Published on 08 September, 2025
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
Talking to our children about relationships isn’t going to be a one-time event — we can start building opportunities for a series of age-appropriate, ongoing conversations built on trust and openness.
Whether they are just starting to notice the opposite gender, navigating crushes, or exploring serious relationships, here’s how you can walk with them through this journey — without being overly “nosy” or out of touch.
Children are more likely to open up about their feelings and experiences when they feel heard, respected, and not judged.
Principle 1: Connection before correction
Many of us grew up in households where relationships were either taboo or joked about (“Eh, got boyfriend or not?”). But a real conversation starts with building trust — not waiting until your child has someone to “confess” about.
Children are more likely to open up about their feelings and experiences when they feel heard, respected, and not judged. That starts with small, daily conversations, not only serious “talks.”
Be curious about their world. Don’t dismiss their feelings — even if a crush seems trivial to you, it may mean the world to them.
I remember a mum friend who shared with me how her son, a Secondary 1 boy, once casually said, “I think I like someone in class.” Her first instinct was to panic and lecture him on ‘not now, you must focus on your studies!’ Instead, she paused, breathed, and simply asked, “Tell me more.” That small moment opened a door to conversation. And months later, he came to her again — when his ‘almost-relationship’ fizzled and he felt lost.
Principle 2: Focus on character, not control
It’s important to go beyond setting rules like “no dating until you’re older.”
Ask introspective questions and have discussions that help your child grow into someone who knows how to respect and be respected in any relationship:
Focus on what makes a relationship respectful, healthy, and grounded in shared values. These are lessons they will carry into adulthood.
What would you do if your 13-year-old daughter came home saying two classmates were “together”?
Rather than brush it off, you could gently ask: “What do you think it means when people say they’re dating at this age?” and use that opportunity to open the door to a reflective, age-appropriate conversation on emotional maturity and friendship boundaries.
Relationships evolve — and so should the conversation especially as our kids get older.
Principle 3: Keep the conversation going
Use real life opportunities to talk. Books, movies, songs, newspaper stories or even situations involving peers can be natural entry points for meaningful discussion, especially when children are less open to direct questioning.
Relationships evolve — and so should the conversation especially as our kids get older.
When they reach their mid-teens or older, we need to change our approach. Typically, as they inch nearer to adulthood, they won’t need our “recommendations” or “reservations” as much as they need us to be available and patient in our listening.
In these times, we can afford to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Remember that our children are making choices and maturing in their decision making, especially emotionally and relationally. We can show up with our presence and availability when they need our advice or support.
I recall a mother friend sharing that her daughter, in her third year of polytechnic, broke off a relationship before a major project. Instead of questioning the timing, she listened, affirmed her daughter’s decision to prioritise her well-being, and reminded her that relationships should support — not undermine — her goals.
Tween years (10–12)
Curiousity & crushes
What’s happening:
They are beginning to notice the opposite gender. Crushes, teasing, and curiosity are common, especially as puberty kicks in.
What to say and do:
Teen years (13–15): Exploring first relationships
What’s happening:
Real emotions, romantic feelings, and possibly first relationships begin. Peer pressure and insecurity may grow.
What to say and do:
Encourage self-respect. “You don’t have to be in a relationship to be valued. What do you like about yourself?”
Emerging Years (16–19): Developing mature relationships
What’s happening:
By this stage, your child may begin experiencing more serious relationships. Many are also navigating identity, independence, and the tension between wanting emotional closeness and fulfilling academic or life responsibilities.
What they need from you:
What to say and do:
Be a sounding board, not a judge. If they make mistakes or get hurt, respond with compassion, not lectures.
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
