4 LOVE Habits To Cultivate In The New Year
4 LOVE Habits To Cultivate In The New Year
Usher in romance and affection
Published on 30 January, 2023
When it comes to new year resolutions and goals, lifestyle habits such as productivity, finances, and nutrition are usually given more attention and focus.
But what if we take time to develop new habits or relook at our current habits with the goal of strengthening our marriages?
Healthy habits provide structure and consistency and cultivating them is important as they contribute to our marriage’s health and vitality. Additionally, relationship habits promote changes that are sustainable over time.
Here are some Stop-Start-Show-Stay habits you might want to consider:
Stop comparing, complaining, and criticising
It is very easy and tempting to compare our spouse with someone else’s husband or wife, complain when our needs are not met, or criticise our spouse’s shortcomings:
“My marketing manager manages her work and children so well; you can’t even discipline a three-year-old, let alone do well at work.”
“My boss prioritises his family over his work, you can’t even have an uninterrupted meal with us. You are always on your phone.”
Of course, your criticism might well reflect a very real and difficult marital issue you might be facing, and genuinely want to seek resolution for.
But constant comparison, nitpicking, and focusing on what your spouse does wrong builds resentment, and may chip away at their motivation to do anything about it.
A more effective approach is to express your concerns or dissatisfaction in a non-judgmental manner and share your needs or request for change.
But constant comparison, nitpicking, and focusing on what your spouse does wrong builds resentment, and may chip away at their motivation to do anything about it.
Start affirming and validating
Our spouses want to know they are valued and accepted. Practicing unconditional positive regard not only uplifts our spouses, but also nourishes and gives the relationship a dose of fresh air during stressful times.
Ideas to affirm and validate your spouse:
- Send an encouraging text message
- Tell your children how much you appreciate their father/mother for being a loving parent
- Show empathy through attentive listening
- Share with your spouse a positive character trait that you like about him or her
- Plan a surprise birthday party or event for your spouse
Practicing unconditional positive regard not only uplifts our spouses, but also nourishes and gives the relationship a dose of fresh air during stressful times.
Show appreciation and gratitude
Taking our spouses for granted is a surefire way to sour the relationship. Here are some examples you may find familiar:
- He expects and gets used to her coaching the children in their studies and disciplining them when they misbehave.
- She sees it as his duty to work hard to support and provide for the family.
As the saying goes “familiarity breeds contempt”; when a spouse’s contribution toward the welfare of the family is unappreciated or goes unrecognised, it can slowly create unhappiness and contempt.
Make it a habit this new year to say “thank you” more often although it is not necessary to go overboard. Genuine expressions of appreciation will make you more grateful and your spouse will also feel affirmed, which will go a long way in enhancing the marriage bond.
The grass is greener where it is watered and given tender loving care.
Stay committed for the long haul
Regardless of the number of years you are married, when your marriage hits a rut, it is tempting to think that “the grass is greener elsewhere” and fantasize about being married to another person.
So, instead of spending time and energy working to revitalize the marriage, it is not uncommon for the “bored” or dissatisfied spouse to give excuses for not putting in effort or shift the blame onto the spouse.
The prospect of having a new partner may seem like a wonderful alternative to a rocky marriage – especially at your lowest moments – but remember that you may just end up with a different set of problems with the new person.
There is no easy way around it – the grass is greener where it is watered and given tender loving care.
Here is an interesting quote that can be aptly applied to marriage:
“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it is convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” –Ken Blanchard
A marriage relationship is for keeping. Choose to be faithful and commit to tending and nurturing your relationship.
Here are some practical ideas you can start working on today:
- List the good and gains you have from being married to your spouse
- Remember and recite your wedding vows and choose to uphold the promise to stay faithful
- Practice the art of forgiveness
- Display a family or marriage photo on your electronic devices or any spaces that serve as reminders of your goal to be faithful
Which habit do you want to cultivate in the new year to deepen your marriage bond?
What is ONE habit you can jumpstart this week to reset your marriage?
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