Adolescence is a gripping crime drama that follows the story of 13-year-old Jamie Miller, who is accused of murdering his classmate, Katie. The series is known for its intense, real-time storytelling and explores themes of youth violence, family dynamics, masculinity and the manosphere.
This movie presents a unique opportunity to explore the issues of identity and masculinity, especially with our sons.
It encourages us to reflect on how societal expectations and personal experiences powerfully shape young men’s identities, core beliefs, and behaviours.
Child’s Life Stage: Primary Schooler
What is Healthy Masculinity and How Do We Cultivate It?
Healthy masculinity is about helping our sons embrace positive traits and behaviours that contribute to their own wellbeing and that of society.
It is not about force-fitting our boys into strict or unhelpful gender stereotypes; rather it is about promoting values and traits such as empathy, respect, emotional intelligence and a sense of responsibility.
Here are 6 ways we can build such positive character traits in our boys.
1. Practise open communication
Have regular conversations with your son about his day, feelings, and experiences. This helps build trust and openness.
Practice active listening whenever he wishes to talk. When we give them our full attention, we are showing them that they are valued and important to us.
2. Foster relationships with positive role models
Point out positive male role models in your community or in the media who demonstrate healthy masculinity.
Where possible, dads should lead by example. Show your son what healthy masculinity looks like through your actions and behaviour.
3. Encourage emotional expression
Let your son know that it’s okay to express his feelings. Encourage him to talk about his emotions and listen without judgment.
We should also normalise that to be human is to experience a range of emotions, sometimes even a few emotions all at once! Share your own feelings and how you deal with them, whether it’s sadness, anger, or frustration over a work situation.
4. Foster empathy and compassion
Help your son understand the importance of empathy. Discuss how our actions can affect others and encourage him to consider other people’s feelings.
Show compassion in your own actions. Volunteer together or engage in activities that involve helping others, whether it’s befriending a new neighbour who has just moved in, or helping an elderly with groceries.
5. Instil a sense of responsibility
Talk about the importance of being honest and owning up to mistakes at the dinner table. Encourage your child to take responsibility for his actions.
Give him chores to take on at home, especially during the holidays. Also, be intentional to share news stories or everyday examples of people who demonstrate responsibility and integrity in their lives.
6. Teach media literacy and discernment
Last but not least, it is great practice as a family to discuss media messages whenever we encounter positive or negative examples of masculinity. Talk about such news or images over mealtimes or when your child is relaxed and ready to engage.
As parents, we can help our children think critically about what we see on the media, rather than passively consuming ideas or images that are unhealthy or harmful.
Cultivating healthy masculinity involves encouraging boys to be empathetic, respectful, helpful to others and emotionally expressive. By actively talking about and demonstrating these values in our daily lives, we can help our boys develop into well-rounded individuals who live purposeful and gracious lives in the future.
- The Netflix hit series Adolescence raises important issues about what makes healthy masculinity. Empower your sons with strength of character, integrity and compassion with practical insights and actionable steps in our parent’s e-guide. Download it today!
- With increasing porn use and voyeurism, the rise of AI companions, and confusion over one’s sexual identity, how can we protect the next generation’s hearts and minds? Sow into a lifetime of healthy relationships and purposeful living for your youths. Register for the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass today.
The Future of Healthy Sexuality
Increasing loneliness and disconnection, rise of porn addiction and voyeurism, rise of AI companions, and confusion over sexuality and identity — these worrying trends have arisen among married couples and the youth, and they seem set to intensify and to shape our children’s attitudes and behaviour.
How can we strengthen marital connection to stand against the tide of physical and emotional infidelity? How can we future-proof our children and youths when it comes to sexual and relational issues such as these?
Get a grasp of the underlying factors driving such trends, and be equipped with tools to train the hearts and minds of the next generation so they desire what is good, timeless, and true.
Through this masterclass, you will gain:
- Latest trends on sexuality and sexual issues – globally and in the region
- Insights and perspectives from practitioners on the ground
- Tried-and-tested approaches on guiding the next generation’s mindset toward healthy and holistic sexuality
Join us as we facilitate these critical conversations and co-create solutions to get ahead of the challenges.
Who should attend?
- Educators
- Parents
- People in the helping profession
- Leaders serving in faith-based or community organisations
Details
DATE: Fri, 22 Aug 2025
TIME: 9am - 4pm
VENUE: 151 Lorong Chuan, #02-06, New Tech Park, Singapore 556741
FEE:
- Regular rate: $108 per person
- Group rate: $300 for group of 4 (Save more when you sign up together!)
Morning tea and lunch will be provided.
Closing date Mon, 11 Aug 2025
PLENARY 1: UNCOVERING THE UNSPOKEN: SEXUALITY'S IMPACT ON THE FAMILY
- Understand how sexual issues and challenges impact the marriage and spousal dynamics
- Learn about the impact of sexual addiction and/or sexual dysfunction on marriages, as well as possible influences on children.
MODERATOR
Alicia Boo
Chief, Impact and Principal Counsellor
Focus on the Family Singapore
SPEAKERS
Benny Bong
Family and Marital Therapist with over forty years of experience. Author of Couples in Crisis (2008) and Restoration: Rebuilding Four Areas of My Life (2025).
Jason and Shelen Ang
have a passion for strengthening marriages and families. They have been training in the areas of dating, marriage, and parenting, and are equipped to do marital profiling and couple assessments. They are married for over 20 years and are parents to two boys.
Morning Breakout Session
Choose the discussion that best aligns with your interest or professional focus.
Discover ways to empower families to
nurture healthy sexuality through open,
values-based conversations at home.
SPEAKER
Gary Koh & Joanna Koh-Hoe
Gary is a family counsellor and Joanna served as CEO of local charity Focus on the Family Singapore for 21 years.
Explore the roots of sexual dysfunction and its impact on marital health and intimacy and family well-being. How might we work towards mindset and behavioural change in the therapeutic journey?
SPEAKER
Benny Bong
Family and Marital Therapist with over forty years of experience. Author of Couples in Crisis (2008) and Restorations: Rebuilding Four Areas of My Life (2025).
PLENARY 2: NEXT-GEN SEXUAL ISSUES
- Insights on key trends, issues and challenges occurring at the intersection of youth and sexuality
- Uncover risk factors and protective factors
- Discover practical tips and solutions, beginning with strengthening family relationships
MODERATOR
Joshua Liong
Principal Trainer
Focus on the Family Singapore
SPEAKERS
Dr. Tsao I Ting
Clinical Psychologist with more than 15 years of experience across public and private settings, specialising in working through complex relational dynamics, be it between couples or parent-child relationships.
Dr. Ng Liang Wei
Director of Sexual Wholeness Services at Lakeside Family Services and Executive Director of Indigo & Co – a charity that focuses on sexuality and gender identity.
Michelle Soon
An educator and commissioned Colson Fellow, trained to engage culture today with the Christian worldview. She’s passionate about fostering strong family relationships and encouraging a healthy view of sex and sexuality.
Afternoon Breakout Session
Choose the discussion that best aligns with your interest or professional focus.
Get practical insights to guide youths in finding clarity and confidence in their sexual identity and sexual values amidst the clutter and confusion of the digital age.
SPEAKER
Dr. Tsao I Ting
Clinical Psychologist with more than 15 years of experience across public and private settings, specialising in working through complex relational dynamics, be it between couples or parent-child relationships.
Equip young people with tools to recognise and address common sexual struggles in a hypersexualised age. Discover the keys to building rapport and achieving therapeutic goals.
SPEAKER
Dr. Ng Liang Wei
Director of Sexual Wholeness Services at Lakeside Family Services and Executive Director of Indigo & Co – a charity that focuses on sexuality and gender identity.
Interest List
Frequently Asked Questions
The Group Rate applies to groups of 4 people. If your group has a 5th person, they can register separately before 7 Jul to enjoy the Early Bird rate. Or, you can gather more people and register as another group of 4!
Tickets are non-refundable. We encourage you to find a replacement should you not be able to make it after purchasing your ticket. Requests for transfer of registration will be accepted until 14 Aug 2025. Please email us at Corpcomms@family.org.sg.
Recordings of the session will not be made available post-event. Please mark the date in your calendar so you do not miss this event.
For any event enquiries, please contact us at Corpcomms@family.org.sg
The Organiser reserves the rights to cancel or reschedule the event due to unforeseen circumstances. Every effort, however, will be made to inform participants as soon as possible of the change. For cancellation of event by the Organiser, fees will be refunded in full.
GE2025 – Wishlist of a First-Time Voter and an Expecting Dad
My wife, Andrea, and I got married last year, and we’re expecting our first child in three months. That’s two major life transitions in a single year — all at the tender age of 26!
As I prepare to vote for the first time this coming General Election, the first person I think of is our unborn daughter. It is sobering to know that the choices we make today will shape the Singapore she grows up in tomorrow.
Pregnancy has been a beautiful journey — one of imagining who our daughter might be – what brings her joy, how her eyes will look like, and what kind of world she’ll inherit. And that’s where my heart keeps returning: the kind of Singapore I want her to call home.
Here are six dreams I carry as I prepare to cast my first vote — not just as a citizen, but as a husband and father.
My dream is that my daughter will be defined by more than her academic results. I hope that when she sits for the PSLE, she won’t be crushed by the pressure to perform.
1. Generational love and unity
My dream is for my daughter to grow up in a Singapore where generations live in unity, beginning in our homes.
I dream of a family culture where honour flows naturally between the young and old – and this starts with a strong bond with my daughter.
At Chinese New Year, I want my children to give their heartfelt blessing to their elders (our parents), not just to receive an ang bao, but because they truly respect the older generation and the many sacrifices they’ve made for them.
This culture of honouring the older generations starts at home.
Andrea and I are blessed to have our child early in marriage, and her great-grandparents will get to meet her. We believe she will be a bridge between generations – bringing much life and joy to our grandmothers even in their sunset years.
Looking beyond our family, what could inter-generational unity look like in our nation?
Imagine a Singapore where schools, workplaces, and hawker centres are marked by strong bonds and trust between the different generations.
Teachers don’t just teach a subject but nurture the future minds and hearts of our nation, through genuine care for their students. Imagine students expressing genuine appreciation for their teachers and the sacrifices they make for them – whether that’s spending extra time with them after school to help them understand harder concepts, or calling out a hidden strength in them.
Imagine workplaces where interns are mentored, not just instructed to do menial tasks.
Imagine our public places of communion such as the hawker centre, where our children greet the auntie clearing our tables with a genuine smile and a thank you – seeing her as her person, beyond the task she is doing.
This kind of mutual respect doesn’t just happen — it’s built one home, one community, one interaction at a time.
There’s so much more to each person we meet in our daily interactions than just their jobs. I dream of a Singapore where people aren’t solely defined by their work, but we are acknowledged as people.
2. Children will be defined beyond their grades
My dream is that my daughter will be defined by more than her academic results. I hope that when she sits for the PSLE, she won’t be crushed by the pressure to perform.
I hope she’ll grow up in a school ecosystem that partners with us to shape her character, beyond her grades. Where teachers see her as a whole person, not just a student.
I want to receive a call not just when she’s in trouble, but when she helps a classmate, or displays sportsmanship at a competition.
The Edusave Character Award and Edusave Award for Achievement, Good Leadership and Service show that our schools values leadership and character, not just good grades.
But more can be done, starting in our homes.
Maybe then, festive gatherings will have conversations that go beyond, “Which school are you in?” or “How well did you do for your exams?” – to include questions like, “How are you enjoying learning in school? What’s something interesting your teacher taught you lately?”
When our conversations shift from performance to the love of learning and discovery, we will notice a slow shift in how we talk about children – to focus more on their process, beyond the results.
3. A culture that sees people beyond their jobs
The other day, my wife and I were queuing to pay for our food at Muji café, and I noticed the service staff were wearing name tags. When it was our turn to pay, I looked him in the eye and with a big smile, thanked him by name.
He paused for a few seconds, before breaking into a smile, and proceeded to return me my change.
I’m guessing it took him a while to register that to me, he was not just the guy serving me my food, but he was a human with a name and a story.
There’s so much more to each person we meet in our daily interactions than just their jobs. I dream of a Singapore where people aren’t solely defined by their work, but we are acknowledged as people.
I want my daughter to grow up knowing that purpose isn’t just in productivity, and that every role—from the hawker aunty to Grab delivery rider to the business owner—has dignity.
I want her to know that being a good friend, a kind neighbour, or a daughter matters just as much as landing a high-paying job.
And this mindset has to be first shaped at home.
I want to affirm my daughter how beautiful and loved she is, to whisper to her daily that she is cherished by her father. Beyond her academic achievements and career choices, I want to commend her effort, her choices, and her dreams.
I hope my daughter will grow up knowing the love of a father. I want to be both physically and emotionally present with her, especially in her formative years.
4. A safe environment for children
My family just secured our Build to Order Flat (BTO) a few months back, and we are excited to build our first home as the Ong family.
As we were looking at the HDB models while selecting our flat, we couldn’t help but dream of where our kids would play, who our neighbours would be, and which school she would attend.
Here in Singapore, we are so privileged to have a community to work, play and rest in –whether that’s in our housing estate, in school, or our faith community. With an ecosystem of support, my daughter will grow up to have wholesome influences in her life beyond our home.
In school, her teachers and coaches will sharpen her skills academically, in sports and the arts.
In our community and extended family, she will have mentors and family members who would love her and develop her in ways beyond what my wife and I can offer.
In our estate, she will make good friends at the playground and befriend the uncles and aunties in our neighbourhood.
In such a safe and supportive environment, hopefully other families will also be thriving. When families flourish, children grow up with a deep sense of security, belonging, and purpose. This is where our daughter to develop a strong sense of identity and belonging—first at home, then in our local community, and in our nation Singapore.
After all, it takes a village to raise a child, and we know we cannot do it on our own!
We need narratives that celebrate faithful marriages. We need good and committed mentors in the community who will walk young couples through the tough seasons, not just marriage preparation.
5. Each person will know the love of a father
I hope my daughter will grow up knowing the love of a father.
I want to be both physically and emotionally present with her, especially in her formative years. I want to be the kind of father who listens, protects, provides, teaches, and plays with her.
There’s a unique confidence a child carries when they know the strength of a father. They are deeply secure and confident in their identity, and more resilient when navigating life’s complexities.
In our culture, mothers have predominantly played the role of the caregiver, but things are slowly beginning to shift as fathers are becoming equally involved as mothers.
Even in our workplace policies, paternity leave has been increased to four weeks, the shared parental leave scheme has been introduced, and beyond that, my workplace has a suite of other family-friendly workplace policies.
Beyond policy, I hope that the culture in Singapore will be one which values the role of a father.
I have experienced this at my hospital visits to KKH – where the doctors affirmed my attitude when I displayed a keenness to find out more about my wife’s pregnancy and how to support our growing baby.
Let’s continue to build the ecosystems that support fathers—workplaces that champion paternity leave, community groups that equip and supports fathers, and media that portray strong father figures who lead their families with strength and love.
6. Marriage will be desirable
I dream that marriage will once again be a hopeful and desirable milestone for young Singaporeans.
I know marriage isn’t easy. But with the right preparation and support, it brings much stability to children, and strength to our society.
We need narratives that celebrate faithful marriages. We need good and committed mentors in the community who will walk young couples through the tough seasons, not just marriage preparation.
And we need policies that support couples as they begin married life—affordable housing, child support, and family-friendly workplaces.
Andrea and I chose to get married young, because we desired to build a shared life early. We have found that commitment and a shared vision can weather even the hardest days and our hardest fights, but that’s a story for another day.
If our daughter sees a marriage marked by grace and forgiveness, hopefully she might one day desire the same.
As I prepare to cast my vote in GE2025, I carry these dreams with me — not just as a citizen, but as a husband and father.
Singapore is not perfect. But it is our home. If we build well — with honour, love, and courage — I believe our children will inherit a nation worth loving.
And that’s a future I look forward to.
How to Cope with the Awkward Sex Talk
Talking to kids about sex can indeed be a tricky and awkward topic.
I still recall the first time I spoke to my children about where babies come from. My face burnt red like a tomato and beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. So you’re not alone if you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable about broaching this subject.
Here are some tips to hopefully help make the conversation more comfortable and effective:
1. Start ‘em young
As far as we can, start discussing basic concepts of babies and body safety early on. This helps set the stage for more in-depth conversations later. Think small bites, and make use of daily opportunities to drop a seed of truth into your child (for example when you’re showering your child, or buying a swimsuit for him or her.)
We should also encourage our kids to ask us questions about anything. And if we don’t have the answer to those curious questions we can say, “Let’s find out together!”
2. Use proper terms
Teach your child the correct names for body parts and functions. This helps us grow their understanding of their own bodies, and why they need to take extra care of private parts and who are the safe adults who can help them clean their bodies.
3. Choose the right time and place
Look out for natural opportunities to discuss these topics, such as during a drive or while watching a movie together.
Ensure the environment is relaxed and private, making it easier for both of you to establish a safe connection and talk openly.
4. Start with what’s good and beautiful
Look out for natural opportunities to discuss these topics, such as during a drive or while watching a movie together.
Ensure the environment is relaxed and private, making it easier for both of you to establish a safe connection and talk openly.
5. Be age-appropriate
Pay attention to your child’s questions and concerns. We should aim to provide honest answers but also be age-appropriate.
For example, we should not be revealing too many details about how people may abuse others for their own sexual gratification to a 5-year-old. This would rob them of their innocence and create unnecessary fears.
6. Use resources
Remember to talk about values, consent, respect, and healthy relationships. These topics are as important to holistic sexuality education as puberty and sex.
Encourage your child to share their thoughts and questions about these topics.
7. Be patient
Understand that these conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, but they will become easier with practice. Reassure your child that it’s normal to have questions and that they can always come to you.
Conclusion
Keep the conversation going. Regular check-ins can help your child feel supported as they navigate the growing up years, with puberty and relationships coming to the fore.
Remember, your goal is to provide accurate information and support your child as they grow. By approaching the topic with openness and sensitivity, you can help them feel more at ease coming to you whenever they have questions.
- The Netflix hit series Adolescence raises important issues about what makes healthy masculinity. Empower your sons with strength of character, integrity and compassion with practical insights and actionable steps in our parent’s e-guide. Download it today!
- With increasing porn use and voyeurism, the rise of AI companions, and confusion over one’s sexual identity, how can we protect the next generation’s hearts and minds? Sow into a lifetime of healthy relationships and purposeful living for your youths. Register for the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass today.
10 Strategies to Help Our Children Navigate a “BANI” World
In recent years, we have witnessed a series of challenges that test our resilience:
Regional wars.
Deepfakes and DeepSeek.
World leaderships changing hands at breakneck speed.
Climate and man-made disasters popping up both in frequency and volume as quickly as a game of whack-a-mole.
While many are familiar with the concept of a VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) world, some experts now suggest that our reality is better described as a BANI world. (Fun fact: VUCA was actually coined as far back as 1987 by the US Army War College, so I’m sure you’ll agree it’s nothing new)
BANI stands for Brittle, Anxious, Non-Linear and Incomprehensible.
This is an acronym created in 2018 by American futurist and writer Jamias Cascio to help update the vocabulary we need to describe this world we now live in.
In a BANI world, what appears strong may in fact be fragile. The foundations we assume are unshakable can be surprisingly vulnerable.
Understanding the BANI World
Drawn from an article found in Forbes, below is a quick introduction to this description of our world:
Brittle – The Illusion of Strength
In a BANI world, what appears strong may in fact be fragile. The foundations we assume are unshakable can be surprisingly vulnerable—whether that be our public health or financial systems, geopolitical stability, and job security. It is illusory strength, the belief that “everything will be alright” and the assumption that everything we build our life on is secure, except that they aren’t.
Anxious – The Illusion of Control
Anxiety refers to a feeling of helplessness, of being overwhelmed by everything that one faces. It comes with stress and a fear of not being able to cope with what’s constantly happening in the world. We will never really know what will come, making it hard or impossible to make the “right” decisions free of risks.
Non-linear – The Illusion of Predictability
Life rarely follows a straight path. Instead, we encounter detours, dead ends, and unexpected outcomes along the way. Embracing this non-linearity enables us to become more adaptable and resourceful when confronted with change.
Incomprehensible – The Illusion of Knowledge
Finally, incomprehensible refers to people’s experience that they don’t understand what is going on. They can’t oversee it, can’t grasp it, can’t interpret what happens, and why. This means they can’t find the answers they are looking for and, as far as they do get answers, they can’t fully make sense of them either. Accepting that not everything in life can be neatly explained is liberating, prompting us to seek new perspectives and learn continuously.
We would be bubble-wrapping our kids if we told them that life would be relatively pain-free, or that it could be carefully curated to fit our needs and lifestyles.
Helping Our Children Thrive in a BANI World
As parents, we need to prepare our kids for a reality that can be unpredictable and difficult to control. We would be bubble-wrapping our kids if we told them that life would be relatively pain-free, or that it could be carefully curated to fit our needs and lifestyles the way social media may appear to on the surface.
Even the mundane events we plan for them daily, like attending classes or weekend enrichments, cannot entirely shield them from unexpected challenges. So, what can we do as parents to help our children thrive in a BANI world?
Here are ten practical strategies:
1. Foster Resilience
Since the world is brittle and full of unexpected changes, we need to equip our children with mental resilience. Encourage them to see failures as learning opportunities rather than setbacks. Teaching problem-solving skills and fostering a growth mindset can help them handle disappointments and uncertainties better.
2. Teach Emotional Regulation
Anxiety is a natural response in a world that seems out of control. Help your children develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Techniques like mindfulness, breathing exercises, and journaling can be useful tools to manage stress and anxiety effectively.
3. Encourage Adaptability
Given that the world is non-linear, it’s important to teach children to embrace flexibility. Encourage them to be open to change and adaptable in the face of unexpected events. Knowing how to pivot when things don’t go as planned is a valuable life skill.
4. Promote Critical Thinking
Incomprehensibility means that not everything is clear-cut or straightforward. Teach your kids to question information critically, verify sources, and develop the ability to analyse complex situations. This will help them make sense of the world even when things seem chaotic.
5. Provide Stability at Home
While we cannot control external factors, we can create a sense of security at home. Establishing routines, setting clear expectations, and providing a supportive environment can help children feel safe and grounded despite the world’s uncertainties.
6. Encourage Lifelong Learning
Since knowledge is constantly evolving, children need to develop a love for learning. Teach them that education doesn’t stop at school—it’s a lifelong process. Introduce them to new ideas, skills, and perspectives that will help them stay adaptable and informed.
7. Model Resilience and Adaptability
Children learn best by observing their parents. Show them through your actions how to cope with challenges, remain calm in difficult situations, and bounce back from adversity. Your example will be more powerful than any lecture.
8. Develop Strong Community Ties
In a volatile world, a strong support system is crucial. Encourage children to build meaningful relationships with family, friends, and mentors who can guide and support them in times of uncertainty.
9. Limit Exposure to Negative Media
While staying informed is important, excessive exposure to negative news can increase anxiety. Teach children how to filter information, recognise when their emotions get triggered, and focus on constructive and solution-based narratives. Better yet, have family conversations on how we might do our part in addressing some of these societal challenges
10. Encourage Purpose and Meaning
Finally, children need to have a sense of purpose. Help them find passions and causes that inspire them. Having a strong “why” can anchor them in times of uncertainty and provide motivation to keep moving forward.
Our children don’t need parents who have all the answers—they need parents who are committed to grow with them.
While the world may feel brittle, anxious, non-linear, and incomprehensible, we are not powerless. As we reflect on these strategies, it’s important to acknowledge that parenting in a BANI world is no simple feat. The realities we face are complex, and while the principles outlined here may serve as guidelines, their application will look different for every family.
But if there’s one thing to take away, it’s this: you don’t have to get everything right. Our children don’t need parents who have all the answers—they need parents who are committed to grow with them. The goal isn’t perfection, but rather—with love, wisdom, and intentional effort, we can raise resilient, adaptable children who are prepared to face the future head-on.
When Should I Start Talking to My Child About Sex?
Talking to Your Child About Sex: A Guide for Parents
Discussing sex with your child can feel awkward and daunting, but it’s an essential part of their development. We recommend approaching the topic early, when your child is around the age of four or five, as we set the tone by being their first source of information in this important area of life.
Furthermore, by starting young, our kids generally don’t feel as awkward about the topic, as they would be more curious and open to listening to what you have to say. Broaching the subject in teenhood is another matter altogether, as the teen awkwardness would have usually started, and they may have already heard things from their friends.
By applying openness and honesty, you can help your child understand their bodies, relationships, and boundaries that can help keep them safe.
Here’s a guide to help you navigate these conversations with ease.
Preschool years (4-6 Years)
Laying the Foundation
At this age, children are naturally curious about their bodies and the differences between boys and girls. Use simple, accurate language to answer their questions.
For example, if your child asks where babies come from, you can say, “Babies grow in a special place inside their mommy’s tummy called the uterus.” Or they may ask: “Why are boys and girls’ bodies different?
Emphasise the importance of privacy and having safe boundaries for themselves. For example, what is good versus bad touch? This will help us set up safeguards against sexual abuse.
Primary years (7-9 Years)
Building on Basics
As children grow, their questions may become more detailed. Continue to provide accurate information and encourage open communication. You can introduce the concept of puberty and explain that their bodies will go through changes as they grow older. For example, you might say, “During puberty, your body will start to change, and you’ll notice things like hair growing in new places and your voice getting deeper.”
Check out our Talk About Sex video on What is Puberty? It’s designed for parent-and-child to view together.
Tween years (10-12 years)
Preparing for Puberty
By this age, children are likely to have heard some information about sex from friends, media, or school. It’s crucial to provide them with accurate information and address any misconceptions. Start by discussing what makes a healthy relationship, and what red flags to watch out for.
Also, help your tween understand why porn is unhealthy for them, and why it can be so addictive.
General Tips for All Ages
- Be approachable: Let your child know they can come to you with any questions or concerns.
- Use age-appropriate language: Tailor your explanations to your child’s level of understanding.
- Encourage open communication: Create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and feelings.
- Be honest: Provide accurate information and correct any misconceptions.
- Respect their privacy: Allow your child to ask questions and share their thoughts without judgment.
Remember, talking to our children about sex is an ongoing conversation. Starting young helps us lay a good foundation for more conversations and trickier topics.
By being open, honest, and supportive, we are their best guides to help them navigate this area of their development with confidence.
- The Netflix hit series Adolescence raises important issues about what makes healthy masculinity. Empower your sons with strength of character, integrity and compassion with practical insights and actionable steps in our parent’s e-guide. Download it today!
- With increasing porn use and voyeurism, the rise of AI companions, and confusion over one’s sexual identity, how can we protect the next generation’s hearts and minds? Sow into a lifetime of healthy relationships and purposeful living for your youths. Register for the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass today.
Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough
Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex.
To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
What to Do If Your Child Stumbles Upon Porn
As busy parents, it can be challenging to constantly supervise all of our children’s online activities. However, it remains all the more crucial to keep watch over our kids. In today’s digital age, it’s not uncommon for children to accidentally stumble upon inappropriate content online, including porn.
If your child comes to you after chancing upon inappropriate content, it’s important to handle the situation with care and understanding. Here are some tips on how to manage such a conversation.
1. Stay calm and composed
Breathe. It’s crucial to remain calm and composed as our reactions will set the tone for the conversation and determine whether our children feel safe enough to come to us, when such incidents occur.
2. Ask open-ended questions
Ask open-ended questions to understand what they saw and how they felt about it. This helps in gauging their level of understanding and emotional state.
Some examples of questions you can ask: What did the image or video show? How long did the video play for? How did it make you feel?
A person’s private parts are meant to be kept private. If you see such images again, do tell mummy or daddy so we can keep you safe.
3. Provide age-appropriate information
Help your child process what they saw. Avoid giving too much detail but do be honest in order to build trust.
If your child is a preschooler, and does not seem to remember or understand what they saw, avoid scolding or shaming them.
However, emphasise that inappropriate content abound on the internet and boundaries will have to be set and adhered to, in order to keep them safe. Use statements like, “A person’s private parts are meant to be kept private. If you see such images again, do tell mummy or daddy so we can keep you safe.”
If your child is in primary school, you should highlight the dangers of watching inappropriate material, including porn addiction and normalizing or mimicking the sexual behaviours they see online.
For more handles on how to talk about porn, register to access our Talk About Sex Video Series.
4. Reassure your child
Reassure your child that they are not in trouble and that it is okay to talk about anything with you. Let them know it’s a normal part of growing up to be curious and/or to have sexual feelings.
5. Set boundaries for online safety
Use this opportunity to educate them about online safety and the importance of not sharing personal information or clicking on unknown links. Discuss and set rules of when and how your child can use mobile devices with internet connection. It is also a good idea to install parental controls on all devices in the home and use these tools to keep them safe.
Creating a safe and open environment at home encourages our children to feel comfortable approaching us with any issues they encounter, whether online or offline.
- The Netflix hit series Adolescence raises important issues about what makes healthy masculinity. Empower your sons with strength of character, integrity and compassion with practical insights and actionable steps in our parent’s e-guide. Download it today!
- With increasing porn use and voyeurism, the rise of AI companions, and confusion over one’s sexual identity, how can we protect the next generation’s hearts and minds? Sow into a lifetime of healthy relationships and purposeful living for your youths. Register for the Healthy Sexuality Masterclass today.
Positive Discipline: Why it’s Useful and 3 Ways to Practise it
The term “discipline” often brings to mind strict authority and punishment, shaped by our upbringing and culture.
Yet, discipline is not the same as punishment. While punishment imposes consequences for undesirable behaviour, discipline guides individuals toward actions that benefit both themselves and others.
Alicia Yah, a mother of four and a seasoned early childhood educator with over 23 years of experience, champions the approach of positive discipline. She believes a supportive, respectful environment is essential for nurturing children’s growth.
“Positive discipline is a philosophy and set of practices that aim to teach and guide children by fostering a respectful and supportive environment,” Alicia explains.
This approach contrasts with fear-based discipline, which is often associated with control through punishment. Alicia explains, “Instead of using punishment to control behaviour, positive discipline focuses on encouraging good behaviour through positive reinforcement, empathy, and setting clear and consistent boundaries.”
While fear-based punishment may prompt quick compliance, positive discipline nurtures self-discipline and the internal motivation to do what’s right. Children learn responsibility as they are guided to understand and own their actions. This approach also builds trust between parent and child by fostering respect and open communication, rather than fear.
Ready to start? Here are three principles for implementing positive discipline with your child:
Enforcing boundaries calmly, without anger, keeps consequences from feeling punitive. Consistency builds a sense of safety and predictability.
1. Establishing consistent boundaries
Establishing consistent boundaries is essential as children develop their own understanding of limits and safety.
“Children do not know where the boundaries are, and as parents, we need to guide and teach them,” Alicia said. She encourages parents to explain the consequences of certain actions rather than using punishment to enforce compliance. For example, saying, “If you run across the road like this, you could get hurt should a car hit you,” helps children understand why limits are important.
Consistency is crucial. If we set a rule—for instance, turning off the television at a specific time—we need to follow through with any stated consequence if the rule isn’t respected. Enforcing boundaries calmly, without anger, keeps consequences from feeling punitive. Consistency builds a sense of safety and predictability.
When boundaries are enforced with shouting or fear, it can signal to children that aggression is an acceptable response. Alicia reminds us to act as role models, and to be aware that our actions will shape our children’s behaviour.
She also offers reassurance for those moments when we fall short and lose our temper. “As long as you want to connect with your child and make it right, we can be intentional to say sorry and try again. My encouragement to all parents is that we are not born ready-made parents; we will journey with our children. It’s okay for them to see us fail, as long as they also see our determination to return with greater resolve to parent well and be more patient,” she said.
Hugs are often given in happy moments, but when a child is feeling low, that’s often when they most need comfort or assurance through a hug or a gentle touch.
2. Connect before you correct
Some parents may worry that a respectful, connection-focused approach undermines their authority. In reality, maintaining boundaries while valuing connection fosters security and resilience in children.
Power struggles can damage trust, so it’s helpful for spouses to support each other during challenging moments. Teaching children to “try again” after a mistake can also help. Alicia shared, “This is something that I do with my children—I ask, ‘Would you like to try again?’ Even my youngest, at four, can ask me that when I fall short, which signals to me that they are picking up this strategy as well.”
When a child is upset, choosing not to mirror their frustration but staying nearby and being ready to connect can strengthen the bond. “Hugs are often given in happy moments, but when a child is feeling low, that’s often when they most need comfort or assurance through a hug or a gentle touch,” Alicia added. Hugging them when they have done something wrong communicates that you still love and accept them, even if you disapprove of their behaviour.
Allow the child to calm down before addressing their behaviour. Prioritise connection over immediate correction, showing that you value them as a person, beyond correcting their actions.
3. Co-creating solutions with your child
Once a child is calm, a collaborative approach can guide them toward understanding their actions and help them find alternative solutions.
“For example, if my child has shown inappropriate behaviour, after calming down, I might ask, ‘If you face this situation again, what would you do differently?’ Then, he can come up with a solution,” Alicia explained. “If the situation recurs and the solution doesn’t work, we discuss what went wrong and try again. This way, the child learns responsibility and knows that I am here to journey with them.”
As children grow older, involving them in co-creating solutions and boundaries not only builds their confidence but also shows that their ideas are valued. “The last thing we want is for our child to feel rejected or abandoned because of an inappropriate behaviour,” Alicia emphasised.
Being a present parent means demonstrating consistency in our boundary-setting, maintaining connection, and engaging in co-creating solutions with our children. By embracing positive discipline, we empower children to grow and learn from their mistakes within a secure, loving relationship.
5 Ways to Keep Your Kids Safe and Healthy Online
We live in a time where social media and short-form content are not just tools and sources of information, but a way of life. With the advent of AI chatbots and image generators, the online world presents as many dangers as benefits to our children. Here are 5 ways to keep them safe.
1. Build in age-appropriate supervision
Before giving your child a mobile device with Internet access, think about the level of supervision and controls that are appropriate for your child’s age and level of maturity.
Primary school-aged children (7 to 9 years old)
- As children of this age may not be aware of the risks of exploring the online world, we should consider adopting parental controls such as Google Family Link and Qustodio on our home computers and devices.
- At the same time, recognise that no parental control app is fool proof, so do keep an eye on children at this age whenever they have screen time.
- Children at this age do not need mobile phones.
Tweens (10 to 12 years old)
- Tweens may begin using the Internet for schoolwork. So, we will need to have conversations about the work they need to do online and agree on the boundaries for use.
- Some tweens may ask to get a social media account because their friends have them but may not have the maturity to manage issues such as peer pressure and cyber bullying.
Teen and late teen years (13 to 18 years old)
- As teens and late teens begin to utilise the internet for a variety of uses such as communication and homework, it may be impractical to maintain control simply through parental monitoring apps.
- Conversations and connecting with them over their hobbies and interests will begin to play a bigger role in understanding their needs and usage of screens. The goal should also gradually shift to helping them learn to self-manage their time and priorities.
2. Talk about the dangers and benefits
When we think ‘internet dangers’, the list seems to grow with each passing year. Recent issues like deepfake pornography, online bullying, and fake news are dominating the headlines. So, it’s important to lay out the potential harms that certain parts of the internet can inflict to children just starting to enter widespread internet culture and go over the ways they can safeguard themselves.
3. Establish what’s good and what isn’t
When grappling with issues like body image, sexuality, and dating, it can be hard for your child to separate good ideas from not-so-good ones, especially when social media portrays a plethora of diverse views.
Ongoing but small conversations can arm your child with the increasing ability to recognise safe and unsafe scenarios.
Primary school-aged children (7 to 9 years old)
- Discussions with children from this age group should aim to protect them from common online threats such as online grooming, cyberbullying, and scams.
- Additionally, talk about online etiquette and digital literacy, such as how to differentiate between credible news sources and fake news or sensationalism.
Tween years (10 to 12 years old)
- Tweens are at the beginning of their adolescent years and may be particularly susceptible to online/peer influences, so it is not helpful for them to be exposed to overly sexualised images.
- Conversations about the different forms of cyberbullying may come in handy, as well as a basic idea of gender/sexuality.
Teen and late teen years (13 to 18 years old)
- Teens and late teens are at the stage of experimentation and have lots of questions surrounding their identity and sexual orientation.
- Although teens are more independent and do not need, nor appreciate, our constant supervision, they still desire our presence, affirmation and attention. Use these years as an opportunity to share values about love and relationships with them.
4. Build in-person connections
This one can be a little tricky, given the ubiquity of social media and that some people may genuinely find it difficult to make friends in real life.
Social media tends to hide imperfections that children might’ve learned to accept if they met them in person such as acne, scars, or unusual talking habits.
While you may not be able to control how physically social your child is, engaging with them in social activities such as sports, dinners or video games allows for meaningful dialogue between the two of you. Alternatively, facilitate parties/hangouts with his or her friends.
5. Listen more than you speak!
Children are constantly growing, and the advice your child follows today may be questioned tomorrow.
However, it’s still important that your child feels safe and accepted when they share their thoughts with you or seek advice from you—especially when they are discovering novel things on the internet that they might not be able to handle alone.
Dominic Tan is a 17-year-old JC1 student in a local Junior College, who can be found sleeping, composing, and designing board games when he’s not busy studying for the exams.
