Published on 07 May, 2025
Skye Tan is an ex-journalist, current pastor and perennially, happy mum to two. She loves people and the mad dance of life and growth, and tries to help others get their waltz on despite life’s seasons.
This couple lost their home during a financial crisis, but their marriage and commitment to each other was unwavering.
What is their secret to a love that lasts for a lifetime?
Lim Hong Leong, an arborist and former engineer, and his wife, Jana, have been married for 39 years. When asked how they have kept their bond strong through the decades, they pointed to one essential ingredient: nourishment.
“When I think of the word nourish, what comes to my mind is giving healthy food to a person to make them strong and healthy. But what does it look like when we talk about nourishing a relationship within the context of marriage?” shared Jana.
“It’s about giving unconditional love, respect, acceptance, mutual admiration, and support — meeting each other’s physical, emotional, mental, and even spiritual needs to build a strong, lasting relationship.”
Standing at the wedding altar and vowing to have and to hold “till death do us part” feels deeply romantic — more so on the first day of marriage than in the many days that follow.
Whether it’s the clashing of routines during the honeymoon, or the disagreements that come with daily life, every marriage faces its fair share of ups and downs. From minor frictions to major hurdles like sickness, retrenchment, or loss, navigating these seasons together is part and parcel of building a lasting marriage.
Here are four principles they live by, taken from their marriage vows, which are simple yet profound ways they nourish their marriage for the past four decades.
Choosing to respond consistently with care and sensitivity for our spouse, even in the face of unexpected loss, helps build trust and unity in the marriage.
Nourishing love isn’t just shown in grand gestures; it’s revealed in the quiet, critical moments of life.
Jana shared how a car accident early in their marriage left a deep impression on her heart.
“I didn’t know what to do after the accident. I called Hong Leong, and he rushed to me within ten minutes,” she recounted. “He didn’t ask, ‘Did you spoil my car?’ or ‘Did you damage the car?’ The first thing he asked was, ‘Are you okay?’ That really touched my heart and assured me that my husband genuinely cares for me.”
It’s often in unexpected situations that our true colours surface. Choosing to respond consistently with care and sensitivity for our spouse, even in the face of unexpected loss, helps build trust and unity in the marriage.
Familiarity can tempt us to focus on our spouse’s flaws, but choosing instead to bridge the gaps with forgiveness, mercy, and understanding strengthens the foundation of the marriage relationship.
As Jana and Hong Leong’s story shows, such support is not only encouraging — it is deeply nourishing.
My understanding of marriage is not based on money, big houses, or branded goods. It’s about having a good relationship with my husband and children.
The couple’s commitment to one another was put to the test during a devastating financial crisis.
It forced them to sell their landed home and move into a small flat.
Hong Leong described the ordeal vividly, “The banks didn’t want to lend me money anymore. Creditors came to the house. The newspapers wrote about us. Your world just collapses. You literally need a shoulder to cry on, and there’s nothing better than having your spouse’s. That support, that strength, came from her still believing in who I am.”
Even as Hong Leong shared the devastating news, Jana’s calm response stood out to him.
“She said, ‘It’s okay that we have to [live in a smaller house], I am with you and we’ll go through this together.’ Her calmness and assurance were most comforting,” he recalled.
Through this experience, Hong Leong experienced his value as a man to be worth far more than his ability to provide financially for the family. He learned, from his wife’s response, that it’s his personhood that gives him value and dignity.
What enabled Jana to stay so calm in the face of loss?
“I have always learnt that my marriage is not based on money, big houses, or branded goods,” she explained. “My understanding of marriage is about having a good relationship with my husband and children, and keeping the family together.”
Quoting a Mandarin proverb that captures the value of resilience and contentment, she shared, “If there’s no rice, eat porridge. If there’s no fish, eat anchovies.”
Rather than blame or wallow in self-pity, they remained steadfast and chose to bounce back from this setback. Even as they adjusted to a simpler life and began the slow journey of rebuilding, their love and commitment to each other remained unwavering.
“Jana’s assurance of enduring love and unwavering faith in me is the strong support and pillar at that time of my life where circumstances were shifting beyond my control,” Hong Leong reflected.
The emotional support from our spouse who sees us at our lowest, yet loves us all the same, is the greatest gift a marriage can offer.
Today, with three grown children and two grandchildren, Hong Leong and Jana continue to treasure each other. Whether it’s gardening together, going for walks, or indulging in MacDonald’s ice cream dates, they still find joy in the simple things.
As they approach their fourth decade of marriage, their commitment remains steadfast.
How do they keep showing up for each other through every season of life?
“It means giving and offering encouragement when your spouse feels down, showing appreciation for the efforts made, and creating an environment where both of us feel valued and understood,” said Jana. “That involves spending quality time together, listening, and sharing dreams, fears, and challenges.”
Her husband agrees, summing it up beautifully:
“Love works for those who work on it — intentionally.”
What’s one small but intentional act you can do today to nourish your marriage?
Skye Tan is an ex-journalist, current pastor and perennially, happy mum to two. She loves people and the mad dance of life and growth, and tries to help others get their waltz on despite life’s seasons.
