Published on 12 August, 2026
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
At a glance:
Perhaps it came unexpectedly one day as an uncomfortable confession, ”Mum…someone has been bullying me.”
Oftentimes, the words are never said at all. Instead, it becomes clear to you in the form of tears over homework. A queasy stomach ache every Sunday night. A strange anxiety or reluctance to go to school. A call from a teacher about an incident or some inappropriate and hurtful texts found in a chat group.
When bullying happens, our greatest role is not to solve the problem—it is to walk beside our children with love, wisdom and hope as they heal. Our initial response often shapes how our child remembers the experience—not just the bullying itself, but whether they felt safe, heard and supported.
Here are some practical handles that I’ve found useful in handling bullying situations:
The first thing our children need is not a solution.
They need us.
Educational psychologist and author of UnSelfie and Thrivers, Dr Michele Borba reminds parents that our first job is not to investigate or solve the problem, but to listen. When children feel heard rather than interrogated, they are far more likely to keep talking—and that conversation becomes the foundation for every step that follows.
Children often need us to regulate ourselves before they can regulate themselves.
When one of our sons came home upset after being chased around incessantly by a group of boys during recess for weeks, every fibre of me wanted answers immediately and to investigate the details.
Instead, when I resisted that urge and listened intently to what he was feeling inside, it opened a conversation that lasted almost an hour.
Had I allowed my anger to first take over, I suspect he would have shut down because he would have felt responsible for my emotions as well as his own.
Children often need us to regulate ourselves before they can regulate themselves.
Supportive tip: Listen rather than react. Resist the urge to interrupt, investigate or immediately fix the problem. Let them know they did the right and brave thing by telling you and you are more concerned for their feelings.
Bullying situations are rarely straightforward.
There may be misunderstandings, different perspectives and incomplete information.
But when your child shares that they feel bullied, they are telling you about their experience.
That experience deserves to be taken seriously.
Instead of saying,
“Are you sure they meant it that way?”
or
“Maybe they’re just joking”,
try saying,
“That sounds really painful.” or,
“I can understand why you felt hurt.”
Validation does not mean agreeing with every detail. It means acknowledging their emotions. Dr Borba cautions against minimising a child’s experience, even if adults perceive the incident differently. When children feel their emotions are dismissed, they are less likely to seek help in the future.
Supportive tip: Feeling believed gives children the courage to keep talking.
Singapore schools do take bullying seriously. Teachers and school leaders often see dynamics that parents cannot, while parents know their child in ways schools never will.
The best outcomes usually happen when both work together.
As one Singapore school principal observed, every bullying report involves multiple perspectives:. The child who felt hurt, the child accused of causing the hurt, classmates who witnessed the incident, teachers who know the students in different settings and, often, concerned parents. Bringing these perspectives together takes time.
It helps to understand that teachers need time to speak with different students, compare accounts, understand the context and determine whether the behaviour was a misunderstanding, poor judgement or deliberate bullying.
As difficult as the waiting can be, I’ve come to appreciate that a careful investigation is often kinder than a hurried conclusion. A rushed decision may satisfy our emotions, but it may not uncover what really happened or lead to the best outcome for the children involved.
In waiting, it’s wise to resist the urge to battle it out publicly or online. When situations are discussed publicly before investigations are complete, only one perspective is usually visible. It can unintentionally make it harder for schools to focus on supporting the children involved and finding a thoughtful, lasting resolution.
Choosing private partnership over public pressure doesn’t minimise our child’s experience. Instead, it gives everyone the best chance to understand what happened, help children take responsibility where needed and move forward with dignity.
Supportive tip: When we approach the school as partners rather than adversaries, everyone remains focused on the same goal: helping children grow while ensuring everyone’s safety.
As parents, we naturally want to protect our children, but we also need to equip them.
The goal isn’t simply to stop this incident—it is to help them develop skills that will serve them for life.
Ages 7-12: Simple framework of responses
When supporting a younger child, practise with them simple responses they can remember under stress:
Recognise – “This behaviour isn’t okay.”
Respond – Teach them how to speak calmly and assertively, “Stop. I don’t like that.” before walking away and finding a trusted adult.
Report – Help them identify and tell trusted adults in their environment, even if the bullying has stopped.
Ages 13–19: Protect their dignity while staying connected
Teenagers require a different approach because bullying at this age is often relational (exclusion, rumours, manipulation, social media, subtle humiliation) rather than physical. The goal is no longer just to teach them what to say or do, but to help them exercise sound judgement, maintain healthy boundaries and seek support.
A friend’s older child once hesitated to tell her what was happening because he was worried she’d immediately contact the school. Teenagers usually want support without feeling “rescued.” Parents may need to resist taking over immediately.
Instead:
Talk about:
One of the strongest messages we can give our teenagers is this: Asking for help is not weakness. It is wisdom.
Supportive tip: Keep records of significant incidents, especially if the behaviour is repeated or takes place online. Screenshots, dates and descriptions can help schools understand patterns rather than isolated events.
As parents, we often measure ourselves by whether we can protect our kids or solve our children’s problems. But sometimes our greatest gift is becoming the safe place they run to when life hurts.
Even after the bullying stops, the emotional impact may remain.
Some children become anxious about making friends. Others lose confidence in activities they once loved.
Encourage activities where your child experiences competence and joy again—whether through sports, music, art, coding, church, community groups or volunteering.
Most children recover well with strong family and school support.
However, some may need additional help.
Do seek professional support if your child:
There is no shame in seeking help early.
In fact, it models something important to our children—that emotional health deserves care just as much as physical health.
As parents, we often measure ourselves by whether we can protect our kids or solve our children’s problems. But sometimes our greatest gift is becoming the safe place they run to when life hurts.
Years from now, our children may not remember every unkind word that was spoken.
But they will remember who sat beside them.
Who listened without judgement.
Who fought for them wisely.
Another thought that sticks through my parenting journey: every child in a bullying situation needs guidance—not only the child who has been hurt, but also the child who caused the hurt, who is likely also hurting and manifesting this hurt through unkind behaviour.
One needs comfort, reassurance and protection.
The other needs accountability, empathy and the opportunity to learn.
If we only seek punishment alone, we may stop one incident. But if we also pursue understanding, restoration and growth where possible, we help shape the kind of adults our children will become.
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
Nelson and Gina
Workshop: May 2026
Nelson and Gina Lee have been accredited facilitators with Focus on the Family Singapore for over a decade, beginning their involvement conducting relationship talks for tertiary students since 2011.
Driven by a passion for nurturing strong relationships, they have extensive experience in facilitating dating workshops for courting couples and pre-marital programmes for those considering marriage. They have also have led marriage retreats designed to deepen connection and commitment among married couples.
