Published on 10 June, 2025
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
In today’s modern age where we are all time-strapped and often digitally distracted, what does it take to be a good father? What does active fathering actually involve?
In a recent episode of the ParentEd podcast, we sat down with Kelvin Seah, a father of two and an adjunct Polytechnic lecturer, to discuss this issue. Kelvin emphasises that fatherhood is a continuous learning journey.
“I want to make it very clear that a lot of things I say today I don’t necessarily practise them perfectly in my own life,” he admits.
Such a humility may resonate with many of us parents who often feel the pressure to be perfect and who also grapple with feelings of guilt when we make mistakes.
So…What makes a good father?
When asked about the qualities that define a good father, Kelvin reminds us to mull over the broader question of what it means to be a good person. He believes that being a good father is less about specific actions and more about embodying the right values.
“Being a good person doing the right thing has more to do with who we are and less about what we actually do,” he explains.
Another essential fathering quality that Kelvin emphasises is the importance of being present in our children’s lives. He challenges the notion that quality time can replace quantity time, arguing that both are essential.
You can’t really be a weekend warrior parent. Intentional parenting should be done on a regular basis daily.
One good place for fathers to start is to be intentional about how we create meaningful memories with our children. Whether it is setting aside time to be present with the kids at dinner time and at bedtime at least three times a week, or taking them out on bike rides on weekends, children will remember how they felt when they were with us.
Kelvin explains, “When things get a bit rough and tough, our children will remember that in the end mummy and daddy are here for them because we love them and we care, and children ultimately grow well when they are in safe, secure environments.”
He recounts his own decision to leave full-time work to be more present for his children. “The hours I spent with my child, both quality and quantity, are invested time that is giving me dividends now as I tackle the challenges of parenting teens,” he quips.
Have you done your homework? Have you completed all the household chores? Have you done this and that and it becomes very transactional. Then you are just importing ethics from the corporate world into the family world and that doesn’t work.
Reflecting on a fatherhood involvement survey done by Focus on the Family Singapore, which found that many adults wished their fathers had played a greater role in their emotional development, Kelvin stresses the need for fathers to be emotionally available and to affirm their children regularly.
But how do we do this on a more practical level?
Kelvin share 3 tips using the acronym A-B-C for fathers to build stronger emotional connections with their children:
1. A – Apprenticeship
Apprenticeship means dads should return home after work to your children, spend time with them, and even just sit with them. This time is dedicated to checking in about their day but also being intentional to pass on a skill. In Kelvin’s case, he teaches communication skills, so he tries to pass on these skills to his sons by talking about how to communicate.
2. B – Be present
We should make pockets of time to be 100% with our children, Kelvin advises. We should also watch out for functional speak, because as busy parents we may come home and be all about functionality. “Have you done your homework? Have you completed all the household chores? Have you done this and that and it becomes very transactional,” Kelvin warns.
3. C – Connect for meaning
Focus on creating meaningful interactions. “What is it I want to leave with my children that they can remember me by?” is a question that Kelvin asks himself often. This question can guide parents in their daily interactions, and help us be more intentional.
You’re going to fail, but it’s about picking yourself up and trying again.
Kelvin also reassures fathers that parenting is not about perfection but about affection.
“You’re going to fail, but it’s about picking yourself up and trying again,” he articulates.
Such a perspective is growth-oriented, and encourages us to be kind to ourselves and to view parenting as an ongoing journey of growth.
Being a father to two boys has tuned Kelvin to the realities and importance of intentionally parenting his sons.
Reflecting on his own life, he says, “If you don’t have a male model regularly present in your life to model that behaviour for you for adulthood, you end up having to navigate it on your own, and it’s a much harder journey to make.”
“You see their characteristics, their personalities showing up and you nurture that, you affirm that, you see who your child was inherently meant to be and the earlier you see that, the earlier you can create the environment for that personality to really take off and grow,” he adds.
As we can see, being a good father involves continuous learning, being present, and being intentional to invest time and create meaningful memories with your family. By embracing these principles, fathers can build strong, loving relationships with their children that will likely bear fruit – for generations to come.
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
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