Should my Teen Read Sexually Explicit Books?
Developing discernment
Published on 12 August, 2024
Is your teen getting their book recommendations from TikTok? The popular hashtag #BookTok often features books with mature content, which may not be suitable for younger readers. Â
As a parent, it is important to be aware of the potential red flags associated with #BookTok recommendations and to consider various factors when deciding whether to allow your teen to read such materials.Â
What is #BookTok?
#BookTok is a subcommunity on TikTok where creators share videos reviewing and discussing the books they read. The genres covered are diverse, but there is a strong focus on young adult fiction, young adult fantasy, and romance. These creators often highlight popular titles, creating trends that can quickly spread among teens.
The Dangers of #BookTok
One genre that has gained significant popularity within #BookTok, especially among teenage girls, is romance novels. However, unlike the innocent tales of first love, many of these books contain mature themes and sexually explicit content. Graphic descriptions of sexual activities, including depictions of sexual abuse and violent experiences are even portrayed as desirable in some of these stories. Additionally, themes of casual relationships and forbidden love, which often involve affairs and cheating, are sometimes presented as justifiable.Â
Even though such books with adult content are recommended for readers 18 years and older, teens can easily access these books, often displayed prominently in bookstores, riding on the wave of social media influencer recommendations.Â
How Sexually Explicit Fiction Harms Teens
It is natural for tweens and teens to be curious about sex and sexuality during adolescence. As they enter puberty, they become increasingly aware of their changing bodies and mood swings. However, research suggests that early exposure to sexually explicit materials, including pornography, can have long-term harmful effects on a teen’s sexual maturity and increase the likelihood of risky sexual behaviours.Â
Early exposure to sexually explicit materials may not only skew your teen’s understanding of what makes a healthy relationship, but it may also lead to the normalisation of sexual experimentation outside of marriage. Â
Approach conversations with your teen with curiosity and open-mindedness rather than judgment.Â
Conversations to Have with Your TeenÂ
When deciding what is appropriate for your child, it is crucial to take an active role. One way to do this is by researching the books your teen is interested in—read reviews online or even read the book yourself. This helps you understand the content and prevents assumptions about its suitability.Â
Approach conversations with your teen with curiosity and open-mindedness rather than judgment. Share your views about the values promoted in the books, such as the depiction of relationships, behaviours, and actions that may not align within a loving and respectful relationship. Talk about your family values and how meaningful and healthy and relationships are rooted in friendship and mutual respect. While it is important to express your viewpoints, ultimately, it is best to give your teen room to decide for themselves. Â
It is also not helpful to assume the worst about books with mature content. Engage your teen in a dialogue about what insights or perspectives they got from these books. Understanding their perspective can provide you with a deeper insight into their interests and thought processes. It also helps to bridge any potential gaps in understanding and shows your teen that you respect their opinions and choices.Â
Focus on helping your teen develop discernment and critical thinking skills.Â
Outright banning of certain books will only make the books even more enticing. Instead, focus on helping your teen develop discernment and critical thinking skills. This approach will give them the confidence to make responsible choices independently in the long-term.Â
Bringing up the topic of sex to your teen may feel uncomfortable at first, but your teen needs to know they can come to you with any questions without fear of judgment or shame. Open communication ensures they receive the guidance they need during this formative period.Â
Questions to Ask Your Teen
- How do you determine what books are appropriate for your age?Â
This question encourages your teen to think critically about the content they consume. - Does the book portray what a healthy friendship or romantic relationship looks like?Â
This can lead to discussions about the difference between fictional portrayals and real-life relationships. - In some romance books, graphic sex scenes and unhealthy behaviours like manipulation and coercion are depicted. How do you think this can affect the way teens view relationships?Â
This question can help your teen reflect on the potential impact of the media they consume.Â
Be open with your child and let them know they can always approach you to talk about these issues. By fostering an environment of trust and open dialogue, you can help your teen navigate the complexities of growing up in a digital age filled with varied and often conflicting messages about sex and relationships.Â
Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough
