their thoughts and emotions. 

Strategies for teaching kids about empathy

Empathy isn’t something you either have or lack. And it rarely is something that automatically develops without intentionality and love. 

Your parenting strategies matter. The family culture you create matters. Consider these strategies to support your ability to teach your kids about empathy. 

Understand and accept rather than judge 

Teaching kids about empathy does not have to be a guessing game. Show your kids that asking caring questions can be their best friend. When someone expresses intense emotions, it’s okay to ask them to explain the situation or their feelings as much as they’re willing to. 

Instead of staying silent and choosing to judge someone because of their emotional behaviour, show your kids they can take a moment to think through the situation. Teach your kids to ask themselves questions such as: 

  • Why are they feeling this? 
  • How would I feel if I was in their place? 
  • When have I had a similar experience? 
  • What should I not say right now? 

Model, then correct 

Remember, the goal is not to be perfect. Demonstrate that you are continuing to learn and grow just as you want your kids to develop their empathy. Acts of kindness such as serving others or encouraging your kids will help foster a culture of empathy. Model how to appropriately hold back hurtful comments or filter your social media responses. 

Once you’ve established positive moments, then you can help your kids understand disrespectful behaviour. Again, you can use family situations, books, or movies to teach your kids about when others are not empathetic. 

Guide and teach, don’t preach 

When your kids express their emotions or see other people’s emotions, they’re grappling with new ideas and potential vulnerabilities. These moments are critical to developing your child’s empathy, as well as strengthening your relationship with them. 

Avoid lecturing your children on what they should think or feel. Rather, help guide them to unpack their own perspective or point of view. Chances are, your kid might feel confused, scared, or worried. 

So, help your child step into the shoes of their friends. Instead of pointing out emotions that others express, ask your child questions such as: “What did their facial expressions tell you about their feelings?” or “What do you think they’re feeling?”  

Activities to teach kids about empathy 

Create a care centre 

For younger kids, consider creating a Care Centre to keep in your home or their backpack. Dr. Beck Bailey, founder of the program Conscious Discipline, describes a Care Centre as a simple box containing items to demonstrate empathy. These can include tissues, Band-Aids, or a small stuffed animal. Then, when your kids notice a sibling, friend, or parent who might be crying or seems sad, they can use the Care Centre to show empathy.  

Gifting meals to those in need 

When neighbours or family members go through tough situations, sometimes making a meal or treat can help encourage them! As a family, think about who you could bless by baking a batch of cookies or making your favourite meal. Then, as a family, drive or walk to their home and deliver the meal to those people in need. Taking it one step further, motivate your kids to write letters of support and encouragement. 

Volunteer work as a family 

For older kids, getting involved in volunteer work can be an excellent way to teach empathy towards others. Consider your kid’s passions so that they can choose a place to volunteer that they will enjoy. If you’re able, volunteer alongside your kids to show that you support their passions too. 

Despite a growing anti-empathy culture, we still can teach our kids about empathy. Cultivating the life skill of empathy takes time. Continue to commit yourself to guiding your kid towards treating others with kindness, encouragement, and empathy. 

© 2021 Focus on the Family. Used with permission. Originally published at focusonthefamily.com. 

Relationships in an AI-Driven World

At a glance: 

  • Humans are wired for real, embodied relationships, which require time, vulnerability, and discomfort. 
  • AI companions, algorithms, and convenience-based technologies can weaken social skills, distort intimacy, and reshape cultural norms such as marriage. 
  • Overreliance on AI contributes to loneliness, emotional underdevelopment, and unsafe reliance on AI for mental health support. 
  • Families, parents, and communities play a crucial role in modelling healthy relationships, protecting children, and advocating for strong social institutions. 

Human beings are relational by design, it’s part of who we are. That’s why deep, meaningful relationships aren’t merely a human desire; they’re essential to our overall wellbeing and flourishing. To be fully known and fully loved meets the deepest longings of the human heart. 

But real relationships are rarely convenient. They take time, vulnerability, and the willingness to be uncomfortable. They require forgiveness, patience, and presence. In fact, it’s often through the very inconveniences and frictional moments that trust is built and relationships strengthened. Strong relationships are forged in the slow, sometimes messy work of showing up — face to face, heart to heart. 

Today, however, AI is quietly reshaping the way we view, understand, and do relationships. It’s a powerful tool that delivers what we want, how and when we want it. But the question we must ask is: at what cost? 

How is AI shaping human identity?  

  • We are too easily pleased – AI companions are endlessly customisable to our preferences, and AI Chatbots are always available and affirming. Social media platforms, powered by AI algorithms, feed us content that mirrors our interests and personalities. We begin to mistake these digital interactions for genuine connection.

    Over time, this preference for convenience and control leads us to trade embodied presence for digital relationships.

    A 2023 WHO report reveals that one in six people worldwide experiences loneliness, with the highest rates among youths. Locally, a 2024 IPS survey found similar results. Ironically, this coincides with increasing digital connectedness. We are easily pleased by what feels comfortable and convenient, even when it makes us feel more isolated. 
    It is a vicious cycle: the more we depend on AI for connection, the less equipped we become to engage meaningfully with others, and the more we turn to AI. 
  • Loss of social skills – When the desire for real relationships fades, so too do the social skills that make them possible. These uniquely human abilities — constructive empathy, emotional regulation, and cognitive resilience — cannot be developed in isolation or through AI. They require real human interaction.

    As AI becomes more integrated into daily life, children may have fewer opportunities for face-to-face connection than previous generations. Without these experiences, they risk losing the ability to manage emotions, navigate conflict, and work toward reconciliation. For young adults, this can lead to anxiety around in-person interactions, making it harder to form friendships or pursue healthy dating relationships.

    This creates a vicious cycle: the more we depend on AI for connection, the less equipped we become to engage meaningfully with others, and the more we turn to AI. 
  • Accessibility at the cost of safety – AI’s accessibility has its pros and cons. For example, while generative AI tools can simulate empathy, they lack the human ability to discern emotional nuance or assess risk.

    Licensed mental health professionals are trained to detect subtle cues, evaluate self-harm risks, and provide appropriate interventions. AI cannot do this. In some tragic cases, AI chatbots have even “coached” vulnerable users toward suicide. Ethical lapses in AI design can have devastating consequences.

    Technology can be a helpful tool, but it should never replace the wisdom, compassion, and accountability of real human care. 

  • Redefining culture’s understanding of “marriage” – While stories of individuals “marrying” AI avatars may still raise eyebrows and are not yet legally recognised, such acts are increasingly accepted as expressions of self-autonomy in today’s postmodern culture. Yet, as the saying goes, ideas have consequences — and bad ideas have victims.

    AI offers only a piecemeal illusion of intimacy — a shadow of the wholeness found only in the marital union of husband and wife. 

    Marriage serves a purpose far greater than the couple alone. It is a complete, complementary, exclusive, and permanent union between an embodied husband and wife, designed to potentially bring forth new life through a complementary sexual union. 

    AI reduces sex, meant to be a beautiful lifegiving, selfgiving union between husband and wife, to a fruitless, mere selfgratification act with a screen.

    When an expressive, individualistic culture — aided by technology — reduces marriage to mere feelings of attraction alone, we risk losing the only institution that has consistently proven to be the safest environment for children. A strong society must always protect its most vulnerable members — children. 

What can we do about it?  

Just because AI can do many things, does not mean it should. Here are a few suggestions to become more human than ever, in an AI-driven world:  

You can let AI lighten your logistical load: ask it to find a convenient meeting spot or list transport options — then focus your energy on being fully present with others. 

  • Build real connections in person. Don’t neglect meeting family and friends in person. Real relationships require time, intentionality, and the willingness to sit with discomfort. It’s through these moments that trust and resilience are built.

    Make space in your schedule for meaningful connection and shared life with others. And when you need help, seek it from trained, licensed mental health professionals — not from AI.

    You can let AI lighten your logistical load: ask it to find a convenient meeting spot or list transport options — then focus your energy on being fully present with others.

  • Build healthy relationships in children. Parents, with your unique proximity and influence, play a vital role in shaping how children understand and experience real relationships. Dr. Kathy Koch, founder of Celebrate Kids, Inc., identifies five core needs that help children grow in confidence, health, and toward flourishing:

    Security – Who can I trust? 
    Identity – Who am I? 
    Belonging – Who wants me? 
    Purpose – Why am I alive? 
    Competence – What do I do well? 

    Young children, whose brains are rapidly developing, need to learn about trust and real relationships through human interaction, not artificial ones. Avoid AI toys that simulate companionship. Instead, choose toys that are developmentally appropriate and encourage creativity, problem-solving, and hands-on play. 

    Beyond meeting these five core needs, fathers and mothers also have distinct and complementary roles in parenting. A healthy marital relationship models for children what conflict resolution, communication, and service look like — all essential for forming resilient, thriving human relationships.

  • Build support for strong marriages and families. Finally, use your voice to advocate for the protection and promotion of the institution of marriage. True human flourishing depends on the strength of our relationships and the welfare of future generations. 

    Engage respectfully and thoughtfully in both online and offline discussions. Write forum letters, participate in community dialogues, or join reading groups that help you articulate your convictions with both compassion and truth.  

    When we speak up for what is good and right — with humility and charity — we help shape a culture that values life and real human connections. 

AI should serve as a mere tool to strengthen our relationships with others, not replace them. When we choose presence over convenience, truth over illusion, and self-sacrificial love over self-interest, we reflect what it truly means to be human — we help our families, and our society, flourish as they were meant to. 

This is Part 2 in a series on Sex & Sexuality in an AI-Driven World. Read Part 1 here. 

I Asked Youths, What is the Point of Dating?

In an era of dating apps, instant messaging, and endless choice, many youths are choosing no one. A survey done showed that 2 in 5 Singaporean youths, aged 22-29, have never been in a relationship (National Youth Council et al., 2024). 

Dating, traditionally understood as a period of exploration and getting to know others, learning about oneself, and making mistakes along the way has taken on a much heavier meaning for youths today. 

Based on conversations I had with 16 youths aged 17–35 across relationship stages, dating is understood as: An intentional and often exclusive romantic relationship that goes beyond friendship. It involves commitment, emotional intimacy, and prioritising one another, with the purpose of getting to know each other deeply—values, boundaries, and compatibility—often with an eye toward marriage. 

As dating has come to be seen less as a space for exploration and more as a high-stakes commitment tied to long-term outcomes, many youths hesitate to begin at all. 

Why Are Youths Not Dating

1. Dating, a high barrier to entry 

To many youths, dating is no longer a light or exploratory experience. When asked about factors deterring them from dating, many youths cited dating as a high-commitment decision—emotionally demanding, time-consuming, and, for some, financially burdensome.  

“Dating is time-consuming, a lot of commitment is required.” 

“I would choose to actively abstain from relationships in a future, as freedom for me is important.” 

Rather than a space to learn about themselves or others, dating has become a focused pathway toward marriage, one that requires seriousness and clear intention from the start. 

Because of this, many youths assume that any early flaw or imperfect level of commitment signals an inevitable breakup. When breakups are framed as failure, dating starts to feel risky—something to enter only when conditions are ideal. As a result, dating is seen as a high-stakes test of lifelong compatibility and a direct route to marriage. 

2. Unhealthy modelling of love 

Before many youths ever experience their first relationship, they have already learned what love looks like—through conflict at home, divorce, heartbreak, and broken relationships around them. Through these lived and observed experiences, relationships become associated with instability, emotional turmoil, and pain. 

“I do not want to repeat the same mistakes my parents made.”  

“Growing up, my relationship with my parents has given me the idea that marriage is a burden and is painful.” 

When love is modelled as something that hurts, fear naturally follows. For many youths, that fear triggers a protective response: emotional walls being built, and independence is chosen instead—because it feels safer, more predictable, and more within their control. 

3. Idealised expectations of love 

Many youths are not opposed to love or relationships. Instead, they speak about waiting for the “right time,” often with the mindset, “If it comes, it comes.” Beneath this patience, however, lies an idealised understanding of love. 

“I’m not in a rush to start dating for practical reasons like building up work and finances and even my spiritual [being] and everything.” 

“Being ready means someone who worked on themselves for a long time and reached a certain level of being confident they have something to offer to someone else. Also, being developed in different aspects of life in mental, emotional, spiritual, financial stability. Attract somebody of similar development as me.” 

Love is increasingly expected to arrive already stable—emotionally, financially, and in the same life stage. Conflict or misalignment is often read as incompatibility rather than part of growth. Influenced by idealised narratives of “the one,” youths hold high expectations not only of their partners but also of themselves, leaving little room for love to develop through uncertainty. In this context, waiting feels safer than trying, because trying risks discovering that neither the relationship nor the people in it are fully formed yet. 

But no one enters relationships at perfection. Love is not meant to begin after growth—it is where growth, understanding, and resilience are formed alongside another person. 

What’s the issue?

If youths are taking love seriously, then the issue is not a lack of intention—it is postponement. Dating is delayed not because youths do not desire connection, but because they fear vulnerability and the possibility of failure. When breakups are framed as personal failure, emotional safety begins to feel wiser than emotional risk. 

As seriousness replaces curiosity, dating loses its role as a space for learning. Relationships are not something we earn after a period of intentional personal growth; they are one of the main conduits that growth happens. Yet many youths believe love should only begin once they are fully “ready”—after stability, clarity, and healing. In a failure-averse culture, this expectation turns uncertainty into something to avoid rather than navigate. 

The result is a paradox: love is deeply valued, yet endlessly deferred. But no one enters relationships at perfection. Love is not meant to begin after growth—it is where growth, understanding, and resilience are formed alongside another person. This leads to the real question: how can youths remain open to love without lowering their standards or exposing themselves to unnecessary emotional harm? 

Reframing our mindset towards love 

1. Know your values, not a list

Opening your heart does not mean abandoning intention. Dating can still be taken seriously, with marriage as a long-term consideration, while allowing room for discovery. Knowing your primary values and the beliefs you cannot compromise on matters more than curating a flawless ideal. By all means set intentions, but resist turning them into rigid standards that leave no room for real, human connection. 

Start small, allow relationships to unfold, and remember that choosing to try is already an act of strength. 

2. Be okay with being vulnerable 

Past hurt does not disqualify you from love. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is the courage to feel, reflect, and try again with greater self-awareness. Fear is natural, but avoiding connection only deepens it. Start small, allow relationships to unfold, and remember that choosing to try is already an act of strength. 

3. Grow with challenges and uncertainty  

You will never be fully “ready” for love, and waiting for perfection only postpones growth. Dating is not about guaranteeing stability or outcomes; it is about learning who someone is without a set timeline. Stability is built, not promised. Relationships move through seasons, mistakes, and uncertainty, and love often grows alongside clarity, not after it.   

Approach love with curiosity 

While it is admirable that youths today take love seriously with a deep care and value for meaningful connections, love doesn’t require perfection or certainty to grow. By approaching it with curiosity in learning about someone’s life, their journey, and how your paths might fit together, you allow yourself to grow alongside them, rather than waiting for the “perfect” moment. 

Join communities with shared values, meet new people through friends and family, and see dating as a chance to explore and understand. Love is best embraced in spite of uncertainty, so keep an open heart, stay curious, and let relationships be a space for shared growth. 

The Family Future Makers programme provides development opportunities for young leaders who are keen to contribute as active citizens to uphold family values as foundational to nation-building in Singapore. Registration for our 2026 run of Family Future Makers is open! Register here: https://www.famchamps.sg/FFM2026.

How to Respond When Friends Reveal Tension in Their Marriage

It usually begins with a simple admission. But that admission changes everything. 

One minute you’re exchanging small talk with a friend over coffee. Then, out of the blue, your friend blurts out, “John and I had a horrible fight last night.” 

Suddenly it’s no longer just idle chitchat; your friend is divulging serious stuff about her marriage. She may be reaching for a tissue, or fuming in frustration. And you — how are you feeling at this point? 

 

If you’re like most people, you’re at least a little uncomfortable by now. And it’s not just because you’re upset over your friend’s distress or feeling awkward about being privy to very personal details. For most of us, if we’re wise, there’s something more. We also feel a weighty sense of caution. 

 

It’s not as if our friend is simply struggling with a mouthy teenager or a difficult boss. Conflict between a married couple is unique. We’re the outsider here, and we certainly don’t want to make a misstep that wounds the marriage even more. 

So what should we say — and what should we not say — if we want to help our friend? Here are some guidelines to help. 

Don’t rush to offer advice 

In a U.S. survey of relationship advice shared between friends, Bill Doherty, director and professor at the University of Minnesota’s Family Social Science department, found that many people bungle it when friends turn to them for help. High numbers of confiders reported their friends’ responses were unhelpful, hurtful or even harmful to their marriage. 

And the No. 1 blunder confidants make? It seems we’re much too quick to dispense “Dear Abby” advice. “The most common mistake people make is early advice, premature advice or specific advice,” says Doherty. 

Very often, friends troubled by conflict with their spouse just want to be comforted and encouraged by a neutral third party who will listen to them and pray for them. 

When a friend confides in us, we can feel pressure to offer wise counsel — to prove our friend’s trust in us was not misplaced — but often that’s not what our friend is after. In fact, our friend may very well resent advice that wasn’t asked for or resent the presumption that we immediately have the solution for a painful, complex issue. 

Very often, friends troubled by conflict with their spouse just want to be comforted and encouraged by a neutral third party who will listen to them and pray for them. We can serve our friends well when we remember we’re not a trained counsellor and focus instead on doing what friends do best. 

Do evaluate risk and appropriateness 

As a good friend and confidant, our most pressing responsibility is to triage the situation. That means listening carefully for clues that suggest that either they, their spouse or their marriage might be in immediate danger. 

In his training sessions, Doherty astutely teaches Marital First Responders to be alert for signs of the triple-A threats: 

  • Abuse (physical, emotional or sexual) 
  • Addictions 

In addition, it’s important to watch for: 

  • The possibility of divorce 
  • Thoughts of suicide 

If you see signs of any of these threats, don’t try to support your friend alone: Your friend urgently needs professional help. 

Also remember that understanding what your friend is thinking is just as important as following the events they’re recounting. Your friend may be in denial, confused or not fully comprehending the seriousness of their situation. Friends help friends find the help they need. And if necessary, friends gently convince friends of their need. So don’t be thrown off guard when your friend downplays their situation with comments like: 

  • “If I’d had the kids ready on time like I’m supposed to, he wouldn’t have been so mad.” 
  • “I really value my co-worker’s friendship. She helps me understand where my wife’s coming from.” 
  • “I know I overreacted a bit. I just need the wine to relax, that’s all.” 

Check for appropriateness 

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for a friend is to put the brakes on what they’re sharing about their husband or wife. (And who hasn’t, at one time or another, slipped up and shared a little too indiscriminately about his or her spouse?) 

It’s a good habit to ask yourself, right up front, Does my friend legitimately need to talk through this frustration — or will I help his or her marriage even more by halting them from violating his or her spouse’s trust?) 

In their book, Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, Joe and Michelle Williams warn that highly personal information about a spouse should not be divulged to friends without first obtaining the spouse’s permission. In particular, they warn against sharing about: 

  • Sexual problems 
  • Private struggles your spouse has told you in confidence or that only the two of you know about (except for abuse or other illegal activities, of course) 
  • Childhood trauma or abuse that your spouse has not shared publicly 
  • Past sins that your spouse has confessed and repented of 
  • Anything your spouse has shared in detail during a counselling session 
  • Negative comments about someone else — especially another family member — that your spouse may have told you in private 

Our role, as a concerned friend, is to support our friend by supporting their marriage. It’s not our role to figure out who is right and who is wrong.  

Don’t take sides 

Counsellors are trained to remain objective when hearing complaints from one spouse against the other. But for us — a sympathetic friend without the benefit of similar training — staying neutral in the face of our friend’s or close relative’s distress can be surprisingly difficult. All the same, remaining objective is crucial. 

Our role, as a concerned friend, is to support our friend by supporting their marriage. It’s not our role to figure out who is right and who is wrong. We’re only hearing one side of the story, and even then, we’re only hearing what our friend is choosing to reveal. 

“In trying to show our friend sympathy, we can easily slide into making negative comments about their spouse and to start taking sides,” warns Wendy Kittlitz, vice president of counselling and care ministries at Focus on the Family Canada. “We might say things like, ‘How could he say that? What a jerk!’ Instead of being helpful, we’re adding fuel to our friend’s negative feelings about their spouse, and we can do a lot of damage.” 

Within families, the instinctive urge to console and protect a wounded daughter, son, sister or brother by siding against the “in-law” is especially strong. Leaving one spouse feeling alienated and maligned, however, just throws one more tricky hurdle in a couple’s path to reconciliation. Also remember that even the “supported” spouse will very likely feel insulted by negative attitudes toward his or her partner.  

Do offer empathy 

Offering empathy is a powerful way to help a friend without diminishing their marriage. 

“When we rehearse grievances about our spouse with another person, it often makes those grievances grow in our mind,” says Kittlitz. “A good friend doesn’t inflame those grievances, but calms the situation down, and a good way to do that is by showing empathy.” 

To show constructive empathy, focus the discussion on your hurting friend’s feelings — not on their spouse or their spouse’s offense. You’ll know you’re headed in the right direction if you use the words I and you a lot. You can say things like: 

  • “I’m sorry you have to go through something so painful.” 
  • “I’m guessing you’re really confused right now.” 
  • “It sounds like you’re extremely hurt and disappointed. I would be too.” 

With calmer feelings comes greater clarity – often including the realisation that both spouses contributed to the problem. 

Listen for softer feelings hidden under intense feelings like anger, says Doherty. “Almost always underneath those hard feelings are the softer feelings, like I feel sad, I feel hurt, I feel insecure. People often lead with the hard, protective feelings, but the softer, more vulnerable feelings are often a pathway towards understanding and healing.”  

When hurts have been acknowledged and validated, calmer feelings usually follow. And with calmer feelings comes greater clarity – often including the realisation that both spouses contributed to the problem. 

Offer perspective, maybe 

Often a good friend and confidant who knows the couple well can speak life and hope into the situation by offering a more balanced perspective. 

In contrast to giving advice, offering perspective is not directive (i.e., pushy). It’s a much more sensitive approach that waits to ensure the hurting friend feels heard and understood before gently suggesting alternative (and more positive) ways of looking at the situation. 

Here are some examples of how you might halt a friend’s runaway train of negative thoughts regarding their spouse’s motives or character: 

  • “I’m not certain he intentionally set out to hurt you by doing that. What do you think?” 
  • “John’s a pretty complex guy. Can you imagine hidden stresses and fears that might have prompted him to say that?” 
  • “I hear you when you say John doesn’t handle money well — you would know much more about that than I — but there are other things about John you can be proud of. I’ve always admired how much time he devotes to you and the kids. He’s a real family man.” 

Help them identify issues they may not realise are common to many couples and usually temporary: 

  • “I’ve heard a lot of other couples say the same thing: Having little kids leaves little time or energy for a great sex life. But it does get better.” 
  • “I think middle-age crisis really is legit. I know several couples who hit a real rough patch. But the feelings of dissatisfaction do settle down again — and many people say the second half of life is the most satisfying.” 

When you next find yourself sitting across the table from one of your distraught friends, you may feel that you have little to offer other than empathy. But don’t underestimate the value of your friends’ feeling heard and understood, and of knowing they have a trusted friend who cares about them — and who also cares about their marriage. 

© 2016, 2025 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved. Used with permission. 

3 Ways to Help Your Child Deal with Peer Pressure

Secondary school was the first place where I learnt about peer pressure, both from firsthand experiences and watching others go through it. One valuable lesson not only taught me about dealing with peer pressure but showed me that it was possible to say no and to be a champion and stand up to it. 

We had one phone line in our house in those days — a very different experience than everyone having a mobile phone. We had several phones at home that tied into that single phone line. One afternoon, the phone rang. I was in the back of the house near one phone, while my twin brother Jeff was in the kitchen near the other one. We both picked up the phone at the same moment. 

“Hello?” Jeff said before I could speak, not knowing I was listening on the other line. 

“Hey, Jeff, this is Willie.” 

“What’s up?” Jeff asked. 

“We’re having a sleepover tomorrow night, and we want you to come.” 

“Sounds good.” 

“One more thing,” Willie continued. “The guys and I were talking, and we only want you to come. Don’t bring your brother, John.” 

There was a long pause. 

That’s a lot of pressure for a secondary school student. These weren’t just any guys inviting Jeff over for a sleepover; they were the cool guys. But he was also being pressured to do something that would hurt another person — in this case, his brother. There are many people, siblings or not, who would have given in to the crowd and who would have put their need for acceptance over doing what’s right for someone else. Not everyone would risk being shamed or cut off. 

My heart raced as I listened. Jeff finally spoke. “No way, Willie. If you want me to come, then John is coming too. You get both of us or neither of us.” 

“Uh… Well, okay.” Willie started backtracking like crazy. “It was just going to be kind of crowded. But no problem. He can come too.” 

Years later, I told Jeff that I had been on the other line during that conversation and how much his saying no had meant to me. His decision to stand up to peer pressure was something I’ve never forgotten. 

Kids and peer pressure 

You may have a child who, like Jeff, seems to have been born resistant to peer pressure. Your child is someone who the crowd can try to push all day, but they don’t budge. They have a firm sense of right and wrong, plus a sense of independence that doesn’t seem to care about what the crowd wants. 

However, it’s just as likely that you have the opposite type of child — one more like me. 

Because of their personality, desire to be popular, or a long list of other reasons, these kids can struggle with peer pressure. These kids need to know and learn that they can become peer pressure champions. It just takes a little bit of help and a parent who is willing to work with them. 

Here are three things that can help them deal with peer pressure. 

1. Help your kids learn how to spot peer pressure  

As your child moves into adolescence, they need to see what peer pressure is in real-life situations. You can use a definition of peer pressure that helps kids to understand the reality behind the term, for example: 

“Peer pressure is when someone wants you to move a boundary and cross a line you know you shouldn’t cross. These people do that by pushing you with their words: pressuring you with threats of cutting ties or wearing you down by continually nudging you to do something.”  

The two sides of peer pressure 
Once you’ve shared this definition with your kids, it’s time to narrow it down. Help your child to realise that the time is coming when they will face the two sides of peer pressure: 

        1) “I can’t miss it”, and 

        2) “It’s not going to hurt anyone”. 

The “I can’t miss it” side of peer pressure comes when someone flat out asks your child to erase or ignore a boundary. For instance, they may ask them to take drugs or do something illegal or harmful. Often, when a child says no to this thing they can’t miss, the person pressuring them may move to a sneakier tactic. 

Here is where someone tries to water down the consequences and make it look more attractive. They may say, “Come on. It’s not going to hurt anyone.” Perhaps they’ll use the phrase, “Everyone is doing it.” 

2. Teach your kids how to deal with peer pressure 

Once you’ve shared what peer pressure is, give your kids some tools to use when the challenge is real. Here are four tools that we gave to our kids. We encourage you to sit down with some older parents and determine which things helped their children. Come up with a list of tools for your kids as well. Chances are, you’ll create your own list of tools for your kids to choose from when they need them most.

A. Give your kids permission to make you the bad guy
We permitted our daughters to make us the bad guys anytime they needed to get out of doing something wrong. For example, a friend at school once asked them to go to a party they knew they shouldn’t attend. We always had things on the list for the girls to do, whether it be chores or a family movie night so that they could say in all honesty, “That sounds like you’re going to have a great time. But my parents have something going on that I need to help them with.” It was one option they could use when they needed to say no to peer pressure. 

Knowing we were available to help allowed them to make good decisions and move away from harmful circumstances. 


B. Be their driver 24/7/365. All they have to do is call. 
We told both of our girls that if they ever got into a situation where someone was pushing them to cross a boundary or had made a wrong choice for themselves, that they could call us anytime. 24/7. No questions asked. They knew they had an escape clause from challenging situations, and each of them used it several times. 

We did talk about the circumstances later. But at that moment when the phone rang, and we knew it was a call for help, our daughters knew they wouldn’t hear a lecture right then. We never demanded an explanation or poured shame on them during the car ride home. For example, one instance was the night the girls left a movie and ended up at a party. They knew they needed to leave. They knew we were a phone call — not an angry lecture — away. Knowing we were available to help allowed them to make good decisions and move away from harmful circumstances.

C. Give them a code word if they need help
In addition to knowing that we would come to pick them up anytime, we gave our daughters a code word to use as well. For example, there were days that the phone would ring, and I’d hear, “Hey, Dad.” The tone in their voice made it clear that something was wrong. 

So we’d say to our daughter, “Say blue if you’re having fun or green if you want us to come and get you.” The code word gave them a way of calling for help if they were in a situation where they couldn’t talk openly. 

Practising saying “no” to peer pressure and learning how to deal with it gave our kids more confidence and strength when it came time to use it. 

D. Role play saying “No”
Helping your kids be comfortable with the word “no” before they get into a challenging situation is critical. For some kids, role-playing the three previous steps can help make them more comfortable standing up to peer pressure. Practising saying “no” to peer pressure and learning how to deal with it gave our kids more confidence and strength when it came time to use it. 

3. Coach them on how to live through the response  

You’ve defined peer pressure for your kids and have given them some tools to use when facing that pressure. But it’s also essential that you coach them on how to be ready for the other person’s reaction. 

If someone asks or pushes you to do something you don’t feel is right, if they are a real friend and are wise, they will back off when you’re saying no. Real friends won’t try another track to try and get you to cave in. Instead, they will respect your boundaries and will love and respect you more for calling them out. 

However, if you try and correct someone who refuses to listen, they will often get angry with you. 

Talk with your kids now about how, even if someone gets upset that you won’t go along with their demands, you don’t have to give in to their anger. They can call you as a parent, move away from that person, or get help from another friend or adult. 

If someone keeps pushing your child to do the wrong thing, tell them it’s okay to redefine the relationship. Let them know that it’s okay to still care for that person, but perhaps it’s time to move from being best friends to someone you say hello to at school. Coach your kids that they have a choice not to allow anyone to push them into doing wrong. They always have the option of saying no. 

Becoming a peer pressure champion 

Peer pressure is real. Be sure to talk about dealing with peer pressure early and often, as it will become a reality the older they get. Help your kids spot peer pressure, gain tools to deal with it, and be strong enough to deal with someone’s reaction to their saying no. Mastering these three tips will help your kid become a peer pressure champion. 

© 2020 Focus on the Family and Dr. John Trent. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Published at focusonthefamily.com. 

Managing Expectations Around Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, along with the flood of social media posts and grand expressions of love that follow suit. Between bouquets of roses and bookings at fancy restaurants, this social phenomenon builds an idea of love that is founded on big gestures. 

But does the absence of flowers really indicate an absence of love? 

Often, our idea of love is shaped by our background—our culture, family, social circles, etc.—and what the modern world tells us is that when someone loves you, they spend on you. As we look at the curated highlights of relationships online, we may start to form a rose‑tinted view of what affection looks like. With that, our brains are primed to expect much, and even if we don’t necessarily agree with these expectations, we may still be influenced by them in one way or another. 

When reality doesn’t meet expectation, disappointment and insecurity can arise and create tension in relationships, and if we’re not careful, they can end up coming between us and our partner. But what we need to realise is this: love can be expressed in many different forms, not just stereotypical ones—and if we are able to open ourselves up to receive it as it comes, we can experience much more satisfaction in our relationship. 

Although your partner might have missed out on the long love note you were hoping for, perhaps they’ve been loving you in quieter ways that have gone unnoticed. And while unmet hopes can be disappointing, they do not immediately signal a lack of care or devotion. So how do we navigate expectations in a way that holds space for love to flourish in the relationship? 

Managing your own expectations  

Having desires is normal – We all have basic needs to be seen, understood and valued. The problem comes when our hopes become unrealistic, uncommunicated, or inflexible. 

Here are some strategies to manage your expectations so they don’t inadvertently sabotage your happiness: 

  1. Reflect on the deeper need 

Often, unmet hopes reflect a deeper need. For example, “I’m not upset about not receiving flowers from my significant other. I’m upset because I appreciate flowers, and when he buys them, I feel seen and valued. When he doesn’t, what hurts is the feeling that my need to be noticed and appreciated hasn’t been met.” 

Our emotions have many layers, and often our initial emotional response may lend weight to something deeper. If you find yourself upset by something seemingly superficial, it may be worth considering if there’s a deeper need beneath it, and if there is, is it your partner’s responsibility to meet that need for you? 

  1. Discuss your expectations

Unfortunately, your partner is not a mind reader. Social media often pushes the idea that “If he wanted to, he would”. However, the reality is that our partners may come from different backgrounds from us or simply have different ways of thinking. Expressing our desires in a clear yet loving way can both strengthen trust and reduce misunderstanding. The less room we leave for assumptions, the better.  

This can sound like: “I feel __ when you __, and I would prefer if you ___”, which softens defensiveness and opens space for real listening. 

Additionally, verbalising your wishes isn’t just about coming up with a list of demands. It’s also about opening the opportunity to discuss if the desire is realistic. While expressing your expectations are good, it can be unfair to your partner if those wishes don’t consider their preferences. Talk it out and be willing to meet in the middle. 

When you begin to notice the effort and love that your partner has put into the relationship, it can also help you to hold less tightly to the expectations you have of them. 

  1. Stay curious, not critical 

Loving your partner means opening yourself up to receive the love they show you. If we come to the relationship without assumptions about what they should be doing for us, we can cultivate a curiosity that leads to appreciation and nourishing acts. When you begin to notice the effort and love that your partner has put into the relationship, it can also help you to hold less tightly to the expectations you have of them.  

Research shows that responsiveness, or the feeling that your partner understands, supports and values you is key to relationship satisfaction. This responsiveness is built not just through costly gestures but through the small everyday acts of love that promote security and trust in the relationship. As such, learning to appreciate and celebrate the little things can be pivotal in relationship building. 

When you’re facing your partner’s high expectations  

While learning how to be responsive in your relationship is important, caving in to your partner’s ideal hopes can sometimes be unrealistic or unsustainable and may ultimately be detrimental to your relationship. Here are some ways you can navigate through the expectations in a way that’s loving to both you and your partner. 

  1. Understanding their perspectives 

Conversations about desires can become a context to building mutual understanding between you and your partner. Our desires are shaped by our past experiences – family dynamics, past relationships, cultural beliefs etc., and often unrealistic expectations may be tied to unmet needs. By approaching these conversations with empathy and understanding, we show our partner that we care about their perspectives. This can lead to greater insight into where their desires stem from – and what they really need — allowing you both to address the real issue.

  1. Acknowledge the need 

When it comes to addressing the real issue, people often just want to feel heard and understood. So, listening actively and acknowledging your partner’s needs can help to ease their frustration, even before working out what needs to happen. Through clarification, you may realise that you can meet the underlying needs in a way that makes sense to you both.  

Setting clear but loving boundaries can prevent misinterpretation – it’s vital for your partner to understand that your inability to meet their expectations does not reflect how much you value them or how committed you are. 

  1. Setting clear but loving boundaries 

Relationships are about give and take, and it’s vital to recognise when it’s important to agree to your partners requests and when not to. If there are expectations that you cannot reasonably meet, it’s important to communicate that honestly before frustration builds up.  

Setting clear but loving boundaries can prevent misinterpretation – it’s vital for your partner to understand that your inability to meet their expectations does not reflect how much you value them or how committed you are. Here’s where using “I” statements with tact and love can be helpful.

For example,  “I want you to feel celebrated and loved, especially during special occasions, but I’m also trying to be more intentional about how we spend our money. Maybe we can come up with traditions that focus more on time together than on big purchases.”  

These conversations, along with compromise and collaboration, allow your relationship to become a safe space to navigate through expectations together. 

Expectations are not a bad thing, and part of growing in relationships is figuring out how to navigate through them together. It’s a balancing act of both learning how to meet each other’s needs and appreciating the care that is already present in your relationship, even if it’s less obvious.  

As we learn how to celebrate love in the different ways it comes, let’s hold onto each other with grace and patience. 

Identity in an AI-Driven World

Technology profoundly affects how we think about the world and imagine our role in it, both of which shape our sense of self. In an AI-driven world, we wonder if the question of human identity can finally be answered, or if it leaves us more lost than ever.  

What is AI? 

AI is a broad spectrum of technological capabilities that mimics human intelligence in areas such as decision-making and pattern recognition. In this sense, AI isn’t entirely new, and has brought about significant improvements to our way of life. 

However, AI is rapidly gaining dominance in our everyday lives, as its capabilities continue to develop powerfully at a pace ahead of legal and ethical frameworks needed to preserve and protect public good.  

Every human, male and female, is uniquely created for human flourishing and has equal, inherent worth. Without it, we would have no claim to equal dignity.  

 How is AI shaping human identity?  

Traditionally, a person’s identity is shaped by external structures such as family, religious institutions and social communities. In other words, the human identity is given and learnt by subscribing to a higher authority, and an understanding of the self can only be found in relation to outward-directed activities with others.  

Shifts in worldview have challenged this traditional approach to understanding human identity and the self. In today’s AI-driven, postmodern culture, identity is increasingly seen as something constructed inwardly, based on one’s subjective feelings and desires. Uninhibited self-expression becomes one’s highest goal, with the highest authority being the individual. This is the worldview behind language such as “you do you”, “live your truth”, and “follow your heart”. 

All of us hold multiple identities depending on our culture, community, work, and family; however, our core human identity remains universal. Every human, male and female, is uniquely created for human flourishing and has equal, inherent worth. Without it, we would have no claim to equal dignity.  

While AI didn’t directly cause this major shift in worldview on identity, its (growing) powerful capabilities has supercharged this trajectory in some areas. 

Confusion 

When we equate our feelings to our identity, we confuse how we are for who we are. With AI’s text-to-image and photo-editing capabilities becoming more realistic, and as its algorithms learn and predict how we use technology, the line between real and virtual is slowly disappearing. As a result, youths today are more vulnerable to embracing alternative identities that are detached from objective reality, with real-world consequences.  

In the last decade, there has been a sudden, unprecedented spike in transgender identification among teenage girls, commonly referred to as “rapid onset gender dysphoria”. Social media platforms, especially those driven by AI recommendations, may have contributed to this rise. Some young people have made life‑changing decisions based on ideas they encountered online, sometimes with lasting consequences.   

In 2024, an independent report from England known as the Cass Review found that the evidence for using puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones in children under 18 was weak, with many unknown long-term effects.  

As more children turn to and depend on under-regulated AI chatbots (such as character.ai) for questions on their identity, there is cause for concern. These chatbots are persuasive and engaging, but they’re also shaped by data and perspectives they were trained on. Like any technology, they can carry biases and blind spots. Without proper safeguards, they may influence vulnerable young people in ways beyond their ability to fully understand.  

AI models are designed and trained to pander to our sexual orientation, inner desires, or subjective feelings as our identity, because their aim is to optimise user interaction rather than give us the truth about who we are. 

Objectification  

Deepfakes are AI-generated media such as images, sounds or videos that are convincingly real – except, they aren’t. At least not entirely. The same accessible tool that has been invaluable in helping restore old photographs and memories, has also been used for malicious ends such as generating deepfake porn.  

There is a troubling global rise in the misuse of children’s images to create deepfake sexual content. Similarly in Singapore, deepfake porn is a growing menace, even in schools. A recent example is the discovery that Grok, the AI bot on social media platform X, had been generating non‑consensual sexually explicit deepfakes involving women and children. 

These apps require no training or specialised skills to utilise, yet provide professional results with just a few clicks and simple prompts. In other words, objectifying another human person for one’s own sexual gratification is now simpler than ever, with AI capabilities.  

History has no lack of examples for the devastating consequences of objectifying fellow humans. Whenever we objectify others, we not only deny them their dignity, we are also rejecting the true worth of our identity. To be fair, this issue of objectification with porn has long existed before AI, but AI has significantly compounded this issue, with women and children suffering the most. 

Prioritise seeking truth together through thoughtful questioning, examining of evidence and applying critical thinking skills. 

What can we do about it?  

With AI, it is tempting to believe that our identity is malleable according to our preferences and desires, and the world is our raw resource for constructing our identity, our way. However, our true identity and worth as humans cannot be found in a particular feeling, sexual orientation, or physical appearance. To hold on to this truth, we must become even more human in an AI world. 

For parents, educators, or adults who care about the identity confusion among our children and want to provide the clarity they deserve, here are a few suggestions: 

  • Use our words thoughtfully and accurately to help them discern what’s real versus what’s not. When we say something is ‘real,’ we mean it is supported by truth e.g. “sex is determined at conception” is scientific truth, not “assigned at birth”. 
  • Invest time to read, learn, and be equipped to lead and influence our children with truth, clarity, and kindness. Prioritise seeking truth together through thoughtful questioning, examining of evidence and applying critical thinking skills. 
  • Model and advocate the right way to use AI – learning to master it instead of being mastered.  
  • Affirm their inherent worth by the way we treat them – choosing to always speak and act with respect. 

How to Build a Good Relationship with Your In-Laws

You fell in love with their child, but gained the whole family too! Sometimes, marriage can feel like a buy one, get more deal. As you navigate marriage and grow your own nuclear family, how do you embrace your spouse’s family while keeping healthy boundaries? Is it possible to avoid in-law tensions and even have a thriving relationship with your in-laws?  

Common areas of tension 

When two singles marry, they suddenly gain another set of parents and siblings. Their available time remains the same, while their commitments increase. A common source of tension then becomes the amount of time spent with each other’s family, especially during festive seasons like Chinese New Year.  

Raymond and Jenny, life coaches married for over 20 years, shared that in the early years of their marriage, they went to Raymond’s parents’ house weekly. This became a stress point as life got busier with kids.  

Jenny shared, “Many of us start off with in-law issues with a “me versus them” mentality. If you are taking the side of your parents, you’re against me. Why don’t you stand up for me? Why don’t you disagree with your parents? And so, we’re forcing our partner to take sides and that’s very unhelpful in a relationship.” 

Raymond added that the situation was made worse by his belief that only he knows how to love his parents best, and she doesn’t know them like he does.  

This added to the “me vs you” mode they found themselves in, until they learnt to see each other’s perspective. Jenny realised that Raymond was learning how to be a filial son while also growing into his role as a husband.  

They noted that having different role models from one’s families of origin will also shape different perspectives. For example, if your grandparents lived with your parents, that arrangement may feel normal to you. You might then expect your own family to follow the same pattern. 

If both husband and wife consciously choose to love each other’s parents rather than withdraw, it creates a sense of safety for both parties.

Strive for unity

Recognising that both of you are working towards the best outcome can ease the tension of differing preferences. When you see yourselves as teammates working together, it fosters a sense of togetherness instead of division.

If both husband and wife consciously choose to love each other’s parents rather than withdraw, it creates a sense of safety for both parties. Without this, each party may constantly feel the need to protect their own parents’ interests and carry the burden alone when faced with challenges.

Once you establish that you are on the same team, it becomes much easier to come up with solutions. In Raymond and Jenny’s case, when weekly parental visits started replacing date nights, they explored creative alternatives like flexible scheduling.

Instead of fixed weekly visits, they opted for Sunday lunches, weekday dinners when work allowed, or even bringing Raymond’s parents out for a meal. Other times, they brought desserts as a special treat. Knowing that visiting Raymond’s parents on weekend “prime time” wasn’t cast in stone made it easier to balance family time without feeling overwhelmed.

It also means creating space for your spouse’s voice and input, which communicates that you love and value them.

Raymond said, “When I learnt to love my wife first by trying her suggestions, it was a huge realisation that she actually can help me love my parents even more”.

When navigating tensions, each of them are also responsible for being the main spokesperson to their own parents.

Set each other up for the win

The best teammates choose to set each other up for the win.

When your in-laws’ and spouse’s opinions differ, avoid placing the blame on your spouse. Protect your spouse by not using his or her as a reason for the issue. Instead, own the disagreement and try to find common ground.

Jenny shared a great tip that works for them – “One thing that Raymond does is he always allows me to break the good news and he manages the bad news. For example, if he needs to turn them down, he would let them know. If I wanted to bring them out for a nice dinner or a holiday, he would allow me to share that news.”

When navigating tensions, each of them are also responsible for being the main spokesperson to their own parents. This ensures that they do not need to take up the “bad guy” role when relating to their in-laws.

These days, after earlier years of going to every Chinese New Year visitation, Raymond and Jenny now speak to their parents separately to decide which relatives are “must-visits”. This takes the stress out of managing time and energy constraints and creates a happier festive season for all, while still meeting parental expectations.

This is done in an honouring way, expressed through open communication and mutual respect. As Raymond shares, “The way we honour our parents and in-laws is also a role model for the children. And we have the ability to reshape some of this in terms of how we navigate difficult relationships with people who are closest to us.”

After all, having a good relationship with your in-laws not just positively impacts your spouse. It also shapes the emotional environment your children grow up in, influencing how they learn to value and care for family.