5 Essential Tips for Dads Preparing for Parenthood
Seeing yourself in a new light
Published on 06 June, 2024
Kelvin Seah
author
Kelvin Seah is a writer, and adjunct communications lecturer in writing, public speaking, corporate communications, copyediting, and digital & social media management. But his favourite roles in life are being a husband of one wife since 2000, a hands-on father to his sons (born in 2009 & 2011), and blogging about special needs, parenting, culture, education, work, writing, and life in general. Since 2020, he’s been busy authoring his first book-length memoir on being a stay-at-home dad.
So you’re going to be a dad soon? Congratulations!!
Wait, what’s that? You don’t know the first thing about being a dad? No sweat. I’m here to help. After all, I’ve been a father for 15 years now, the last six as a mostly stay-at-home dad. So I’m pretty sure I know a thing or two about parenting.
Let me introduce you to some important survival tips you won’t get in most listicles about good parenting.
But be warned. These ‘life-hacks’ I’m sharing might not be what you expect. And they might even make you shift uneasily in your seat.
Ready?
Let’s go!
Tip #1 – Accept that you will never be fully prepared
Here’s the thing. There are truckloads of parenting guidebooks out there. Not to mention a universe of online materials to help all new and bewildered parents or parents-to-be. Everyone will purport to give you full-proof tips and suggestions on how to be the best parent you can be.
But before you go wading into that ocean of information, know this truth: none can tell YOU how best to parent YOUR child.
Why is that? Simple. Every human being is unique.
If you agree with that oft-touted statement that we’re all unique, then what makes you think a how-to book or parenting manual is going to tell you ALL you need to succeed as a parent?
The reality is that you will never be fully prepared.
Of course, there will be days you can look back and pat yourself on the back because you did prepare everything. But the truth about being a parent is, more often than not, you need to brace yourself for Murphy’s Law to strike when you least expect it!
I hope that takes a load off your shoulders, and you don’t feel like you need to berate yourself when things (inevitably) unravel.
Which brings me to…
Tip #2 – Be ready to lose control…regularly!
I’ve lost count of how many times, when my children were still babies and toddlers, that my wife and I would forget to pack extra snacks, toys, or wet wipes when we take them out. Or the baby pram just refuses to snap into position while the milk bottle leaks all over the diaper bag.
Talk about losing control of the situation. And that’s just logistics!
The kicker is when your little precious has a very public meltdown for one reason or another. It could be the hot weather. Unfamiliar environment. Even the irritating label on the back of his/her adorable onesie.
Oh, and if you think that’s just the initial years of parenting, and that you will regain control once they are older…Oh well, why spoil the surprise for you, right? You’ll have more than enough on your plate very soon to find out for yourself (*quiet chuckle*).
And that leads us to…
Your kid is your ultimate guide. Watch him/her. Closely. Pay attention. Be present. And humble.
Tip #3 – It’s okay to be ‘blur like sotong’
Ever seen a man looking like he just lost his car key, wallet, or (worse) his kid?! That was probably me. And yes, it’s true. I’ve lost all three before. More than once.
If ever there was a promotional poster for looking “blur like sotong,” I’ll be the face for the campaign!
You see, the look of confusion or losing your grip on things often, is a default look on many new dads. After all, this whole parenting thing is like new territory for the intrepid explorer. Except there are no maps, employment manuals or Parenting For Dummies Guidebook (well there is actually, but trust me, it isn’t much help!)
And here’s the rub.
There still won’t be any useful guides even when your kids move into the tumultuous teenage years (which, trust me, by then you would be desperate for guidebooks!).
But you know what?
As you bash through the parenting jungle of life to find answers, or simply a way out of your daily confusion, your kid is your ultimate guide. Watch him/her. Closely. Pay attention. Be present. And humble.
Learn from them, and persevere.
You will discover how to parent well while you’re “on the job”. Stuff no guru (including *cough cough* me) can ever tell you.
The single greatest portal to self-awareness and transcendence for any individual is the passage of parenthood.
Tip #4 – The parenting journey’s more about you than your kid!
Now that I’ve lived for over half a century, I can confidently tell you the single greatest portal to self-awareness and transcendence for any individual is the passage of parenthood.
How so?
Here are just two of many examples from my own life as a father.
The first example had to do with my innate discomfort around children, right up into my early 30s.
Back then, children seemed unpredictable, noisy and totally unmanageable to me. So during my initial years of marriage, I was happy not having any of my own. That changed when my wife was expecting my eldest of two boys. Suddenly I became curious about other people’s kids and found myself seeking opportunities to interact with them.
Perhaps it was my subconscious nudging me to dress rehearse for “opening night”! Whatever it was, I gradually warmed up and engaged with babies and kids in ways I never imagined possible before.
The second example was when my firstborn (then 20 months old) got trapped in my master bedroom, no thanks to a faulty door.
When all else failed to set him free, yours truly turned into Spiderman (sans sticky palms and feet), crossed from the adjacent bedroom window into the master bedroom window, while dangling over 30 metres above ground in our eighth-floor HDB apartment. With no harness or safety net!
Whilst you’ll never catch me doing such a maniacal act of heroism again, that experience taught me that I’m capable of overcoming my fear of heights. Especially when the wellbeing of my flesh and blood was at stake.
Which brings me to my final tip…
Tip #5 – Parenting makes you see the world (and yourself) in a whole new light
In my journey as a parent, I’ve learned to see the old and familiar afresh. All thanks to my best teachers — my children!
For instance, observing and marvelling with my son how ants move in a neat line on the ground and realising for the first time how much they look like soldiers falling into line. Or how while cloud-watching, my son taught me to see beyond mere shapes and to look for unicorns or unicycles.
Parenting has taught me to slow down and look at things as though for the first time. To appreciate the wonders and marvels of nature and life through the pure and innocent eyes of my kids.
And that perhaps is the ultimate reward of parenting. To have a second chance at seeing life anew and in unexpected ways.
Okay, new or soon-to-be daddy.
These tips should get you strapped and ready to be your kid’s favourite rock star! Now, your fathering journey’s about to begin.
It’s time to step up for the ultimate marathon of your life.
I’ll see you at the finish line.
© 2024 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.
Kelvin Seah
author
Kelvin Seah is a writer, and adjunct communications lecturer in writing, public speaking, corporate communications, copyediting, and digital & social media management. But his favourite roles in life are being a husband of one wife since 2000, a hands-on father to his sons (born in 2009 & 2011), and blogging about special needs, parenting, culture, education, work, writing, and life in general. Since 2020, he’s been busy authoring his first book-length memoir on being a stay-at-home dad.
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