Teen years (13-15) 
Emerging years (16-19) 

Children at this age are likely to have been exposed to ideas and arguments for alternative family structures that may consist of only one or neither of the child’s biological dad or mum.  

Explain that there are people who experience feelings of attraction toward someone of the same sex. This is what is commonly called sexual orientation. Some people may then choose as adults to form a family unit consisting only of one or none of the child’s biological mother or father.  

As they grow, your teens may be increasingly clued in about different forms of sexual attraction and may have their own opinions about each one of them. Discover what they think by continuing the conversations about sex and sexuality.  

Explain to them the difference between biological sex, gender identity and sexual attraction. Our biological sex is determined by the sex chromosomes in our body and should correspond with our gender identity and sexual attraction. A minority, however, might experience an incongruence between their biological sex and gender identity, and/or sexual orientation. These incongruences sometimes cause them to adjust their lives in a way that does not align to their biological sex, leading them to form family structures that are different. 

Come to an agreement with your spouse on what your family’s stand and opinions are on these alternative family forms. Explain them to your child in a calm and thoughtful way, and invite their feedback on what they think about families with different values and ideals. Answer any questions they might have honestly, including admitting if you lack the necessary information and offering to learn together with them about such complex issues.

If an alternative sexual lifestyle or family structure is shown on a movie you are watching together, use that to start on a conversation on whether they noticed and what they thought about it. Listen calmly without judgment. Teenagers can sometimes rely more on their emotional brain, and carry a great sense of social justice.  

Affirm your child for their desire to make a difference in the world, and their passion for wanting to right any wrongs. Listen to their thoughts and be curious about why they think the way they do. Discuss with them the impact of such alternative family structures – what could be the effects on children growing up in such a family environment? Are there implications on the wider community that we should also consider?

Teach your children how to have rational and respectful conversations about such issues with their friends or on the internet, how to express their opinions clearly, and what to do when people do not respond kindly or respectfully to their views.  

These may be difficult conversations to have because the issues are complex, but emphasise the principle that we always treat people with respect and kindness regardless of whether we agree with them.