Published on 14 November, 2025
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
Amidst work deadlines, parenting duties, and household chores, it’s easy to overlook one of the most important relationships in our lives: our marriage.
While we may assume that love will naturally sustain itself, the truth is that love, like any living thing, needs nourishment. When something is consistently nourished, its needs are met, and growth ensues. Conversely, when we fail to nourish our marriage, its growth may be stunted, and resentment and conflict may set in.
One powerful way to keep your marriage thriving is by intentionally supporting and investing in your spouse, or what some relationship experts call “keeping your love bank in the green.”
The concept of the “love bank” was popularised by Dr. Willard Harley, a marriage counselor and author of His Needs, Her Needs. He likens emotional connection in marriage to a bank account. Every kind word, thoughtful gesture, or act of service is a deposit. Every harsh word, neglectful action, or broken promise is a withdrawal. When the balance is high, couples feel close, secure, and loved. When it’s low—or worse, overdrawn—resentment, conflict, and emotional distance can creep in.
So why should you nourish and support your spouse? Because every deposit you make strengthens the foundation of your relationship and builds emotional resilience for the challenges that may come your way.
When you consistently show up for your spouse—whether it’s listening without judgment, helping them through a tough day, or simply being present—you’re sending a powerful message: “You matter to me.”
This kind of emotional support fosters trust and safety, which are essential for vulnerability and intimacy.
In a world that often feels unpredictable, your marriage can be a safe harbour. But that only happens when both partners feel seen, heard, and supported. Nourishing your spouse emotionally is like reinforcing the walls of that harbour, which helps keep the storms out and the warmth in.
Marriage is a team sport. When one partner is struggling—be it with work stress, health issues, or parenting challenges—the other can step in to offer strength and encouragement. This mutual support creates a sense of “we’re in this together,” which is vital for long-term success.
Think of it like a relay race. If one runner stumbles, the other doesn’t just keep running—they turn back, help them up, and finish the race together. That’s what nourishing your spouse looks like: being attuned to their needs and offering help or support, even when it’s inconvenient or costly.
If you’re a parent, your marriage is your child’s first and most influential model of love. When children see their parents supporting each other—speaking kindly, resolving conflicts respectfully, and showing affection—they internalise those patterns. They learn that love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a daily choice to care, serve, and uplift.
On the flip side, when children witness constant tension, criticism, or emotional neglect, they may grow up with distorted views of relationships.
By nourishing your spouse, you’re not just investing in your marriage—you’re shaping the emotional legacy of your family.
Romance isn’t just about candlelit dinners or surprise getaways. It’s built in the small, everyday moments: a warm hug after a long day, a thoughtful text, a cup of coffee made just the way they like it. These gestures may seem trivial, but they’re powerful deposits into your spouse’s love bank.
When you support and affirm your spouse, you create an environment where romance can flourish. Emotional intimacy fuels physical intimacy, and both are essential for a vibrant, lasting connection.
Most couples typically don’t break apart because of one big issue; they drift apart slowly over time. The culprit? Neglect. When spouses stop investing in each other, the emotional distance grows. Conversations become transactional. Affection fades. Resentment builds.
But this drift is preventable. By making regular deposits into your spouse’s love bank—through a word of encouragement, or a hug at the end of a hard day—you keep the emotional connection alive.
Here are a few simple but powerful ways to keep your love bank in the green:
Marriage isn’t a one-time commitment—it’s a daily investment. By nourishing and supporting your spouse, you’re building a legacy of love, trust, and partnership that can weather any storm.
So ask yourself today: What deposit can I make into my spouse’s love bank? A kind word? A listening ear? A helping hand? Whatever it is, do it with intention. Because love grows when it is nurtured.
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
