Published on 07 May, 2025
Ailin loves the family life she has with her husband and five children. Between cups of coffee, she mostly tries to keep up with her kids, sometimes learns new teen lingo, and very occasionally writes at her blog, Planting Trees.
Motherhood changes a person. We take on a new identity and a new role—one that we are mostly unprepared for; a role that may not come naturally, doesn’t always have straightforward answers and may require a whole lot of trial and error.
Overnight, our world suddenly involves making sure that someone else is safe, loved and raised. We are thrown into situations we have no experience of, relying on the wisdom of those who have gone before—through books, the internet and maybe a friend’s tales. Most of us are just trying to figure it out along the way.
The Changes In Motherhood
Motherhood comes with multiple adjustments—the physical changes to our bodies through and after pregnancy; possibly the changes to our available capacities at our jobs; or a change in work status, choosing to stay home to raise children in this season; a change to our lifestyles as we have reduced time and energy for social activities and hobbies. It can feel like we are losing a big part of the person we used to be. Things are just not the same as before.
A Mother’s Desire
At the core of motherhood is also the desire to always want to do what is best for our children. From the moment we see those two lines on the pregnancy test kit to even after our adult child leaves the home, we never stop wondering, “Have I done enough?” We never stop being mothers.
In the myriad of decisions we make for ourselves and our children daily, we always wonder if there was a better choice. From choosing to stay at home and be the main caregiver, or to continue working outside the home; choosing to breastfeed or formula feed our babies; choosing schools, classes, activities; or choosing one discipline method over another.
We feel pulled and stretched in all directions, trying to meet expectations and fulfil each of our roles as wife, mother, worker, daughter. We try to do everything to the best of our ability and yet sometimes still feel like we fall short.
In the light of these changes and expectations, it is too easy to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and discouraged. How do we get used to this new normal? How do we navigate motherhood through societal expectations while also meeting our family’s needs?
While it is helpful to glean wisdom from other women that we admire and look up to, we need to discern how to fit that wisdom into our own unique situation. Not everything may be directly applied.
We need to grow to be confident in our choices and tell ourselves, it is ok if my family looks different.
Motherhood is a long journey that is filled with constant changes. We don’t figure out motherhood in an instance. Just as we think we’ve mastered one aspect of motherhood, a new challenge emerges, and the learning begins all over again. Nothing ever stays the same in motherhood. We need to trust the process.
Give ourselves time to find our own pace, figure out what works for our families and manage our own expectations. As our children grow, their needs will evolve, and we likewise will have to adapt alongside them. As with any new job or responsibility, we take time to learn the task, pick up the skills and get better at the role over time.
Be kind to ourselves and give ourselves grace to learn, make mistakes and grow from it.
Motherhood is not meant to be a solo act. Mothers are a strong bunch. We are master jugglers, multitaskers, jack of all trades. We have interests and passions, dreams and goals. If we could, we would do them all. But we have the same 24 hours and in reality, we probably cannot do it all on our own. It is far too likely that we are stretched thin and exhausted.
We need to be willing to ask for and accept help. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Beyond the practical help we may receive from physically caring for children, we also need to learn to manage our mental load and receive emotional support from friends and loved ones. This may look like getting to know other mothers who can empathise and understand what we are going through. Friendships make the journey less lonely.
Find trusted friends who will listen and encourage us, filling our emotional tank through this challenging season of motherhood, which in turn, fuels us to keep caring for our children.
Motherhood is both terrifying and exhilarating; worrying and fulfilling. It sometimes brings us to our knees in tears and frustration, and at other moments, lifts our spirits and brings much joy to our hearts because somehow, that is what children do to us.
We may not have it all, and we may not know it all, but we sure try and give it our all. That is worth celebrating!
Ailin loves the family life she has with her husband and five children. Between cups of coffee, she mostly tries to keep up with her kids, sometimes learns new teen lingo, and very occasionally writes at her blog, Planting Trees.
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