10 Essential Ways to Prepare for Parenthood
10 Essential Ways to Prepare for Parenthood
Making space in your home and heart
Published on 18 August, 2023
Tracey Or
author
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
Getting the news that one is going to become a mother or father for the first time may send a flurry of excitement and butterflies all at the same time. Envisioning our cute little bundle in our arms, we read up voraciously, google online for tips on what to expect with each pregnancy week. We browse through baby catalogues and shop online for the best baby equipment to ease our little one in. We spend time mulling over plans for the new nursery and all sorts of new parent dilemmas.
In the heart of every well-meaning parent is the question: How do we REALLY prepare for parenthood?
Here are 10 essential things you may want to consider.
1. Prepare financially
First, let’s deal with practical aspects. Having financial stability and healthy financial habits play a significant role in preparing for parenthood, especially in Singapore. So this may be a good time to sit down to discuss with your spouse the immediate, mid-term and long-term needs of your family.
Family budgeting and planning is an essential habit that will serve you well at every stage of the parenting journey. Account for all the major expenses, including healthcare, education, childcare and daily living costs and consider if there’s a need to reconfigure some funds to support your family through the different life stages.
Personally, being prudent in the early years of parenting has helped us stretch our dollars. My husband and I welcomed hand-me-down clothes and toys and other essential baby items that served us well for short periods of the children’s growth. This helped us bolster our savings for big-ticket expenses like health insurance, medical treatments or family holidays.
2. Simplify your schedules
Second, unpack your schedules where possible to have sufficient rest and recovery time, especially for the first six months. It may also be good to discuss with your spouse how your family will transition through the early years of parenthood where you might need more help and support.
Parental leave policies are well-established in Singapore and can be instrumental in helping you ease into the first few years of parenting.
Realistically, we will struggle to do it all without trading off something else like our own sleep or wellbeing.
3. Recognise your limits
For new parents, the fuss and attention often goes to the baby’s well-being. We may want to live up to the supermum or dad ideal, yet we only have 24 hours in a day. Realistically, we will struggle to do it all without trading off something else like our own sleep or wellbeing. Finding breathing space in the first few months is critical for our wellbeing as we navigate the changes as a family.
My husband and I agreed that I would take 6 months off full-time work to care for our firstborn and also to help me manage my rest and new responsibilities like nursing and baby-care.
We also decided to engage post-natal confinement help for our earlier children when we were less experienced parents to help ease us in our learning curve. Having an extra hand helped us free up time from cooking and chores, and allowed us to rest and recuperate more.
4. Foster emotional support
Emotional readiness and mental resilience is crucial for all prospective parents. Parenthood comes with a myriad of challenges and changes, from sleepless nights to balancing work-life demands. The deep joy and responsibility that comes with raising a child also comes a hair-raising spectrum of emotions: self-doubt, worry, overwhelm and even disappointment.
Building a strong support system of family, friends, experienced parents and parenting communities can help gird us with the ability to manage better the emotional ups and downs.
5. Expect stress
Becoming a parent is a major life transition. Any kind of transition, no matter how well equipped or prepared, entails some degree of stress. Despite our best intentions and preparations, we will probably need to be open to adjust our plans as we go along. Revise your expectations of yourself as you adjust to the new demands.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it, as a small break from the routine can go a long way.
6. Accept help, gladly
We can’t do it all – even if we wanted to. Family, relatives, friends, neighbours and even co-workers are often more than happy to help, if you let them know what you need. It could be as simple as a short time out to nap, shower, or take a trip to the supermarket while someone you trust cares for your baby. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it, as a small break from the routine can go a long way.
7. Trust yourself
At heart, you WILL know what’s best for your baby. Filter through the mountains of solicited or unsolicited advice you’ll receive from friends, relatives, strangers, doctors and parenting blogs. Give ideas that sound good to you a shot and forget about the rest.
8. Be kind to yourself
Parenting guilt often cripples us. We need to face the fact that no matter how much we prepare, we WILL make mistakes. There’s no manual on how to parent your children right. Even “experts” often disagree about what’s best for baby and no one can give us all the answers. As your baby grows, their needs will evolve and so will our parenting. Continue to learn and relearn from your experiences while embracing the process.
Consider negotiating with employers on flexible work arrangements so that you can be there for your child’s milestones.
9. Aim for balance
In the longer term, carving out a healthy work-life balance is imperative for parents especially with Singapore’s fast-paced lifestyle and work culture.
Consider negotiating with employers on flexible work arrangements so that you can be there for your child’s milestones. Prioritise family time by scheduling bonding activities on weekends, creating family traditions, and capturing precious moments.
10. Enjoy your baby AND your spouse
Do not forget that even as you go through this journey of parenthood, your spouse is also growing along with you. While the baby may demand most of your time in the early days, remember to cultivate some meaningful time alone with your partner. Share about your hopes and fears, how things have changed, and how you can better support each other.
Parenthood is a life-changing journey – to say the least. As a parent of six, I can say candidly that we can never be fully prepared.
Even as our children grow, we too grow as individuals in the process, and as we learn through life experiences, we may find ourselves throwing some of our original mindsets out the window! As long as we embrace this journey with patience, support, and a healthy dose of optimism, we will find a way that works best for our family unit!
© 2023 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.
Tracey Or
author
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
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