How can couples develop shared values? 

1. Engage in regular conversations about important values – Invest time in discussing your values with each other. Having these conversations before marriage is common in premarital courses, but it’s equally important to revisit them throughout your marriage. Shared values are not set in stone; they evolve with time and experience. If you haven’t yet identified your core values, take time to discuss them.  This practice can look as simple as sitting down together at the end of each year to review your life goals and reflect on any changes in your values since the past year. It will keep you on the same page as your spouse, and helps you recalibrate when life shifts.
2. Seek guidance from a marriage or relationship coach – If you find it challenging to engage in meaningful discussions about your shared values, or if you struggle to reach an agreement on what they should be, a relationship coach can offer valuable insights. A coach can guide you through the process of identifying and aligning your values, providing the tools you need to strengthen your marriage. For couples married for 5 years or less, this could look like signing up for our very own Connect2 Just Married Course.
3. Cultivate friendships with like-minded couples or mentors – The saying “iron sharpens iron” is especially relevant in marriage. Surround yourself with friends or mentors who share similar values and who will support and challenge you in living them out. Purposeful friendships provide encouragement and accountability, helping you stay true to your relationship’s values. For example, finding a network of like-minded couples in your faith community who share your values of faith and generosity can provide you with the support and encouragement to live out these values in your everyday lives.
4. Commit to living out your shared values – It’s one thing to talk about shared values, but it’s another to actively live them out through your choices. As individuals and circumstances evolve over time, it’s important to review and adjust your shared values as needed. Committing to living out your values is a continual process that requires mutual support and dedication.  

This is where habits and mutually agreed rituals come in handy. If you and your spouse share the value of gratitude and reflection, it can be as simple as choosing to give thanks for one thing that happened in the day as part of your night routine. This commitment allows you to strengthen your marriage and stay aligned in their shared values, especially during challenging seasons.