Resource Type: Articles

“Worth The Wait” Didn’t Just Give Me a Love Story. It Gave Me Perspective.

We all dream of perfect love stories—the kind promised in classic romantic comedies and fairytales: meet-cutes, effortless chemistry, and ‘happily ever afters’ where problems magically disappear. But what happens when reality hits? When distance stretches thin, grief suffocates, or family expectations weigh heavy? When giving up feels easier than holding on? 

Tom Lin’s Worth the Wait isn’t a typical rom-com fantasy. Instead, it offers an unflinchingly honest journey into the true battlefield of relationships. We meet Curtis (Sung Kang), a rideshare driver raising his niece Riley (Ali Fumiko Whitney), who’s secretly dating Blake (Ricky He). We witness Theresa (Karena Lam) and Nathan (Osric Chau) grapple with profound loss, watch anxiously as Amanda (Elodie Yung) and Scott (Andrew Koji) try to rekindle love, and follow Kai (Ross Butler) and Leah (Lana Condor) as they navigate a long-distance relationship. 

As their stories unfold, the film explores raw emotional aftermaths, exposed vulnerabilities, and the complex pressures of family. It forced me to ask: When life challenges everything we know, what does love really look like? 

Here are 3 takeaways that have reshaped my perspective on love:  

1. Love is a constant, courageous choice 

Worth the Wait reminds me that love isn’t something that just happens and isn’t just a feeling. It’s something we choose, again and again, even in the quiet, difficult moments when walking away seems easier. 

Leah says it best: “I don’t need magical. I need real, messy, honest life.”  Riley, too, finds a space where she can cry, laugh, and be herself. There’s something profound and safe about being fully known—even in your worst moments—and still being fully loved. 

Kai’s line, “Meeting you was not in my life plan. But choosing you is definitely in my life plan,” captures this beautifully. He flies halfway across the world not because love is easy, but because he decides it’s worth the fight. Life will inevitably present challenges, and sometimes feelings fade – we have the choice to stay and fight for the relationship or to run away. Relationships thrive on the minute daily decisions to stay, to communicate, and to grow together no matter what life throws our way. 

Love isn’t magically found—it’s chosen and formed through the ups and downs of life. 

2. Love is strengthened in the in-between moments 

We often chase the big milestones—anniversaries, proposals, marriage. But Worth the Wait argues that love is forged in the in-between: the long, quiet stretches between beginnings and endings. If we only wait for a picture-perfect story, we miss the quiet miracles happening in those seemingly mundane everyday moments of sustained effort.  

Theresa and Nathan’s story is a heart-wrenching portrayal of love and loss. After the devastating loss of their child, the couple struggles to stay afloat under the weight of the grief. The temptation to ignore the pain and retreat into silence is overwhelming. 

As I watched them struggle, I was confronted by the fear of loss—the kind that comes only when we’ve loved deeply. I often fear that when I love deeply, I risk feeling the pain of loss too, making me hold back in relationships to protect myself.  

Their story taught me that loving deeply is not something to fear; it allows us to experience the beauty of life’s fullness. In the depths of their loss, Nathan and Theresa discovered new depths of love—for life and for each other. Their healing wasn’t just about accepting life as it was, but about daring to hope again. It didn’t happen in an instant, but in the in-between—through honesty, vulnerability, and the quiet decision to keep going. 

Their journey of loss shows that love, especially when chosen through pain, does not shortchange us.  

Not every story ends in ‘happily-ever-after.’ Amanda and Scott, despite their passion and ‘soulmate’ spark, fall apart when one stops choosing the relationship. It’s a painful reminder that love requires more than intense feelings. It needs mutual effort—and sometimes, to love is to let go. 

The in-between is where love is tested and strengthened. As the movie reminds us, “Life is hard and unpredictable enough; you need someone who’s really in it with you.”  

3. Love is first learned at home 

What truly elevated Worth the Wait for me was its portrayal of family—the first place we learn what love is, and sometimes, what it isn’t. The film dives into the raw, honest, and all-too-real realities that shape us long before we seek romantic love. 

Curtis struggles to be a father. Theresa’s mother (Tan Kheng Hua) protects her the only way she knows how. Blake aches for the father figure he never had. Kai pleads with his dad, “Couldn’t you just say that you were proud of me?”  

Knowing some of those longings all too well myself, I was deeply reminded of the weighty role of our parents on one’s identity and self-worth. Yet, I was moved by the restoration of relationships in the film—offering hope to anyone who’s ever felt the same.  

These stories reveal how our earliest relationships define love; its possibilities and its limitations. They expose the wounds, the yearning, the resilience we carry into adulthood. Yet within each character’s struggles lie a sense of hope. The film shows that reconciliation is possible, that redeeming family narratives and patterns can lead to healing, and that the love of those who step in can be as transformative as the love we once lost.  

In family’s embrace—or its absence—we first grasp the weight and power of love. 

A story for every heart 

Worth the Wait doesn’t offer easy answers. It offers something better: a raw, authentic portrayal of love and life in all its complexity. It invites us to confront our own brokenness and life’s messiness. It reminds us that the beauty lies in the fight; in the hard moments where love is tested and proven true and where choosing to stay becomes an act of courage. 

This is a film for anyone who has loved deeply, lost painfully, or is simply searching for a story that reflects human experience. 

If you’re ready to laugh, cry, and feel everything in between, Worth the Wait is a story you won’t want to miss. It’s not a fairy tale, but it’s the kind of love story that stays with you. 

Is it Okay to Watch Shows with Occasional Nudity?

Tween and Tween years (10-15)

Establishing healthy communication between parent and child is key. Do you encourage your kid to come talk to you about anything they see on their screens? Have you established yourself as a safe place that they can approach without worrying that you will scold them and take away their devices? 

As awkward as it may be, being upfront with your tween and early teen about content that is inappropriate for them and why, is the best preparation you can make as a parent today.  

According to local Film Classification Guidelines, shows with a G rating do not depict any nudity. At a PG or PG-13 rating, depictions of rear or side profile nudity in a non-sexual context may be presented.  

However, unlike at the cinemas where IDs can be asked for, no one is checking your child’s age before they choose a show on Netflix, YouTube and other content providers that bring content directly to your home. In fact, as your child grows into a teenager, he or she is probably having a lot more unsupervised screen time. So, make it a point to have conversations about what they watch.  

Continue to revisit boundaries and values your family holds on to. Avoid using fear as a deterrent. Instead, always provide the Why behind the What, for example, talk to them about modesty, explaining that their bodies are precious and private, so they do not share it with anyone freely. Similarly, it is not right for us to see the nakedness of others.   

You can also teach them to check their own motives by asking themselves: Why do I want to watch this show? How do these scenes make me feel? Do I want watch this because all my friends are watching?  

Help them connect their responses with their values so that when they do face tricky situations in life, they can lean on their convictions to guide their actions.  
  
Finally, teach them to respond fast when they are in uncomfortable situations: When a scene comes on that falls outside of what they should view, turn it off immediately or walk away. 

Emerging years (16-19)  

Your teen is now older and mature enough to understand a lot more. Treat their opinions with respect, and listen to them a lot more than you talk. If you have a strong relationship, you can continue to influence their choices. 

On media consumption, engage your teen on the broader issues, for examples, talk to your teen about the porn industry and its impact on society. Get them thinking about whether this is good and why this change happened.  
If your teen has a boyfriend or girlfriend, help them think about what programmes they are comfortable watching together. Be straightforward enough to ask how they would react if the show they are watching features nudity or a sex scene. 

You can also have conversations with your teen on respectful and consensual physical touch  to help your teen think about how one’s media consumption could shape our attitudes and values, and in turn affect our behaviour. 

In our highly digitalised world, accessing sexually explicit and inappropriate content takes but a few casual clicks. These critical conversations will help your teen develop an inner compass to navigate the many media choices available.  

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Am I a Good Enough Father?

In today’s modern age where we are all time-strapped and often digitally distracted, what does it take to be a good father? What does active fathering actually involve?  

In a recent episode of the ParentEd podcast, we sat down with Kelvin Seah, a father of two and an adjunct Polytechnic lecturer, to discuss this issue. Kelvin emphasises that fatherhood is a continuous learning journey.  

“I want to make it very clear that a lot of things I say today I don’t necessarily practise them perfectly in my own life,” he admits.  

Such a humility may resonate with many of us parents who often feel the pressure to be perfect and who also grapple with feelings of guilt when we make mistakes. 

So…What makes a good father? 

When asked about the qualities that define a good father, Kelvin reminds us to mull over the broader question of what it means to be a good person. He believes that being a good father is less about specific actions and more about embodying the right values.  

“Being a good person doing the right thing has more to do with who we are and less about what we actually do,” he explains. 

Another essential fathering quality that Kelvin emphasises is the importance of being present in our children’s lives. He challenges the notion that quality time can replace quantity time, arguing that both are essential.  

You can’t really be a weekend warrior parent. Intentional parenting should be done on a regular basis daily. 

Building meaningful memories

One good place for fathers to start is to be intentional about how we create meaningful memories with our children. Whether it is setting aside time to be present with the kids at dinner time and at bedtime at least three times a week, or taking them out on bike rides on weekends, children will remember how they felt when they were with us. 

Kelvin explains, “When things get a bit rough and tough, our children will remember that in the end mummy and daddy are here for them because we love them and we care, and children ultimately grow well when they are in safe, secure environments.” 

He recounts his own decision to leave full-time work to be more present for his children. “The hours I spent with my child, both quality and quantity, are invested time that is giving me dividends now as I tackle the challenges of parenting teens,” he quips. 

Have you done your homework? Have you completed all the household chores? Have you done this and that and it becomes very transactional. Then you are just importing ethics from the corporate world into the family world and that doesn’t work. 

Bridging the emotional gap

Reflecting on a fatherhood involvement survey done by Focus on the Family Singapore, which found that many adults wished their fathers had played a greater role in their emotional development, Kelvin stresses the need for fathers to be emotionally available and to affirm their children regularly.  

But how do we do this on a more practical level? 

Kelvin share 3 tips using the acronym A-B-C for fathers to build stronger emotional connections with their children: 

1. A – Apprenticeship  

Apprenticeship means dads should return home after work to your children, spend time with them, and even just sit with them. This time is dedicated to checking in about their day but also being intentional to pass on a skill. In Kelvin’s case, he teaches communication skills, so he tries to pass on these skills to his sons by talking about how to communicate.  

2. B – Be present  

We should make pockets of time to be 100% with our children, Kelvin advises. We should also watch out for functional speak, because as busy parents we may come home and be all about functionality. “Have you done your homework? Have you completed all the household chores? Have you done this and that and it becomes very transactional,” Kelvin warns. 

3. C – Connect for meaning  

Focus on creating meaningful interactions. “What is it I want to leave with my children that they can remember me by?” is a question that Kelvin asks himself often. This question can guide parents in their daily interactions, and help us be more intentional. 

You’re going to fail, but it’s about picking yourself up and trying again. 

Forget perfection, aim for affection

Kelvin also reassures fathers that parenting is not about perfection but about affection.  

“You’re going to fail, but it’s about picking yourself up and trying again,” he articulates.  

Such a perspective is growth-oriented, and encourages us to be kind to ourselves and to view parenting as an ongoing journey of growth. 

Affirm your child’s identity

Being a father to two boys has tuned Kelvin to the realities and importance of intentionally parenting his sons.  

Reflecting on his own life, he says, “If you don’t have a male model regularly present in your life to model that behaviour for you for adulthood, you end up having to navigate it on your own, and it’s a much harder journey to make.” 

“You see their characteristics, their personalities showing up and you nurture that, you affirm that, you see who your child was inherently meant to be and the earlier you see that, the earlier you can create the environment for that personality to really take off and grow,” he adds.

As we can see, being a good father involves continuous learning, being present, and being intentional to invest time and create meaningful memories with your family. By embracing these principles, fathers can build strong, loving relationships with their children that will likely bear fruit – for generations to come. 

Fairness in Marriage Need Not Always Be 50-50

It was one of those days again. The kids were sick mid-semester. 

Since my wife is a teacher, it often falls to me to skip classes and care for them during school terms. The responsibilities felt relentless—juggling parenting, work, and studies. 

These moments added to the mounting stress and overwhelm.  

Resentment started bubbling up. 

I couldn’t help but wonder: Is this really fair? 

When life doesn’t feel “fair,” how do we respond constructively—without letting bitterness take root?

Over the years, I’ve gained some perspectives that have helped us strike a better balance and navigate these challenging moments:   

1. Exercise self-compassion in moments of overwhelm 

There will be times when your spouse isn’t available to share the load. In those moments, it can feel like you’re keeping everything afloat alone. 

Pause and remind yourself: Your reaction is normal. 

It doesn’t mean you’re inadequate, nor does it signal a lack of love or commitment from your spouse. 

In times like these, it is important to practise mindful self-compassion.  

If it’s been a particularly stressful day, take some time to notice how your body is reacting, acknowledge what you’re experiencing, and appreciate yourself for getting through it.  

For instance, in my earlier example, I may have noticed myself becoming more light-headed and more fatigued. In such moments, I could pause and offer myself self-compassionate reminders: 

“I’ve been doing my best to put my family first. I am feeling tired, and perhaps unappreciated for the sacrifices I’ve made – putting urgent work aside to care for my children. Even though they may not fully understand what I’ve given up to be here, my efforts today are an investment in the lasting bonds that we’re building together.” 

Such reminders are a useful way to reframe negative, unhealthy thoughts into more constructive ones, helping us to transform moments of resentment into grace. Being our own best cheerleader, extending grace to ourselves even when we don’t meet our expectations, strengthens our emotional resilience. 

2. Regularly reflect on your spouse’s contributions 

Continually noticing and reflecting on our spouse’s contributions to the family is equally important in tough times, when it can be difficult to acknowledge their effort and good qualities in the heat of the moment.  

Having a balanced view can help shift our perspective from harbouring resentment towards viewing our spouse as an equal team mate in the journey of marriage.  

Personally, when I reflect on my wife’s contributions, I’m often humbled.  

She has frequently balanced full-time work while planning and preparing meals, given up sleep countless times to care for our children, shouldered the significant mental load of managing our household, and attentively supported our children’s learning and development.  

By putting on a lens of grace, I’m able to see and appreciate the countless contributions of my spouse.  

The purpose of recalling our spouse’s contributions is not to invite unhealthy comparisons—after all, each of us brings unique strengths to our family. Rather, it is about drawing inspiration from our spouse’s example—to keep giving sacrificially and remaining open to growth, both in times of peace and in seasons of challenge.  

And indeed, reflecting on my wife’s sacrifices for the family fills me with deep gratitude and motivates me to continue giving my best for them.  

Marriage isn’t built on silence—it’s built on shared understanding. 

3. Have open conversations about your concerns

Marriage thrives when both spouses can engage in honest, open conversations about their needs.  

Not every discussion has to be weighty; sometimes it’s as simple as gentle reminders about chores or being proactive about helping out at home. But when it comes to the load being shared between spouses, it’s essential that both parties approach these conversations with mutual respect and a shared commitment to finding practical, meaningful solutions together. 

As someone who has struggled with conflict avoidance, I’ve learned that it’s far healthier to share my concerns with my wife than to sweep them under the carpet.  

While it’s important to show grace and occasionally overlook our spouse’s mistakes, whenever I bottled up important issues, I found these inevitably spilling out later—often in unpleasant ways, such as through my grouchiness or irritability.  

But when I began asking for my wife’s help with the home during stressful moments, she responded well. Bringing these blind spots to light enabled her to better understand my needs and make the necessary adjustments.  

4. Not 50-50 but 60-40 

We often expect a perfect split of responsibilities, but that’s rarely realistic. 

What’s worked better for us is this: Both spouses aim to give 60%. 

When we each strive to give more than our fair share, we create space for generosity, not scorekeeping. 

That’s the heart of teamwork. 

When marriage is rooted in service, grace, and care, both spouses thrive. 

Not every season will feel equal. But the strength of your commitment will carry you—because you’re not keeping count.  

This makes it easier for both partners to feel refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to embrace life’s adventure together.  

Helping Gen Zs Build a Strong Sense of Self

In a fast-paced world that constantly demands more, even of our young from the moment they enter school, Gen Z are facing an identity crisis—Who am I really, and what do I stand for?  

Many are searching for anchors in a world that feels ever-changing— brittle, anxious, non-linear, and incomprehensible (BANI).  

Yet even in this complex cultural moment, there is hope. A strong sense of self can be nurtured—and it begins with the quiet, consistent influence of family, strengthened by the presence of mentors and role models in their lives.  

These relationships provide a sense of belonging and a foundation of values that help Gen Z stand firm in who they are, no matter what challenges life brings. 

Through this piece, we hear from 3 Gen Zs: Tan Li, Noah Phan, and Dominick Ong, on how their identity has been shaped by their family and mentors. 

1. Family: The First Mirror

Every journey of self-discovery starts at home. Our first teachers are our families.  

In a culture that stresses academic success and career milestones, young people may feel defined solely by their performance. However, when families model unconditional love and timeless values, a deeper identity takes root. 

Tan Li shares, “My sense of self is deeply rooted in my values and beliefs which has shaped my sense of self to be one that is not rooted in or influenced by societal views or standards.” 

Her words remind us that identity comes from unwavering principles established from young, not from fleeting trends. A strong family identity gives youth clarity in times of change—whether at school, work, or in personal relationships. It anchors them against the shifting pressures of life, especially in seasons of transition. 

Noah echoes this sentiment, “I define my sense of self and identity with the self-assuredness that I am grounded by my values and belief systems, which also came from my upbringing, personal experiences and perspective of the world.”  

When parents live out their values consistently, they offer a blueprint for children to imitate and learn from. In this way, families have the power to shape a young person’s worldview, life choices and relational skills.

A strong family identity gives youth clarity in times of change—whether at school, work, or in personal relationships.

2. Identity is Built in Transition

A stable identity does not mean a life without challenges. In fact, moments of uncertainty often test our beliefs. For Gen Z, major transitions like finishing school or facing career choices can feel overwhelming. 

Dominick recalls a time when he felt a loss of control during his army days. “The pressure and the loneliness of camp made it very difficult for me to cope and emotionally regulate myself. Thankfully, a youth mentor journeyed with me, and gave me a space to externally process my thoughts and fears, which helped me regain a sense of control over my life.” 

It’s a sentiment many of us can relate to: the fear that the challenges we meet will overwhelm us, and the niggling self-doubt that creeps in. This moment of vulnerability is common. 

It is during such times that the belief in one’s intrinsic worth must be strong. Families and communities should reinforce that our value goes beyond grades or accolades. 

Tan Li adds, “When I find myself in situations outside of my control, such as in life or job transitions, I found that keeping myself connected socially and within a community was crucial in helping me maintain a healthy state of wellbeing.”  

The power of community, especially one that shares our values, cannot be overstated. It reminds us we are still deeply seen and valued, even when we are uncertain about where we are headed next in life.  

A supportive community can help young people feel less isolated in seasons of transition, whether that be studying, working, or starting a new phase of life. 

When I find myself in situations outside of my control, such as in life or job transitions, I found that keeping myself connected socially and within a community was crucial in helping me maintain a healthy state of wellbeing. 

3. The Role of Mentors

While family lays the foundation, mentors shape and refine that identity. They walk alongside the youth, offering guidance and demonstrating what living one’s values looks like in daily life. 

Noah recalls a key lesson about his father: “My father has a strong sense of responsibility, and I picked up that trait from him since I was young. It has guided me through difficult situations and will continue to guide me as I continue life.” 

Responsibility is learned through example. Observing family and mentors who live authentically can set a clear path for the youth.  

In his own experience, Dominick found that mentors come and go in different seasons: “One helped me process my childhood hurts, another played the role of an elder brother figure that I could look up to, and yet another guided me through my adolescent years. They all played crucial roles in different seasons of my life and helped me process hurts from my own family life and upbringing.” 

By being accessible and genuine, mentors provide a safe space for growth. They listen, advise, and help young people navigate the complexities of life while affirming their worth beyond measurable success.  

Mentors may have more life experience and wisdom, but the best mentors are ones who are quick to listen and come alongside our youth. 

As Clement Cheong, a seasoned youth mentor echoed, “It is important to see the world as this generation sees it. It is easy for us to fall into a ‘I know more than you’ mentality. But I have learnt much over the years from my mentees.” 

He added, “Mentoring is a two-way traffic. We share yet we listen. Only then can we feel the heartbeat of this generation.” 

Mentoring is a two-way traffic. We share yet we listen. Only then can we feel the heartbeat of this generation. 

4. Mental Health and the Power of Community

As mental health becomes an increasingly important concern among young people in Singapore, it’s clear that identity and emotional well-being are closely connected. When young people feel safe, understood, and valued, they are more likely to thrive. 

While there are more mental health resources available in Singapore, it is also important to create informal spaces for Gen Zs to build depth in relationships in their everyday life, beyond professional channels. This was a point raised by Dr Suzanne Choo, an educator for more than 20 years, at the State of the Family event organised by Focus on the Family earlier this year. 

Sometimes, we think strength means keeping it all together. But strength is also knowing when to reach out, and letting ourselves be seen by those we trust and have our best interest at heart. 

For Tan Li, this looks like arranging intentional time-outs such as going for a short getaway, hanging out with friends, or being outdoors. 

Similarly for Dominick, he enjoys spending his downtime alone, journalling, running or being in the outdoors. “Solitude is important for me,” he reflects. 

As for Noah, he credits his stability to being plugged in to communities of people that actively listen and keep me socially accountable, as well as pursuing his passions in volunteering and staying physically active. 

Maintaining our mental wellbeing looks different for everyone. What’s important is that we don’t self-isolate and to seek help when needed. 

5. A Generation Worth Believing In

Every generation faces its own challenges—but Gen Z is not lost. They are searching. And when they find families who love them unconditionally, mentors who commit to walk with them patiently —they won’t just survive, but will flourish. 

As Dominick shared, “It’s a journey of recognising that I have autonomy as an adult to be able to face challenges and overcome them.” 

Let us believe in them. Let us encourage them. Together, we can give Gen Zs the ability to walk through life’s uncertainties with courage. 

 

Tan Li, Noah Phan, and Dominick Ong are part of the FamChamps Council, a youth development programme that raises young family champions.  

The 11th run of our FamChamps Camp is happening from 28 to 31 Oct this year and we are looking to recruit Mentors (aged 21 and above) to embark on a 8-month camp experience journey with youths aged 13 to 14 years old. If you have a heart to work with young people and want to be equipped to make a positive impact on their families, find out more about this volunteering opportunity at our upcoming Volunteer Open House on 24 June 2025!

Keeping Love Alive While Raising A Large Family

For many young couples, keeping romance alive while juggling work, family, and the demands of parenting can feel like an uphill task. But is it truly possible to nurture your marriage in the thick of it all? 

 Ailin, a stay-at-home mother of five, shared her honest reflections in a recent podcast with Focus on the Family Singapore. Drawing from her own life, she offered practical, hope-filled ways she and her husband keep their love alive amidst the daily demands of raising a large family. 

 Here are five tips from her journey that can inspire any couple navigating the beautiful, messy reality of family life. 

 “I would say maybe some re-orientating of mindset in terms of how I spend my energy so that I still have a bit of energy at the end of the day and time to hang out with my husband.”   

1. Save energy for connection 

Ailin believes it starts with a mindset shift—learning to prioritise her marriage intentionally throughout the day so that she still has emotional energy left for her husband at night.  

This could mean being mindful of how much energy she expends on parenting tasks or carving out a brief midday check-in with her spouse—a thoughtful text, a short call, or simply taking a moment to remember her spouse during the day. 

To her, it’s about seeing her husband not as an afterthought but as a central part of her daily rhythm. That intentionality sets the tone for connection when they finally come together at the end of the day. 

2. Complement instead of compare

“I realised it’s not always a 50-50 kind of arrangement with husband and wife in the home.”

The idea of splitting chores 50-50 may sound fair, but Ailin challenges that notion. She believes that couples go through seasons, and expecting an exact split often leads to disappointment or resentment.

Rather than keeping score, she encourages couples to function as a team—supporting each other based on the season they’re in, not fixed expectations. She and her husband have found joy and strength in complementing each other’s strengths and needs, not comparing contributions.

“…just learning to look at what is needed and how each person can step up, to make family life an enjoyable one.”

This shift in perspective helps to foster unity. When spouses feel appreciated for what they uniquely bring to the table, mutual respect and love can flourish.

3. The power of small, consistent gestures

Date nights are wonderful, and Ailin admits she and her husband look forward to them. But with five children, date nights aren’t always feasible due to limited caregiving options for her family. 

Thus, she offers a refreshing perspective: while date nights are nice, little acts of kindness go a long way in keeping love alive.  

“…these little things, I think make bigger impacts on relationships than we realise. And it helps foster that emotional connectedness between husband and wife so that they feel they have each other’s support.” 

Simple gestures—like saying thank you, making a cup of coffee, or offering a back rub—can speak volumes. These small acts say, “I see you. I appreciate you. I’m with you.” 

They help create emotional intimacy, which is the glue that holds marriages together—especially in demanding seasons of parenting.  

4. Make space for open and supportive conversations

The early years of parenting are filled with challenges. During these times, open, regular communication becomes more crucial than ever. 

 “Sometimes we work on the assumption that, oh, you should know already, you should know better. But I think in many marriages we don’t know better, and we don’t know what the other is thinking or feeling.” 

 Ailin reminds us not to assume, but to ask and share instead. Open, honest conversations—when done with patience and kindness—allow couples to work through challenges as a team. 

 Having honest, yet non-confrontational conversations allows a couple to have a better understanding of the root issue, and then effectively find a resolution together.  

 “…both of us were trying to work out a solution and were patient with each other and talked openly about our feelings and what we thought about how we were feeling about the situation.” 

It’s not about proving who’s right, but communicating effectively even in conflict. Challenges come and go, but the trust we build or break within our marriage stays for a long time. 

 When emotional safety is present, couples can express their vulnerabilities and deepen their bond. And a marriage that grows through adversity becomes even more resilient. 

5. Choose the right time, tone, and setting 

 Ailin also emphasises the importance of how and when we communicate.  

“It’s always helpful to be honest about how you are feeling but I think also equally important to know when to raise it. The tone in which we are communicating that and even the time which you choose to talk about that.” 

 Instead of confronting issues in the heat of the moment, she’s found that stepping out for a walk or a coffee helps create a calmer space for deeper conversations. A change in environment, especially if it is one of the stress factor, helps to lessen tension during discussion. 

She also suggests beginning with encouragement or gratitude. A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can soften the atmosphere and prepare hearts for vulnerable sharing. 

Life in a big family can be wonderfully chaotic. But by making small yet intentional choices—saving energy for connection, expressing appreciation daily, and creating space for honest conversations— the flames of love in a marriage can will be kept alive for years to come. 

 In fact, the very effort it takes to stay connected makes the relationship even more precious. 

When couples keep choosing each other through every season, the vows made at the altar don’t just remain a memory. They become a living legacy—one that shapes not only their marriage but the family they’re building together.

What is Healthy Masculinity and How Do We Cultivate It?

Healthy masculinity is about helping our sons embrace positive traits and behaviours that contribute to their own wellbeing and that of society.  

It is not about force-fitting our boys into strict or unhelpful gender stereotypes; rather it is about promoting values and traits such as empathy, respect, emotional intelligence and a sense of responsibility. 

Here are 6 ways we can build such positive character traits in our boys. 

1. Practise open communication

Have regular conversations with your son about his day, feelings, and experiences. This helps build trust and openness. 

Practice active listening whenever he wishes to talk. When we give them our full attention, we are showing them that they are valued and important to us.

2. Foster relationships with positive role models

Point out positive male role models in your community or in the media who demonstrate healthy masculinity. 

Where possible, dads should lead by example. Show your son what healthy masculinity looks like through your actions and behaviour.

3. Encourage emotional expression 

Let your son know that it’s okay to express his feelings. Encourage him to talk about his emotions and listen without judgment. 

We should also normalise that to be human is to experience a range of emotions, sometimes even a few emotions all at once! Share your own feelings and how you deal with them, whether it’s sadness, anger, or frustration over a work situation.

4. Foster empathy and compassion

Help your son understand the importance of empathy. Discuss how our actions can affect others and encourage him to consider other people’s feelings. 

Show compassion in your own actions. Volunteer together or engage in activities that involve helping others, whether it’s befriending a new neighbour who has just moved in, or helping an elderly with groceries. 

5. Instil a sense of responsibility

Talk about the importance of being honest and owning up to mistakes at the dinner table. Encourage your child to take responsibility for his actions. 

Give him chores to take on at home, especially during the holidays. Also, be intentional to share news stories or everyday examples of people who demonstrate responsibility and integrity in their lives.

6. Teach media literacy and discernment

Last but not least, it is great practice as a family to discuss media messages whenever we encounter positive or negative examples of masculinity. Talk about such news or images over mealtimes or when your child is relaxed and ready to engage.  

As parents, we can help our children think critically about what we see on the media, rather than passively consuming ideas or images that are unhealthy or harmful. 

Cultivating healthy masculinity involves encouraging boys to be empathetic, respectful, helpful to others and emotionally expressive. By actively talking about and demonstrating these values in our daily lives, we can help our boys develop into well-rounded individuals who live purposeful and gracious lives in the future.   

  • The Netflix hit series Adolescence raises important issues about what makes healthy masculinity. Empower your sons with strength of character, integrity and compassion with practical insights and actionable steps in our parent’s e-guide. Download it today! 
  • With increasing porn use and voyeurism, the rise of AI companions, and confusion over one’s sexual identity, how can we protect the next generation’s hearts and minds? Sow into a lifetime of healthy relationships and purposeful living for your youths. Register for the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass today. 

Supporting Your Spouse Through a Financial Crisis

This couple lost their home during a financial crisis, but their marriage and commitment to each other was unwavering.  

What is their secret to a love that lasts for a lifetime?  

Lim Hong Leong, an arborist and former engineer, and his wife, Jana, have been married for 39 years. When asked how they have kept their bond strong through the decades, they pointed to one essential ingredient: nourishment. 

“When I think of the word nourish, what comes to my mind is giving healthy food to a person to make them strong and healthy. But what does it look like when we talk about nourishing a relationship within the context of marriage?” shared Jana. 

“It’s about giving unconditional love, respect, acceptance, mutual admiration, and support — meeting each other’s physical, emotional, mental, and even spiritual needs to build a strong, lasting relationship.” 

Standing at the wedding altar and vowing to have and to hold “till death do us part” feels deeply romantic — more so on the first day of marriage than in the many days that follow. 

Whether it’s the clashing of routines during the honeymoon, or the disagreements that come with daily life, every marriage faces its fair share of ups and downs. From minor frictions to major hurdles like sickness, retrenchment, or loss, navigating these seasons together is part and parcel of building a lasting marriage. 

Here are four principles they live by, taken from their marriage vows, which are simple yet profound ways they nourish their marriage for the past four decades. 

Choosing to respond consistently with care and sensitivity for our spouse, even in the face of unexpected loss, helps build trust and unity in the marriage.

1. ‘For better, or for worse: even in crisis’  

Nourishing love isn’t just shown in grand gestures; it’s revealed in the quiet, critical moments of life.  

Jana shared how a car accident early in their marriage left a deep impression on her heart. 

“I didn’t know what to do after the accident. I called Hong Leong, and he rushed to me within ten minutes,” she recounted. “He didn’t ask, ‘Did you spoil my car?’ or ‘Did you damage the car?’ The first thing he asked was, ‘Are you okay?’ That really touched my heart and assured me that my husband genuinely cares for me.” 

It’s often in unexpected situations that our true colours surface. Choosing to respond consistently with care and sensitivity for our spouse, even in the face of unexpected loss, helps build trust and unity in the marriage. 

Familiarity can tempt us to focus on our spouse’s flaws, but choosing instead to bridge the gaps with forgiveness, mercy, and understanding strengthens the foundation of the marriage relationship. 

As Jana and Hong Leong’s story shows, such support is not only encouraging — it is deeply nourishing. 

My understanding of marriage is not based on money, big houses, or branded goods. It’s about having a good relationship with my husband and children. 

2. ‘For richer, and for poorer’ 

The couple’s commitment to one another was put to the test during a devastating financial crisis.  

It forced them to sell their landed home and move into a small flat.  

Hong Leong described the ordeal vividly, “The banks didn’t want to lend me money anymore. Creditors came to the house. The newspapers wrote about us. Your world just collapses. You literally need a shoulder to cry on, and there’s nothing better than having your spouse’s. That support, that strength, came from her still believing in who I am.” 

Even as Hong Leong shared the devastating news, Jana’s calm response stood out to him. 

“She said, ‘It’s okay that we have to [live in a smaller house], I am with you and we’ll go through this together.’ Her calmness and assurance were most comforting,” he recalled. 

Through this experience, Hong Leong experienced his value as a man to be worth far more than his ability to provide financially for the family. He learned, from his wife’s response, that it’s his personhood that gives him value and dignity.  

3. ‘To have, and to hold’  

What enabled Jana to stay so calm in the face of loss? 

“I have always learnt that my marriage is not based on money, big houses, or branded goods,” she explained. “My understanding of marriage is about having a good relationship with my husband and children, and keeping the family together.” 

Quoting a Mandarin proverb that captures the value of resilience and contentment, she shared, “If there’s no rice, eat porridge. If there’s no fish, eat anchovies.” 

Rather than blame or wallow in self-pity, they remained steadfast and chose to bounce back from this setback. Even as they adjusted to a simpler life and began the slow journey of rebuilding, their love and commitment to each other remained unwavering. 

“Jana’s assurance of enduring love and unwavering faith in me is the strong support and pillar at that time of my life where circumstances were shifting beyond my control,” Hong Leong reflected.  

The emotional support from our spouse who sees us at our lowest, yet loves us all the same, is the greatest gift a marriage can offer. 

4. ‘To love, and to cherish’

Today, with three grown children and two grandchildren, Hong Leong and Jana continue to treasure each other. Whether it’s gardening together, going for walks, or indulging in MacDonald’s ice cream dates, they still find joy in the simple things. 

As they approach their fourth decade of marriage, their commitment remains steadfast. 

How do they keep showing up for each other through every season of life? 

“It means giving and offering encouragement when your spouse feels down, showing appreciation for the efforts made, and creating an environment where both of us feel valued and understood,” said Jana. “That involves spending quality time together, listening, and sharing dreams, fears, and challenges.” 

Her husband agrees, summing it up beautifully: 
“Love works for those who work on it — intentionally.” 

What’s one small but intentional act you can do today to nourish your marriage? 

When Motherhood Feels Like You’re Losing Yourself

Motherhood changes a person. We take on a new identity and a new role—one that we are mostly unprepared for; a role that may not come naturally, doesn’t always have straightforward answers and may require a whole lot of trial and error.  

Overnight, our world suddenly involves making sure that someone else is safe, loved and raised. We are thrown into situations we have no experience of, relying on the wisdom of those who have gone before—through books, the internet and maybe a friend’s tales. Most of us are just trying to figure it out along the way. 

The Changes In Motherhood 

Motherhood comes with multiple adjustments—the physical changes to our bodies through and after pregnancy; possibly the changes to our available capacities at our jobs; or a change in work status, choosing to stay home to raise children in this season; a change to our lifestyles as we have reduced time and energy for social activities and hobbies. It can feel like we are losing a big part of the person we used to be. Things are just not the same as before.  

A Mother’s Desire 

At the core of motherhood is also the desire to always want to do what is best for our children. From the moment we see those two lines on the pregnancy test kit to even after our adult child leaves the home, we never stop wondering, “Have I done enough?” We never stop being mothers. 

In the myriad of decisions we make for ourselves and our children daily, we always wonder if there was a better choice. From choosing to stay at home and be the main caregiver, or to continue working outside the home; choosing to breastfeed or formula feed our babies; choosing schools, classes, activities; or choosing one discipline method over another.  

We feel pulled and stretched in all directions, trying to meet expectations and fulfil each of our roles as wife, mother, worker, daughter. We try to do everything to the best of our ability and yet sometimes still feel like we fall short. 

In the light of these changes and expectations, it is too easy to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and discouraged. How do we get used to this new normal? How do we navigate motherhood through societal expectations while also meeting our family’s needs?  

1. Avoid comparisons 

Motherhood is not a competition. We are all on our own paths. Our family and life circumstances are all different and therefore demands different choices and responses.  

It is too easy to look over our shoulder and think, “That mum looks like she has the better life. I wish I had that.” Comparison is a thief of joy. Truth be told, we never really know what goes on behind closed doors. We get distracted into thinking that only when we have a certain life will our families be happy.  

While it is helpful to glean wisdom from other women that we admire and look up to, we need to discern how to fit that wisdom into our own unique situation. Not everything may be directly applied.  

We need to grow to be confident in our choices and tell ourselves, it is ok if my family looks different. 

2. Give yourself time to figure things out

Motherhood is a long journey that is filled with constant changes. We don’t figure out motherhood in an instance. Just as we think we’ve mastered one aspect of motherhood, a new challenge emerges, and the learning begins all over again. Nothing ever stays the same in motherhood. We need to trust the process. 

Give ourselves time to find our own pace, figure out what works for our families and manage our own expectations. As our children grow, their needs will evolve, and we likewise will have to adapt alongside them. As with any new job or responsibility, we take time to learn the task, pick up the skills and get better at the role over time. 

Be kind to ourselves and give ourselves grace to learn, make mistakes and grow from it. 

3. Accept help 

Motherhood is not meant to be a solo act. Mothers are a strong bunch. We are master jugglers, multitaskers, jack of all trades. We have interests and passions, dreams and goals. If we could, we would do them all. But we have the same 24 hours and in reality, we probably cannot do it all on our own. It is far too likely that we are stretched thin and exhausted.  

We need to be willing to ask for and accept help. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Beyond the practical help we may receive from physically caring for children, we also need to learn to manage our mental load and receive emotional support from friends and loved ones. This may look like getting to know other mothers who can empathise and understand what we are going through. Friendships make the journey less lonely.  

Find trusted friends who will listen and encourage us, filling our emotional tank through this challenging season of motherhood, which in turn, fuels us to keep caring for our children.

Motherhood is both terrifying and exhilarating; worrying and fulfilling. It sometimes brings us to our knees in tears and frustration, and at other moments, lifts our spirits and brings much joy to our hearts because somehow, that is what children do to us.  

We may not have it all, and we may not know it all, but we sure try and give it our all. That is worth celebrating! 

GE2025 – Wishlist of a First-Time Voter and an Expecting Dad

My wife, Andrea, and I got married last year, and we’re expecting our first child in three months. That’s two major life transitions in a single year — all at the tender age of 26! 

As I prepare to vote for the first time this coming General Election, the first person I think of is our unborn daughter. It is sobering to know that the choices we make today will shape the Singapore she grows up in tomorrow. 

Pregnancy has been a beautiful journey — one of imagining who our daughter might be – what brings her joy, how her eyes will look like, and what kind of world she’ll inherit. And that’s where my heart keeps returning: the kind of Singapore I want her to call home.  

Here are six dreams I carry as I prepare to cast my first vote — not just as a citizen, but as a husband and father. 

My dream is that my daughter will be defined by more than her academic results. I hope that when she sits for the PSLE, she won’t be crushed by the pressure to perform.   

1. Generational love and unity 

My dream is for my daughter to grow up in a Singapore where generations live in unity, beginning in our homes.  

I dream of a family culture where honour flows naturally between the young and old – and this starts with a strong bond with my daughter.  

At Chinese New Year, I want my children to give their heartfelt blessing to their elders (our parents), not just to receive an ang bao, but because they truly respect the older generation and the many sacrifices they’ve made for them. 

This culture of honouring the older generations starts at home.  

Andrea and I are blessed to have our child early in marriage, and her great-grandparents will get to meet her. We believe she will be a bridge between generations – bringing much life and joy to our grandmothers even in their sunset years.  

Looking beyond our family, what could inter-generational unity look like in our nation? 

Imagine a Singapore where schools, workplaces, and hawker centres are marked by strong bonds and trust between the different generations.  

Teachers don’t just teach a subject but nurture the future minds and hearts of our nation, through genuine care for their students. Imagine students expressing genuine appreciation for their teachers and the sacrifices they make for them – whether that’s spending extra time with them after school to help them understand harder concepts, or calling out a hidden strength in them. 

Imagine workplaces where interns are mentored, not just instructed to do menial tasks. 

Imagine our public places of communion such as the hawker centre, where our children greet the auntie clearing our tables with a genuine smile and a thank you – seeing her as her person, beyond the task she is doing.  

This kind of mutual respect doesn’t just happen — it’s built one home, one community, one interaction at a time. 

There’s so much more to each person we meet in our daily interactions than just their jobs. I dream of a Singapore where people aren’t solely defined by their work, but we are acknowledged as people. 

2. Children will be defined beyond their grades 

My dream is that my daughter will be defined by more than her academic results. I hope that when she sits for the PSLE, she won’t be crushed by the pressure to perform.  

I hope she’ll grow up in a school ecosystem that partners with us to shape her character, beyond her grades. Where teachers see her as a whole person, not just a student.  

I want to receive a call not just when she’s in trouble, but when she helps a classmate, or displays sportsmanship at a competition.  

The Edusave Character Award and Edusave Award for Achievement, Good Leadership and Service show that our schools values leadership and character, not just good grades.  

But more can be done, starting in our homes.  

Maybe then, festive gatherings will have conversations that go beyond, “Which school are you in?” or “How well did you do for your exams?” – to include questions like, “How are you enjoying learning in school? What’s something interesting your teacher taught you lately?” 

When our conversations shift from performance to the love of learning and discovery, we will notice a slow shift in how we talk about children – to focus more on their process, beyond the results.    

3. A culture that sees people beyond their jobs

The other day, my wife and I were queuing to pay for our food at Muji café, and I noticed the service staff were wearing name tags. When it was our turn to pay, I looked him in the eye and with a big smile, thanked him by name. 

He paused for a few seconds, before breaking into a smile, and proceeded to return me my change.  

I’m guessing it took him a while to register that to me, he was not just the guy serving me my food, but he was a human with a name and a story.  

There’s so much more to each person we meet in our daily interactions than just their jobs. I dream of a Singapore where people aren’t solely defined by their work, but we are acknowledged as people.  

I want my daughter to grow up knowing that purpose isn’t just in productivity, and that every role—from the hawker aunty to Grab delivery rider to the business owner—has dignity. 

I want her to know that being a good friend, a kind neighbour, or a daughter matters just as much as landing a high-paying job. 

And this mindset has to be first shaped at home.  

I want to affirm my daughter how beautiful and loved she is, to whisper to her daily that she is cherished by her father. Beyond her academic achievements and career choices, I want to commend her effort, her choices, and her dreams. 

I hope my daughter will grow up knowing the love of a father. I want to be both physically and emotionally present with her, especially in her formative years. 

4. A safe environment for children 

My family just secured our Build to Order Flat (BTO) a few months back, and we are excited to build our first home as the Ong family.  

As we were looking at the HDB models while selecting our flat, we couldn’t help but dream of where our kids would play, who our neighbours would be, and which school she would attend.  

Here in Singapore, we are so privileged to have a community to work, play and rest in –whether that’s in our housing estate, in school, or our faith community. With an ecosystem of support, my daughter will grow up to have wholesome influences in her life beyond our home.  

In school, her teachers and coaches will sharpen her skills academically, in sports and the arts.  

In our community and extended family, she will have mentors and family members who would love her and develop her in ways beyond what my wife and I can offer.  

In our estate, she will make good friends at the playground and befriend the uncles and aunties in our neighbourhood. 

In such a safe and supportive environment, hopefully other families will also be thriving. When families flourish, children grow up with a deep sense of security, belonging, and purpose. This is where our daughter to develop a strong sense of identity and belonging—first at home, then in our local community, and in our nation Singapore. 

After all, it takes a village to raise a child, and we know we cannot do it on our own! 

We need narratives that celebrate faithful marriages. We need good and committed mentors in the community who will walk young couples through the tough seasons, not just marriage preparation. 

5. Each person will know the love of a father 

I hope my daughter will grow up knowing the love of a father. 

I want to be both physically and emotionally present with her, especially in her formative years. I want to be the kind of father who listens, protects, provides, teaches, and plays with her. 

There’s a unique confidence a child carries when they know the strength of a father. They are deeply secure and confident in their identity, and more resilient when navigating life’s complexities.  

In our culture, mothers have predominantly played the role of the caregiver, but things are slowly beginning to shift as fathers are becoming equally involved as mothers.  

Even in our workplace policies, paternity leave has been increased to four weeks, the shared parental leave scheme has been introduced, and beyond that, my workplace has a suite of other family-friendly workplace policies.  

Beyond policy, I hope that the culture in Singapore will be one which values the role of a father.  

I have experienced this at my hospital visits to KKH – where the doctors affirmed my attitude when I displayed a keenness to find out more about my wife’s pregnancy and how to support our growing baby.  

Let’s continue to build the ecosystems that support fathers—workplaces that champion paternity leave, community groups that equip and supports fathers, and media that portray strong father figures who lead their families with strength and love.   

6. Marriage will be desirable  

I dream that marriage will once again be a hopeful and desirable milestone for young Singaporeans. 

I know marriage isn’t easy. But with the right preparation and support, it brings much stability to children, and strength to our society. 

We need narratives that celebrate faithful marriages. We need good and committed mentors in the community who will walk young couples through the tough seasons, not just marriage preparation. 

And we need policies that support couples as they begin married life—affordable housing, child support, and family-friendly workplaces. 

Andrea and I chose to get married young, because we desired to build a shared life early. We have found that commitment and a shared vision can weather even the hardest days and our hardest fights, but that’s a story for another day. 

If our daughter sees a marriage marked by grace and forgiveness, hopefully she might one day desire the same. 

As I prepare to cast my vote in GE2025, I carry these dreams with me — not just as a citizen, but as a husband and father. 

Singapore is not perfect. But it is our home. If we build well — with honour, love, and courage — I believe our children will inherit a nation worth loving. 

And that’s a future I look forward to.