Published on 16 July, 2026
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
At a Glance:
Most parents do not set out to make our children self‑conscious about their bodies. In fact, many body‑related comments are made out of love, pride, or concern. A remark about weight loss, a compliment about being “slim” or “muscular”, or a question about eating habits often feels like a natural part of caring for a growing child.
What we may not realise is that: children today grow up in a world where appearance is frequently noticed and discussed. Bodies are compared on social media, commented on by peers, and shaped by cultural expectations long before adolescence begins.
Against this backdrop, even our well‑intentioned comments can carry more weight than we expect. This is why it can be helpful to reflect on how, and how often, we talk about our kids’ bodies.
Even our well‑intentioned comments can carry more weight than we expect. This is why it can be helpful to reflect on how, and how often, we talk about our kids’ bodies.
From a young age, girls and boys become aware about how their bodies appear to others. They may hear relatives remark on how much they have grown, friends compare shapes and sizes, or adults comment casually on appearance. Over time, these experiences can teach kids that their bodies are something to be noticed, evaluated, and talked about.
When we join these conversations by commenting on weight, size, or shape, even in positive ways, it can unintentionally reinforce the idea that our body is something that needs to be monitored.
Of course, this does not automatically mean that we are doing harm simply by noticing our child’s growth. Rather, it highlights how easily everyday remarks can accumulate into messages we did not consciously intend to send.
Everyday remarks can accumulate into messages we did not consciously intend to send.
Many parents are surprised to learn that even praise focused on appearance can have unintended effects. Compliments such as “You’re so skinny” or “You look great now” are often meant to affirm. Yet they can also communicate that certain physical traits are especially valued, or that approval is linked to how we look.
Similarly, comments driven by concern, such as reminders to eat less, eat more, or “watch” certain foods, may come from a desire to care for a child’s health. Over time, however, these remarks can draw a child’s attention more sharply to his/her body, or even lead to worry about how his/her body looks.
For some parents, it can feel unnatural not to comment on visible changes in a child’s body. Noticing their growth is, after all, part of watching our children grow up. Yet holding back from such frequent comments can actually be an act of care.
Children’s bodies change constantly throughout childhood and adolescence, often in uneven or unexpected ways. When these changes are treated as normal and unremarkable, children may be more likely to experience them as a normal part of growing up rather than something that needs explanation or evaluation.
For example, when your teenager begins to develop body odour, instead of remarking in a loud voice, “You’re so stinky!” we can simply buy a deodorant and leave it on their dressing table.
Choosing not to remark on their appearances can actually be an act of care.
When conversations about our bodies do arise, reframing them can be helpful. One approach is to focus less on how a body looks and more on what it can do, or how it supports everyday life.
Acknowledging strength, energy, growth, rest, and resilience helps children see their bodies as functional and capable rather than merely decorative. This kind of language encourages children to accept and respect their body without tying worth to appearance.
By applying some care and thoughtfulness, we can help our kids develop trust in their bodies as something that grows and adapts naturally rather than something that needs improvement.
Children learn as much from our modelling as what we say. When we are frequently criticising our weight or expressing dissatisfaction with our own body, they may learn that this is how to speak to themselves.
At some point, our teens may voice their discomfort or unhappiness about their bodies – whether it is an acne outbreak or flabby arms. These moments can be challenging for parents, especially when the language sounds harsh or worrying. It is natural for us to want to correct or reassure immediately.
However, it can sometimes be more helpful to slow down the conversation. Asking what prompted the feeling, acknowledging that growing up can feel uncomfortable, and listening without rushing to contradict may help our children feel heard and understood.
Over time, these conversations can create space for guidance, reassurance, and perspective without dismissing our children’s emotional experience.
The aim of being mindful about body talk is not to raise kids who feel confident about their appearance every day. Fluctuating feelings about one’s body are a normal part of life, especially during periods of growth and change.
Instead, let’s help our young develop a steady, respectful relationship with their bodies. This is one that allows room for imperfection, change, and care. In a world where appearance is often scrutinised, home can be a place where our kids learn that his/her body deserves care and respect.
By choosing our words carefully, which sometimes includes choosing not to speak at all, we help create that safe space for our children.
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
Nelson and Gina
Workshop: May 2026
Nelson and Gina Lee have been accredited facilitators with Focus on the Family Singapore for over a decade, beginning their involvement conducting relationship talks for tertiary students since 2011.
Driven by a passion for nurturing strong relationships, they have extensive experience in facilitating dating workshops for courting couples and pre-marital programmes for those considering marriage. They have also have led marriage retreats designed to deepen connection and commitment among married couples.
