Child’s Life Stage: Primary Schooler

Working From Home with Kids

What first comes to your mind when you think about working from home? Do you imagine it will be more difficult to get work done or do you think it will be a less pressurising way of working? While telecommuting has its perks, like time saved from travelling, it definitely has its own set of challenges as well.

To limit the spread of COVID-19, many working parents are now working from home. With students doing home-based learning, our school-going kids are home at the very same time we are figuring out this new work arrangement. Distractions and interruptions can come more easily, potentially impacting our productiveness.

As you work towards a new norm with work and family life, consider how these 6 Rs could help you create a more successful and less stressful environment for everyone in the family!

1. Ritual

Before the new measure of working from home was implemented, the “ritual” of getting ready for the day and commuting helps us to shift to “work mode” by the time we get to our workplaces. It would be helpful to create something similar even when we work from home—stick to a standard waking up time for everyone, continue to do the usual morning rituals of showering and breakfast with the kids.

Some people find it helpful to change into clothing that’s slightly more like their usual work wear. Pro-tip: wearing pajamas won’t help you feel productive!

Others mentally prepare themselves for work while doing some exercises or having a cup of coffee before they start the work day. Continue these morning rituals, set a time for work or school to start and keep to it every day as well as you can.

2. Room

There are those who can get productive work done when propped up in bed, but for most of us, that may not be conducive—especially when the kids or work kept us up late the night before!

Set up a well-lit designated workspace in your home that allows you to have good sitting posture and minimal distractions. Try to avoid spaces that might draw you toward doing something else, like the bedroom or kitchen. Parents of younger children may need to work near their children, so as to keep an eye on them as they play or nap, while parents of older kids can use a separate room as their “office”.

In the same way, we can set up a space for home-based learning for our kids. Make sure they understand that it’s a space for them to focus on online classes and homework, and not for playing or other activities.

As you consistently utilise these designated spaces every day, you will be drawing “boundaries” for your kids and they will understand that’s Daddy’s or Mummy’s work room or this is where I sit for school time. This adds a sense of our third “R” to their lives.

3. Routine

Just as it is useful to us to know what’s ahead in our work day by planning a schedule that includes time for work, breaks, and meals, our kids would also benefit from having such a routine.

For older children, plan each day’s schedule with or for them. Tell them that just as they have a set of school tasks to finish, Daddy and Mummy also have work tasks to complete, so everyone will have to work together as a family to get our work done. Think of ways you can increase your kids’ ownership over this schedule, say, by letting them write/type or decorate it. Then put it up where it can be easily seen, and follow it as closely as possible.

For toddlers, printing out visual cue cards can be a great way to communicate schedule. You can print out photos of what you want to fill their day with—whether playing, reading, eating, sleeping—and stick it somewhere prominently. Every time you move on to the next slot, remove the former card and make a big deal about the new card. You can even put a timer on if you like and every time the timer goes off, it signals the time for the next activity.

If you have children who are too young to keep themselves engaged while you’re working, you may need to plan your schedule around their routine, say, naps, meals, playtimes, and baths. This may mean starting work earlier before they wake, taking breaks during the moments when they need you most, and returning to work after they have gone to bed.

There’s no perfect routine—take time to experiment with different approaches before settling into a rhythm that works for your family.

4. Restraint

Self-discipline has been found to be key for those who work well from home. After we’ve planned our schedule, we need to stick to it to concentrate on our goals for the day. That means not doing lots of housework or heading out for a long trip in the middle of the work day!

When we practise self-discipline, we are also setting an example for our children on how to set limits on themselves. It’s important for parents to explain to their kids that when Daddy and Mummy are in their workspaces, they need to be able to focus, and so they cannot be interrupted frequently, unless it’s an emergency (and communicate what constitutes one)!

If you find that they are interrupting your work too often, you can give them a quota on the number of requests they can make when you are at work. Through this, they can learn some self-discipline by deciding which requests or questions they really need to ask and which ones can wait until later.

5. Rest

Let your children know that throughout the day, you’re going to take regular breaks and stick to them. During break times, engage with them—and be present! At the end of each break, remind them that you’ll be going back to work and will join them again at your next break.

Kids who are old enough to work independently can usually concentrate for about 30–45 minutes at a time, with 5–15 minute breaks in between. You may like to use a timer to help you and your kids keep track of time.

Give them permission to have more active indoor activities to release the energy that builds up when they’ve been sitting for long periods of time.

Remember that you need to get away from your desk from time to time, too—a good break does wonders for productivity!

6. Rewards

Finally, remember that this arrangement is new for your children. So be intentional in affirming your children when they have put in effort to stick to their schedule and the limits you’ve set.

Older children are able to understand the principle of delayed gratification: that doing their learning and homework first will have benefits later. Help them to understand the importance of sticking to a schedule to get a reward later on. Then, plan a surprise and spring it on them sometime during the week when they’re least expecting it. This will better reinforce their positive behaviour, which you will hopefully see more of with time.

You can also have a reward system where they get points for age-appropriate good behaviour and they get to redeem rewards (bubble tea, fast food meals, more TV time, etc.) with the points.

And don’t forget to affirm and reward yourself, too! This arrangement is a learning journey for you as well, and there would be tough spots along the way as you figure out what is best for you and your kids. When you hit upon something that works well for the whole family, that’s worth celebrating!

As we work on these aspects of Ritual, Room, Routine, Restraint, Rest, and Rewards, may we also discover the joy in connecting with our children in new ways!

Adapted from Staying Sane while Working from Home with Kids by Joannie Debrito ©️ 2020 All rights reserved. Used with permission from Focus on the Family.

Dads Need Other Dads to Grow in Their Parenting Journey

Introduction

Our third Survey for Dads was conducted from 04 May – 31 May 2022 through the databases and social media channels of Focus on the Family Singapore. A total of 269 fathers responded.   

This year’s survey focused on understanding dads’ self-efficacy in parenting, and uncovering the importance of “dad-friends” in supporting a dad’s journey of fatherhood.

Research Findings

Download PDF now (344.32 KB)

Why is Porn So Readily Accessible?

Why is Porn So Readily Accessible? 

In a previous article where we explored “Why is porn so addictive?”, the pervasiveness of porn came up as a contributing factor because of how easily accessible they have become today. A quick look at the figures published by a cybersecurity company underscores the extent of this accessibility: 

Every Second: 

  • 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet. 
  • $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet. 

In this follow-up piece, we will explore “Why is porn so easily accessible?” by taking a deep dive into the forces that drive the proliferation of porn, and offer a few practical handles for kids in dealing with such exposure. 

The ubiquity of technology and devices 

There is no doubt that technology has greatly changed the way we live. For example, we certainly enjoy numerous conveniences and entertainment the Internet brings us – ordering our favourite dinner and embarking on a professional development course are now just a few clicks away. Lockdowns and quarantines during Covid years have only deepened the intensity and accelerated the rate of our digital connection. However, the flip side of having such a high connectivity, also means that it is probably easier to access sexually explicit materials than to avoid them.  

In the early 2000s, porn used to be contained in age-restricted print materials and subscription-based platforms. It was a service only paying customers could access. This was the chief revenue model for the porn industry, until video-streaming platforms started to revolutionise the way we consume information and entertainment.  

Inspired by YouTube’s success, the porn industry was swift in adapting to streaming platforms that were not only free for any user to access, but also offered better means of generating revenue for companies. 

Given how much of our lives both at home and at work now relies on staying connected, it would be unimaginable for one to be without a device. Yet, we often forget the tremendous power of connectivity this small device yields. A double-edged sword hidden in pockets, our devices have opened us up to the very best technology has to offer, while proving to be equally, if not more, dangerous, at the same time.  

Under Singapore Law, it is illegal for an individual to keep, possess, or download porn. Although IMDA has banned approximately 100 websites as a token gesture of disapproval, it is not illegal to watch or stream pornographic content online. That means any child with a connected device will still be able to easily access or stumble upon porn at the click of a button, in the absence of rigorous parental controls. 

A profit-driven entity at its finest 

Revenue estimates for the porn industry vary widely, and understandably so. Not only is it impossible to obtain accurate figures from privately-held porn companies, it is also challenging to account for the entire porn industry. For instance, the membership platform, “OnlyFans”, has become synonymous with porn even though it was originally meant for creators to directly monetise their content, adult or not.  

The steady rise of individual porn creators through such membership platforms further complicates the effort to obtain an accurate estimate to how much the industry is really worth. Nonetheless, several estimates clearly put it as a multi-billion-dollar industry.  

To understand how the rest of the porn industry continues to generate revenue despite offering free-to-stream videos, we need to first understand how porn advertising works. They do not work the same way as advertising for a handbag or a pair of shoes.  

Since porn companies are blocked from advertising on traditional media outlets, they have only other porn companies to turn to, for their advertising. For perspective, Pornhub’s annual report revealed a staggering 42 billion visitors in 2019 alone, reflecting a very robust base of potential consumers that could be funnelled through advertising into another paid porn site. In other words, Pornhub receives lucrative advertising fees in return for offering free-to-stream videos.  

Apart from advertising dollars, porn companies are also able to monetise user data and profiling that they capture from their online visitors. For these reasons, porn companies are motivated and invested to continue offering free content that generates the highest possible viewership, because every click on their website translates to dollars and cents.  

Practical handles for when your child is exposed to porn 

In the effort to safeguard our children, some of us turn to parental control apps on their devices. However, even the best app will fail, as Google search engine reminds us that there are always creative ways to bypass restrictions.  

If there is one thing parental control apps are good for, it is buying us time for building up a more reliable “internal filter” in our children, and time for teaching them practical handles to deal with exposure to porn.  

A few practical handles include (when speaking directly to your child):  

  1. Look away immediately – Close the laptop or put down the device and walk away immediately. Resist the urge to linger or dwell on the image/video.

     

  2. Look to daddy or mommy – Seek out daddy or mommy in person, or if not possible, reach out to one of us as soon as possible via a phone call. You are not in trouble for being exposed to porn, you can always approach us. 

     

  3. Share what you saw – Let us know what you saw, how the images made you feel, and if you have any questions. We will journey through this together.  

Porn may be more accessible than ever, but as parents, we have greater influence when we ensure that our presence and guidance are even more accessible in our children’s lives.  

© 2023 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Is the Internet Parenting My Child?

Unlike my generation who grew up with a more gradual pace of technological advancement, my children were born into an age of widespread Internet connectivity, and have hence interacted with the online world from a much younger age.  

One harrowing encounter we had was when we allowed our 4-year-old son to use a smart phone app to help him build with Lego. Moments into scrolling through blueprints, he came over with the phone and asked me for help. It turned out that he had accidentally clicked the subscription button and almost paid the fees for a premium plan!  

Besides this incident, the prominence of Internet technologies in the home exposes our children to other risks, including online safety, graphic content, privacy, and so on. However, such technologies also possess great potential for our children’s development.  

How then do we strike a balance in using technology with our kids? Based on our experiences, we have learnt the following principles: 

1. Lead by example 

Children often reflect their parents’ behaviours, and just as we hope they will pick up our good habits, they also catch our device habits from us. Even if we were attending to important matters on our phones, our children would interpret our actions as valuing device usage over relating to them.  

It is important to first be disciplined with device usage ourselves before expecting it of our children. Hence, we try to remain device-free during specific periods of the day, such as during mealtimes, reading time and playtime. My wife and I also try to ensure each of us have sufficient time to attend to our work responsibilities, so we can be less distracted when it is time to be present with our children. 

As parents, we should be role models of good device usage to our children. 

2. Build socialisation and outdoor time into family routines 

One of the best ways to help the family stay unplugged is to build it into family routines. We meet with family and friends about once or twice a week for playtime and catch-ups. We also take our children outdoors regularly, be it walks in the park, playground time or even errand runs to expose them to active lifestyles. This encourages them to move away from online media and towards physical and social activities.  

However, because we carry the Internet in our pockets, the challenge is limiting device usage while out and about too! We should remind ourselves to keep our phones away as far as possible (unless expecting urgent calls), and immerse ourselves in the moment. 

3. Set reasonable boundaries

With online media being widely available and accessible, it is unrealistic to cut it out of our children’s lives completely. Instead, we aim for moderation by setting reasonable limits on screen time.  

For example, most online content exceeds 5 minutes. If we wouldn’t watch 5 minutes of Netflix at a time, we shouldn’t impose this on our children! A useful benchmark is to stay within guidelines by KKH, which recommends screen time of 1 hour and below per day for children aged 18 months to 3 years.  

There are also child-safe apps that help keep our children safe online. For example, YouTube Kids is curated with age-appropriate content and offers more parental controls than the standard YouTube app. Parents may also use screen-pinning on their phones to prevent children from accessing other apps or functions during screen time.  

When children are meaningfully absorbed in their preferred tools of offline play, they will be less drawn to online entertainment. 

4. Invest in a variety of play methods that suit your children 

When our children are meaningfully occupied with their preferred tools of play, it is easier for them to rely less on devices for entertainment. Our son enjoys playing with Lego, which keeps him offline and occupied for long periods while helping him develop creativity and motor skills. 

It is important to find toys that our children enjoy and that are challenging enough to keep them engaged. For example, we intentionally curate our son’s Lego sets by looking for themes that our son would be interested in, and have an age-appropriate difficulty level.  

5. Take advantage of the benefits of technology

Although the Internet comes with many risks, it is also a powerful educational tool when used appropriately. There are far more educational content options than we ever had in the past.  

We should use this to our advantage as far as possible. Our son has picked up a wide variety of knowledge and skills from watching various programmes online, including art (e.g., drawing and craft), culinary skills (e.g., cooking demonstration videos), language, as well as math and science. When used within healthy limits and with close guidance, online technologies can be a rich source of knowledge and exposure for our children. 

Remaining connected to our children 

It can seem an impossible task to free ourselves from the grip of connectivity in our homes, since there is no manual for how to raise children in the Internet age. At the end of the day, however, technology should be seen as a tool. Our role as parents is to set safe boundaries around the use of technology, manage its risks, and enable our children to draw from its benefits.  

Ultimately, there is no replacement for our role as parents in the family. What our children need to grow into healthy and well-regulated individuals is for us to be present and loving in their lives. In a world where our attention is constantly being competed for, let us challenge ourselves to develop the most important connection of all —that with our children.  

© 2023 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved. 

Conversation Starters for Healthy Sexuality

Talking about sex may seem awkward at first, but as you press on, it will begin to feel more natural.

Our effort to help our children develop a healthy understanding of love, relationships, and sex in marriage, is worthwhile.

As you take the first step towards a lifetime of healthy, wholesome relationships for your child, this eGuide will provide you with tools and tips to keep the conversations going! 

Suitable for parents with children aged 4 to 15 years.

Download PDF now (360.23 KB)

Conversations About Sex Need Not Be So Tough

Research shows that when parents engage their children in topics on sexuality, their children grow to make wiser choices in relationships and sex. To help you overcome your fears in broaching the topic, we have designed a Talk About Sex video series specially for parent and child (aged 7-12) to enjoy, engage with and learn together!
Find out more

Raising Resilient Kids

Building B.O.U.N.C.E for the bumps in life

Raising Resilient Kids

We live in an increasingly fast-paced and competitive society often described as a VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) world, where the pressure to succeed and perform can leave our children feeling panic-stricken and overwhelmed.

How can we nurture our child’s psychological resilience to better manage stress? Be empowered to emotionally coach your child towards a positive and healthy attitude for learning and living! 

Participants will be equipped with skills to:
1.
Understand your child’s world and potential stressors
2.
Process feelings in a healthy and productive manner
3.
Inculcate values and beliefs that will anchor your child in times of difficulty

Details

Duration: 1 – 1.5 hrs  

Delivery Format: Talks can be conducted either onsite or online via Zoom 

Enquiries:
Find out how you can encourage a growth mindset in your child!

Contact us

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

The ParentEdTM Dialogues

Personalised parenting solutions for your unique child

The ParentEdTM Dialogues

Every child is unique, with their own personality – and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. 

In the ParentEd Dialogues, parents will learn how to take a targeted and intentional approach when parenting each unique child. Each session is led by a Family Coach, who will help parents explore their current parenting challenges, introduce innovative approaches and provide useful feedback to develop real solutions and actions to bring about lasting change in the way you parent! 

Why the ParentEd Dialogues?
1.
Engage with a Family Coach who can guide you in optimising your parenting style
2.
Establish new friendships with like-minded parents in a safe community setting
3.
Equip yourself with fresh perspectives and practical tools to strengthen your parent-child relationship

These dialogue series cover foundational principles that are relevant across all age groups. They promise candid sharing and stimulating conversations among like-minded sojourners on the parenting journey. It’s a great place to acquire timeless principles, priceless perspectives and practical tools for informed, involved and intentional parenting! 

  • Dialogue 1 | The Parent Species: Becoming the parent we want to be 
  • Dialogue 2 | C.S.I – Child Species Investigation: Bringing out the best in your unique child 
  • Dialogue 3 | Creative Correction: Making discipline firm and friendly 
  • Dialogue 4 | High-5s at Home: Nurture the parent-child relationship 

Details

Duration: 4 x 2hr sessions 

Delivery Format: This workshop is to be conducted onsite with min. 10 pax & max. 20 pax.  

Have questions?
Find out how you can empower parent communities!

I'd like to find out more!

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

Raising Relationally-Smart Kids

Parental guidance to talk about sex

Raising Relationally-Smart Kids

Talking about sex can be one of the most daunting tasks for parents, especially if we never had the subject broached with us when growing up. How then can we confidently discuss healthy sexuality, love and relationships with our children?

Discover how you can help your child make wise decisions about their health, relationships, and life!

Participants will be equipped with skills to:
1.
Engage your children in open and honest conversations about sex and relationship
2.
Tackle growing online risks such as pornography and inappropriate content
3.
Empower your children on setting healthy boundaries with their peers

Details

Duration: 1 – 1.5 hrs 

Delivery Format:
Talks can be conducted either onsite or online via Zoom 

Have questions?
Reach out to find out more about this webinar! 

I'm keen to find out more!

Join the Interest List

Registration for this webinar has closed. Please join the Interest List for 2024.

Interest List

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

Raising Screenwise Kids

Empowering kids to navigate the virtual world

Raising Screenwise Kids

With so much of our children’s time now spent online, how can we raise them to be screenwise and future-ready?

It can be a parent’s greatest challenge to set limits on screentime and boundaries around digital content consumption. Yet if done right, our children can be empowered to consume media wisely.

This webinar is all about creating a healthy, balanced relationship with technology that goes beyond mere rules and restrictions.

Participants will be equipped with skills to:
1.
Establish positive digital habits as a family and enjoy meaningful offline experiences
2.
Set clear and safe boundaries for screen time and online interactions
3.
Navigate tensions and disagreement about screentime

* Available Funding:
This topic is available for funding under the collaboration with Infocomm Media Development Authority (IMDA) Digital for Life Fund*. 

To be eligible for the subsided programme fee, the following requirements are to be met:  

  • Minimum requirement of 20 parents in attendance on actual day.  
  • Minimum requirement of at least 75% of participants to submit programme feedback form after attending the session 

Details

Duration: 1 – 1.5 hrs 

Delivery Format:
Talks can be conducted either onsite or online via Zoom 

Have more questions?
Reach out to find out how you can bring this programme to your workplace or community!

Register your interest

ParentEd is a parent education initiative from Focus on the Family Singapore.

Register Your Interest

Playing to My Strengths As A Father

In today’s world, fathers are increasingly expected to play equal roles with mothers in terms of hands-on care. However, many of us grew up in an age where fathers played more traditional roles, leaving childcare mostly to the mothers. Lacking in role models from their own lives, some fathers may find it intimidating to bond with or care for their little ones, or even struggle to juggle both traditional and modern expectations of fathers.  

As a father to two young children, I too have felt inadequate. I often compared myself with mummy, who seems to tackle modern motherhood effortlessly, whether it was bringing home the bacon, cooking, cleaning, or caring for the children. Her list seems infinitely longer than mine! 

Though self-doubt continues to be a struggle, I have come a long way in building my confidence as a father. A time of personal reflection, as well as regular affirmation from my wife, has led me to realise that as a father, I play a unique and irreplaceable role in the family.  

Here are some ways I have learnt to step up in my role as a father.   

“Parents each have unique interests and personalities that can contributed to enriching our children’s development.“

1. Leverage one’s unique personality and interests  

While it is good for parents to recognise our weaknesses and build on them, it should not blind us to our existing strengths. My wife and I have unique interests and personalities that have contributed to enriching our children’s development.  

In terms of interests, my wife exposes the children to arts and crafts, cooking, and applies her experiences as an educator to help them learn subjects such as English. As for myself, I bring my sense of humour and creativity to playtime and storytelling, expose my children to mechanical and open-ended styles of play through toys such as Lego and Transformers, and introduce them to other interests like coffee-making. 

Personality-wise, my wife brings more energy and spontaneity, and a sense of adventure to our outings together while I bring a tender love and warmth to our relationships, which creates an atmosphere of safety and acceptance in the home.  

“Avoid unhealthy comparisons with other parents, and zero in on each other’s strengths and contributions to the family.“

2. Recognise that we contribute to the family differently

It is human nature to compare ourselves to others, especially in terms of performance and ability. While this can sometimes serve as a benchmark for growth, such comparisons can become toxic when we cling too tightly to unrealistic standards.  

Rather than compete on who is the “better” parent at home, it has been helpful for my wife and I to take time to reflect and affirm each other – and ourselves! – on the different ways we contribute to the family.  

For instance, my wife is better able to juggle the many tasks at home, spanning from household chores to caring for the kids. She is more natural at keeping the house looking fresh and homely, in part by keeping a lookout for good deals on household items. As an educator by profession, she keeps a better pulse on our children’s learning needs and school schedules. Finally, as the more adventurous parent, she keeps abreast of events and activities that the family can enjoy. 

On the other hand, I am better at managing conflicts and meltdowns at home, whether it was between my wife and I or with the children. I am also good at giving the children undivided attention and tuning in to their interests and thoughts, which helps boost their confidence and self-esteem. Finally, I feel better able at guiding the family on making bigger decisions, such as career choices, choosing where to stay, which school our children should go, managing finances and big-ticket expenditures.  

 

3. Surround yourself with resources and like-minded persons  

Nobody wakes up as a competent parent from day one. Many skills that experienced parents demonstrate today are hard-won from experience or passed down from other parents. Similarly, I had to educate myself in the areas where I lacked. One key way was to leverage modern technologies to accommodate my busy lifestyle. For example, I follow parenting accounts on social media for bite-sized tips and tools which I can absorb on-the-go. 

It is also important to get connected to gain support and learn from others. For example, we got connected with fellow parents of younger children and have regular get-togethers. This exposes us to various styles of parenting, while simultaneously helping us and our children to build lasting friendships. We are also members of online parenting groups where we regularly get advice from on a wide variety of parenting issues.  

“Papa’s home!!”
Every day when I come home, my children shout for joy and run towards me for a giant bear hug. 

This image of my children welcoming me home is seared in my mind and heart. It keeps me going as a father. I once thought that my role as a father was easily replaceable, but this could not be further from the truth; there is no replacement for the role that we play in our family.

To my fellow fathers, if you are struggling with self-doubt over your ability as a father, take heart: At the end of the day, our children do not want a different father, or a “better” father to be at the door. All they want is for their very own Papa to return home to them.

© 2023 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.