Published on 19 June, 2025
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it can also be challenging, especially when one partner is struggling with depression. Â
In this article, we explore some practical ways to support your spouse while ensuring you stay sane in the process. Â
We spoke with Eliza Gan, an Associate Counsellor with Focus on the Family Singapore, who shared some ways to support your spouse while also remembering to care for yourself.Â
Supporting a spouse with depression can be emotionally taxing. It’s crucial to recognize the signs of burnout in yourself to maintain a healthy balance in your relationship. Eliza Gan highlights, “Caring for a spouse with depression is an act of love, but it can also take a toll on us emotionally.” Â
Here are some telltale signs:Â
Increased irritability is one of the first signs of burnout. “If you find yourself snapping more often at your spouse, kids, or coworkers, it might be a sign of burnout,” Eliza explains. Emotional and physical exhaustion is another indicator. Feeling constantly drained, having trouble sleeping, or experiencing physical symptoms like headaches or stomach issues can indicate emotional strain.Â
Another critical sign is the loss of self. “If your identity becomes solely wrapped up in being a caregiver, and you stop doing things that bring you joy, it’s time to take a step back,” Eliza advises. Cognitive overload, where you constantly worry about your spouse’s well-being and feel trapped, is also a significant warning sign.Â
Increased irritability is one of the first signs of burnout.Â
Self-awareness is key to recognising your emotional limits before burnout sets in. Eliza emphasises, “Self-awareness helps you to notice when you’re running on empty, allowing you to respond with patience rather than frustration.” Here are some steps you can take:Â
Firstly, seek support. Talk to a trusted friend or see a therapist. It’s essential to have someone to share your feelings with. Setting boundaries is also crucial. “Being there for your spouse doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs. Prioritise self-care without guilt,” Eliza advises.Â
Rebuilding boundaries involves engaging in activities that recharge you, whether it’s social connections or personal hobbies. Shifting your perspective can also make a significant difference. Instead of thinking, “I have to fix this for my spouse,” try, “We are both adjusting and need to support each other.” This mindset fosters partnership rather than pressure.Â
Self-awareness helps you to notice when you’re running on empty, allowing you to respond with patience rather than frustration.Â
A strong marriage foundation acts as a buffer during difficult times. Eliza shares, “Studies on what makes marriages thrive, even in difficult circumstances, show us very clearly that emotional connection, trust, and secure attachment are key.” Â
Here are some ways to lay this foundation:Â
Establish shared rituals of connection, such as regular date nights or daily check-ins. Building a culture of friendship and admiration is also vital. “Mutual respect and appreciation make it easier to extend understanding and patience,” Eliza notes.Â
Trust and commitment are the bedrock of a strong marriage. Resist behaviours that erode trust, such as emotional withdrawal. Stay engaged and support each other. Nurturing emotional and physical intimacy is equally important. Regular expressions of affection and small acts of kindness contribute to higher relationship satisfaction.Â
Invest in building a strong marriage before challenges hit.Â
Depression doesn’t define your marriage. With the right support and practical habits, you can navigate these challenges together. Eliza encourages couples to “celebrate small wins and recognise progress, no matter how small.” Keeping communication open is crucial. “Even on tough days, keep saying, ‘I’m here. We are in this together,'” she advises.Â
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Therapy, support groups, or faith communities can provide the strength you need. “Invest in building a strong marriage before challenges hit,” Eliza emphasises.Â
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
