Published on 17 April, 2025
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
Marriage is a journey filled with both joys and challenges. While it brings companionship, security, and fulfilment, it also comes with stresses that make it difficult to navigate alone. Â
I recall when I was a newlywed some 17 years ago. My husband and I experienced conflicts and tensions ranging from how we should spend our time to how much we should involve our parents in decision-making. Â
Due to the sheer differences in personality and expectations between us, it was sometimes hard to see things from the other’s perspective.Â
This is where the importance of community came into play. Because we had a few couples to journey with during this season of our lives, we were able to find support and grow in our understanding of each other.
Many couples hold beliefs that hinder them from seeking support, such as thinking that marriage is a private matter or feeling ashamed to share their struggles. This can prevent couples from reaching out for help when they need it most.Â
Nam Seng and Sok Mian, founders of Bridging Hearts, have been working with families and marriages for over three decades. They emphasise that marriage should not be a private affair. Sharing your marital journey with other couples can enrich the experience and prevent isolation. Many couples hold beliefs that hinder them from seeking support, such as thinking that marriage is a private matter or feeling ashamed to share their struggles. However, this can prevent couples from reaching out for help when they need it most.Â
Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a community to build a strong and satisfying marriage.
Having a community to journey with us also helps us to moderate our expectations of our spouse and our expectations of what a marriage should be.Â
A supportive community provides practical help, emotional support, and a space to celebrate joys and victories. For example, trusted friends can offer childcare, share practical tips, and provide emergency assistance. Additionally, sharing experiences with other couples can help moderate expectations and foster understanding of gender differences, making couples more gracious and forgiving towards each other.Â
As Nam Seng put it, “Having a community to journey with us also helps us to moderate our expectations of our spouse and our expectations of what a marriage should be, so that we do not become too idealistic or too unrealistic.”
To build a supportive community, couples need to be intentional. Seek out other married couples who share similar values, join family groups in your faith community, and connect with couples who are a season or two ahead of you. Mature couples or marriage mentors can offer valuable insights and guidance. It’s important to make time for these relationships, whether through casual meetups or structured discussions.Â
“Finding friends and building relationships require effort, meaning that we must make time for it. Make time to commit to meeting up with these friends regularly,” advises Sok Mian.
Nam Seng and Sok Mian shares that marriage mentoring is able to help couples prepare for marriage, move from good to great, and even repair distressed marriages. Â
Building relationships is key, as mentorship thrives on trust and connection. Many mentees become friends with their mentors, creating lasting bonds that support their marital journey.
Even introverted couples can benefit from a supportive community. Start small with one or two trusted couples, engage at your own pace, and set boundaries for sharing. Â
“Building a community doesn’t require you to be an extrovert. You don’t need to be an extrovert. Start small, maybe with one or two trusted couples who align with your values, and you connect with them,” suggests Nam Seng.
Marriage is a unique relationship that can be incredibly fulfilling and yet also challenging. Having a community to support you can make the journey easier and more beautiful. Â
Create your community early, when things are well, so that you have the support you need when challenges arise. There’s no shame in journeying together with others as your marriage will be all the better for it.
When she’s not hiding out at a café or having funny little conversations with her three children, June can be found editing articles or dreaming up podcast episodes for Focus on the Family Singapore.
