Published on 01 July, 2025
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
Marriage often begins with romantic ideals—two people pledging to love and stay with each other for life, through all seasons. Yet somewhere between the wedding vows and daily routines setting in or the arrival of kids, many couples find themselves wondering: Is this really working?
Some may even find themselves asking a more troubling question—Should I get a divorce?
If you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s more common than you think.
In a study of close to 300 individuals that have used Focus on the Family Singapore’s new Connect2 Marriage Assessment tool, we asked respondents whether they have considered divorcing their spouse in the past few years.
The good news is that more than three-quarters of the respondents have not. However, there is a small but significant group (about 5%) that thought about it “frequently” or “most of the time”.
Furthermore, 1 in 5 wives have thought of divorce “sometimes”, “frequently” or “most of the time”. This is higher compared to 6% of husbands.
But here’s the key: Having the thought doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. It may, instead, be a signal that something needs attention.
Behind closed doors, many couples wrestle with unmet expectations, emotional fatigue, or the grind of child-rearing and work.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, nearly half of married individuals in the U.S. have at some point thought their marriage might be in serious trouble. In a world filled with curated social media relationships and constant comparisons, it’s easy to believe everyone else has it better.
But behind closed doors, many couples wrestle with unmet expectations, emotional fatigue, or the grind of child-rearing and work.
Lisa and Edric, a couple married for 12 years and raising three kids, described feeling “more like co-managers of a household than soulmates.” Lisa admitted that in their worst months, she would find herself imagining life without Edric—not because she didn’t love him, but because she felt emotionally disconnected.
For Edric, the pressure of work and being “the provider” left him emotionally distant and physically drained. They weren’t fighting all that frequently, but they weren’t connecting either.
Both quietly wondered: Is this what ’till death do us part’ is supposed to feel like?
The reality is that most marriages will experience dry spells, seasons of intense conflicts, or even times of bitterness. These difficult phases can plant seeds of doubt. But just as thoughts about quitting a job don’t mean you’ll hand in your resignation the next day, thoughts of divorce too do not mean you throw in the towel immediately.
When the stresses of life, personality differences, and old wounds collide, even the strongest couples can feel strained. It’s normal to wonder if things could be easier alone, or with someone else.
But what if we allow such thoughts to function as a wake-up call, and use it as motivation to work on the issues together?
When we view marriage as a covenant—more than just a contract—we recognise that commitment is not about how we feel in any given moment. It’s about the choice to love, grow, and keep showing up.
Marriage was never promised to be a smooth journey. The lifelong commitment we made through our wedding vows means choosing each other over and over, even when it’s hard.
That doesn’t mean staying in a relationship that’s abusive—those situations may require different boundaries and professional help. But in most cases, the disillusionment that couples feel comes from unintentional neglect, miscommunication, or drifting apart, not from irreparable harm.
John and Amirah, married for 18 years, went through a season where John was travelling constantly for work, and Amirah felt like a single parent. Tensions simmered, and Amirah confided to a friend that she had looked up divorce lawyers.
Thankfully, her friend gently challenged her: “Before you make a decision, have you told him how deeply you feel alone?” That conversation led to a marriage retreat, which opened the doors to therapy and eventually, healing. They didn’t just “fix” their problems, they re-established their connection.
When we view marriage as a covenant—more than just a contract—we recognise that commitment is not about how we feel in any given moment. It’s about the choice to love, grow, and keep showing up.
That kind of love doesn’t just survive the storms—it’s forged in them.
If you’ve been thinking about divorce, especially repeatedly or with growing emotional pain, it may be a sign for you to slow down, reflect, and seek help.
Here are some possible steps to consider:
Yes, it can be normal to have thoughts of divorce. But those thoughts don’t have to signal the end of a relationship. By facing up to issues honestly and seeking the right avenues of help, it can be the beginning of something new: a more honest, intentional, and enduring marriage.
Even in the darkest moments, there is hope and there is help. And there is the possibility of rediscovering the love you thought you’d lost.
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
