Published on 12 February, 2026
In an era of dating apps, instant messaging, and endless choice, many youths are choosing no one. A survey done showed that 2 in 5 Singaporean youths, aged 22-29, have never been in a relationship (National Youth Council et al., 2024).
Dating, traditionally understood as a period of exploration and getting to know others, learning about oneself, and making mistakes along the way has taken on a much heavier meaning for youths today.
Based on conversations I had with 16 youths aged 17–35 across relationship stages, dating is understood as: An intentional and often exclusive romantic relationship that goes beyond friendship. It involves commitment, emotional intimacy, and prioritising one another, with the purpose of getting to know each other deeply—values, boundaries, and compatibility—often with an eye toward marriage.
As dating has come to be seen less as a space for exploration and more as a high-stakes commitment tied to long-term outcomes, many youths hesitate to begin at all.
1. Dating, a high barrier to entry
To many youths, dating is no longer a light or exploratory experience. When asked about factors deterring them from dating, many youths cited dating as a high-commitment decision—emotionally demanding, time-consuming, and, for some, financially burdensome.
“Dating is time-consuming, a lot of commitment is required.”
“I would choose to actively abstain from relationships in a future, as freedom for me is important.”
Rather than a space to learn about themselves or others, dating has become a focused pathway toward marriage, one that requires seriousness and clear intention from the start.
Because of this, many youths assume that any early flaw or imperfect level of commitment signals an inevitable breakup. When breakups are framed as failure, dating starts to feel risky—something to enter only when conditions are ideal. As a result, dating is seen as a high-stakes test of lifelong compatibility and a direct route to marriage.
2. Unhealthy modelling of love
Before many youths ever experience their first relationship, they have already learned what love looks like—through conflict at home, divorce, heartbreak, and broken relationships around them. Through these lived and observed experiences, relationships become associated with instability, emotional turmoil, and pain.
“I do not want to repeat the same mistakes my parents made.”
“Growing up, my relationship with my parents has given me the idea that marriage is a burden and is painful.”
When love is modelled as something that hurts, fear naturally follows. For many youths, that fear triggers a protective response: emotional walls being built, and independence is chosen instead—because it feels safer, more predictable, and more within their control.
3. Idealised expectations of love
Many youths are not opposed to love or relationships. Instead, they speak about waiting for the “right time,” often with the mindset, “If it comes, it comes.” Beneath this patience, however, lies an idealised understanding of love.
“I’m not in a rush to start dating for practical reasons like building up work and finances and even my spiritual [being] and everything.”
“Being ready means someone who worked on themselves for a long time and reached a certain level of being confident they have something to offer to someone else. Also, being developed in different aspects of life in mental, emotional, spiritual, financial stability. Attract somebody of similar development as me.”
Love is increasingly expected to arrive already stable—emotionally, financially, and in the same life stage. Conflict or misalignment is often read as incompatibility rather than part of growth. Influenced by idealised narratives of “the one,” youths hold high expectations not only of their partners but also of themselves, leaving little room for love to develop through uncertainty. In this context, waiting feels safer than trying, because trying risks discovering that neither the relationship nor the people in it are fully formed yet.
But no one enters relationships at perfection. Love is not meant to begin after growth—it is where growth, understanding, and resilience are formed alongside another person.
What’s the issue?
If youths are taking love seriously, then the issue is not a lack of intention—it is postponement. Dating is delayed not because youths do not desire connection, but because they fear vulnerability and the possibility of failure. When breakups are framed as personal failure, emotional safety begins to feel wiser than emotional risk.
As seriousness replaces curiosity, dating loses its role as a space for learning. Relationships are not something we earn after a period of intentional personal growth; they are one of the main conduits that growth happens. Yet many youths believe love should only begin once they are fully “ready”—after stability, clarity, and healing. In a failure-averse culture, this expectation turns uncertainty into something to avoid rather than navigate.
The result is a paradox: love is deeply valued, yet endlessly deferred. But no one enters relationships at perfection. Love is not meant to begin after growth—it is where growth, understanding, and resilience are formed alongside another person. This leads to the real question: how can youths remain open to love without lowering their standards or exposing themselves to unnecessary emotional harm?
1. Know your values, not a list
Opening your heart does not mean abandoning intention. Dating can still be taken seriously, with marriage as a long-term consideration, while allowing room for discovery. Knowing your primary values and the beliefs you cannot compromise on matters more than curating a flawless ideal. By all means set intentions, but resist turning them into rigid standards that leave no room for real, human connection.
Start small, allow relationships to unfold, and remember that choosing to try is already an act of strength.
2. Be okay with being vulnerable
Past hurt does not disqualify you from love. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is the courage to feel, reflect, and try again with greater self-awareness. Fear is natural, but avoiding connection only deepens it. Start small, allow relationships to unfold, and remember that choosing to try is already an act of strength.
3. Grow with challenges and uncertainty
You will never be fully “ready” for love, and waiting for perfection only postpones growth. Dating is not about guaranteeing stability or outcomes; it is about learning who someone is without a set timeline. Stability is built, not promised. Relationships move through seasons, mistakes, and uncertainty, and love often grows alongside clarity, not after it.
While it is admirable that youths today take love seriously with a deep care and value for meaningful connections, love doesn’t require perfection or certainty to grow. By approaching it with curiosity in learning about someone’s life, their journey, and how your paths might fit together, you allow yourself to grow alongside them, rather than waiting for the “perfect” moment.
Join communities with shared values, meet new people through friends and family, and see dating as a chance to explore and understand. Love is best embraced in spite of uncertainty, so keep an open heart, stay curious, and let relationships be a space for shared growth.
Bio: Vicki is an aspiring psychologist who loves sightseeing around the world.
Nelson and Gina
Workshop: March 2026
Nelson and Gina Lee have been accredited facilitators with Focus on the Family Singapore for over a decade, beginning their involvement conducting relationship talks for tertiary students since 2011.
Driven by a passion for nurturing strong relationships, they have extensive experience in facilitating dating workshops for courting couples and pre-marital programmes for those considering marriage. They have also have led marriage retreats designed to deepen connection and commitment among married couples.
