Published on 12 December, 2025
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
Does marriage mean we should start weaning off our friendships with people of the opposite sex? When you’re married, such friendships may be tricky to navigate and can become a potential conflict area. While it is alright to maintain opposite-sex friendships while married, it does take maturity, open communication, and clear boundaries to ensure both spouses feel comfortable and secure.
It’s easy to think, “We’re just friends — there’s nothing wrong with that.” But emotional connections can deepen quietly over time, and what starts as innocent can subtly begin to affect your marriage.
Take married couple Ben and Joanne, for instance. Ben often had lunch with a female colleague, who was also his gym buddy. It was all professional at first — until Joanne noticed how often her name came up in conversations. She started feeling uneasy when Ben laughed at his colleague’s texts late at night. Even though nothing romantic was happening, Joanne’s discomfort grew because the friendship was taking emotional space in Ben’s life that she felt should belong to their marriage.
When one spouse feels uncomfortable or left out, that feeling deserves respect — not dismissal. It’s not so much about controlling friendships as much as it is about protecting the emotional security of the marriage.
Rina, a working mum friend, once confided that she often texted a male coworker when she felt stressed about work. “He just gets me,” she said. Over time, she realised she was sharing things with him that she hadn’t shared with her husband in months. The more she relied on her friend emotionally, the more distant she felt from her spouse.
Such emotional intimacy can be just as damaging as a physical affair. Marriage thrives when your spouse remains your first go-to for comfort and connection, rather than someone else.
Dr Jared Tan, Principal Clinical Psychologist at Focus on the Family Singapore, explains, “The danger comes when married individuals are not careful and meet their needs for emotional intimacy primarily outside of the marriage, opening their marriage to the risk of emotional infidelity.”
Most emotional affairs don’t start with intent — they start with companionship that may inadvertently turn into emotional dependency. When someone outside your marriage begins meeting needs your spouse should meet — listening deeply, affirming you, or spending increasing time with you — you may unknowingly cross a line. The danger isn’t just in what’s done, but in what’s shared.
Opposite-sex friendships can exist in healthy ways, but they must be built on trust and transparency. Dr Jared Tan says, “Married individuals can and should enjoy both a healthy marriage and other friendships when they are honest with themselves, and able to discern and navigate healthy boundaries and differences between a spousal relationship and friendship.”
Here is how you can protect both your marriage and your integrity:
If you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling your spouse about a lunch, message, or outing — that’s a red flag. If one might delete WhatsApp messages to avoid an argument with their spouse, it may be telling that the friendship may be crossing emotional lines. Transparency doesn’t mean oversharing every detail, but it does mean being open and accountable.
If your spouse expresses discomfort, don’t label it as jealousy — see it as a desire to protect the marriage.
Talk honestly about what both of you are comfortable with. Some spouses are fine with one-on-one coffee catchups; others aren’t. We have to accept that our spouses may have different comfort levels from us. What matters is respecting each other’s boundaries. If your spouse expresses discomfort, don’t label it as jealousy — see it as a desire to protect the marriage.
Healthy boundaries protect your marriage and your reputation. For instance:
Think of boundaries not as restrictions, but as guardrails — they keep your marriage safe and steady.
If any answer stirs discomfort, it’s worth stepping back to re-evaluate.
Your marriage is your most intimate friendship — protect it, nurture it, and let every other relationship take its rightful place around it.
Friendships are a blessing — but your marriage must always remain the top priority. If a friendship begins to cause tension, secrecy, or create distance between you and your spouse, it’s time to redefine it or step away.
A wise older couple shared this rule of thumb: “If it would make our marriage weaker, it’s not worth keeping as it is.” In the end, the goal isn’t to cut off all opposite-sex friends, but to manage those friendships with integrity and transparency. When both partners feel secure and respected, opposite-sex friendships can exist without harm.
Your marriage is your most intimate friendship — protect it, nurture it, and let every other relationship take its rightful place around it.
Tracey is a full-time mother of six, part-time dreamer and writer at her blog, Memoirs of a Budget Mum. Those who know her well know she gets through life with a good joke, coffee and the occasional Netflix.
Nelson and Gina
Workshop: March 2026
Nelson and Gina Lee have been accredited facilitators with Focus on the Family Singapore for over a decade, beginning their involvement conducting relationship talks for tertiary students since 2011.
Driven by a passion for nurturing strong relationships, they have extensive experience in facilitating dating workshops for courting couples and pre-marital programmes for those considering marriage. They have also have led marriage retreats designed to deepen connection and commitment among married couples.
