Scheduling Sex: Can It Still Be Exciting?

Maintaining physical intimacy without losing spontaneity and excitement

By Elvira Tan | 2 March, 2017

In the lifelong journey that is ‘marriage’, many things that were novel and exciting could slowly lose their shine and get replaced with mundane routine. When you made your vows to your spouse to love them until death, it also entailed making a commitment to enjoying each other physically. Unfortunately, insane schedules, sheer tiredness and familiarity can become ‘third parties’ in our marriage, slowly pushing physical intimacy out of the picture.

While creating a schedule for sex might seem like a very contrived or ludicrous thing a married couple can do, many couples who have given it a try testify to how a little planning goes a long way in restoring physical and emotional intimacy in their marriage.

We would like to recommend some tips to schedule sex with your spouse without robbing each other of the joy and spontaneity that a truly healthy sex life offers.

Discuss frequency and timing

Have a chat with your spouse to decide on the frequency and when you both think having sex would be best. Decide on which specific mornings, afternoons or evenings are best suited for a time of intimacy. Alternatively, consider trying a 3-day rule with your spouse, where you mutually agree not to let 3 days go by without having a good tumble in the sheets.

At the same time, try to resist the urge to be ambitious, lest it gets difficult to upkeep. Chances are that once you get started on a routine, you might just increase the frequency as momentum is built.

Approach your sex schedule with fun in mind

Many married couples who have stopped being regularly intimate may have forgotten how enjoyable sex can be. If you and your spouse are in a similar predicament and have settled into a form of stale familiarity, aim to reignite the passion you once had for each other.

Try not to view sex as a chore or something you have to add to the to-do list, approach it with a renewed sense of fun and vigour. Put in the effort to get yourselves into the mood. Send provocative texts to each other throughout the day, gently touch the other when you brush past each other, wear something irresistible for your spouse – anything that will make your imagination go wild helps to set the tone for your intimate moment of reconnection.

Consider assigning each other specific times to be take charge of initiating sex, and aim to be creative about it. Reinject novelty and surprise into your schedule so that you two will have something to look forward to each time; while sex might be scheduled, it definitely does not mean you cannot spice things up a little by varying the mood with lights, locations or positions.

“Assign each other specific times to be in-charge of initiating sex and aim to be creative about it.”

Focus on building emotional intimacy too

It is almost impossible to desire physical intimacy with your spouse if you have unresolved issues. If there is hidden resentment about various issues in your marriage, it is best to address the issues, instead of letting these issues become obstacles to physical intimacy with your spouse.

“It is often difficult to want to be physically intimate if you have unresolved issues with your spouse.”

Take time to patiently and calmly talk things over before your scheduled time for sex. Seek to truly listen and understand your spouse, and consider explaining your feelings about issues in a non-accusatory manner.

Do your best to also meet each other's emotional needs. For example, your husband, tired from work, might really appreciate that back rub you give him, while your wife might be grateful if you helped give the kids a bath without being asked.

Additionally, don't forget to show appreciation to each other. Look out for all the little things that your spouse does to express love for you daily.

Approaching physical intimacy with your spouse with renewed excitement and intention will help you both greatly. Proper planning does not necessarily rob you of spontaneity and satisfaction, but can breathe new life into your union and bring a lifetime of intimacy to the both of you.


©2017 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

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