Published on 12 August, 2026
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
At a Glance:
When a baby arrives, it’s only natural that much of the attention goes to mum – her recovery, her feeding journey, her sleepless nights, and the huge physical and emotional adjustment she’s going through.
But somewhere in the background, often without much fanfare, a new dad is going through a big transition too.
He’s learning how to hold a tiny human without looking terrified. He’s figuring out how to support his wife. He’s trying to be useful at 3am, even if all he can offer is a clean milk bottle. He’s adjusting to his new identity of being a father. And sometimes, he may be struggling more than he knows how to say.
In this article, two young fathers, Daniel Lopez and Benedict Ng, share about what new dads really need as they step into the early years of fatherhood.
For Daniel, the first six months of being a parent were far more intense than he expected.
Like many Singaporeans, he had prepared. He read books in a bid to get ready. In his words, he had grown up with the “Ten-Year Series” mindset, where there has to be a guide for everything. Except, as many parents quickly discover, babies do not come with fixed formulas and easy answers.
When his son arrived, he experienced both immense joy and immense stress. He realised that he didn’t know what he didn’t know, and perhaps more importantly, he also didn’t know how to ask for help.
Becoming a father was not just about learning how to change diapers or soothe a crying baby. It meant reorganising his whole life: work, marriage, friendships, personal time and the desire to be fully present at home.
That’s a lot for any new dad to carry.
Ben shared a moment that many working parents will recognise. He has the privilege of flexible work and is able to pick his daughter up from school, giving him a few precious hours with her before bedtime. But even during that window, work still lingers at the back of his mind.
One day, while spending time with his daughter, he glanced at his phone and started typing a reply. She noticed. She began crying and wanted to hug him. He tried his best to put his phone away, but admitted that his brain was still partly at work.
It was a small moment, but it reflects a difficult reality for many young dads. Many dads want to do well in both places; to be responsible at work and present at home. But sometimes, fatherhood forces a hard truth: in that exact moment, there may only be space for one thing.
And sometimes, that one thing is a toddler who simply wants daddy’s full attention.
Sometimes the best parenting moments are not the most efficient ones.
While reflecting over his 1.5 years of fatherhood experience, Ben learnt an important thing: that dads can become so focused on doing that they miss out on simply being dad.
The list of tasks in early parenthood can feel endless: cook dinner, feed baby, clean up, bathe baby, change diapers, pack the bag, wash bottles, survive bedtime. Admittedly, some days feel more like running a very tight operations centrethan loving and raising a child.
Ben recalled a moment when his daughter, in the middle of dinner, suddenly broke into a new dance move she had learnt in school. He had two choices: hurry her along to finish her food, or join in.
He chose the better option.
It took an extra five minutes, but it became the highlight of his day. It’s a tender reminder that sometimes the best parenting moments are not the most efficient ones. Sometimes, they happen when dinner is messy, bedtime is delayed, and dad decides to dance.
Asking for help does not mean you are weak. It means you are human.
Ben also shared that at one point, he thought he and his wife had divided things fairly: he would handle the housework, while she would care for their daughter. In his mind, that was about 50-50. But when his wife kept saying she needed help, he slowly realised that what looked fair on paper did not necessarily feel fair in real life.
It took several conversations for them to understand what each other actually needed.
For Daniel, asking for help required humility. He described hyper-independence as his “Achilles heel” – the tendency to work hard, isolate himself, and try to carry everything alone. But with a wife and child in the picture, he realised the stakes were higher because his personal wellbeing affected theirs too.
That’s an important reminder for fathers: needing help does not mean you are weak. It means you are human. And parenting was never meant to be a solo sport.
When a baby enters the picture, it is easy for couples to shift into “logistics” mode. Who’s doing the next feed? Who’s washing the bottles? Whose turn is it to wake up?
All these things are important. But it becomes easy to forget that they are not just co-managers of the baby; they are first and foremost husband and wife.
This is why Ben tries to tell his wife every day, “Thank you for being my wife.” Not just “thank you for being the mother of my child”, but “thank you for being my wife.”
This distinction matters, as sometimes, loving your child well also means making space to tend to your marriage.
One thoughtful point Daniel raised was that dads do not always step back because they do not care. Sometimes, they step back because Mum seems to be the “expert”. She may read the baby’s cues faster. The baby may naturally turn to her more often. Dad may be doing plenty in the background but still feel like the supporting actor in the family drama.
That’s why affirmation matters. Dads need to hear:
Daniel shared that through counselling, he and his wife realised that both of them had a critical voice, towards themselves and each other. They are now relearning how to speak the language of love and encouragement.
As Ben’s and Daniel’s stories both show, fatherhood is not about getting everything right. It is about showing up, learning as you go, loving your family, and allowing yourself to be supported too. Moment by moment, step by step, mistake by mistake – perhaps this is how a father is raised and supported into being the best dad he can be.
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
Nelson and Gina
Workshop: May 2026
Nelson and Gina Lee have been accredited facilitators with Focus on the Family Singapore for over a decade, beginning their involvement conducting relationship talks for tertiary students since 2011.
Driven by a passion for nurturing strong relationships, they have extensive experience in facilitating dating workshops for courting couples and pre-marital programmes for those considering marriage. They have also have led marriage retreats designed to deepen connection and commitment among married couples.
