What Does it Mean for Mums to Trust the Process When the Going Gets Tough?

What Does it Mean for Mums to Trust the Process When the Going Gets Tough?

3 May, 2024 – Being a mother is one of the most unique journeys one can take, filled with experiences that are special and precious. 

There is nothing quite like the feeling of holding your newborn for the first time, the wonder of seeing the world through the eyes of your little explorer, or the delight that comes with witnessing the ways your child is growing. 

At the same time, it comes with inevitable challenges that stretch one’s capacity like never before. On top of the physical exhaustion that mothers often experience, doubt, feelings of inadequacy and discouragement are not unfamiliar to mums. 

Joey Ong, 30, a mother of three young children aged 5, 3 and 1, can certainly relate to experiencing difficult seasons in parenthood – especially when she became a mum for the first time. 

In the early days of motherhood, she used to impatiently seek the next milestone, looking for the momentary relief between sleep regressions and leaps, trying to avoid discomfort where possible. 

She shared, “While things did get better, it most certainly would get worse again.” 

Cycles of improvement and setback left her disappointed and defeated, turbulent and easily triggered by the smallest obstacles. 

But Joey is grateful for the pivotal role her mother has played in shaping her character and attitudes when faced with challenges. 

Witnessing how her mum single-handedly and sacrificially raised her with whatever that she had, Joey attests, “She has shown me what true strength looks like, and often reminded me that when bad things happen to us, we can choose how we want to respond.” 

“While weathering the many storms of parenting, the last thing we need is a spirit of discouragement and defeat. I am learning to trust and enjoy the process, even when things aren’t ‘better’ yet,” she mused. 

Believing that discomfort is a good teacher and an opportunity for growth, she added, “These storms will always pass. No matter how terrible things may look or feel, we have an opportunity to reset every day.” 

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For Mary Heng, 47, a mother of three teenagers, parenting a daughter with special needs adds another dimension to her understanding and journey of trusting the process. 

When her youngest child, Kayleen, was born and officially diagnosed with Down syndrome, her world came crashing down. 

“Guilt came over me as I wondered if I had done something wrong to cause this condition,” she recalled. 

Due to the condition Kayleen has, delayed developmental milestones were inevitable. Many aspects that are seemingly easy to achieve with neuro-typical children require a lot of time and attention in Kayleen’s case. 

Mary shared, “Kayleen has had severe feeding difficulties since she was young and still attends feeding therapy. During the times when she had to rely on the feeding tube to get nutrition, I almost gave up the hope that one day, she would be able to eat the same food as us during mealtimes.”

From persevering through 2-hour long breastfeeding sessions to help Kayleen strengthen her oral muscles for speech development, to spending hours with her at physiotherapy to improve her muscle tone and strength, Mary continues to devote time and effort into her 12-year-old’s growth and progress. 

And she has been able to savour the fruits of her enduring love.  

“Kayleen has shown the family that she is much more than what we ignorantly perceived her to be. With her smiles and coos, she unites our family, and her siblings adore her,” she mused. 

“When her speech improved, she often tells our family how much she loves us and that I’m the ‘best mummy in the whole world.’ During her hospital visits, I often find her talking to the elderly and encouraging them. When she sees a child in need of comfort, she willingly offers a hug and kind words.”

She reflected, “I trust that God makes all things beautiful in its time. Watching Kayleen enjoy the tamagoyaki that I prepared for her, as she shares about her day at school, is indeed a beautiful sight that I’ve been blessed with.” 

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These stories of mothers learning to trust the process in their unique journeys are part of this year’s Mother’s Day campaign by Focus on the Family Singapore, which aims to encourage mothers that all their efforts of sowing into their motherhood journey will bring growth “All in Good Time”. 

The charity has prepared resources for mums to discover the ways they can trust the process in motherhood, through uplifting and practical bite-sized digital content. Mothers will find comfort in reading stories of fellow mums who are on their journey of embracing all that motherhood has for them. These can be readily accessed at www.family.org.sg/AllinGoodTime. 

Family members and communities surrounding mums will also get to play a part in encouraging and affirming mums through the Timeless Bouquet—a digital affirmation card tool—and with a thoughtfully created Instagram story filter.

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Focus on the Family Singapore Celebrates 20 Years of Building Strong Families

Focus on the Family Singapore Celebrates 20 Years of Building Strong Families

19 May, 2022 – Focus on the Family Singapore will commemorate its 20th anniversary with a special celebratory dinner themed “Bigger, Deeper and Stronger for Families” on Thursday, 19 May, at Hilton Orchard Singapore. 

Deputy Prime Minister & Coordinating Minister for Economic Policies, Mr Heng Swee Keat will grace the event as the Guest of Honour. He will be accompanied by his wife. 

Some 650 partners and supporters of Focus Singapore will be attending the event. The charity hopes to raise $1,000,000 in table sponsorships and pledges to fund its family-centric programmes and campaigns for the year. 

In 2021, Focus Singapore impacted the lives of some 40,000 people with its family-building programmes and campaigns. Looking ahead, the charity organisation aims to go bigger on sexuality education by partnering parents, educators and organisations, deeper in parent-child connections to build mental resilience, and stronger on marriage narratives, preparation programmes and mentoring communities.   

Bigger on sexuality education 

A 2020 survey conducted by Focus Singapore found that a staggering 79% of youths and young adults believe that parents have the primary responsibility to teach them about sex and sexuality. However, only 15% cite parents as their main source of information.  

Sexuality education needs to start at home as values about relationships and marriage have to come from parents themselves. With the growing awareness of the need for parental involvement in guiding youths in the area of sexuality, Focus Singapore plans to augment its current resources on its website with videos and conversation starters to equip parents with the skills to do so.  

Deeper parent-child connections   

Over the past two years, Focus has had to pivot its Family Life Education programmes and events from in-person to online format. To journey with parents in supporting their tweens through the transition to adolescence, Focus has redesigned its signature parent-child event, Date with Dad, into a parent-and-tween experiential programme titled The Select: Mission 1114 

240 parents and tweens attended the inaugural run of The Select in December 2021, and tried their hand at solving puzzles and cracking codes together, while deepening their relationship through letter-writing and intentional conversations. 

Ms Yvonne Kong-Ho, who attended The Select with her son, said, “It was such a timely bonding experience for us as it was just after my son completed his PSLE and received his results. The most memorable part for me was when we wrote letters to each other. I also gave him a leather belt as a gift and told him, ‘This belt represents my support for you, and you’re never alone.’” 

Stronger marriages 

In a bid to strengthen its programme offerings aimed at nurturing stronger marriages, Focus Singapore will be organising a date night event in August 2022. Targeting younger married couples, Best Date Ever will offer couples a unique experience to reconnect and rediscover the joys or marriage, building their collective resilience to withstand the stressors of life. 

Mrs Joanna Koh-Hoe, CEO of Focus Singapore, said, “It is significant that we mark our twentieth anniversary in a year that Singapore has designated as the Year of Celebrating Families. We’re excited that with the easing of Covid-19 restrictions, 650 friends of the Family can now join us in this celebration!” 

“Today’s increasingly volatile and digitally immersed world unfortunately places new and more complex challenges on everyday families. Taking an upstream approach to build on the foundation of strong family values and healthy relationships will ensure our nation continues to thrive for many generations to come.” 

Partnership Dinner: Raising Family Champions 

Focus on the Family Singapore’s 20th Anniversary Celebration is held in appreciation of corporate and community partners that have supported the organisation’s work in helping families thrive. Through the celebratory dinner, the organisation also hopes to share the impact through stories of families equipped and restored over the past 20 years, and enable more stakeholders and partners to catch the vision of building stronger families and resilient children in the years to come.  

Chairman of Focus on the Family Singapore Mr Tony Soh said, “While championing upstream work with families hasn’t been without its challenges, we are thankful to count so many passionate believers of Family among our supporters today. With their partnership and encouragement, we will continue to build on the good work of the past 20 years, and forge ahead to realise our vision of thriving, vibrant and resilient families in Singapore.” 

At the fundraiser, Focus on the Family Singapore will also present its annual Family Champion Awards to commend corporations, communities and individuals who have been exemplary in promoting the interests of families.  

Six recipients will be recognised this year — Far East Organization, People’s Association, Mr Tan Chin Hwee, Dr Stephen Riady, Noel Gifts International Ltd, and Church of our Saviour. 

Focus on the Family Singapore hopes that this recognition will raise greater awareness of the need for family-friendly policies and a culture that celebrates and champions families in Singapore.   

Read our Stewardship Report for 2021 here.  

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