Published on 11 February, 2025
Skye Tan is an ex-journalist, current pastor and perennially, happy mum to two. She loves people and the mad dance of life and growth, and tries to help others get their waltz on despite life’s seasons.
Nothing quite prepares you for the first year of motherhood. It’s an exhilarating journey filled with highs, but the heightened emotions can also make the lows hit harder. It’s not just your baby who is reaching milestones—you are too! However, unlike your little one, your achievements often come with less fanfare as you navigate countless “firsts.”
With so much focus on caring for your baby, it’s easy to neglect yourself. But prioritising self-care is essential— for your well-being and your ability to grow stronger as a mother. With the right support and mindset, you don’t have to just survive the first year of motherhood, but thrive!
Counsellor Elaine Chow from the Breastfeeding Mothers Support Group (BMSG), a mother of four, understands firsthand the challenges new mums face. After the birth of her fourth child, she experienced postpartum anxiety and depression.
“Mums find it very hard to accept giving themselves priority and importance because everybody looks at the baby and nobody is looking at the mother,” said Elaine. She pointed out that, on top of baby care, many mothers also feel pressure to keep up with household chores and care for the other family members.
The overwhelming need to “do it all, to know it all, to do it perfectly, to do it correctly” often leads new mums to experience guilt. This “mum guilt” can be incredibly detrimental, affecting self-care—whether it’s taking the time to eat and rest, asking for help, or simply recognising one’s contributions to the family.
“You have to believe and remember that you are important,” Elaine emphasised.
Well-meaning but unsolicited advice can chip away at a mother’s confidence… be more mindful when offering advice to a new mother.
Social interactions can be either uplifting or discouraging for new mothers. Well-meaning but unsolicited advice can chip away at a mother’s confidence.
“I remember one time when I was out with my baby in the mall, I was buying something at the supermarket, and I had my other young kids with me—one in each hand and the baby in the carrier. The cashier said to me, ‘Hey, your baby is very cute.’ I said, ‘Thank you.’ Then she added, ‘Didn’t wear socks—very cold, you know?’ At that moment, that was not my priority. Of course, she was well-meaning, but these are the things that chip away at a mother’s confidence.”
A new mum, already feeling vulnerable, might take such remarks more personally, especially if she is questioning herself or feeling isolated by the repetitive nature of baby care in the child’s first year. That’s why Elaine advocates for family members and friends to be more mindful when offering advice to a new mother.
“Affirm the mother. Always say, ‘Good job. You’re doing great. Your baby is so cute. Your baby is healthy.’ Don’t say things like ‘Why so fat? Why so skinny? Why never wear enough clothes? Why wear such long sleeves?’”
Beyond words, small acts of kindness can be incredibly encouraging to new mums. Whether it’s holding a door open, helping a multi-tasking mum at the mall carry her baby bag, or buying a snack for a neighbour’s kids, these gestures remind mothers that they’re not alone.
If both parents are on the same page, the husband can offer support in more effective ways… allowing the mother to express her struggles without feeling dismissed, ultimately strengthening their marriage.
The decision to breastfeed can be a significant one, and preparation can help alleviate stress. Elaine, who breastfed all four of her children, recommends attending a breastfeeding course before the baby arrives. Organisations like BMSG offer these courses to help parents understand the technical aspects of breastfeeding.
“Being prepared is half the battle won,” she said. Education helps mothers recognise normal breastfeeding patterns—such as cluster feeding, which is sometimes mistaken for low milk supply—as well as potential challenges like poor latching or congenital conditions like tongue-tie.
Having a clear breastfeeding plan can also help new mums and their husbands stay aligned, especially when faced with challenges or opposing perspectives from family members.
“For example, there was a mum friend of mine… when she was struggling with breastfeeding and had to pump, she would tell her husband, ‘So tiring to pump…’ and the husband, trying to be helpful, said, ‘Then this feed, don’t pump. Why don’t you just give formula?’” shared Elaine.
In such situations, if both parents are on the same page, the husband can offer support in more effective ways—like preparing the pump or encouraging his wife not to give up. This allows the mother to express her struggles without feeling dismissed, ultimately strengthening their marriage.
When support is lacking, new mothers can feel isolated in their journey. “It can really cause stress for the mum because she feels that she is alone in the journey. Nobody understands the difficulty. Nobody understands why this is so important to her,” said Elaine.
At the end of the day, whether a mother chooses to breastfeed or not is a deeply personal decision. What matters most is that she feels supported. “You can love your child no matter how you feed them,” Elaine emphasised.
Loving yourself well and caring for your child with confidence will set both of you up for success in the long haul of motherhood.
Skye Tan is an ex-journalist, current pastor and perennially, happy mum to two. She loves people and the mad dance of life and growth, and tries to help others get their waltz on despite life’s seasons.
